Session 24 is here!

It's been two long years, but we're still dishing up the top dating advice for you. Session 24 is now available for download.

This month we cover:

ANATOMY OF A FAILURE - How I messed up, and how you can learn from it, including the vital clue you can use to determine if a woman is really into you, why a woman won't just say "no" to you, The three possible outcomes of any approach, How men make a fatal mistake interpreting a woman's interest, and the only two answers she can give you when you ask her out...

ALPHA SELF-CONFIDENCE - How your attitude and confidence is eroded every day, and how to fight back, why you must be a stand-up guy, the problem with avoiding confrontations, playing the dominance game with your friends, how to stand up for yourself, the things you must do to keep your Alpha status, how to recognize victimizers and how they function...

HOW TO READ PEOPLE - How to test a woman's true interest in you, how to test loyalty, how to test her honesty, and how to find out if she's the kind of woman you can stay with long term ...

KILL THE KNOWITALL - The attitude that kills most men's conversations with women, 2 ways to impress a woman - and the way you're probably messing it up, How much ego you really need, How to present knowledge without seeming like bragging, How to get a woman to take your advice, competing with women...

ATTRACTION MAP - How women build their "blueprint" for attraction in their head, how you can read it from the outside, how her age affects her map, adjusting to variables, important roads you must travel...

HOW TO KEEP MOTIVATED - Handling a slump, How subjective reality works, and how you can create your own "memories," why women flake on you, what you must not do when you're in a bad stretch, how to rejuvenate, methods for improving your self esteem and attitude ...

HOW TO BUILD RAPPORT - How to handle rapport building, and what to do when you go too far, trust-attraction dynamics, The Rebound Reaction - when she pulls away ...


AND MUCH MORE!

You can get your copy here:
Advanced Dating Advice for Men

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

QUESTION??

hi
i am student in high scholl and i want to learn hypnotzm to pick up girll like snake.

please help me
thank you
--------

CARLOS:

Yeah, uh, sure.

Like snake.

Right.

I don't like to poke fun at anyone, but this begs it.

First of all - Spell Check! It's a wonderful thing. You'll be amazed to find out after you graduate that we're not all communicating on chat rooms and messaging between phones.

Second, hypnotism is not how you pick up women. It's a sham, a scam, and it leaves you feeling like a...

Well, like a snake.

Is that what you want? To TRICK women into being interested in you?

Do you feel that YOU are not enough to interest them with your own strengths?

I'm afraid that if that's the case, then you will certainly fit in well with the snakes.

Why don't you go get my Alpha Man program and become a MAN instead?

Trust me, it's the best investment you'll ever make in your life.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING ADVICE FOR MEN QUESTION:

Carlos, first and for most want to think you for all your work and willingness to share your discoveries to help men obtain the life that they want and helping men regain their masculinity.


But I was surfing the net and I was surprise to see a site that was teaching WOMEN how to create attraction in men to get the men they want and those men to commit to them. I did not realized that as many guys don't "get" women it is the same for many women. Women are trying to create attracton in guys.

I'm still like,..what? I thought men we're the ones who didn't know how to attract beautiful women and needed to learn how to create attraction and that all beautiful women did was stand there waiting for a man to do so, counting on her looks.


But beautiful women learning techniques, very similar to what you teach, to attract the men they want? That was a bit of an eye opener for me. Like women using body language to attract men and using the same COCKY & FUNNY technique and reading signals men give off!! I guess the laws of attraction go both ways! What do you make of that?

----------
CARLOS:

I'm not actually all that surprised. You have to remember that a lot was revealed when the book "The Rules" hit the shelves back in the mid 90s. I know several women personally who used that book to get what they wanted in a man.

You see, the sad truth of the matter is that women don't really understand this stuff any better than guys do, but they have better instincts regarding human nature.

A woman doesn't have to DO anything to get men. She just has to doll herself up and parade around a bar to get a squad of gomers drooling all over her.

But the one thing she's missing is the ability to really CHOOSE who approaches her. Ask any woman what her biggest frustration is when it comes to guys is, and she'll cry on and on about always being picked by the wrong guys.

She won't do the approaching, so she has to wait until fortune tosses her a cookie with "Here's your stud" inside it.

That's why it's so much better being a guy sometimes, in my opinion. We get to evaluate the package and decide if we want to go after it. Women more often than not must wait passively to attract the guys they want.

What most women don't realize is that guys are very easy to read. They want there to be more going on, but it's really pretty simple. They WAY over-interpret the meaning of what men are saying or doing, thinking mistakenly that we've got as much need for complication and drama that they do.

And, Yes, these strategies and tactics work on both sides of the fence. Women can attract men with the same attitudes and behaviors.

That's not to say that I won't help out my French-manicured Betties in the future, because my mission is to bring men AND women together in better relationships.

But that's not why I'm here.

But right now I'm focused on getting guys' self-esteem back where it needs to be to put men back in their rightful Alpha position.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING ADVICE FOR MEN - ALPHA MAN QUESTION:

Thank you for these materials. I've been reading and re-reading the Dating Black Book, the Alpha Man and I've just got hold of the Seduction Method.

The Audio really helps to put it all together. After purchasing the ''secrets of the alpha male'' ,and before reading it properly, I interpreted Alpha Male in a kind of caveman way: I had to win every argument in the canteen at work and I walked around like I was the biggest cheese that ever lived.

Until, of course, I read some more and listened to the audio where you specifically advise against doing that.

I'm more relaxed about things now and therefore easier to get on with.

I went speed-dating recently and there the material really helped. Following your emphasis on ''sales'', not being too forward, and the body language you discuss in the audio I developed a tactic for whenever my nerves came on and my face started twitching. I'd do this far away stare just off to the right whoever I was facing like I was thinking about what she said, or just thinking. That, together with leaning back every so often in conversation (and, of course, teasing to please..) worked like a charm.

It was quite freaky to sit there and get on with girls in ways I hadn't been able to before and then just think at the back of my mind -'' buying temperature cooling, must increase buying temperature..'' and then know how to do it.

My question: Im-Balance. Speed dating was good for my confidence but on the street I really struggle. I dig the materials, they're working in a life that up until now was a social desert but...

You talk about periods of neccessary imbalance in life and right now I've got a decent full-time job for the first time in 2 years. It doesn't pay very much but its steady and the people are cool. Financially I have pretty tight margins.

I am, however, developing a creative project in my spare time that a couple of well-placed people have told me should do very well. I believe in it. I figure it'll take me a year to do. Thats my major goal and I've set myself deadlines.

What with that and the sport I do to keep myself sane there just isn't any time or money for going after girls (any time/money I put in could/should be going in to my project).

I feel confident about this (except when my hormones are racing) but I would value your opinion on the issue.

You rightly identify how central women and sex are to the confidence and self esteem of men the world over, but are there periods of imbalance in the lives of alpha men when it is neccesssary/possible to shelve women/dating/seduction for a specified period?

I'm sure I'm not the only one to come across your work just when their lives are about the furthest away from being the ''wing-man academy'' they'd like it to be...

-------------
CARLOS:

Excellent question... I was aiming to cover this in an upcoming newsletter.

Imbalance, as it happens, IS necessary to every man in his life.

There will be times when you must, as Elvis knew, Take Care of Business.

When I first decided that I needed to share this information with guys out there, I went through a long period of intense focus and activity around writing the Dating Black Book, and then creating the web site, and then starting a newsletter...

Sometimes the work seemed overwhelming.

But you know what?

During that time, I was the most attractive to the women in my life.

Why?

Because I was chasing my passions.

I wasn't in a desperate jag of hitting on women.

I was on a road to my goals.

And as a result I came across with the most Alpha of attitudes.

But after a while, all imbalance MUST swing back to balance. We are all like pendulums swinging back and forth. (In more ways than one, if you know what I mean... heheheh...)

The unfortunate thing is that most guys are not swinging all that much. They're too busy trying to stay "safe" and "comfortable." Both of which are illusions.

So there will be periods when you must take care of business for yourself. Remember that your life is the most important thing in the world to you, and NO ONE is going to make it as much a priority as you will. Trust me, only you can make your life what it's going to be.

Some guys go through their whole lives lost because mommy isn't around to do everything for them. And they settle into their widening butt pit in the middle of their couch cushions, glued to watching other people's lives on the television screen.

Live is too short to live someone else's life.

Do your projects and your passions, because that's what makes you a man. (Refer to pages 216-219 in the Alpha e-book...)

But at the same time, ABF!

Always Be Flirting!

You must always be playing around with the sexual energy of women, even women you wouldn't dream of mounting in the sack. Women will love you for it, and you'll keep those skills from growing too rusty while you're otherwise occupied.

Because these are skills that must be actively used and practiced, and like anything else, they will grow dull with time if you don't use them.

It's just like going back to the gym after a month off. You'll be hurting after those first few workouts, and that will be discouraging.

But if you keep running up the stairs when you can, and doing a few situps here and there, it won't be nearly as bad when you return.

Oh, and you'll be amazed to find that there are plenty of women who will finance you while you are in your period of going after your goals... Money shouldn't hold you back there...

And if you're reading this and wonder what we've been talking about, go have a look at an Alpha Man.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

ALPHA MAN QUESTION:

Hi there from the UK, I have just bought your programme and I am writing to say thanks, I have only been studying it for a few days but what you have said is already causing bells to ring in my mind. I was wondering if there is any advice for my specific set of circumstances.

I am a recovering alcoholic, I have been sober for 15 months, and in that time a whole new life has begun for me, its been an exciting and intriguing journey. Throughout my drinking life, as you can imagine, my relations with women were carnage, I was a sad pitiful tearful drunk, never really graduating beyond 'nice guy' resorting to desperate measures periodically, launching myself at women I had developed an obsession with.

My relationships all lasted about three months and were never with people I really wanted or liked. I have given myself a year off dating to concentrate on recovery, and have now started out aged 31 as a blank slate, with no previous relationships to speak of not much dating success and literally no knowledge or skills.

I find this all very confusing, I have a lot of very good female friends who I am very close to and came to know throughout my recovery, I have to remind myself that that is all they are because they became friends before I had any ability to make a move, and obviously my number one job is to remain sober.

I have just managed to build a small bit of self confidence up, what would you recommend in my situation as a first place to start in the dating cycle?

All advice gratefully recieved
Nick
------------

CARLOS:

A big hello to my mates across the pond... Good to hear from all my global brothers out there.

First of all, congratulations on your sobering up. That's a big step toward Alpha Manhood.

So how do you get back out there and recover your sense of confidence?

First of all, you're understanding one thing right away, and that is that the women you have as friends need to be your last prospects. When you start to AMP up your Alpha Confidence again, they will probably find you attractive in that way, but not now.

I'd suggest you find a way to raise up your confidence with more things that have NOTHING to do with women.

Get a hobby that makes you feel whole again. Go take some classes, or do some things that gets you feeling good about yourself apart from women.

Watch a ton of James Bond movies. Start to soak in the vibe of a man with his Alpha status.

It's a common syndrome for a guy to take a blow to his ego (i.e., your handling your alcoholism) and let it affect his game with women.

Your primary goal (other than just staying sober) is to NOT FEEL GUILTY or BAD about it!

Don't let this be a setback that kills your Alpha Attitude.

Obviously you should screen the women you get involved with for their habits to make sure they won't be an enabler of your previous bad habits. This I'm sure you're aware of.

I'd recommend the very first step is just to get out and get around women with NO GOALS at all. Just talk to them. Interact in every way you can. Regain your sense of confidence just being around them. This way you can build up your self-esteem without risk of rejection or setbacks.

Next up, you need to find a good avenue to re-enter the dating world. I suggest online dating and speed dating as a low-risk method. Mind you, the prospects are never as high-quality as those you'll see each day in the clubs and pubs, but it's a more comfortable way to get used to the dating scene again.

Plus, it lets you feel in control of things when you get to choose.

I also highly recommend you go to every social event you can find to get your sociability back up, too. What most guys don't realize is that their overall ability to socialize and mingle is a key determinant in their ability to attract a hot woman.

And, of course, review the materials in the Secrets of the Alpha Man course regularly. The exercises will help a great deal with this.

And, lastly, don't watch "Coupling" repeats for any reason. It's a great show, but the guys on there are pitiful...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING ADVICE FOR MEN: QUESTION

Hi,

Thanks for all the advice on the book it actually works, this IS worth the money seriously.

Since I read your book I have changed my approach to girls a lot and it does obviously work.

The first girl I had a crush on and dated but got dumped by when I was 19 (am 26 now), I didn't even have sex with her because untill late I beleived that this thing was something very special that had to be handled with carefully and respectfully, so the only time she was realy hot on me she was drunk and i refused to have sex because i thought that for the first time she should be sober and aware and that it would be better like that, finaly i never had sex with her and got dumped and had my heart broken (a friend of hers announced it to me and i even dropped tears, not especially because of her but there was a series of decptions in other parts of my life at that time n that's the drop that made the bucket overflow n i shed a few tears, offcourse she thought she was the only reason why i shed a tear or two). After that i changed a lot and started dating n having sex a lot because a cared less, not due to strategy but because or earliar deception.

Now she is back in the region after a trip abroad, she wanted to become a salsa teacher, but now she's back here with a simple job in a travel agency.
We've always kind of kept contact, I became a friend to her even though we didn't see each other very often. Being a friend to me she talked very freely about all her relationships and boy was I dumb, she is and was VERY hot,but only with the "jerks"(the type of guys you describe in ur book) I now every single detail of all her sexual life, of almost all the guys she's seen n some i know , n makes me laugh to secretly know things on them...anyway.

Since am in this book of yours she's giving me the impression that she's hitting on me,calling me wanting to see, me offering me drinks in a club a saw her in and her best friend seems to like me to. She's actually dating a guy i know a little(played ball with him years ago) since a few years, the guy's not in control of the relationship, i can tell thanks to my experiance of her personality and the parameters you talk about in ur book.

She was having sex with a guy in london regularly n i don't know if he know's that, anyway am sure he doesn't now that am seeing her sometimes as a friend because she didn't tell him (i talked to him once by chance i met him in town), even though she could have because we're not having anything.

Even though we have fun together n i pretend to be in control, the truth is that because she was my first crush i still feel a little for her even though now i think she's a bitch.

My question : If one day i have the oppotunity should i date her or not, should i even continue seeing her or am i wasting my time.

-------
CARLOS:

You answered the question yourself:

"I think she's a bitch."

Why would you want to date a bitch?

Because there's a part of you that's harboring a little revenge, isn't there?

You don't really "feel" that much for her. What you have is a deeply ingrained obsession.

You see, early on in life, men over-emotionalize their desires for women. Part of it is hormonal, part is just our conquering nature. We don't let go easily. (Sometimes we hold on to things longer than women.)

So what you're really experiencing is a little regret that you didn't get your way with this girl, and now you want to run it to completion. You're kicking yourself because you know you shouldn't have pulled that "let's make it special" crap and just gone for it when you had the chance.

Your inner-teenager just won't let go.

But you need to. If you don't LIKE her, why would you even hang around her?

That was rhetorical. We both know why.

It's worse than wasting your time. It's an unhealthy train of thought that will put you on a very dark path.

If you wanted her with your heart instead of your little trouser snake, then I'd say go for it. But the emotions are all wrong.

Move on, don't give this obsession another moment's thought.

Go find a GOOD woman that isn't using you to make her boyfriend jealous (oh, yes... that's what she's doing because she senses that he isn't in control).

Show them both that you're an Alpha by going out and getting yourself a brand new woman that you can form a healthy attraction to.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING ADVICE FOR MEN:

Hey Carlos,

I myself have alot of success with women and date alot. Some of my relationships last as long as 6 months and some only 6 days. Since breaking up with my 4/yr "High School Sweatheart" after graduation in 2001. I've been involved in different types of relationships since then (long distance,dating mutiple women,short term,long term,serious,not-serious,ect.)

I didn't want to be too serious with anyone... It's just that my last serious relationship about 3 months ago ended badly because we both wanted more and I wasn't able commit myself. I'm not sure why but I couldn't get too close... And it's not that I don't want to be hurt because I am pretty good with geting over women... It's just that it's an old habit that I need help breaking. What do you think?
----------
CARLOS:

Remember some of the most important things I teach:

1) We rarely tell the truth to ourselves. We have to keep our sense of self-esteem alive, so we tell ourselves whatever story makes us feel better.

2) What you THINK is going on is rarely the case because you are almost always hiding some bit of information - or just not seeing it.

It's not a "habit," my friend.

By calling it a habit, you are attempting to remove any emotional responsibility for what you're doing instead of owning up to the Reality. The Truth, as I call it.

Not that you're a bad person. Not at all. All guys do this to some degree to help maintain that illusion that we're all "really super" people.

I have to point out a contradiction in your letter:

"My last serious relationship about 3 months ago ended badly because we both wanted more and I wasn't able commit myself. I'm not sure why but I couldn't get too close.."

RESULTS are all that matters. If you weren't able to get closer to her, YOU DIDN'T WANT MORE. You wanted OUT.

I think the most likely answer is this:

You're young.

You're a guy.

You want to experience more women.

Marrying or jumping into a long term relationship before you're ready for it is the kiss of death.

I don't think people are ready to "settle down" until MUCH later in life. I used to think LATE twenties, but now I'm more convinced that early 30s is even better.

And don't think this is some gender thing, either. Women often deny their own desires to be with more men (the whole slut complex, or "madonna/whore complex").

Or they fail to postpone their natural urge to have kids long enough to find an appropriate mate. Too much of a hurry.

In short, you don't have a "habit."

You have a natural need to experience the world of women.

And don't listen to anyone that tells you that you MUST conform to their idea of proper mating habits.

Grandma: "When are you getting married?"

Mom: "You should settle down! Find a nice girl!"

Dad: Silent, but envious.

When you find someone that's good for you, and you're ready, you'll REALLY want to get closer.

But don't fool yourself and get all neurotic about it now. You're too young.

Use my stuff to have fun...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING ADVICE QUESTION FROM A WOMAN:

My boyfriend listened to one of your podcasts in early August and told me about it vaguely, he didn't want me to know too much, but because I have a degree in sexuality studies and my work is reflective of our society's gender roles, I had to find the pod cast and listen to it.

I listened to all of them, excellent advice by the way, but I noticed that you don't really talk about what to do once you are in a relationship. Where are those podcasts? Do you have advice for men once they are in a serious relationship? because they really need help with that too.

I just know I would flip out if my boyfriend started dating other women just so he could build his confidence.

thanks, Andrea
_________
CARLOS:

Great to hear from someone from the "other" side... :)

And even better that you're in this field as well. I have to admit it's nice to get validated by the professionals.

I don't have a degree in this area, as most every guy I advise knows, but I do have a PhD. in the school of hard knocks. I've been around the block, and I've studied basic relational psychology, practical human behaviors, and motivational psychology.

One of my best friends is a relationship therapist, and I discuss this stuff with her frequently, too.

First of all, I'm only on Podcast 12 or so. Give me time, hon.

I only advise men for the first couple months of dating. And this is on purpose.

I will occasionally help guys past this point, but I feel like that's already been done to death by the 3 Billion other relationship "gurus" out there.

However, that being said, I'll frequently help those I know with their relationship woes. I can give long term help, too.

The harsh reality boils down to a few elements, and these comprise most all the problems I see with men and women:

1) They were never compatible to begin with, but they had great chemistry, and they just can't seem to come to terms with this.

2) They never had great chemistry to begin with, but they felt they should be together because they were somewhat compatible, and it's easier to stay together than hurt the other person

3) They have problems related to one or the other not living up to their gender role adequately (men not taking a leadership role, or women not nurturing her man)

4) Low self-esteem and insecurity issues (sometimes extending into other psychological problems)

I don't like to oversimplify, but I've seen about 95% of all relationship issues stem from these 4 areas (most of them falling in number 4). That's it. The ones that don't fall into these can usually be overcome.

Now, this isn't to say that it's as easy to determine when to break it off and move on. There is a lot of gray zone where it's hard to tell whether the problems can be worked out. I never advocate bailing as a first response because we grow the MOST in the context of a relationship.

However, a lot of people also hurt others the most in the same context, so that's why I preach that you MUST have a good level of self-esteem BEFORE you get into a relationship. Otherwise, it's just one big battleground over insecurities on both sides.

Now, you note that I talk about guys dating other women. I think this is a necessity (as it should be for the woman) in the first 30-60 days of a relationship.

1) You'll find out how mature or insecure your partner is.

2) You'll keep a better head about you when you don't feel this person is your one and only hope.

3) You have a frame of comparison.

4) You don't drop immediately into codependency and spiraling obsession - usually ending in doom for the possible relationship.

5) You'll feel better about yourself if you don't feel that #5 is your only fate - you've got options.

And there's more, but those are the most important.

I don't advocate it purely as a "self-esteem booster" or to make a guy feel better. It's not meant to be a "happy pill."

But let's face it. If that's what it takes to get his level of self-esteem up higher so that he can have a higher quality relationship, Right on!

The ends do justify the means in this case. We have better relationships with people who feel genuinely GOOD about themselves. Period. (And as we know, this isn't the root cause of a man's self-esteem, it's only a symptom.)

Typically it's only the insecurities of one or both people that make relationships difficult, and that's a sign that perhaps it's not the true attraction of one for the other that's holding them together. It's usually some twisted self-gratification instead of a genuine desire to experience another person.

I want my woman MOTIVATED to be with me. I want them to KNOW that I know my own value. I want them to UNDERSTAND that they are dealing with a quality, secure guy who does not feel the need to limit his options.

Dating other women are also not something that gets thrown in later on. In other words, if you guys have started a dating relationship based on just seeing each other, well that's the terms of the deal right there. If he wants someone else in that mix after this point, it's not about you anymore, really. He's just "not that into you" as that book says.

So I think guys should start out this way. See several people at first, then narrow the playing field down. Not the other way around.

The next harsh reality is that most people are NOT a good fit for us. But the evil dilemma is that in order to be ready for the right one, you gotta go through a lot of the wrong ones.

Believe it or not, I'm ALL FOR one-to-one monogamous relationships when they can be done.

But in my humble opinion, humans are NOT monogamous by nature (neither men nor women). That's most of our problem in today's world.

Marriage was an institution created by MEN to keep his woman faithful so that he could make sure his offspring were really his and have some legal control in place. (I oversimplify here, but this is essentially true.) Of course, this doesn't work, but somehow it made good sense when a woman needed a stable form of support to raise the children with.

Most animals in the wild do NOT pair bond for life, and humans are no different. (Male or female.)

And I also think that a relationship is the best way to try to grow as a person - when the time is right. And it's also a lot nicer to come home to the same person. Promiscuity is fun when your young, but dangerous later.

I ramble, but I think you should see my point of view better now.

So, in closing, I don't condone polyamorous behavior (more than one lover) as a way to jack up your self-esteem, because that behavior will sow the seeds of your own doom.

But I do think men need to keep their options more open and their sense of confidence up so that they can make better decisions with the one that might matter. And then they won't scare her off when she finally shows up, either!

I will actually cover more "relationship" questions in the future.

The truth is that most guys just want a shot at having a relationship. And that's where I fit in.

Tell your boy to "MAN-UP" and be proud that he's looking to get more information to improve himself.

I bet you'd respect that a heck of a lot more than him trying to hide it from you like a dirty secret, wouldn't you?

You know I'm right when I say that the one thing that women find the most attractive is a man who isn't ashamed of being a MAN.

And when you're ready for that guy, send me your phone number and let me know when you're in the San Francisco Bay area next. We'll go out and have some delightful food, drinks, talk, and ... fun.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

COMMENT FROM A READER:

Hi Carlos.

My name is S, from Norway. I\ve been receiving your letters for a while now, and I thought I'll drop you a mail to show my appreciation.

It is inspiring to read what you are saying, and it makes sense. You have a lot of good wisdom, and you integrate it well with the knowlegde of sex & dating & love!

You may wonder how my progress is...and I guess it is very good indeed. I've had some nice experiences since I started to get [your] dating advice. Anyhow I'm still not quite where I wanna be, although I am absoloutely sertain that my life will blossom like never before in the name of love, sensuality, sexual freedom and creativity. any moment now.

thanks again.
whenever I have extraordinary experiences with girls and fine women, I will send you a mail, and share the story with you.

peacefull love until then
S.
------
CARLOS COMMENTS:


Thanks, brotha! It's good to hear words of encouragement sometimes. The letter before yours today was a lame chode who thought he knew it all. He even had the balls to claim that he owned the idea that men need good self-esteem to attract women.

So getting your letter was a breath of fresh air. (And to quote Einstein, Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds.)

I spend all day and all night thinking about this stuff. I live it and breathe it, and I pour my heart and soul into the e-books, CD programs, podcasts, and this blog. Oh, I forgot to mention the newsletters, too.

So I hope to hear more from you on the success you're getting as you journey on the path.

It doesn't matter where you are, only where you're going, and it sounds like you're on the right path. Keep learning and practicing and you'll have success that others only dream of...

You know where to go if you want a dating advisor who will actually answer your questions and point you back to the Truth...

Just remember, when I answer your questions, I don't make fun of you. I only give you the wet slap of Reality that's required.

And I'll never apologize for doing the right thing.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING ADVICE QUESTION:

Hi Carlos,

Just a quick thing to run past u. How do I hit on a hot chick at work thats just broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years.

D from scotland !
-------

CARLOS:

First of all, don't bother with the "hit on" thing. Just remember that she's going to be very skittish about any guys for a bit while she gets some wildness out of her system.

She's going to want to catch up on 2 years of freakiness with some guys before she's going to want anything regular.

Of course that's assuming you want to get "regular" with her

Here's a quick point by point:

1) She's on the rebound. It won't last. So keep that in mind. She's not really available. Anyone out of a two year relationship is at least two or three months from being ready to seriously date again.

2) Don't ask her out. Just get her out somewhere to have fun. Give her lots and lots of FUN. Maybe you can be her next super-freak.

3) She's very likely going to be miserable to have around at times. You must ignore it and keep on with a happy uplifting attitude in spite of her. Don't become her therapist.

4) There's a high probability that she's going to get back together with him again a few times. Accept it. Don't fight it.

5) Make her feel good about herself without being a suck-up or a low self-esteem over-complimenting toadie. Enough said.

Don't go in with high expectations and you won't be let down on this one. Because right now, she's got more downside than a double black diamond ski slope on Mt. Everest. Don't get caught up in that "I gotta have her" syndrome.

Remember that "hard-to-get" really works. And right now, she's naturally very hard to get, so just keep your distance or you'll be sucked down into that obsessive black hole of despair known as obsession.

Have you tried going after any available women lately? I recommend one of those.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

ALPHA MAN DATING ADVICE FOR MEN QUESTION:

First I must say great show...

On to the subject at hand. I have long hair, and I mean LONG hair.
(link to picture enclosed from when I was a lead singer in a band 4
years ago, and took pictures of my "on stage" appearance) My hair means
a lot to me, it embodies my passions and represents my unique
perspective which I freely share with those I feel will appreciate it.

I would imagine I already know the answer to this but I want to confirm
or modify what I already assume.

When I wear my hair it should make me more mysterious, look clean and
neat and not "girly." Am I missing something? How do females not so
attracted to men with long hair find it most acceptable? Just enough to
open their mental block enough to let me in for a moment.


Another issue. I am an artist, a creator, musician, and thinker. I have
tried to express this in my clothing, thinking that impressions are
everything and use anything I can as a conversation starter. I am also
on a college campus.

I have airbrushed artwork directly onto my jeans in the past and I
wanted to do a series of shirts as well. After reading your brief
section on clothing I fear I may be going to far to "stand out."

Is their any need to express the fact that I am an creative individual
with my clothing through art applied on it? Is it detrimental do my
appearance to occasionally wear such art?


tee-shirts and jeans? or all "casual dress." Tee-shirts tucked in to
show my shapely ASSets?

Answer when you have time, because I have time and still need to read,
and absorb, the rest of your DBB.

Thanks
-B
---------
CARLOS:


First of all, there are NO ISSUES.

Issues are all imagined. Most of them are just our minds playing tricks on us, trying to tell us we have problems when we have none.

Most of us, if we were taken to a clinic where people are dying from obscure forms of cancer, would have a new appreciation of just how good we have it right now.

Suddenly our issues and problems would all disappear.

Sorry for that heavy dose of reality, but I just want to keep things in perspective. :)

I appreciate your approach to life. You're a genuine renaissance man, like myself. I'm a musician, an artist, a poet/writer, and I value my ability to think freely and openly. I don't follow the mainstream.

But one thing that is a bit of a dilemma is how far we make ourselves LOOK different so we can BE different.

If you have an "image" because you're in a band, fine. That's not ego, unless you become ATTACHED to that image as your identity.

Think about that for a few minutes. It's not really California psycho-babble. It's true to life.

Don't try to look different to make other people notice your differences. Then it comes from a place of insecurity.

But feel free to look the way you want to look, not because other people need you to look a certain way. Don't do it from defiance or pretense, do it from calm security.

As far as your hair, just remember that there are women everywhere who have their "taste" regarding hair length. Some will like it, some won't.

Who cares?

Just present yourself as a self-confident man who knows what he wants and where he's going.

Don't try to chase whatever mechanisms she has in place to "let you in." That's not your job. The best you can do is to BE YOU so well that she won't be able to resist you.

Don't get inside her head. There's already enough going on there. Just stay in your own and do it well.

I think you should continue to wear your art, but don't try too hard to make a statement with it. Maybe wear something every so often that illustrates your ability (forgive the intentional pun.) And be VERY modest when explaining that it's your work.

"Yeah, that's something I did a few months back. I like to make clothing that has an artistic flair. So, anyway, you said you were from Oregon? What part?"

Women will love the artistic ability you have, and your modesty even more.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

COMMENT FROM A READER:

Hi carlos.

My name is S, from Norway. I\ve been receiving your letters for a while now, and I thought I'll drop you a mail to show my appreciation.

It is inspiring to read what you are saying, and it makes sense. You have a lot of good wisdom, and you integrate it well with the knowlegde of sex&dating&love!

You may wonder how my progress is...and I guess it is very good indeed. I've had some nice experiences since I started to get dating advice. Anyhow I'm still not quite where I wanna be, although I am absoloutely sertain that my life will blossom like never before in the name of love, sensuality, sexual freedom and creativity. any moment now.

thanks again.
whenever I have extraordinary experiences with girls and fine women, I will send you a mail, and share the story with you.

peacefull love until then
S.
------
CARLOS COMMENTS:


Thanks, brotha! It's good to hear words of encouragement sometimes. This came in my in-box right after some other chode out there accused me of ripping off his ideas, so it came at a good time. (And to repeat Einstein, Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds.)

I spend all day and all night thinking about this stuff. I live it and breathe it, and I pour my heart and soul into the e-books, CD programs, podcasts, and this blog. Oh, I forgot to mention the newsletters, too.

So I hope to hear more from you on the success you're getting as you journey on the path.

It doesn't matter where you are, only where you're going, and it sounds like you're on the right path.

You know where to go if you want a dating advisor who will actually answer your questions and point you back to the Truth...

Just remember, when I answer your questions, I don't make fun of you. I only give you the wet slap of Reality that's required.

And I'll never apologize for doing the right thing.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING ADVICE - SEDUCTION QUESTION:

So, I was talking online with this girl I have hooked up with many times
while being drunk at parties. The other night we went out on a booze cruise
and had an interesting ride home if you catch my drift. The problem is, I am
starting to like her and I have strong feelings she feels the same way. We
even agreed to hang out before I left for school, which is Thursday.

So going back to online chatting, I was busting her chops and she was loving
every minute of it, I could feel her frustration oozing through the computer
screen. Then the conversation drifted into serious talk, as in feelings...

I brought up the going out before I go away and she wanted to know why. I
told her straight up I wanted to see her and she said why would I since I
was leaving soon, especially after the majority of our interaction was done
while intoxicated. Basically she wanted to know what we were doing and I
said it was a surprise. She was intrigued, but it ended up getting really
serious with her questioning.

She ended up saying no and it hurt, but simply replied with, Fine, goodnight, and signed offline.

I think she thought I only wanted to get into her pants. Not to mention, I
think she is a virgin. What do you make of this? She is a bit younger than
me, but I KNOW this chick likes me. She throws out her cute little IOI's
every now and then, plus we hook up a lot. What did I do wrong?
--------
CARLOS:

You said it yourself: "it ended up getting really serious with her questioning."

Why did you LET it get serious?

This was a test of hers to see if you could hold your ground and be an assertive Alpha Man.

Answering her interrogation is not the sign of a confident man. It's the sign of a man who needs her approval, so when she discovered that you weren't and couldn't control the conversation, she bailed.

She has to know you'd be the kind of guy who would tell her "What, are you getting all serious on me now? Is this how you scare off guys? You're not going to start stalking me now, are you?"

Push back with a little teasing and more ball-busting. She was testing your willpower and boundaries.

When she asked you what your plan was ...

Did you give in when she pushed the point?

Were you afraid of making her mad, or making waves?

You should have just ended it when you had her interest. Leave her in a little mystery.

Then you can pick up things on your OWN terms later on.

Just because she asks you a question, that doesn't mean you have to answer it.

In fact, NEVER answer her questions directly. That's the fastest way to kill her attraction for you...

Oh, and the last mistake was carrying out this conversation online. Never allow any substitutes for in-person communication. Don't be so reliant on chats to talk with her. The only thing you should use that for is getting the next date SET and then getting off as fast as you can.

You're a busy man... with places to go and other women to see...

Or, at least you OUGHT to be.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

New Podcast is up!

'Nuff said... go get it!

If you haven't seen it, here's our Podcast site

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING ADVICE FOR MEN QUESTION:

I know letting "loser boy" get the best of you is a sin, but when it does
happen how can you overcome it?

----------
CARLOS:

There's one thing that's completely under your control and that's how you talk to yourself.

Not "Crazy homeless guy on the street" talk to yourself, but "inside your head" talk to yourself.

We all tell ourselves things after an event in our lives to help us make sense of what happened. If I spill spaghetti in my lap at a restaurant, I might tell myself that:

1) I'm having a bad day, and this just figures

2) I'm a klutz and I need to improve my manual dexterity

3) I'm a loser, what kind of an idiot spills his meal in his lap

4) I'm just human, and this was one of those dumb things that can happen

5) This is pretty damn funny, and I've got an opportunity to show that I'm not an insecure dweeb by having a little fun with this...


You get the picture... YOU decide what meaning you're going to get from the results you get. You also can choose what kind of message you want to send to your nervous system about your performance and value. If you're used to sending negative "loserboy" messages all the time, you're going to have to work a little harder to break this bad habit and start steering yourself over to the right message.

The key here is PERSISTENCE.

Most guys try to do all those stupid affirmations, and they get very little success.

Why?

Because affirmations are a low-investment option that rarely pay off. (I discuss this in detail in my new program, by the way.)

The key to keeping yourself on the right track is what we call the "warrior spirit" in the Martial Arts.

It's an attitude that nothing... ABSOLUTELY NOTHING will stop you from getting what you want from life.

And NOTHING will ever bring your attitude down.

It's just about re-programming.

If you walk on a certain path in the woods every day, over the course of a year, it's going to be very worn and easy to follow.

In fact, if you were told that there is a shorter way to cut through this forest, one with a better view, and that passes by an apple tree with the most delicious fruit you've ever tasted, you'd probably be hard pressed to start a new path to find it through all the bushes and thorns.

If there's a choice between this easy path and this promised wonderful path that's actually easier once you try to find the way to it, you'll probably stay on the one that's most COMFORTABLE and FAMILIAR.

And this is how so many guys' lives end in mediocrity.

They don't find the courage and the energy and the warrior spirit to go after this trail. They'd rather take the easy way.

The new trail would just be too much trouble.

And then the rationalization starts in.

My path isn't so bad...

I bet that apple tree isn't what they're cracking it up to be... The apples are probably rotten ...

I still think my path is shorter...

I don't need a better path...


Do you see how you set yourself up for a life of getting less than what you deserve?

It's all in the way you talk to yourself.

And you can find out how to control this inner voice HERE...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

ALPHA FOOT FETISH:

Dear Carlos,
What's up, I enjoy what you teach man. I really wish they teach your materials at the high school and college level, maybe even last years at junior high school. Instead of that politically correct trash where both men and women suffer though our adults lives. Well I'm glad I found you now, I'm in college.

Now here's my question, and I think I speak for all men who has this strong sexual attraction and desire for this part of the female anatomy. I am going to be blunt, I have a foot fetish. Although, I am open more open about it now than since attending high school I am still a little nervous (not a nervous-scare, but a nervous of how do I communicate my desires to where she is comfortable and more turned on by me ) of expressing these desires. When I get comfortable talking to a woman about this desire there is still a taboo in their view to some of the women I talk to.

If I notice a women and I like her feet there is some small talk, where there is a gap of silence or transition of the conversation where I will make a reference about her sandals/flip flops, foot jewelry, the color of her nail polish and toenail designs.

Then I will say, here my lines:
(Keep eye contact to her eyes, then I glance at her feet) "You probably aren't told this to often (which most aren't I found) (1 sec. pause) But I just looked down and I notice... that you have very pretty feet".

The other day my classmate (she's a cute Latina) and I were talking about each others artwork (I am taking ceramics course - Fine Arts major), and she was dangling her flip flop under the table (that's torcher - but I remained claim) and I notice that she just removed the purple nail polish off her toes, and that made her feet more sexy. So while we were talking I finally give in to my desires and said, "Hey Ginia right? (her name was printed on her beautician uniform). She said, "That's right, that's my name." Then I say, "Has anyone ever told you that... Your feet are more attractive when you don't polish your toes...and I thought you should know." She was overly flattered and giggling intensely at the same time.

Those are normally the reactions that girls give me when I compliment them. They give me a warm appreciated response, shocked look then laughter, and "your are a freak" remark, where she suddenly becomes flirtatious and very curious about my desire where we go into a deep conversation about why some men like feet and she shares some of her fantasies about it.

Now here is my question, when I am having a deep sensual conversation with girls on the subject of foot fetishism, how do I lead them and get them wanting to actually giving them a foot rub, playing with them, to doing erotic things where I am worshiping them of giving them pleasure?

In part of your The Seduction Method e-book you mentioned that a foot massage does get a women very warm and wanting for more at some degree. But in your experiences, do you know any foot worshiping techniques that would satisfy them sexually at that part of the body? Your wisdom is appreciated coming from a 22 year old black male college student who has the Eddie Murphy syndrome.

C.
-----------
CARLOS:

Well, this sure wins my "Original Question of the Week" award.

Thanks for keeping me on my ... uh... toes.

(Oh, come on, you knew that was coming!)

Anyway, this is a really great question-within-a-question. Let's talk about it...

First off, good job on acting on your desires. I like your intro and how you went in with a strong approach. You'll get that giggling thing when you've appealed to a woman's validations needs.

The difference between your approach and others that don't work is that yours is UNIQUE. It's also a little bit of a neg-hit when you tell them they look nice when there's something obviously wrong with them. Even if you mean it, she gets a little bit of a mixed message.

Oh, by the way, all men have a "fetish" of some kind.

Some guys like farm animals. Some need a whip stuck up their ass. Some guys like those little tinkling showers.

Hey, whatever floats your boat.

DEFINITION:

Fetish: a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, part of the body, etc.

The problem is, who gets to decide what "abnormal" is?

By this definition, I'm a boob fetishist. I love knockers. Big or small, they just ROCK.

I don't know if my level is "abnormal" or not, but what the hell.

As Nikka Costa says, everybody's got their somethin'.

And, as far as fetishes go, feet are pretty common. I think it's something to do with the cleavage between the toes. Every so often I'll see a foot that makes me want to go shrimp-dipping those toes in my mouth...

(Insert uncomfortable silence here...)

Anyway, back to your question. What to do about this so that you can gratify the fetish.

Well, first off, realize that you may or may not meet women that enjoy the same desire that you do.

In fact, you have to be a little careful, because while a lot of women may actually dig this if they're digging you, you just can't hit them up front about it.

It's too big a step to go from "Hey, you're looking good" to "I want to adore your feet in a way that would make my eyes roll back in my head."

But the cool thing is that if you can use this angle of appreciating their feet the way you have been (and every woman loves appreciation of their feet - how lucky for you), you're going to find yourself in a position to ...

ASK HER FOR HER NUMBER.

Then GO OUT with her...

Then get her over to watch a movie...

Then tell her you are working on some new massage techniques and you want to ...

Aw, hell, dude, it'll be cake from here.

That taboo will evaporate once she feels comfort and trust for you. That's where it needs to start.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING ADVICE FOR THE ALPHA MAN QUESTION:

Hi Carlos, I was really wondering how I could find out how my girlfriend really feels about me if I can't have her telling me herself in the form of reassurance? I'd like to know that i'm not the only one who is crazy about her (has to be mutual!).

I almost broke up with her but we made up after I told her I couldnt force her into anything , so I needed to know whether she was in or out!!...To my heart's rescue she told me she cared about me. I cant seem to get myself convinced that she believes in "US". Is it really that difficult for women to express the way they feel without fear of being hurt or taken advantage of?

Thank you for the latest correspondence, it helped me realise that if I didn't maintain confidence and control she'd drift away. I aim to be more interesting in my approach with her rather than being exact..

------------
CARLOS:

The real issue here is not that you don't "know" how she really feels about you.

It's that you CARE.

Think about it for a second...

If you got a letter in your mailbox today telling you that your best friend from high school had hated your guts and really wished you dead during your Senior year, how would you feel?

Would you tear your hair out and cry?

Would you wish that you could go back over the last 10 years of your life and put the misery in that you SHOULD have felt if you'd only known how he felt?

No. You did just fine with whatever belief you had.

I'm here to tell you that there are people that both HATE you and LOVE you, AND that you'll probably never get that letter telling you how they feel so that you can "make up your mind."

What other people think or feel about us doesn't matter to the Alpha. Opinions and feelings change with the wind (especially with women.)

The Alpha goes right on marching through life to the beat of his own drummer, and pursuing HIS goals, HIS aspirations, HIS dreams.

Because if there is ONE thing that will stop you from being the person you are trying to become, it's making decisions based upon what other people think.


If she's WITH YOU that's all the proof you need. By chasing her opinion, you'll lose her for sure, because she'll know that your confidence is built on HER opinion, and no one wants to be with someone to validate their sense of worth.

You'll also be giving off the vibe that your love is conditional upon her feeling the same way, and that makes for a stingy relationship where you only give to get.

A strong Alpha Man doesn't need anyone's approval or affection to give his out freely, and that's why so many adore him.

Again, if you chase her opinion, or start fishing for feedback, she'll lose you faster than a bad hand on a video poker machine.

Guaranteed.

It's only your insecurities that keeps you needing to know how she feels.

The ONLY thing that matters is how YOU feel about YOU.

That's it.

PERIOD.


End of story.

Game over.

Zip up your fly.

Once you get the right mind-set, the world suddenly seems like a different place to you. This happens to every Alpha Man that wakes up from the Matrix and understands what his value is REALLY made of.

If you'd like to know what you're really made of, I want you to look at THIS.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING ADVICE FOR MEN - QUESTION:

Hey Carlos,

I am in the process of going through a divorce. I have a female attorney that I am attracted to. She has given me signals that she is interested, crossed legs pointing toward me, touching me, playing with her hair,etc. Would I be pushing the ethical issue by asking her out while she does the legal work. Its not that I would have a problem separating the two cause issues and would not want anything to come between us. Do you think I should wait till after my divorce to pursue her or go far it now?

- S
---------
CARLOS:

This is an interesting situation...

But I'd say that you might want to let one situation resolve before complicating another.

I'd wait until after the things have settled with the legal part of your relationship before you pursue the lawyer. Just in case you haven't been reading the signs right, you want to make sure you pinch off the other artery you're severing.

Uh, so to speak.

(too gross?)

You also can't be sure SHE won't have a problem keeping the two issues from overlapping. Don't underestimate the immaturity of a woman (or a man) based on the short time you've had interacting.

Plus, there could be trouble if your wife and the other lawyer found out.

But there's nothing wrong with a little flirtation in the meantime...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

This was posted at CNN.com (Thanks to one of our readers for suggesting this.)

Take a look at this article, which claims that this technology can tell you whether or not someone is a "jerk." (Have you noticed that the word "Jerk" is pretty much linked to men? What's the word for a female "jerk"? I think that would begin with a "B.")

See my observations at the end ...

---------

Bored on the phone? Beware the Jerk-O-Meter

Friday, August 12, 2005 Posted: 1434 GMT (2234 HKT)

MIT student Anmol Madan shows the Jerk-O-Meter software loaded on a PDA.
CAMBRIDGE, Massachusetts (AP) --

Ever wonder if that spouse, friend or co-worker on the other end of the phone is really paying attention? The "Jerk-O-Meter" may hold the answer.

Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology are developing software for cell phones that would analyze speech patterns and voice tones to rate people -- on a scale of 0 to 100 percent -- on how engaged they are in a conversation.

Anmol Madan, who led the project while he pursued a master's degree at MIT, sees the Jerk-O-Meter as a tool for improving relationships, not ending them. Or it might assist telephone sales and marketing efforts.

"Think of a situation where you could actually prevent an argument," he said. "Just having this device can make people more attentive because they know they're being monitored."

The program, which Madan said is nearing completion, uses mathematical algorithms to measure levels of stress and empathy in a person's voice. It also keeps track of how often someone is speaking.

"It's an academically proven thing," Madan said of the math behind those measurements. "There are a bunch of academic papers published about this."

For now, the Jerk-O-Meter is set up to monitor the user's end of the conversation. If his attention is straying, a message pops up on the phone that warns, "Don't be a jerk!" or "Be a little nicer now." A score closer to 100 percent would prompt, "Wow, you're a smooth talker."

However, the Jerk-O-Meter also could be set up to test the voice on the other end of the line. Then it could send the tester such reports as: "This person is acting like a jerk. Do you want to hang up?"

To test the program, Madan and his MIT colleagues recruited 10 men and 10 women -- all strangers to each other -- and brought them into the lab. The researchers paired off the test subjects, with men only talking to men and women only talking to women, and monitored 200 three-minute conversations about randomly selected topics.

After each conversation, the subjects were asked to rate their level of interest on a scale of one to 10. By measuring the speaking style each person had used in the conversation, Madan was able to predict what score they would give roughly 80 percent of the time.

The study indicated that men and women are interested in conversations for different reasons.

The subject of the chat was more important to men than women, Madan said. "For the women, it was more dependent on who they were talking to and what the mood was like," he added. "It wasn't just about the topic itself."

The researchers also tested the technology at a bar in Cambridge where a group of singles were "speed-dating," rotating through a series of five-minute conversations.

"Mathematically modeling" each person's speaking style let the research team predict whether a speed-dater would agree to a real date. It was a good sign, Madan said, if the speed-daters engaged in "back and forth exchanges," punctuated by "ahas" and "yups."

Frank Guenther, a professor of cognitive and neural systems at Boston University, said there are a host of "non-linguistic" cues, such as pregnant pauses, flat pitch levels and slow speech rates, that indicate boredom or disinterest.

"To me, it sounds like it's great for the entertainment factor," he said of the Jerk-O-Meter. "But I don't think you'll be able to get definitive measurements. There is just too much variability across individuals."

The prototype version of the program runs in Linux on a phone plugged into Voice over Internet service. Once the Jerk-O-Meter is completed, in six months or so, Madan envisions selling it as software that could be downloaded off the Internet -- a potentially useful tool for focus groups, telemarketers and salesmen.

"It sounds pretty cool," said Jeff Kagan, a telecommunications analyst in Atlanta. "But if someone was using it against me, I'd say, `How dare they!"' he added with a laugh.

The Jerk-O-Meter is one of many projects at MIT that aim to make cell phones and other communication devices more "socially aware," said Alex Pentland, director of the Media Lab's human dynamics research group.

Madan and Pentland have formed a company, iMetrico, to commercialize some of these technologies for sales and marketing efforts. But it's too early to say whether the Jerk-O-Meter would be one of them.

"Almost everybody has a cell phone," Pentland said. "They're as powerful as regular computers. There are all sorts of things that can be done with them, but haven't yet. ... They just don't support humans the way they live."

----------

Did you note what was different about the subjects according to the study? Women were more interested in the mood and the person they were talking to.

Huh. How about that.

Just remember, guys, you have this software built into your head. You just need to activate it.

I've got your software license HERE...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

ALPHA QUESTION AND COMMENTS:

Carlos,

I ordered Secrets of the Alpha Man and I am listening and reading the
materials. I have never been helpless with women but there were serious
holes in my game. BIG HOLES.

Approaching women in public has always been a problem for me. And being clueless with women who put themselves in position for me to approach didn't help. A couple weeks ago there was a women who literally broke her neck to cross the produce isle in the grocery store to ask: "how do I know if these grapes are any good"

What did I do? Gave her a straight answer and walked away a little off balance. Clueless! Before I would beat myself up for not knowing what to say or do.

Thankfully, that's the past. Now I am planning to be a five tool player like Willie Mays.

I have read a lot of stuff from other dating gurus out there. Comparisons are a waste of time but I feel you are the only one that has all the bases covered.


I finally GET IT! in a big way, and I have you to thank. Getting women should not the focus. Building yourself up to be a happy well adjusted MAN! should. Not to get biblical on you but "Seek first the kingdom of the Alpha Man and all women will be given to you" Keep up the good work.

... it feels good to be unplugged from the Matrix.

- P. M.
----------

CARLOS:

A lot of guys go through this culture shock of coming out of their shell. A woman will start to pick up on your energy, and they will even approach you.

Yes, it does happen from time to time. But they do it under the guise of seeking help and guidance.

And the worst sin of all is to not be prepared for these events when they happen.

When your mind and spirit are together, you'll find that things just "happen" for you. It's really freaky, like you're plugged in to some new energy source.

You see, I propose that men build up themselves first, because if you don't, NO WOMAN will ever be what you want. NO WOMAN will ever be enough for you.

The steps of a healthy development are:

1) Birth

2) Physical and mental growth

3) Socialization

4) Sexualization

5) Spiritualization

Some of these phases are parallel, and some are ongoing for the rest of your life.

And some of them people will never go through all the phases very far, besides the physical growth.

That's why I laugh at some of these new age self-help authors that point to this great spiritual Nirvana, but they don't realize that for other people to journey to that path, they've got to a LOT of housekeeping to do first.

It's like saying, "Hey! I can teach you to Surf!" to those who aren't even very good swimmers.

Some are barely FLOATING...

I'm not putting down people, or their capacity to grow towards these goals, but the reality is that we are all at very different steps on that path.

I want to help you through the development of your confident ego (not "ego" as in the negative connotation, either.) You need to be an Alpha Man because ALL GOOD THINGS stem from this.

There are some guys who claim that the whole "seduction" and pickup community thing is a farce.

And they're partly right. If you're doing it without working towards a better YOU, you are heading on the expressway to disappointment.

It's all about GROWTH and learning.

Master yourself first, and then you can go after the "heart centered" approach a bit more. But if you have lingering insecurities, or self-esteem issues that hold you back from healthy and confident interactions with women, you can't just jump into "open heart" mode.

It doesn't work that way. And you'll damage your ability to grow by traumatizing that open heart.

Create your own Alpha image, and all good things will follow.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING ADVICE FOR MEN - QUESTION:

Carlos,

Just wanted to say I love the podcast and the Alpha Man program,
I've been using it for for a few weeks now and have noticed some
improvement in the way women respond to me already.

I do have one quick question. I currently live in Florida, but
I am moving to England in the next few weeks. Generally, what
differences can i expect in how women act in Europe? Also, if there
is any paticular advice you have that could help me in this new
environment, I'd love to hear it!

-A
--------
CARLOS:

Well, it's been a while since I've been over to the UK. From my understanding, the media is doing there what they're doing here - portraying men as insipid losers that need a woman to keep them in line.

However, the same principles apply over there that apply anywhere else.

The Attraction Principle states clearly:

When one Female Object encounters an Alpha Man Object in circumstances conducive to meeting, and he asserts his will to couple with the Female Object, she will probably be interested in learning more about him.

I really do wish I could provide a killer equation or physics theorem that would work, but as we all know, women have a random "flake" factor that makes any prediction hazy at best.

The best advice I have for you is to observe as much as possible. You shouldn't have to change your approaches all that much for the Brits. Other cultures, however, will vary as to how they respond.

I'd suggest you also learn the proper use of colloquialisms and slang over there. You want to avoid putting your foot in your own mouth as much as possible.

You can also use your "foreign" status as a conversation starter and ice breaker. Just tell a group of ladies that you're new to the country. Ask them what they think you should know about women over there.

Ba-da-bing, you're in.

Just remember the basics, and use your American accent to your advantage!

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

A little note from "C" - tips from the Female View...

************
You gents have a lot of power when it comes to approaching women and asking them out. Think about it boys- women almost never ask men out.

Women are still governed by social mores that state, ‘women shall not pursue man.’ And really, I do not think that’s a bad thing. As I have stated here in the past, chivalry is a thing of beauty.

Women want and need the excitement of being noticed by men, it is profoundly stimulating- an incredible feeling of aliveness and vitality.

On occasion, I and other Alpha females when faced with a decidedly intoxicating man, will step out of our comfort zone and ask a man out. These will not just be ‘ordinary’ men; they will be the exciting guys that are challenging- the kind of man that we need to win.

There is no reason to be immobilized by fear of rejection from women.

Think of it this way, and turn the tables, it’s the unlucky woman who is not approached by desirable men.


Feel the power…

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING ADVICE FOR MEN QUESTION:

And a little butt-kissing ...
QUESTION:

I am a regular reader of your newsletters & I must mention that they are a real treasure house of knowledge in acquiring a vibrant and positive attitude for a life full of love n blissful relationships....keep up the good work Carlos !!!!.

I am also impressed with the recent article on the characteristics n attitudes of The Alpha Male& really imbibed a lot of it .

Now to something important...I'm an MBA student and was recently undergoing my summer internship with an International bank. Herein , I came across a female who was very beautiful & had a very reserved attitude towards men...n wouldn't talk to any of them. But as I was empowered with all the right info that u give through the newsletters, right from the first day I demonstrated authority, naughtiness, confidence n no wussy bag attitude towards women.....& lo a wonder .....she actually started talking to me .....n I continued further with this behaviour thereafter.

Then I also started cracking flirtatious jokes on her which really got her opening n she said that she really missed me in the last week .....when I hadn't reported to my office due to health reasons......such is the power of ur lessons sir.....Thank you so much ...so far...now....my questions to you are....

1. What do I do to further increase her attraction towards me & how do I maintain it?

2. How do I get her to declare her love for me....without me even asking for it...& also landing in bed with her without making her feel guilty or used up? please take note of the fact that she is 2-3 yrs elder to me...

3. How do I handle the issue of her seniority , if at all it crops up?

4. How do I deal with other competent men, who might try to impress her ...n How do I deal with this competetion...n save my lady?

Dear Carlos, I understand the fact that ur a very busy gentleman....n u might be getting truckloads of mails like mine daily.....but if u could plz advise me on these questions....then you would be simply making yourself proud by helping out a deserving n action oriented student of your system.

Also ....if u plz could give me a list of ideas / tactics as a ready reckoner so that I can Pull on till I'm able to raise up enough money to invest into your great products, since I'm just a student as of now...n will take sometime 2 start earning.

....thank you once again for the real world knowledge that u give....I wish these were taught in schools n colleges!!!

May GOD always be there on your side to shower his blessings on you....

Eagerly awaiting your HELP!!!!

REGARDS,
V, India
---------
CARLOS:

Ah, yes. Another starving student. I remember those days...

ANyway... Let's be clear, I can't possibly give you every little thing you need to get this girl to propose to you in a Q&A column.

I haven't got that kind of space, dude.

But, if you're really serious, I suggest you look really hard at your reasoning for what you want.

Is it for YOU, for HER, or for BOTH of you.

I suspect you're looking to play with the power a little bit, aren't you?

Go on, admit it. It's kinda neat when you learn that you can retain your self-dignity AND attract women, isn't it?

I think it's pretty cool, too.

But beware the Dark Side of this ... uh... power.

On the Light Side of the force, you must work to inspire her attraction so that you can continue on the path you're on... toward WHATEVER may come.

Maybe you'll get to sleep with her. Maybe not. But if you go in with this as your primary GOAL, you're missing the point.

And if you are hoping to turn it around so that she's groveling for your affections, that's missing it even further.

The point is to add to the positive vibe between you, and see where it will go. And it will go where it should, as all things must.

(Do I sound like a weird Kung Fu dude now?)

But let's throw question #2 of yours out of the mix. That's not the point.

As far as her age is concerned, it isn't a concern.

UNLESS YOU MAKE IT ONE!

2-3 years? Dude, I've seen women as much as 10 years older than me. And 10 years younger.

It's all good.

If she makes an issue out of being an older woman, you joke it off and keep going...

"What, are you one of those older women trying to seduce a younger man? I'm not that easy, Mrs. Robinson..."

(For those of you not catching on to the Mrs. Robinson comment, it's from the movie "The Graduate." Rent it sometime.)

Watch yourself on the "Save my lady" comment. She's not yours yet. Keep playing it cool, brother. Don't start counting chickens before they're hatched.

As for Competition...

Where?

Oh, it's not there yet, but you want to be prepared.

Here's the Alpha way of handling that:

COMPETITION DOESN'T EXIST.


It only exists when you start getting insecure enough to care, or start recognizing it as such. That's when she'll jump ship. When you show your true colors in the heat of the moment by getting jealous or insecure and needy.

The best way to handle competition is to PUSH her towards it.

If she goes, she was already going. There would be NOTHING you could have done. And now you're better off without an unfaithful and disloyal woman. Congratulations! That was a close one.

And if she doesn't go (which she won't if you handle your posture right), she now knows that you can live without her. As every woman MUST if she's ever going to respect you or stay with you for the long term.

Pretty simple, huh?

Now get the Alpha Man program and learn how this whole thing WORKS.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

NEW PRODUCT CATALOG

I realized that there were a few guys who have become members recently who aren't aware of all the stuff we offer for you to improve your game with women.

So, being the thoughtful guy that I am, I put together a little catalog to help you understand what we've got and where we can help you.

Go check it out by clicking HERE

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING ADVICE FOR MEN QUESTION:

Hi Carlos,

I don't wanna boost your ego, but you really know what's happening in the field of attraction and your program is the best on the net!

I am 28 now and am attracted to elder women then me: ladies in their 30's and some 40's who managed to keep their great shape.
(I had a girlfriend for 1,5 year who was 8 years elder then me.)

These elder ladies are much easier for me to keep on a conversation and find topics to talk about then with girls in their 20's. And by their mid 30's women blossom like a flower. Unfortunately if a woman in this age is single then they are usually divorced or passed through some serious relationship which sometimes means some of them are damaged goods emotionally and not a good choice for an alpha man.

In one of your weekly mail you wrote no woman is more crazy then one in their late 30's.

My question is what's your advice for attracting ladies in their 30's and 40's. What are the subtle differences to be succesful with them than attracting a younger woman?

I have another question. I work in a bank and meet many clients day-by-day and get their phone numbers officially. What do you think the best way to capitalize on this opportunity. I mean after getting her phone number officially how shall I open a phone conversation not to seem like a wuss who call every sexy client who come accross to him in the bank - how can I stand out of the crowd in this situation and turn the table around?

And yes... I realized the best thing in the world is becoming an alphaman. I'm well on the way...

T from Hungary
------
CARLOS:

Well, I don't believe I've ever stated that a woman is craziest in her late 30s. I think actually that's when they're most stable. They are more confident. They've gotten through all that nutty "gotta get a husband" behavior of their earlier 30s.

And they ROCK in bed.

The difference in getting with the "older" ladies is that you have to be playful AND intelligent. They're not going to go for the cocky young-guy routine. As a matter of fact, you can throw out most of that "cocky & funny" routine and stick to a more suave approach.

Again, notice the mannerisms of say... James Bond. Almost all of the women he seduces were in their 30s. He knows that he can hang in there and bring down the big game with his confidence and persistence. And he does.

You're going to have to be more creative and appeal to her sense of intellectual intercourse, just as much as you do her bubbly little "girls just wanna have fun" mentality.

If she's been around the block at all, she knows now what she wants, what works, and what doesn't work. So you've got to go in with even more balls than before so that you don't get blown out of the water in the first 30 seconds.

You've also got to have an element of sophistication with her. You can be Mr. Shallow and expect to engage her interest, either.

I don't know what it's like over there, but you better be careful about mixing business and pleasure by dipping into your client pool. If they welcome the advance, you're set, but if they don't and they decide they want to get stinky about it, you could get your ass in a big pot of boiling trouble. You might cost your bank a client, and yourself a job.

I'd say you should wait until you get some good indications of interest (IOI) and then drop a few hints to see how they're taken. If there's interest, you take a chance. But only ONE chance!

An Alpha Man has so much opportunity, he doesn't need to take unnecessary risks.

Oh, and next time, leave your pride at the door and feel free to go ahead and pump up my ego. It's the smart thing to do to get your way with another Alpha. :)

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Notes from the Field:

Every so often I get some observations from guys as they
work out how the whole dating game works. I want to
share a few observations from a guy that I think you might
find useful.
________


The Dating Black Book has helped me get a good perspective on how to
approach dating. The following things from the book
that have helped me are:

-It's a numbers game and you need to constantly
generate new leads because of that. Don't always have
a one and only hope.

-Inner Game: I now have the mindset that I'm the prize
and I'm giving you(the woman)the opportunity to get to
know me. If you're not smart enough to take advantage
of that opportunity then it's your loss.

-That dating, especially in the cold market that I
work is a mirror image of outside sales. I've done
outside cold call sales and I treat the cold contact
market the same. Either I get the sale or I don't, but
what's important is I tried to sell.

-Just learn from each experience and continue to move
forward.

-Don't give in to any crap or tests. Call her on her
behavior if you have to. i.e. (talking on a cell phone
during the meeting)

-Led me to take on Self-Improvement as a hobbie.

-You have to take ACTION to get anywhere. Reading is
good, but field work is where you really learn.

The Alpha Male Book:
-Great Fucking Book. I have many ebooks and this is my
favorite one by far.

-It has helped me big time with Inner Game. I used to
tear my hair out with all the BS I experience in the
game, but now I just laugh at it. Also, Inner Game to
me is the most important thing. Nothing will work
unless you have your inner game taken care of and that
was in the book.

-I've taken up karate

-I'm in my best shape since college.

-I've taken up meditation.

-Change is hard, but if you work at it you can do it.

-Nothing worth having will come easy, so accept the
burden of the work and do it.

-My desire to binge drink is very minimal. Used to be
one night a week, now maybe twice a month at most.

-I started going out alone, but now I've made some new
friends and wing with them.

-I make stronger eye contact and have better posture.
I enjoy going to Hooters for lunch to flirt and
dominate the waitresses with eye contact.(I don't get
all Manson eyes on them or anything. I just let them
know who's in charge with my eyes)

-Take ACTION. You have to do the work.

-Enjoy the challenge. Most guys I know just take what
they can get. I've made it my personal challenge to do
whatever it takes to get the awesome GF I want and
deserve.

-Never give up.

-Never be direct with women. I try not to give direct
answers and then change the focus of the conversation
on them.

-I've become more relaxed. When I was visiting my mom
a few weeks ago she told me I've never seen you this
relaxed and Mom's know best.

-I just have a strong belief in myself and that any
woman I let into my world is damn lucky.....seriously,
they are. I have a lot to offer and I live a life most
guys don't get to live.

-I'm consantly looking for ways to make myself better
in all areas of life. Per your words: we're here to
create ourself not find ourself. I started studying
self-confidence and try to become more confident every
day.

-Don't take this game so seriosuly. Just learn to
lighten up and have fun with it.


In the past year I've become more relaxed on dates,
I'm better at establishing rapport, and I go after
what I want with no apologies and I really don't care
what anyone thinks of me.

Your books have guided me in
the right direction and as we both know that taking
action is where you really progress. I was at Hooters
a couple weeks ago and our waitress was smoking hot
and my exact type. I flirted with her and exchanged
strong eye contact and smiles....On the way back to
work I then realized I was flirting with her. In other
words, I flirted with her without realizing it. It was
just the natural thing to do.

A year ago, I would be super nervous and saying to myself should I talk to
her, what should I say, etc. As small as that flirting
situation was this was big step for me because it was
just the natural thing to do rather than trying to
muster up the courage to do so. All in all I now I'm
starting to get it and I look forward to a year from
now when I'm pulling 9's and 10's on a regular basis.

As a note on the online - I submitted....the last 3
girls I met from match.com were at least 15 lbs
heavier than their photos. So far the myspace girls
have been truthful about their appearance. It's an
outlet to meet women I guess, but I know the good
canidates are going to come from cold approaches
wherever it may be and it's up to me to be ready to go
when that woman of quality shows up wherever I happen
to be.
-------

CARLOS COMMENTS:

Dude, you definitely hit this on the head. You picked up all the right things
from the e-book, and you're well on the way.

For you guys who still don't have The Dating Black Book e-book, get it HERE

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

SUNDAY DATING ADVICE UPDATE:

Well it's another sunny Sunday here in California... it's days like today that remind me why I moved here... ahhhhh....

Just to let you know, the new Podcast is up and available. I just got it posted this morning.

And I got this letter in over the weekend that I wanted to pass along.

SUCCESS STORY:

After a short burst of success my game went downhill. That is until I came across the Secrets of the Alpha Man program. I've not even finished it yet! I got sidetracked reading the Dating Black Book, which you kept recommending in your program. I'm not done with THAT yet!

Anyways, everyday is growth. Last night we went out to the club, and though you teach it's not about being better than the next man, but about being better than YOU were before, I blew my homeboy out of the water. I was doing things like opening sets, setting next to women I liked and macking them up. Having them ready to do lunch the next day, or calling them back at 5. Man this girl was so hot. Wanted to see her today, but I'm going to ANOTHER woman's house who is "tired." She just got into the shower as I am writing you.

I also get the Adanced Audio Coaching every month and just ordered the new Approach program. Your stuff works. I've got like a bunch of other programs, but your stuff is solid. You're like my sensei in the game.

Thank you so much Carlos. I'll write a more detailed story later, but you've help me be who I wanted to be all of my life. And now, I'm off to get laid!

Don't you hate this guy?

Actually, I love that he's getting success like this, but he has to watch out or all the guys around him are going to get jealous and try to brainwash him back into the Matrix...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

QUESTION:

well i have a question that do u have the product related how to chat with woman online i.e. on the net

------
CARLOS:

Yeah, my product is called "start typing and having fun."

Seriously, you don't need anything more than the Dating Black Book to handle chatting with women online. Tease her and bust her chops. Have fun. Show a sense of humor. That's all you need.

But my biggest concern is this:

Guys are spending far too much time interacting in the virtual world as opposed to the REAL one.

Sure, it's safe to sit back and type at a girl, but what about interacting face-to-face?

What about stepping up to the plate and taking a little risk?

I can understand it if you're trying to get into the swing of things and build up your confidence a little. By all means, dip your toes in.

But eventually, you have to step in and start swimming, dude.

Don't get all hung up on the online experience. The real world is where the action is ...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING ADVICE AND SEDUCTION TIP:

In the beginning you write in a negative way about NLP, etc. and at the end you write, and I quote:

"NLP - Neuro-Linguistic Programming - What it is, and how to use it to pull her in"

You also write:

"Overcoming the trickiest obstacles in seduction- like stealing her from another man, or if she knows you've got another woman!"

To steal somebodys woman is unethical and why do you talk about how one can feel illness when using NLP and in the same time offer NLP-techniques?

What is your response to that?

Thanks

Patrick
**********
CARLOS:

What is my response to that?

Gee, counselor, am I under oath?

First of all, I'm not on the stand. I don't have to defend myself to anyone. That's always been my attitude, and it always will be. (POWER to the ALPHA!)

However, since I always stand by what I say, and I've said something similar to what you claim, I'm putting this out in the public eye so I can give some meaning and better understanding to others who may wonder the same thing.

As Obi Wan Kenobi said so brilliantly, "You'll find that a lot of things in life depend on your point of view..."

First of all NLP is actually a valid technology. I started using some of this stuff way back when Tony Robbins was hawking it in all his books.

So, yes, you heard me right.

NLP can work.

IF it's done correctly, and if it comes from a congruent source.

The problem is that there are very few guys who can pull off NLP methods very effectively. There are only a couple techniques I would even want to use, and that's because they're common sense, like using the power of familiar touch.

AND the most important part to remember that NLP will not "hypnotize" her or get her to instantly jump into bed with you. That's the unrealistic expectation that's put out there by a lot of guys.

I don't want you to have that kind of misled mindset that you can just learn a few mystical words and women will flock to you when you whisper to them... Or that you can rub her back and give her a screaming orgasm.

NLP is very subtle. It doesn't have near the power and potency that the teasing tactics and other stuff I teach does.

It's that kind of thing that sends guys off on the wild hunt for the "short cut."

The quick and easy path.

And you know where that leads don't you?

If not, go watch those Star Wars movies again a few times.

I think most everyone learned that at an early age, yet we still keep looking for the fast track.

We're a McDonald's society, and we want everything NOW NOW NOW.

Well how about in due time?

When you do the right things and become the kind of man who deserves it?

Sorry, I get a little pedantic when it's near my sleepy-time...

You get my point, though, don't you? You just can't trust anything that comes too easily to you. And as they say in other places, there ain't no such thing as a free lunch.

But, however, yet, although...

You can use NLP strategies to help things along. And that's what I hint at during my audios and in the e-books.

NOWHERE do I say that this will be all you need to turn a woman on. It's SEASONING, not the main course. It adds a little extra nuance.

Without it you'll still do fine. But if you place all your eggs in this basket, expect a big mess in your basket.

Now, about the "steal the girlfriend" comment...

Look, guys, the reality is that going out and just trying to get between a guy and his girlfriend is most often just not necessary. Bad Karma. All that stuff.

But let's also be really honest about something else -

Most women don't leave their old vine until they've got their grip on the next one. (This is not true for all women, please note.) And no woman wants to think of herself as being alone. That would just suck.

So you should be ready for the woman that has a boyfriend, but not COUNTING on it. Don't actively undermine a good relationship between two people. That's just petty and malicious behavior that will get its due.

But if that relationship you see should go a bit sour, then you'd be dumb not to sneak in a few diplomatic visits to see if you can step in at the right time.

Just use your head and don't make everything so BLACK & WHITE.

Guys are famous for this. We're lazy thinkers, so we quickly categorize it as fast as we can, even if it's in the gray area that demands more analysis.

Chill out. Use your head. Let common sense prevail.

What's my Verdict?

INNOCENT.

You bet your ass I am.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

ALPHA MAN QUESTION:

I have a few questions for you which I think many guys are also probably wondering about. Now, I feel much more confident these days. I have also become more dominant and assertive. I see myself taking more risks, and I always recite the phrase "I am CONFIDENT, but I am not PERFECT" and that helps me out a lot especially when I make mistakes (I wont get down on myself as much).

My body language is strong, and I walk like I am the shit. I have noticed a conflict with my environment however. I have noticed that people are kind of resenting me a little bit. Its almost as if they are intimidated by me.

Some insecure guys will look at me like they want to kill me or something and girls get nervous around me a lot. My question is if this kind of thing is normal when developing my strong male self confidence? What types of changes can someone expect in their environment after they become that dominant, assertive male?

As for my next question, I have been using cocky/funny and teasing girls lately, and I have come to the conclusion that a lot of girls are very insecure in this world and teasing and cocky/funny doesn't work on a lot of girls (especially the insecure ones). I would probably estimate that cocky/funny would probably work on 3 or 4 out of 10 girls. What do you think about this realization Carlos, is it pretty accurate?


P. S. - I am 19, but a lot of people mistake me for being 16 and I kind of think that they try to take advantage of me and when they see that I am strong and assertive it kind of shocks them.
---------
CARLOS:

Actually, in your age group, MOST of the people are insecure and shaken by someone who has any level of self-confidence.

There's one of two things that will happen with respect to this level of confidence:

1) If you can keep it at a healthy level, you will alienate some people just because they will want you to conform to their own ideas about how you should behave.

I remember that when I moved from the east coast out to the Midwest, man I was almost beaten and run out of town. I was a cocky little bastard at the time, and I didn't realize that my New York attitude didn't fly in those little podunk towns of Kansas and Nebraska.

Eventually, that taming of my spirit and soul came at a price too heavy to pay. My game with women was awesome for a while, but then I started second-guessing myself, thinking that maybe I WASN'T the great guy I thought I was.

You guys know the end of this sad tale. I lost all my game with women and became every girl's be-otch. I even had one of those obsessive breakups with my girlfriend that became a classic "Wussy-man drives away woman" story.

What I needed to learn was the social grace to adjust my approach for my new social environment.

2) You may become self-righteous and a bit arrogant in the process.

That's when self-confidence does become a bit too much, and you go too far with your confidence by stepping on other people's self-esteem.

In my experience, as long as you stay aware, Number 2 rarely happens to you. It's fear of Number 2 that drives most men into a weak and spineless existence.

I live my life by the philosophy that it is far better to ask for forgiveness than permission. Most people go through life never fully realizing their abilities and talents because they're just too afraid to step out from the crowd.


So where is that fine line between being a confident guy and an asshole?

Unfortunately, it's as gray as it can be.

And it moves all the time, depending on the social dynamics you're involved in.

As for using teasing or cocky/funny on women, yes, you can run into problems with girls. And by "girls" I mean the younger ladies between 18 and 24 or so. (Obviously, the younger you go, the more insecure.)

So at the age range you're probably pursuing, yes, teasing a bit may not have the effect you want to achieve. The only girls you can use cocky/funny are usually the more attractive girls and the more confident girls.

(Which are usually two different groups.)

You tease and challenge the pretty girls because they're used to having their asses kissed by guys left and right. You have to demonstrate High Social Value when you approach women.

So what you have to learn how to do is morph a bit.

What? You don't know what a "morph" is?

Do you remember those Mighty Morphing Power Rangers?

I never watched it, but the "Morphing" part was that they could change physical form.

Well, a morph is someone who can adapt and change their personality to fit the social situation they're in.

That's what I want to start teaching you guys how to become.

Now I'm already in the studio working on the next Audio Coaching Session, so I won't be able to sneak it in there, but I might get it into the new Approach Coach series.

Now, in answer to your question about is this normal ...

YES, unfortunately it is.

Not everyone can travel this path that you're on. Truly dominant Alpha Men are RARE. Most guys buckle under the pressure of having to talk to women, much less not sucking up to them.

They're afraid of these mystical and strange creatures ... and they treat them as sacred.

Most women do not want this kind of treatment, and the ones that do are the ones that would make you MISERABLE for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.

You will probably alienate some guys because they're heading down a different path than you.

When you choose to be an Alpha who goes after what he wants, you immediately put yourself in the top 10 percent of all guys.

Some people think of it as that "lonely at the top" thing, but you know what?

The air up here is so much clearer, and the view is better, too. Plus, you're in good company.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING ADVICE FOR MEN:

QUESTION:

I've read the ebook.. I got something that need to be clarified. From
my observation, Asian females and Western females play the dating game
with different style. Asian females would prefer to be friend before
accepting the status as a 'girlfriend' whereas Western females are
more open to be a 'girlfriend' if they fall for anyone. Is that true?

It seemed that Asian females provide more resistance before they
proceed on a proper relationship. And do you think speed seduction
works better for Western females than Asian females?

If that's the case, how can a guy increase Asian females attraction to transform her
status from being a 'friend' to a 'girlfriend'?

looking forward for your great advice again.
------
CARLOS:

While some cultural differences may appear, the principles are still the same. Women need to feel ATTRACTION for you. They will not get this by feeling for you as a friend. There has to be a sexual charge between you for things to move forward.

Yes, there will be some cultural resistance, and you will have to make some adjustments. But the same thing has been true throughout history - if you really WANT someone, you'll do what it takes to get them.

You may have to play the jealousy card more often so that you can inspire her to new levels of action. Women will compete for something they want.

I've had a little experience with Asian women, and while the younger girls are more demure, they are still WOMEN.

You just use the same strategies to get women, regardless of cutlure. Slightly different style, but the same principles and strategies.

Remember, we're also not talking about "speed" in terms of "instant" or "same day," though it will happen from time to time. You will, however, always move faster if you are driving up her ATTRACTION. You want to attract women, not hypnotize women or any of that other nonsense out there.

I guarantee you, the man a woman goes for is going to be the one that gets her feeling that nervous doubt with just enough hope... the best recipe to attract women.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING ADVICE - How to attract women - the RIGHT way:

Hey, Carlos A little problem I hope you can solve.

Yesturday I was talking with this girl online, And I tried to not to be NORMAL about it... Anyway, I said some challanging things that my parents (women) found out about, and now their giving me beef on it. Let me show you a, reenactment. Something along these lines


Girl - Actually, I sprained my ankle

Me - hey, no amount of fast running will get you a spot on bay watch

Girl - I'm too hot for bay watch

Girl - J/K

Me - so you mean your not hot?

Girl - I don't know, what do you think?

- This, I thought about for a few seconds

1. could supplicate and say she is the hottest thing sense french fries

2. could not have an opinion

3. say something a little cocky, to challange

So I went with option 3

Me - Honestly, I think you have hot legs.. But I'd give you a 5 out 10

Girl - thx Z...
(not sure if this was sarcastically)

Anyway, at the same time I was talking to my other friend... Finally she responed.. Unfortunately, it showed her self - esteem, and the validation she needed. She talked to this other kid, and he told her to say this.

Girl - this boy told me 2 tell u 2

Girl - go f yourself

Girl - because I told him you gave me a 5 out of 10

I thought for a second, she's trying to get me to change what I said... Well HE said this, so you should think I'm hot too... From his response I could tell he liked her... As far as a response, I thought.

1. I Could say I'm kidding, supplicate up to her and say she's really a 10 out of 10 (not challanging)

2. Or Could go all extream and start telling the kid off (show's defensiveness)

3. Or stick with answer, And show I'm not backing down.. (chose this one)

Me - This boy huh, Well I don't really give an f about what he thinks... He obviously has no standards...

Waited for her to write back

Was this the right way to do this, or did I really mess it up?... My parents think I should of given her a higher number, and that a five is telling here off.. It's funny because most men don't know anything about attraction, and most women don't even know what they want.. So who do you turn to... I'd admire that you were able to pull through all these lies of women, without much help...

Thank you for reading this somewhat long article, hope you can help.

Sincerely,
Z
---------
CARLOS:

Well, I wanted to include this example to show people what it looks like to bust a girl's chops, as well as how you keep up the tension between you and her to a high level.

You did all the right things, and you even rationalized it out (in chick-logic) what the possible responses would be, and what reaction you would get for each.

Bravo!

And with the divorce rate exceeding 50%, and sex-less marriages even higher, do you really want to take advice from your PARENTS?

Come on... Like my old boss used to say, you get your money advice from someone who's RICH, not some fast-talking stockbroker who's barely able to make his car payment.

And here's something else that most guys never realize: If you can't keep her hot and bothered for you by giving her a little challenge and constructive resistance like this, YOU WOULD NEVER GET HER ANY OTHER WAY.

No, she would not want you because you became Mr. Sensitive.

No, she would not suddenly cave in and fall for you because you professed your love to her from the street.

No, she would not suddenly start chasing you if you told her she was the hottest thing since lava.

She'd just lose interest in you, and very rapidly.

A lot of guys turn their back on this Truth about keeping a woman challenged and showing her an Alpha Man the second they don't get instant success. You've heard that saying, "Don't hate the player, hate the game"?

The honest truth is that in this game, it's ALWAYS the player.

And the average frustrated chump loves to blame the game, never the player. And as a result, they never improve. They just keep shrugging their shoulders and saying, "Women! Who understands them?"

Yeah, dude. Go buy yourself another beer to cry in... I'll be back later...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

ALPHA MAN ADVICE:

 
So I am at a club in San Diego with my friends. Well two of them were friends, and one a tag along. Both of the ones I know talk like they have games but didn't talk to ONE girl the whole night, one said something lame but she brushed him off. First I hit on this cute French intern, email closed here because of her saying she had only been here a week and didn't have a phone yet.

Right after that I went outside to go in my car and pick up a couple girls we'd spotted going outside for a break. On the way to my car I saw one of the hottest gals ever, standing out by the street as if waiting for a ride by herself. So I take off my watch and put it in my pocket, walk up and say, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" She tells me. So we get into a little conversation about the club here, where we're from, and how it was boring here. Now here's the part I am unsure about.

Now I know why you suggest taking some self-defense classes in your Alpha Man program. Her crazy boyfriend shows up in a black truck. Gets out and yells at her, "You get in the car!!!" He comes over and shoves me. Takes off his shirt and throws it at me and is like, "You want some of me? Come on put 'em up..."

I was drinking and knew I wouldn't be at my best, nor did I care to get arrested and/or in trouble with the military, especially fighting over a gal I didn't even know! I simply handed his shirt back to him, told him, "You don't want to do this..." Turned my back on him and walked back into the club. Picked up the other gals on the way back in.

Although it didn't bother me at the time, I find it hard to feel confident and Alpha knowing I backed down from a fight like that. What would have been the Alpha Man thing to do about it? Would a woman view me as a wimp for not fighting? How would you have handled the situation? And how do you think I should feel about it?

(Right now it feels bad because I feel like I punked out after I was sober, and think if I let it happen this time, will it always happen like this?)

This is kind of confusing for me, but I am sure you have encountered things like this before. Heck a few months back I wouldn't have even had the BALLS to talk to ANY of these women, let alone the hot French girl, or the one with the boyfriend.

Thank you Carlos for your works. It has so changed my life. Yesterday I had a choice to go back to a girls place who I know wants me now, or to the beach with the other gal I went on a date with who had a bf.

Anyways keep up the good work.
 
-M
***********
CARLOS:

Oh, yeah. This one hits close to home for me.

Why?

I always review these situations in my mind after they play out. I had some nut case on the highway cut me off and then proceed to give me lip at the next intersection. After everything he said, I'd cup my hand to my ear and holler "You want to suck my WHAT? No way!"

That's not how I recommend you handle these things, but that was sure a hell of a lot of fun.

I don't have a short answer to this, but I will say that you did the right thing, even if you feel like you backed down. You really didn't.

You knew you had been drinking, and if you had gotten in a tussle, you wouldn't have been at your best.

There's a saying - Anyone can fight, but only the wise man knows WHEN to fight.

Imagine if this redneck had pulled a knife or a shiv out on you... Imagine if it had gotten bloody because he couldn't control himself.

In the words of the old TV show Kung Fu: Avoid rather than check. Check rather than block. Block rather than hurt. Hurt rather than maim. Maim rather than kill. Kill rather than be killed, for all life is precious and cannot be replaced.


Be careful who you fight and why. As long as you know you didn't back down because you were a wimp, your self-esteem won't take a hit.

But the minute you start second guessing yourself about it, that's when self-doubt creeps in. Cut that off at the knees. Don't let yourself get in the game of post-event analysis. Just learn your lesson and move on - QUICKLY. Don't allow yourself to indulge in unhealthy thinking.

You're making great strides and progress with your Alpha Attitude, and I don't want you to fall victim to that voice of self-doubt again.

And if it makes sense, and you want to mix it up, punch the motherf*&#ers lights out next time.

Women love to have men fight over them. Don't believe that crap they spout when they act all disgusted about it, like we're cavemen. A chick who's in touch with her inner woman likes the competition for her affections.

Just don't be manipulated by her. I suspect that's what this chick was doing by talking to you. She was probably interested, but she knows how to get attention from her man.

Just stay on the Alpha Path.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING ADVICE FOR MEN:

QUESTION:

First thank you for your podcasts, blog and Dating guides.

This weekend I was out with friends putting your advice to work. It
was amazing! I had women throwing their numbers at me. I even had
women I had never met introducing me to friends, relatives, other
women in the bar.

There was one woman in particular, an attractive older woman, who
showed a high interest in me. We had a good exchange, physical
contact and then she told me she definitely had to give me her
number. On receipt of the number I gave the nod and my friends and
I decided to move to the next bar.

I gave her a short kiss and she pulled me in close and whispered in
my ear "I feel it was our destiny to meet tonight. I really want
you to call me."

At first I thought it was great. As I said she was very attractive
and we had a good exchange. But when I was thinking about what she
had said, especially the "destiny" part, I became uneasy and I
began to wonder. Was she looking for more than I want to give? Was
she a bit flaky and clingy?

So now I'm not quite sure what to do. Should I call her and set up
a meet to see if the "destiny" talk was just in the heat of the
moment or forget it and move on?

----------------------------------
CARLOS GIVES YOU A HIGH FIVE:

Dude! That totally rocks.

I'm trying to not be jaded by all the success you guys are having,
but sometimes it's hard. I don't find it as amazing as I once did,
but I try to remember what it was like when I found out there were
specific rules to sparking a woman's feelings of attraction and desire.

Arthur C. Clarke once said, "Any sufficiently advanced technology
is indistinguishable from magic."

That's what it feels like when you use this "Attraction Technology"
to work on a woman.

Though, I'm not sure what you mean by "older woman..." Older than
you?

Older than your dad?

Older than dirt?

Just funning with you, but I need an age range to tell you what her
likely focus is.

I will tell you this, though -

Older women are the BEST in bed. Hands down, they will rock your
world, sonny.

Now MY definition of "older" is a woman in her 30s. Sometimes 40s
if she's kept herself in really good shape.

I wouldn't get too hung up on the "destiny" comment if I were you.
You see, it's very likely that she was responding to the extreme
attraction she felt for you by plugging into those primal programs
she has running around in her romantic little head.

Women are pre-programmed with the Disney Syndrome.

They're all looking to fulfill their image of the "Prince Charming"
ideal. They want the man that comes in and romantically sweeps them
off their feet and they all live happily ever after.

And, inevitably, this Charming mo-fo never arrives. Much to their
disappointment, they usually have to settle for a guy who plays
Starcraft on the weekends and likes watching UFC fights late-night.

When she runs into a guy who uses the stuff I teach you, however,
she feels that SPARK.

She feels that certain something that tells her you're not a dork like the
last ten guys that came over trying to buy their way into her thong.

Call her.

Go out with her. Have fun...

But watch out for more red flags.

Hey, she may have been feeling intense that night.

Or the Cosmopolitans were hitting her hard. Either way.

You've hit on something with your attitude, though.

This is what an Alpha Man is - socially desired.

He knows that it's not the anti-social jerk that gets to have all
the fun (and the women) in life, but the guy who's calm and
confident in his own skin, and can still be liked by others.

The Alpha Man also knows that self-development is the path to a
better life. It all starts with getting educated.

Education leads to understanding. Understanding leads to better
choices. Better choices lead to better results.

And results are ALL that matters when it comes to the game of women.

I can show you the way to better results and success with women,
and it's all in my e-books - THE DATING BLACK BOOK and THE
SEDUCTION METHOD.

The Dating Black Book is for the guy who wants the whole dating
scene explained, and all the inner-workings of the social dynamics.

Get it here

The Seduction Method is for the man who wants to understand the
mechanisms behind a woman's desire to sleep with you. This book
shows you the fastest way to bed with her.

Get it here

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING ADVICE FOR MEN: OBSERVATION

I was at the post office this morning, arranging shipments and business, when I noticed a fairly attractive woman with a young boy in line. Now, I don't think it was her boy (there are certain tell-tale visual cues for this) and I was thinking about saying something to her after I finished at the window.

Then I realized something. I was in Dork Attire. (That's D.A. for short.)

What is Dork attire?

It's when you're wearing something that will either NOT attract a woman, or will repel her.

I realized that I had gone out in my Punisher T-shirt. It's got the skull emblem of the Punisher on the front of it.

Now, while you comic-reading dudes out there know how bad-ass the Punisher is, many people do not.

Especially women.

They would take one look at my t-shirt and go, "ewwww!!"

And rightfully so. It's kind of anti-social to run around with a t-shirt with a skull on it. Even a nice lovey-dovey skull with flowers on it. Or a Grateful Dead skull.

Skulls=BAD

Remember that equation. I will next time.

On the other hand, I have another t-shirt that is only slightly dorky, but it works a lot better. It's got Tintin on it, with Snowy his dog. (If you don't know what Tintin is, I can't help you.)

That one is rather amusing and brings back memories of childhood for a lot of people. And, on the front of this shirt is a little emblem on the left side with Tintin and the word "Adventure" under it.

I liked the message.

Next time, I'll be wearing that one out, or perhaps something more stylish.

The short lesson?

Don't try to make a statement of your dorky interests. Make a statement of presentability.

You'll go much further with the ladies.


Oh, and here's the preliminary results of my poll about where guys meet women:

Question: Where do you go to find women?
Answer %
Parties 18
Bars/Pubs/Clubbing 33
Bookstores 10
Speed Dating 6
Online Dating 30

Looks like clubbing/pubbing and Online are the current favorites.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men