WHAT ABOUT EXTROVERTS?

Dear Carlos,

I'm a huge extrovert. However, just like you can't avoid social situations because of being an introvert, I can't avoid alone time because I'm an extrovert. I need to set aside time for myself to practice my drum, practice my guitar, and do my homework. Once I get alone, however, my energy level quickly drops.

Do you have any solutions that could help me with this?

----------

CARLOS:

This is an interesting situation. You see, I'm an introvert, but a very social one. (Lately I've been wondering if my introversion is only borderline.)

Extroversion simply means that you get your energy by interacting with others.

Sometimes the level of our need to be alone or with others is directly impacted by our experience and our beliefs about other people.

For example, I have found that the more I gain social skills, the more I actually find that I genuinely love being with people, and the more I get energy from the interactions. It isn't so draining.

I think the opposite stands true for extroverts. In order to really appreciate that time alone, you have to gain some intelligence about yourself and your INTRA-personal understanding. (Within yourself.)

I suggest you do some introverted things in public environments. Read in a library, or out in the park.

Now you obviously can't always practice your guitar or drums in public, but you can still find regular time to get things done. Make it a ritual in the morning where you plan the day alone. The more value you feel you get from the time, the more you'll want to spend it.

Remember, we all need a balance of both. It's often our skills in dealing with ourselves (if you're an extrovert) or with others (if you're an introvert) that make the difference in how we feel about it.

We need a balance.

I cover that balance in more detail in the Secrets of the Alpha Man...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

LOSING THAT VIBE:

Carlos, I realized recently a sticking point I have when meeting a girl at a party and such.

At first I feel a little nervous, but push myself to approach and do a good job. Building rapport easy, making them laugh, and getting an awesome vibe. The thing is, when I leave to talk to other people and come back to the girl later in the night, the good vibe I had is gone and she grows a bit more distant.

Is there a reason for this? What can I do about it next time?

--------

CARLOS:

The distance you feel is PERCEPTION. And as a result, you're falling victim to losing your frame. You're letting her attitude change YOUR attitude.

BAD.

Look, the reality is that college girls are about as consistent as the stock market in terms of mood and interest. When you have her buying temperature up, you better do something about it then. Otherwise, she's off to the next shiny object, mixed drink, or dynamic guy, and you have to rebuild from scratch.

You lose her state when she has a chance to disconnect. This is why so many women flake on guys. They don't have any investment in the interaction, so they can flake anytime and not feel like they lost anything.

Make it a point to reconnect regularly, and sink that battleship, Amigo!

If you want the other strategies to help you keep her interested, take a look at this:

The Dating Black Book

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN SHE SAYS...

Carlos,

I wrote recently regarding a girl that I have been dating and intimate with for about 4 weeks. Your reply was comprehensive and right on target. I will be either ordering the Alpha Male CD's or Telephone Conferencing this week as soon as I decide which will be the most helpful.

In the interim I am trying to fine tune my approach with Stacey. I have been confident and cocky with her and am sure that we will continue dating for a while but a part of my game is weak and I know it. I have searched thru the Dating Black Book and the closest thing I find to this conundrum is in testing. Stacey is a blonde and she is nearly a 9 so she is replete with tests and questions.

For example: Saturday night we set down for a few minutes to watch some tv. She ask "Why do you keep all of the lights on in your house and sometimes leave your closet door open?" Would you mind if I turned off the lights and the ceiling fan?" I respond "Stacey, I really wasn't thinking about the lights but I don't mind if you turn them off but the ceiling fan stays on - If you're cold a blanket is in the bedroom".

Carlos, I really didn't care if the lights are on or if my closet door is open or shut. How can I compromise on those types of things that I don't care about (to make her more comfortable) without looking like that I am capitulating - or should I handle this another way. She also asks questions like "so what do you think about joint credit cards?"

For those "qualification" questions would that be the smile and nod without answering approach?

Thanks for your help.

R
----------

CARLOS:

Test questions come up all the time, and they're not usually even consciously tests.

This chick has probably lived her life getting everything she wanted from mommy and daddy because she was the cutest little girl, and when she grew up she found that there was a plethora of guys out there willing to kiss her ass to stand in her shadow.

Your desire to handle these tests correctly is right on the money.

Just remember that all your responses need to say is that you are coming from a strong and powerful reality - which has nothing to do with hers.

In other words, you are acting to suit yourself, to make yourself happy, and anything she wants to do is fine, but you aren't going to let her needs walk all over you.

You have to be able to step back every so often from the big picture and realize that if all she's going to do is try to modify your environment, you aren't going to be happy with her very long. She's going to be incredibly emotionally draining to be around because you'll always have to feel "on your guard." And that's not how a good relationship feels.

A good relationship feels like the other person "gets you" and you are both getting along without having to constantly break a sweat to make it work.

I give you guys the specific actions to take in the hopes that you'll be able to find the congruent attitude to convey it with. When you get success from it, you get the feeling of success, and the right habit is reinforced.

So smile and nod, but be aware that she's likely to keep pushing these buttons over and over. You may keep coming up with the right "answer," but after a while the question gets to be a real pain in the ass.

Ask yourself if she's worth this kind of drain. (?)

And if you want to know more about the mindset of the Alpha Man, take a look at this here:

https://www.alphaconfidence.com

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

AGGRO

What do I do if I am one of those aggressive people whom you have described in the ... audio session? I don't use loud, abusive language to test other people's limits, but rather questions, stares and skewed humor.

I love to test people on their limits, beliefs, attitudes and knowledge all of the time. If they stand their ground, then I only respect them even more. If they don't, then I know that they can be pushed around and are not the best friends and colleagues to be in my social circle.

I always monitor my behavior to make sure that I am not being condescending and insulting. Any tips?

--------
CARLOS:

There's always a gray area between obnoxious behavior and passive behavior, and the art lies in knowing when and how to push the limits.

Testing people isn't aggro. But manipulating and abusing friends is.

Remember that the difference between a nice guy and a good Alpha Man is that the nice guy lets everyone walk all over him, because - ironically - that's what he wants in some sick way.

The Alpha Man is "Nice" but not passively letting people treat him like shit. He gets what HE needs from the interaction. It becomes "win-win."

That's a big difference.

And the "Jerk" or Aggro Guy is aggressively getting ONLY his own way, not caring for the other person's needs at all. No respect.

My rule in life is that people WILL f*ck with you. You can either be the f*ck-ER or the f*ck-EE.

As long as you cause no harm, you're okay.

I test my friends on occasion, too, because I know the same thing that women do:

You can talk to someone for years, but the truth in their character lies in their ACTIONS.

To learn if you're pushing the envelope, or just being the Nice Guy who never gets laid, you need to have a look at the Secrets of the Alpha Man.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

FRIENDS PIT OF HELL:

Hi Carlos,

First, I want to say that the Alpha Man principles I've applied to my life have had a profound change on me. I walk with more confidence, I talk with conviction, and I've been dating more than I ever have. Now, I'm no master, and have yet to finish reading the Dating Black Book, so I know I have much room to grow.

Here's my dilemma: last summer I reconnected with an old friend, one I dated off and on since 1983! We never hooked up as a couple, and in fact I videotaped her wedding for her 14 years ago.

Fast forward to today. Over the holidays we really started seeing each other a lot. We would kiss hello and goodbye, and get real cozy holding hands. She would say things like "I love you" and "I adore you" in our phone conversations. Last weekend she had me over for dinner and we cuddled on the couch afterwards. She offered me her son's room to sleep over, and when she went to kiss me goodnight, I gave it more than usual.

The next morning she asked about it, and said she never thought about us as more than friends.(???) I said "Maybe you should" and she replied "I'll think about it". My question is; how, if at all, can I break out of that "friend" status? We're already doing a lot of things that couples do. Am I just the "stand-in" boyfriend until someone more at tractive comes along?

Thanks,
K
---------
CARLOS:

Tell you what, finish the Dating Black Book, because I talk about this in there.

The friends pit is not worth pursuing. It's the damage zone. You lose face, self-esteem, and confidence trying to pull you and her out of it.

Go meet 10 women, and get to the point of making out with them. I guarantee you that you'll find this one slipping to the back of your head as you eradicate this scarcity frame from your mind.

Start thinking big. Think about the MILLIONS of women you have yet to meet.

Don't go down old roads, no matter how familiar they seem. They still lead to the same place.

And the more desired by other women you are, the more she'll want you.

Trust me...


PS: Yeah, I think you are her "groupie." That's a guy she keeps around until the one she wants to actually sleep with shows up.

PPS: "Think about it" is definitely NOT what you want her doing. You want her FEELING it. Right here, right now, with you. THAT is how attraction is formed. You can leave her with an achy sensation of missing you, and that's the way for her to think about you, but the reality is that she isn't going to rationally decide she wants you. It will happen when she's so turned on she just can't stand the thought of it.

And if you haven't already picked it up, you need to get my Alpha Man Program HERE

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

EVERYBODY'S GOT THE CURE:

Carlos, here's the real secret on picking up gilrs, you dont need a black
book, all you need to do is listen to what they say, respond with something
that actually relates to what they are talking about and give them what they
are missing in their lives, love.

------------------------
CARLOS:

Nice advice, but esoteric. Useless for someone to implement. Men need a roadmap, not someone in a black robe to point to the horizon and tell them to "go that way!"

Everyone's got a 'secret' or a solution that's the 'real' secret. Funny how many of these guys I hear from but who aren't out there spreading that philosophy. (Yes, I realize you're a woman.)

But the reality is that 80-90% of all guys don't really know what they're doing enough to make vague advice like "listen to her" or "give her what she wants" work. I sure as hell didn't until I took some time to come up with a more tangible path.

(By the way, giving her what a woman lacks is not the secret. Everyone lacks, and once we fill that lack with something, we move on to the next lack. Human beings are dissatisfied by nature.)

Listening doesn't make a woman attracted to you. Demonstrating your core of confidence will. And you can't GENUINELY listen without the confidence that I teach.

Don't ignore the reality for the ideal. Are you really doing it? Are you living that life?

Are you telling yourself the Truth about your results?

Most guys are giving to GET. That's why they fail.

Learn the reality of how to grow from the inside out instead of desperately trying to satisfy someone else's desires.

Do you want to learn the right way to give, from the inside out?

https://www.alphaconfidence.com

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Yes, it's finally happened.

I had a wicked, evil hard drive crash over the weekend.

However, being the Alpha Backup Man that I am, I had everything but my email backed up. That is, I have everything back but my email for the last 3 days. Not too shabby.

Let this be a warning to you guys... back it up! I was a systems engineer for many years in the I.T. community, so I know what it's like to wake up with all your data being rat pellets on the floor.

This is a place where you can use the ol' P&P motivation:

Imagine yourself waking up and not being able to open my e-books or get to those important documents... Would you feel a sick sensation in your gut?

If so, use that pain to motivate you to go out and get a simple firewire drive to backup your data.

It's the best piece of mind I've ever bought...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

MESSAGE FROM A WOMAN:

Hi Carlos,

To get the kind-of person you want, you have to become that person too. I can't expect to get a non-smoker if I smoke. I can't expect to get a decent date if I'm not a decent person. If I don't want to date a person that goes to bars, I shouldn't go to bars. If I want a well-dressed professional type, I have to dress that part too. If I want a church-goer, I have to go to church. And the list goes on.

Also, as you know, you have to finally come to a point in your life that you are happy with yourself and being alone and not NEED another person. In other words - a complete and self-reliant person. Then you will have the confidence you need - and which incidently attracts the opposite sex - to be a better partner when that special one finally comes around.

And a lot of physical attraction or chemistry can happen with many people. That doesn't mean that person is a good match for you. Try to look at their character within FIRST and then decide if there is physical attraction there. Watch that girl from afar for awhile first.

That's my two cents from lots of experience. I've finally resigned myself, after years, that maybe I'll be single for the rest of my life. But now I am finally at a point that I love my home and my kids and my pets and my life. Being happily married would just be the icing on the cake. I think I'm finally at the right point with the right focus.

Thanks for listening
-C

----------
CARLOS:


Unfortunately, since most women don't read my books, they don't realize that this is exactly what I talk about in my programs. NEED is something that I abhor.

Desire is your choice. NEED will be your downfall.

Yes, the dilemma of chemistry vs. compatibility is that most people get involved with their feelings FIRST before they figure out if the person is someone they can really get along with, or even really want in their lives.

You say to try to look at their character first, which I wish more people would do. But again, the reality is that most people do NOT. Human nature is that we cannot control who we are attracted to this way. If a guy is a strong, confident Alpha Man (as I coach), then they will inevitably draw women into their world. Abundance will come to you. (As I - thankfully - experience every day.)

I was at the gas station yesterday for a half-hour (long story), while I waited in line with a bunch of beautiful people. An older gentleman who obviously loved his dogs (he wouldn't stop talking about them), a chubby gal with an urge to chat, a handicapped gentleman, and a cute, quiet woman. I tell you these traits because they stood out and illustrated the diversity of the people we meet every day.

Up walks this woman who is, frankly, a bit too skinny, but with a smoking body. Her boobs must have cost a fortune, and she probably LIVES at the gym to keep her ass that firm. But I saw right away through to her personality. She was loud on her cell phone, making sure we all heard about her wonderful life with her new husband, blah blah blah...

"NOTICE ME!" her behavior screamed. And we did, but I saw right through to her character, and that turned me off right away. Sure, she'd be a stellar boink, but her personality would have me screaming for a cyanide pill after ten minutes alone with her. "Pillow talk" here would be me holding the pillow over her face. (Joking...)

But back to the gal writing in:

As we get older, as you must be from reaching these insights, we can learn a bit more self-control over our impulsive jump-in-the-sack attitudes that we had when we were in our younger years.

I do hope that while you have accepted that as a possibility (that you may stay single), you must also keep HOPE alive.

I meet a LOT of jaded and bad-attitude women that have given up. I see this especially with single moms. (Not that you're any of these.)

Their hearts are closed off. They no longer have any hope to try. They won't work to enjoy the fruits of a loving relationship anymore because of the disappointment and heartache they associate with it - the search is too high a cost to pay.

Please don't let that acceptance smother your drive to find a special person. Keep your criteria reasonable, don't settle, but NEVER GIVE UP.

Keep that balance and focus.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

SHE'S PLAYING HIM:

Hi Carlos,

I am always applying the C&F stuff you support, any ways I met this cute girl when I was out with a girl working with me, after a few days I called her telling I will take her out this week end , she said cool.by the week end she cancelled and said she's very busy and stuff like this, when we were talking she said she wanted to go for the game next day and I had tickets so I told her to come with me and she agreed but cancelled after 5 or 6 hours!!.

she said she will call to setup something, this was a week before, she didnt call till today so am I, but today she sent me an invitation THROUGH THE GIRL WORKING WITH ME for a party @ her house next friday!!!, she didnt called to invite me. I think going to the party will be a wussy action, what do you think??

thanks man
A.F
--------------

CARLOS:

You're right on the money. She's a player, or an attention hound. She's not really into you, so she's playing the game of hot and cold so she doesn't have to "lose you" as a friend.

I say you go to the party and meet a ton of new women and watch how this girl will suddenly want you back.

GO to the party, but go on your own terms. Write off this chick, and don't go there expecting to get with her. Instead, use the opportunity to expand your social circle and to PRACTICE.

What do you practice?

All the stuff you should know from my APPROACH WOMEN NOW program, that's what.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

THE NEVERENDING STORY:

First off let me thank you for all the great advice in the past as well as the future. You have helped me to overcome my shyness as well as be more confident around women. Through your teachings I have learned to better understand women and have more success with them.

I have been dating this girl for 2 months, for the most part it has been going pretty good until this last date. As I was taking her home she said " I really like hanging out with you, but I really don't want a boyfriend right now." I was sort of surprised and didn't really know how to respond.

We then proceeded to have a arguement where she told as she has been warning me for awhile that her tax season is beginning as an accountant and she doesn't have extra time and she has some personal issues that she has to deal with. But then she kept throwing in things like "I really like you.", "I really see a long term relationship with you." She said she just needed a break for a few "months" while she figured out some issues and got thru her busy tax season.

I talked to her for awhile and we agreed we both liked each other and I asked her if she wanted to continue, she said ok. I knew things were not good, but I have tried to call her a few times and she never returns my calls. Is this her way of nicely telling me she doesn;t want to see me? Should I back off give her some space and see what she does? Should I try calling her some more? Should I pursue this or not?

N
--------

CARLOS:

She is completely full of shit.

Let me ask you this: If you were REALLY into her, would you let anything get in your way? Not likely.

And women are exactly the same. She’s just trying to not hurt your feelings.

Tax season?

PUH-lease!

Drop her completely until she gets her head on straight. Don’t call her anymore. EVER. She isn’t into you, and the more you attempt contact, the more you’re pushing her away.

Move on, get over her. You've been dumped. Sorry to be so harsh about it, but it's better that you face reality now than become a sad stalker.

People who REALLY are into each other don’t want a break; they want to get it started and keep it going!

And in the future, never TALK about what should be HAPPENING between you. It destroys any se*xual tension – and you need that to develop the relationship you want.

Get my Secrets of the Alpha Man program RIGHT AWAY. It would have saved this relationship for you.

Best of luck...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

GIRL WITH BAD BEHAVIOR:

Hi Carlos,

Great stuff. I always look forward to your newsletters and I recommend your book to everyone I know who has a problem dealing with women (who hasn't at some point?).

Anyways my question is a little different but I'm just totally lost and I need some professional advice. I've started seeing this girl and things are mostly awesome, she's attactive and funny but sometimes she can be immature. She's only a year younger then I am but some of the things she does just makes me shake my head. The thing is she had a thing for me last year we met through a mutual friend but at the time I didn't pursue it much because of how she acted.

I met up with her again a few weeks ago and we started talking again and she seemed completely different so I decided to give it another shot. So we're seeing eachother now and occasionally she'll do little things that make me question if I should stick with her and just when I decide I'm getting a little frustrated she completely redeems herself by doing something great.

My question is should I let her slide or should I talk to her about this and if so what should I say I don't want to insult her but I want to let her know this is bugging me. I like her when she's not acting like some little kid, but when she is she drives me crazy. Any help would be much appreciated,thanks Carlos and keep up the good work.

MR
Canada
--------
CARLOS:


One thing you'll hear me recommend is that you never try to correct a woman's behavior until you're more invested in each other. Early on, she'll just ditch you if she smells that you're not going to take her as-is.

But after you've got a little emotional involvement, you should really consider sitting down and discussing her areas of bad behavior. Not like a dad talking down to her, but as a concerned guy WHO HAS OPTIONS!

This has to be clear to her, because if she wants to stay with you, she'll start to clean up her bratty behavior.

Only you can decide if she's really worth this kind of effort. If she's annoying you now, when you're not really even in a relationship, it could get MUCH more frustrating when you have an emotional stake in the game and might find it tougher to let her go. Anything that annoys you now will not disappear later on its own.

Some girls are just way behind their age and need a few tough tumbles to understand that you can't act like "get-my-way" girl all the time. That saying about women being more mature for their age compared to men isn't always true.

If you believe she's got the capacity to get past this behavior and is showing signs of improving, I think it's a worthwhile risk. But if she's got chronic areas of poor emotional control, you need to be on the watch for them.

And don't forget that my Alpha Man Secrets program will guide you further on this path...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

WHAT IT REALLY MEANS:

Hello Carlos,
I just wanted to tell you that I just finished the e-book Seduction Method thoroughly, and I can say that you're not like other men. You are your own breed who is very worldly educated first class, profoundly understands who men and women really are and life.

I will admit, your book is so damn overloaded with strategies and deep with information. I thought the 306 pages of the book were a waste of unnecessary tips - Man, I was wrong they are very necessary with very well understanding detail and easy to read, and followed with a lot of eastern philosophy.

In our society, the word seduction is very misunderstood word and concept, but when I read the book and listened to your audio programs (I own session 8 & 12) I realized it is good and apart of life. I still think his book should have a different title since you frequently use the term ATTRACTION a lot than I under estimated. All I can say is your resume backs it up. I'm finishing up the bonuses.

C.J.D
New Brunswick, NJ

-----------
CARLOS:

Ah, yes... Seduction is not what people think it is.

It has a very negative connotation, when in fact we are all seducing people all day long. Everywhere you go...

The media seduces you with products...

The news media seduces you with their point of view...

Your friends seduce you to their opinions...

Why not learn how to make seduction a positive force in your life...?

Take a look here:
http://www.seductionmethod.com

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

THE INTERROGATOR:

I've been re-reading the Dating Black Book and I notice how you say if she
brings up past relationships to get off the topic.

Well, the date I was on last night, the one that ended kinda sour, she was
GRILLING me with these questions about love and kids and shit. I did
EVERYTHING I could think of to redirect the conversation since she was so
insistant about past girls I have had, ever been in love, telling me I'd be
good with kids, but it was no use! I didn't ask about her past relationships
once...

She was relentless, man! What can I do the next time this issue arises?

------------
CARLOS:


Either not give in, or end the date. I don't want to hook up with an interrogator. If you make that decision before you get into this kind of situation, you'll have no problem leaving it when you encounter it.

Be relentless right back.

(There's a deeper message here I hope you pick up on, too...)

Why didn't you bust on her for being so damn nosey and rude?

The problem was that you fell into her frame. I'd just sit back and stare at her for a minute while she acted like this, get up, and leave.

Problem solved.

Just because she asks you something doesn't mean you have to answer.

And it sounds to me like the date didn't end sour at all. You avoided an annoying woman.

REFRAME IT.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

SKEPTICAL?

Dear Carlos,

I was very skeptical of your approach, but I have been trying C & F routine recently and it has been working like a charm. An example of C & F happened recently. Women always make comments of my age and how I appear much younger than my age (I'm in my late twenties but appear to be 23-24). Before reading your e-book and listening to the CD's, I would simply laugh or say thank you if a woman said I looked a lot younger than my age.

Recently I was out with my friends and this good-looking woman said the same comment. My response was "come on, I'm not going to fall for a line that. You women just want me for my youthful looks". Then I continued busting on her and left with her e-mail. My friends were all shocked by my exchange with her and my success.

I have a question though Carlos. What if a woman, in the conversation with you, states she does not like a certain type of guy; for example she says she likes tall guys but one happens to be short.

Can you give be a couple of examples of turning a perceived deficit (height, lack of hair, etc) into Cocky and funny responses?

PCS. "Your program is a cure! I just love your prescribed medicine and the side effects (attractions) are awesome"

Thanks a trillion,

R
----------
CARLOS:

In this situation I usually bust on them with reality.

"So you've NEVER dated a short guy? EVER?"

"Well, a few times..."

"So it wasn't really about their being short, was it? It was about having the right attitude?" And I start nodding here.

OR

You can use this to disqualify her...

"You know that's too bad..."

She says: "What? Why?"

"Well, I generally don't judge people by their appearances. I look deeper into what makes them a loving person. I mean, beauty is common. Look around you. What if I said I didn't date women who blink a lot?" (It doesn't matter if she does, let her be a little self-conscious.)

"I'm not sure I can hang with you." Shake your head at her. Don't let her think you're joking OR serious.

Remember: the key to "Handling" women in these (and just about any situation where she's testing your reality) is to come from such a strong and confident frame that what she thinks is really irrelevant.

And if you want to learn the advanced methods of handling the approach with style and power, you need my Approach Women NOW program

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

AN OBSERVATION FROM A FELLOW ALPHA:

Hey Carlos,

How have you been man? Well, as far as I'm concerned, I'm doing pretty well. I just wanted to drop a note to all the guys out there who use your material and give them my perspective and insight into my personal journey. I think a lot of guys could benefit from my personal experience and journey with this stuff.

I have come a long way man, I really have. I started reading Carlos stuff about a year and a half ago. Its really helped changed my perspective and MOST importantly the way I think and feel about myself. After studying this stuff for a year and a half, I absolutely cannot put into words the impact it has had on the way I think about others and myself.

I was one who was always screwing around with techniques trying to find the easy way out, and the part that’s shocking is that I wasn't even aware I was doing this. I finally realized one day that all this stuff really comes down to INNER GAME. I mean I have finally come to a point in my life where I feel I have a COMPLETELY new way of thinking about the world, and about myself and I can't even begin to describe the benefits it has had on my life and my journey with women and dating.

It just feels so great to know that now I have all the self esteem and self confidence to go into battle and I KNOW AND BELIEVE in myself that whatever happens, it really doesn’t matter because I will maintain that positive, upbeat attitude that Carlos stresses so much in his materials.

Rejection? Doesn’t really matter anymore, I know I now have a strong enough sense of self to battle it.

Anxiety? Doesn’t matter either, because I know that everyone has a little anxiety in them when approaching women and I know that afterwards I can deal with it confidently. Its almost as if all my problems have decreased in power SIMULTANEOUSLY!

It’s an amazing feeling and one I have worked on for a year and a half. I use to be very self-conscious around people (including women), and had such a low self-esteem and would always have my head down. Now, just after working on my inner game I feel that I am in a war and have ALL the necessary tools to go into battle.


Bottom Line: Inner Game is a very important aspect of just about everything you want to do in your life. It came to a point when I really didn’t think I could do it and wanted to give up, but as Carlos preaches perseverance was crucial to my success.

I worked on my goals, have a mission (I always say to myself "I'm on a MISSION, and no one is going to stop me"), take care of your appearance, work out, eat right, visualize yourself with that happy, confident feeling.

I realized that all of this has NOTHING to do with women, and after you get to a point when you feel that positive attitude on a consistent basis that you will automatically reap the rewards and you will allow yourself to take the risks necessary to succeed with women. His stuff is probably the best out there and he probably has the hardest job out of most of the gurus because many of the other gurus don’t preach self-esteem as much and focus more on OUTER game.

I realized that Carlos was right all along, it is SO MUCH easier to start with a position of self confidence when going about this stuff and I truly cant thank him enough.

Thanks again, man.

--------

CARLOS:

Wow, I guess the best thing I can say is, you're welcome!

Anyone else want to get on the path to better success with women - and life?

CLICK HERE

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

LIMITING BELIEF:

I am probably not your typical client, since I am in my early forties but have missed a LOT in terms of interactions with women. Therefore my feedback may not be accurate for your typical younger clients.

My ultimate goal when I purchased your CDs was to finally get over the hump and start approaching sets of beautiful women (who are rarely alone) in upscale bars and clubs.

In fact, I have come a long way in becoming comfortable around beautiful women in the past year by reading a lot of other PU material and books on the Internet and working hard on my inner game.

I can talk to beautiful women in situations where I have a real excuse to do it, such as talking to the hottest female sales reps in the female make-up sections in upscale fashion stores.

...I just can't seem to summon the courage to get over the hump and finally approach my first set of HBs in a club. Yet I know that like all my previous limiting beliefs, this one will start to lose its power if I just approach that first set.

As an older guy approaching mature women (late twenties and thirties), I can’t use the openers and gimmicks that may be OK for your very young clients who approach very young girls. Carlos, I assume that you are in your thirties and have approached a lot of mature, intelligent and beautiful women.

Do you have any additional suggestions for a mature man on how to get over the hump and start approaching sets of mature HBs in clubs?

Thank you,

A

---------
CARLOS:


The first step is to stop letting your age be an issue. It’s only an issue because you’re projecting it on the outside world. Courage to approach younger women is no different than the courage you use to approach any other women. It’s all a head game of perception and projected beliefs.

Right now you have a limiting belief that you weren’t aware of: You’re waiting for the first approaches to destroy that limiting belief. The event doesn’t change your thinking; only your thinking does.

Ask yourself: What will REALLY be different after that first approach?

ANSWER: Only one thing - your thinking about it. You're waiting to see it before you believe it.

In the words of Wayne Dyer, you'll see it WHEN you believe it.

You must go in with a strong frame. Let go of any beliefs that you need a reason to approach women.

Give yourself permission to fail.

And then make up your own excuse to talk to the ones that interest you.

Your "real excuse" is just a mental game. It doesn't exist anywhere in the real world except in your head.

I'll give you a big key to the Game:
The best thing you can do is to NOT HESITATE before you approach. That's where 90% of all guys go wrong...

If you think that thinking about it will make it easier, it won't. The mistake is in having to 'summon' courage in the first place. That's starting from a faulty belief system that does not give you the power to overcome your faulty thinking.

And if you want to learn why, you need my Approach Women Now program to help you past this sticking point. I've got exercises and examples galore to get you doing the things you only fear right now....

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING SITES REVEALED:

This just in regarding online dating from USA TODAY:

Care for a date with the suddenly available Brad Pitt or Jennifer Aniston? OK, so maybe that's a little out of reach. How about the next best thing? How about a date with someone who looks like Brad or Jen?

New technology from Fujifilm will let online-dating customers search for people who (in theory, anyway) resemble film stars, sports icons or former flames. And now a company called Traffix plans to use Fujifilm's technology for a free new site, LookalikeFinder.com.

That's just the latest sign of the fierce competition among online-dating sites. Internet-tracking firm Hitwise says the number of dating sites it monitors has reached 836, up from 611 in January 2004. All of those companies are seeking new love potions to court subscribers and nudge them toward pricier commitments.

The industry has grown so fast that Hitwise foresees a shakeout. Already, there are signs the bloom is off the rose. In the past year, the average time spent on dating sites fell from 12 minutes, 1 second to 11 minutes, 36 seconds, Hitwise says. JupiterResearch, a technology research and analysis firm, expects online-dating revenue to slow. Says Mark Brooks, who runs the Online Personals Watch industry site: "I think we're moving into the first stages of maturity."

So companies are trying, like the most desperate bachelor in the bar, to stand out. Those who market love on the Internet are increasingly wooing customers by giving personality and compatibility tests, matching lifestyle preferences and even running criminal background checks on would-be partners. Some sites are offering high-tech extras -- instant messaging, blogging, video profiles and live video chat.

Internet outfits have been flirting with the lovelorn for about a decade now. And why not? There are more than 90 million unattached adults in the USA. And many of them will go to great lengths -- and part with chunks of money -- to find true love.

And here's more exciting knowledge:


A survey released exclusively to USA TODAY by Keynote Systems found that customer satisfaction with dating sites is lower than for online venues as a whole. A key reason: Sixty-one percent of those surveyed said they feared that online daters were misrepresenting themselves (for example, the "bachelor" who's not a bachelor).

Their fears aren't misplaced. More than 30% of those playing the field online admit to being married or living with significant others, Keynote reports. No wonder 45% of respondents express a desire for background checks of other members. (Keynote surveyed 2,000 customers and 2,000 prospective customers of 10 dating sites.)

-------
CARLOS COMMENTS:


From my own personal experience, misrepresentation is definitely rampant. But there are many women who are truthful, too. So while there are a lot of bad apples, they don't ruin the bushel.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Check this article out. I'm always amazed when people find this stuff as a "new" discovery...

I've taken the liberty of highlighting the important parts:

----------

Scientists say that the brain chemistry of infatuation is akin to mental illness—which gives new meaning to "madly in love."


In the Western world we have for centuries concocted poems and stories and plays about the cycles of love, the way it morphs and changes over time, the way passion grabs us by our flung-back throats and then leaves us for something saner. If Dracula—the frail woman, the sensuality of submission—reflects how we understand the passion of early romance, the Flintstones reflects our experiences of long-term love: All is gravel and somewhat silly, the song so familiar you can't stop singing it, and when you do, the emptiness is almost unbearable.

We have relied on stories to explain the complexities of love, tales of jealous gods and arrows. Now, however, these stories—so much a part of every civilization—may be changing as science steps in to explain what we have always felt to be myth, to be magic. For the first time, new research has begun to illuminate where love lies in the brain, the particulars of its chemical components.

Anthropologist Helen Fisher may be the closest we've ever come to having a doyenne of desire. At 60 she exudes a sexy confidence, with corn-colored hair, soft as floss, and a willowy build. A professor at Rutgers University, she lives in New York City, her book-lined apartment near Central Park, with its green trees fluffed out in the summer season, its paths crowded with couples holding hands.

Fisher has devoted much of her career to studying the biochemical pathways of love in all its manifestations: lust, romance, attachment, the way they wax and wane. One leg casually crossed over the other, ice clinking in her glass, she speaks with appealing frankness, discussing the ups and downs of love the way most people talk about real estate. "A woman unconsciously uses orgasms as a way of deciding whether or not a man is good for her. If he's impatient and rough, and she doesn't have the orgasm, she may instinctively feel he's less likely to be a good husband and father. Scientists think the fickle female orgasm may have evolved to help women distinguish Mr. Right from Mr. Wrong."


One of Fisher's central pursuits in the past decade has been looking at love, quite literally, with the aid of an MRI machine. Fisher and her colleagues Arthur Aron and Lucy Brown recruited subjects who had been "madly in love" for an average of seven months. Once inside the MRI machine, subjects were shown two photographs, one neutral, the other of their loved one.

What Fisher saw fascinated her. When each subject looked at his or her loved one, the parts of the brain linked to reward and pleasure—the ventral tegmental area and the caudate nucleus—lit up. What excited Fisher most was not so much finding a location, an address, for love as tracing its specific chemical pathways. Love lights up the caudate nucleus because it is home to a dense spread of receptors for a neurotransmitter called dopamine, which Fisher came to think of as part of our own endogenous love potion. In the right proportions, dopamine creates intense energy, exhilaration, focused attention, and motivation to win rewards. It is why, when you are newly in love, you can stay up all night, watch the sun rise, run a race, ski fast down a slope ordinarily too steep for your skill. Love makes you bold, makes you bright, makes you run real risks, which you sometimes survive, and sometimes you don't.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

THE ONE AND ONLY:

Ok, here's my problem.

There's this girl I talk to a lot. We flirt, we hang out, she loves me (no question shes attracted) and get along great. We laugh and talk about things and have so much fun.

The thing is, she's dating lot's of guys at one time (more than just me alone). Now, this is what bothers me, I know how you ... say it's fine to date more than one person/girl at a time but it bothers me when a girl (or this girl, in this case) does it.

It's like all the time we have together dosen't really mean much, because I'm just another one of her "boy toys" or "flirts" or whatever. It makes me feel I guess *unspecial* to her and like all the naughty boy stuff I put on her she forgets (and it works great and she's extremely turned on when I use it, grabbing my ass and pushing me a lot).

It's like she can choose to be attracted on and off after I leave.

These other guys flock around her and kiss her ass and often take her to very expensive places. I don't know if she does it for the free meals, validation or just to feel like she's in control of men or whatever, but it kind of holds US back I feel.

I just need some guidance here.

Am I overthinking this and maybe she ISN'T as attracted as I think??? Is she just seeking acceptance from a lot of men and is this a big red flag and I should avoid her from now on and move on???

I know she dosen't just want me for sex because, well we haven't had sex yet. She has never had sex before and wants to lose her virginity to a man she loves.

The point just is that I can't tell what's going on and will need some base or mentality frame to start at. Any advice for me???

Thanks,
-M
---------

CARLOS:


This girl sounds really young, that’s my guess.

If she’s dating a lot of guys, she’s distributing her attention, and the attention she gets back. (Which is what you need to be doing!)

Remember, you’ll always be at the mercy of the one that isn’t giving you what you want.

Don’t try to make her go exclusive unless it’s something SHE suggests.

And the only way for her to do that is for her to find you the most desirable. Which is done by BEING the most desirable by dating many women at the same time.

And stop any interactions with her that are “talking,” or “sharing,” or any of that crap. Until she’s ready to isolate you as her one and only, you can’t.

PERIOD.


And, yes, you should watch out for red flags on this one that she might be an “attention whore.” She thrives on the attention for validation, which means ANY man that gives her the validation will be a groupie of hers. (A groupie is a guy who hangs out with her on the chance she might want him. But she will tease him along endlessly instead, gathering free sustenance from him at every chance.)

I ran into one of these women yesterday at the gas station. She had an incredible body (*most of it as fake as a 3-dollar bill), and dressed to show it. She was also loud and obnoxious on her cell phone, making sure that EVERYONE heard about her wonderful life and her new husband.

You can take heart in the fact that these other guys sound like total dweebs and probably lack the strategies you have. But as long as you focus solely on this one, she will elude you.

Oh, and I highly recommend you get my e-books right away. If you’re only reading the newsletter, you’re getting a good amount of advice, but missing the BIG picture.

I suggest you start with the Dating Black Book

Right away. Don’t half-ass this part of your life. You’ll regret it if you do.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men