Haunted

I've been following the steps to overcome my approach anxiety the past 3 months and think I have been doing OK. Granted it took me some time to get going but in the past few weeks I have been approaching women I find attractive and been trying to get numbers.

I have been striking in out in that the one's I am interested in already in a relationship. But I am approaching and am trying to approach 1 more woman each week. However after each "rejection" (use that terms loosley since I really wasn't rejected) I keep thinking about my ex.

We were together for 6 yrs., broke up over Thanksgiving and haven't had contact since. The more I think about it the more I realize I lost 6 years of my life and start to get frustrated/anger/depressed.

I just keep picturing her with someone else and for some reason can't get that out of my head. I keep telling myself from one of your podcasts that I'd rather be alone than with the wrong women and after 3 months I've come to realize she was wrong for me.

I guess I just need a boost but what can I do to overcome this?

B

------------
CARLOS:

I hear you on this, brother. I've been haunted before.

First off, you have to recognize that your neural pathways (AKA, your brain) got conditioned to her. It's not going to pass overnight.

You're haunted.

So you wanna get un-haunted?

B, I have to call them like I see them. I'm a straight shooter, and I have to tell you that you're not REALLY believing what you're telling me about rejection not being rejection. I can hear it in your tone of email. (Yes, I can read between the lines.)

You see, RATIONALLY you know that you shouldn't think of being turned down this way as rejection, but your HEART denies it. You don't believe it because your self-esteem and self-image are pretty poor right now. Lower than a snake's belly.

After 6 years of being bonded with this broad, you gotta find ways to re-validate yourself. No, this isn't some touchy-feely new age notion.

You need to get out there and feel good about NOT having a woman before you're going to feel good enough to get one.

Remember my saying: You're better off single than with the wrong person.

I'd start using that vivid imagination you're currently using to picture her with someone else and start imagining YOURSELF with someone else. You see, you need to get your own thinking under control, amigo.

The most important skill you will ever learn in the area of Dating and Attraction (and maybe life) is how to control your thinking.

ABSOLUTELY.

So it's time for you to start using that imagination to HELP you instead of hurt you.

Who do you blame when you punch yourself in the face?

Do you blame the guy that said "Hey, punch yourself in the face!"

Uh, no.

YOU are the one doing this, so YOU need to take responsibility.

No more excuses.

When those thoughts come up, BREAK THEM. Yell out "Stop!" as loud as you can in your thoughts.

Start taking control of your own thinking.

It's time for you to Get Alpha

NOW.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Will "The Game" bust yours?

Well, I just have a question that I've been pondering for some time. I recently purchased Neil Strauss's "The Game", and I find it to be amazingly fascinating. It has opened my eyes to the world of pickup dramatically and givin me a new outlook on the whole "Game".

My question though is it seems like all the beans have been spilled and it just seems like now that the book is being exposed to the public and the pickup community is getting bigger by day, that all this stuff will be useless after some time. I mean whats your take on this Carlos? And do you think this book is good for the pickup community or not?

P. S - Its amazing the amount of dedication and time Neil spent going after his goal of becoming the best PUA today, I never knew it takes that much hard work to be that good in the game. This book has opened my eyes quite alot.
----------

CARLOS:

Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

In other words, if you think it will be bad, you'll create the evidence (and the reality) that it is, in fact, bad.

If you believe it will be good, it will be good.

What I think will happen is this:

- Some guys will read it and think, "Wow. Great stuff. Now if I could just do this... but wait! Every guy out there is going to be doing this! I'm too late to do this."

And they completely miss the train because they were LOOKING for an excuse to not do anything. These are the guys that don't get much accomplished in their life because they're addicted to their struggle. Adios.

- Some guys will read this and over-use the word-for-word approaches and strategies. BIG MISTAKE. Because some guys already are doing this, and yes they are getting blown out like never before.

And they DESERVE to. Mindlessly reciting lines you read in a book is the hallmark of a lazy mind. At least have the originality to recycle this material into a more original way, something that doesn't sound like what everyone else is using.

- Some guys will read this stuff and have the sense to tailor it to their own style. Because, to answer your question, the principles are the most important part, and they will not change. What works, will work. You'll just have to recycle it and do it more AUTHENTICALLY. (Part of my new R.E.A.L. Game, by the way.)

Look, everyone out there knows that if you eat right and exercise, you will be healthy. You'll lose weight.

It's known, right?

But still, most people don't do it.

Why?

LAZINESS.

I could hand someone the deed to a diamond mine and they'd stay poor because they don't understand how to motivate themselves to unlock this power. They wouldn't be able to find the energy to dig for the diamonds.

Good for the guys that use this information and understand how it works.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

LIMITING BELIEFS

I am probably not your typical client, since I am in my early forties but have missed a LOT in terms of interactions with women. Therefore my feedback may not be accurate for your typical younger clients.

My ultimate goal when I purchased your CDs was to finally get over the hump and start approaching sets of beautiful women (who are rarely alone) in upscale bars and clubs.

In fact, I have come a long way in becoming comfortable around beautiful women in the past year by reading a lot of other PU material and books on the Internet and working hard on my inner game.

I can talk to beautiful women in situations where I have a real excuse to do it, such as talking to the hottest female sales reps in the female make-up sections in upscale fashion stores.

...I just can't seem to summon the courage to get over the hump and finally approach my first set of HBs in a club. Yet I know that like all my previous limiting beliefs, this one will start to lose its power if I just approach that first set.

As an older guy approaching mature women (late twenties and thirties), I can’t use the openers and gimmicks that may be OK for your very young clients who approach very young girls.

Carlos, I assume that you are in your thirties and have approached a lot of mature, intelligent and beautiful women.

Do you have any additional suggestions for a mature man on how to get over the hump and start approaching sets of mature HBs in clubs?

Thank you,

A

---------
CARLOS:


The first step is to stop letting your age be an issue. It’s only an issue because you’re projecting it on the outside world. Courage to approach younger women is no different than the courage you use to approach any other women. It’s all a head game of perception and projected beliefs.

You're imposing yet another limiting belief on yourself. You programmed yourself without any proof or evidence. Guys do this all the time, running imagined scenarios in their heads about what they THINK will happen.

Right now you have a limiting belief that you weren’t aware of: You’re waiting for the first approaches to destroy that limiting belief. The event doesn’t change your thinking; only your thinking does.


Ask yourself: What will REALLY be different after that first approach?

ANSWER: Only one thing - your thinking about it. You're waiting to see it before you believe it.

In the words of Wayne Dyer, you'll see it when you believe it.

You must go in with a strong frame. Let go of any beliefs that you need a reason to approach women.

Give yourself permission to fail.

And then make up your own excuse to talk to the ones that interest you.

Your "real excuse" is just a mental game. It doesn't exist anywhere in the real world except in your head.

I'll give you a big key to the Game:
The best thing you can do is to NOT HESITATE before you approach. That's where 90% of all guys go wrong...

If you think that thinking about it will make it easier, it won't. The mistake is in having to 'summon' courage in the first place. That's starting from a faulty belief system that does not give you the power to overcome your faulty thinking.

And if you want to learn why, you need my Approach Women Now program to help you past this sticking point. I've got exercises and examples galore to get you doing the things you only fear right now....

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Impossible to please...

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a
woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the
entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the
store ONLY ONCE !

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the
shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you may
choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a
floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a
woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband . .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love life.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop- dead good looking
and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!"she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help
with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign
reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 954,363,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that
women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you
exit the building, and have a nice day!

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Stop Crashing the Car!

Carlos,

I have recently bought The Alpha Man CDs and I am very serious about shaking this stench of "Nice Guy" off of me. The strange thing is that last night I was with a gal and I ended up being nice. I just went her way a little too much and I left her house after I complemented her by saying "you look very sexy tonight" and felt this feeling of "yuckness" all the way home. I think I did this because I have been very cocky and funny with her and almost never let her get her way so I was feeling the pressure of the culture thing that says - you had better be nice to the girl".

In an attempt to recover from this "nice" comment - I sent the following text message when I got home. "See I can be nice. You maybe sexy but you are still a brat. Have a good time in Dallas this weekend". She has heard me tease her before about being a brat - so she shouldn't be too shocked by the mail. Anyways, am not so much asking for how to fix this one but for future knowledge. Is there a decent recovery method for slipping into a temporary nice mode.

Robert

----------
CARLOS:

As much as I want to have something nice and gentle and politically correct to say to you, I don't.

Lets put it this way - you're doing good. Awesome in fact. You have the right materials (my Alpha Program) and you're doing good with the basic part.

Now we just have to cure you of your recidivism.

OOH, big word.

That just means slipping back into old bad behaviors.

Let me put it this way...

Let's say you own a car body repair shop. Some dude keeps bringing you his Jeep that's just beat all to shit. Now, as this is your business, you'll keep fixing it for him. No problem.

In fact, every time he brings it to you, he says that he was doing so good keeping it on the road, but eventually, he always manages to run it off the road into a tree. He asks you what he needs to do about it after the fact.

But somewhere along the line, you know that the only thing you can tell him is this:

STOP CRASHING THE DAMN CAR!

There's nothing you can do afterwards. The damage is done.

In fact, if you try to fix it after you've wrecked the vehicle of your Alpha Posture, you'll just make yourself look more like a pussy.

Just stop making the mistake in the first place.

Capisce?

Need another metaphor?

It's like the guy that keeps coming to you for a hangover remedy, and the problem isn't that his head hurts or his belly is quivering like a pound of jello. He wants a cure for his own lack of self-control.

The only cure for it is to TAKE CONTROL OF THE WHEEL.

You steer your car everywhere it goes. The same is true of your life and your interactions with women.

Okay, now that I've given you the lashing with the wet noodle, let's consider that there may be nothing wrong with giving her the occasional compliment. Just don't do it so much that you seem like you're trying to weasel your way into her affections.

Too many guys adhere to some unwritten rule that you can't compliment a woman. Even a pretty woman.

That's crap.

You just have to know HOW to compliment her. The frame you come from makes all the difference in the world.

There's nothing wrong with being "nice," as long as it doesn't compromise your dignity, your confidence, and your sense of self-worth.

Most guys who are trying to be "nice" are manipulative and deceptive. They're not "nice" at all.

If you'd like to learn more about how to get this Alpha Frame, and learn what a Nice Guy really is, take a look at the Alpha Man program.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

More layers of understanding...

I wanted to thank you for the invite to the teleconference this past January. I found it hard to have a question because I'm not into the PUA realm yet.

See, I'm divorced twice with 4 kids in child support. I have my youngest with me on weekends, and my free time is spent at the local boxing gym. My job is a work at home job, and the hours tend to fluctuate. So I really haven't had the time to pursue the PUA lifestyle just yet.

I do spend some time at bars, go-go and such. In fact I have a date with a hot blond Russian tomorrow ( I know the dancers there, my ex-wife was a dancer...French), but for the most part I'm just doing as you suggest; getting my inner game in shape before I try to do anything like open a set on a group. I have had the opportunity to try some tactics, but for the most part, I'm more concerned about me first before them. I'm just methodical that way.

I'm doing ALOT of reading. I'm up to page 177 of the Alpha Man Ebook. I've gone through your cd's a number of times. I'm reading "how to talk to anyone-92 little tricks for big success in relationships" by Leil Lowndes. I have the "48 Laws of Power" to read. There are all these books I got from Mens Health..."Guy Q"..."Powerfood Nutrician Plan"..."10 minute workout"...etc....

I'm gonna order your "dating black book" and I'm intrigued by your "How to Approach Women" thing you're advertising.

My favorite thing about your ebooks is the completeness of philosophy, which is right up my alley. I always love to read a good quote, or anecdote. They just resonate. I never knew so much about yin/yang. This is a symbol I have tattooed in my Tribal Phoenix tatt (hence my nickname), I've always adhered to the philosophy, but never had it explained. Thanx.

Anyway, I'm here to just check in and let you know that you are my PUA sensei, and I look forward to adding more layers. What little I've done is working wonders.

Thanx Carlos,
~T
--------------

CARLOS:

Ah, yes... I know it seems like this is just an ego post for me, but there's actually a few things I wanted to point out that other guys should note:

1) This guy is on a path of self-development.

He's working hard to make himself the kind of man that women will want, and that's important. Not to sacrifice your identity in some dysfunctional way, but to make the most of yourself and recognize that change may be uncomfortable, but it's necessary.

2) Even though his schedule isn't the most accommodating, he's still working at creating the lifestyle he wants.

He's not letting the easy excuses stop him from creating this lifestyle. Nor is he letting the fact that he's got kids stop him.

This is what I mean when I say you've got to be relentless about this stuff. Life will give you more than enough opportunity to cop out with some lame excuse about why this 'isn't you' or you 'can't do this.'

Excuses are a dime a dozen.

Alpha Men are one in a million.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Impulse Overdrive

THAT'S THE WAY, UH-HUH UH-HUH, I LIKE IT...

You know Carlos sometimes I feel individuals like yourself aren't given the appreciation they deserve. Maybe one day some one will leave you a small fortune. In my opinion you would deserve it. I'm not trying to say that to get on your good side, I'm frankly just being honest.

You know how it felt back in the day to be a Beta. And how hard it was to cope with things. Seeing all these beautiful women and watching all the guys who didn't deserve them end up getting them. Feeling lonely and depressed as if feeling like you could never escape from the cycle.

It's like every missed opportunity fueled your anger towards your depression...until it got worse and worse. Feeling like every step you took was like in reality taking two steps back.

And then you started saying the hell with this. You started trying different things and taking more risks. Learning different ideas and concepts and applying them to real life scenarios. Taking notes on what worked and what didn't. But most of all what I envy about you is your ability to SHARE the WEALTH so to speak.

Your generosity has broadened the horizons for all the men out there who felt like they never had a chance. And you are right we are EXTREMELY fortunate people in this day and age. Technology has simplified everything now a days. I feel sorry for all the people living in these 3rd world countries. They don't even see HALF the life we live...yet even live half as long as we do.

And instead of individuals actually trying to make a difference we try and satisfy our own self-gratification. The media has brain washed us into believe we always need MORE and to NEVER be satisfied.

People want what they can't have. TRUE people learn how to be satisfied with what they have. They don't take things for granted. They stand up for what they believe in. And they show respect towards their possessions and others.

Something that I have learned that I believe most guys over look is the ability to act upon impulse. Women LOVE that.

Once I was walking back from the beach, and I cut through a motel to get back to my condo. While I was walking by the pool of this motel I saw two women laying out. They obviously noticed me and as I was walking by they started laughing. So I of course immediately did the opposite of what they thought I was going to do and I broke away from my walking path and walked right up to them smiling and just started a casual conversation with them.

Got a few laughs and then broke away and said maybe I'd see them later. To put it this way a day or two later we all got well acquainted.

---------

CARLOS:


It's hard to find a person who is satisfied with what they have. We're hard-wired as human animals to want MORE. It's what has created the technology and society around us today, that drive to improve and create and innovate.

Without that drive, I wouldn't have put all this stuff together for you guys. I wouldn't have felt so passionate about getting this information spread to more people.

Good job with the ladies by the pool, by the way. I had a vision of "Ferris Bueller" there with you walking up and introducing yourself.

In reality, what you did is all a woman wants. A spontaneous, natural conversation.

Not a guy who's worried all the time whether he's doing or saying the right thing, or afraid of being a "jerk." The fact that you are afraid of it says that you're not likely to become one.

The true Jerk doesn't give it a second thought. He thinks he's a nice guy!

The impulse thing is an important drive as well.

Guys should own up to their instincts, which are actually leading them in the right way. The reason you can't take your eyes off that brown-eyed lass is because your biology is wired to send you after her.

So go get her!

Oh, and until someone does leave me that small fortune, why don't you all take a look at this program ... it's the latest and greatest to help you overcome your fear of approaching and talking to women...

Approach Women - NOW!

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

HYPER-AWARE

Carlos,

I have read your material and have had a lot of success. However, tonight I think I regressed from cocky to wussy and I am trying to assess the damages and manifest a new plan.

To make this as short as possible I have been dating a girl for a month. I saw her Saturday night and things went very well. Today, I wanted to break our communication pattern and do something different.

Normally, I would spend the weekend with her and call on the Wednesday or Thursday after that to arrange the next meeting. The plan was to drive to her town call her up and invite her for a spontaneous trip for ice cream and I also wanted to return a book that she had been reading that she had left in my car and also give to her a book which I purchased a couple of weeks ago as a gift.

I called when I was in town but she was just going to work at her night time job. I played cocky and funny on the phone and created a reason for being in town and then I mentioned that if I had the chance I would bring her books by work. An hour later I walked in handed her the books said "Don't work to hard - have a good night" and left. That simple. I was there 4 seconds but I am daunted about this having that wuss, needy stink. Yuck.

Just for a little more insight she often talks about a future with me and had mentioned before that it would be okay if I stopped by her workplace sometime so I felt somewhat comfortable taking this action.

I thought she might write an email later saying thanks but I haven't heard from her. So, Carlos - are you cringing?

My question for you is this. Is there ever a time when something like this is acceptable or is it always in the wuss category? and any advice on how I can turn this back around?

- J

____________________

CARLOS:


The only mistakes I can see here are in your thinking. Your actions would work if they were coming from the right belief system.

Right now you're making the mistake of being a try-hard. This is the guy that's DOING things to get a certain result.

That's too outcome-dependent. You're needing a certain result and worried constantly about the appropriateness of everything you're doing.

When you do something to NEED a response, you are putting yourself out of your natural ALPHA behavior.

When you do something because you want to do it, and you are not out-of-control trying to get a response, you are acting from your Alpha desires.

The big thing that will get you here is taking every action too seriously, as if everything you do has to be some pre-planned strategy to get things to "work right."

Ironically, even though the strategies and tactics I teach work like a charm, you can be guilty of being TOO self-aware.

Meaning that you can be way too focused on "not doing the right things" instead of just doing as much of the right things as you can.

When you realize that there are so many things going on, you become hyper-attentive to details, and those details don't really make or break your game. It's your confidence going in.

Here's a few bits of advice:

1) Drop your emotional attachment to a particular result. The best thing you can do is to be as detached as you can. Imagine yourself as an observer from across the room, coldly analyzing your performance.

2) You always do the best that you can do. Even if you THINK you could have done better or different. You must learn to let go of your retro-analysis. That's just focusing you on failure.

3) Set your goals on moving FORWARD to what you want. If you don't get it, learn from what you did, and then apply the learning and experience to the NEXT woman. Don't get caught up in the process of salvaging every effort. That's scarcity thinking.

4) Work keenly on improving your self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-image. These three elements will take care of 1000 other small things you may think you're doing incorrectly. Small behaviors are taken care of by getting the BIG attitude.

And if you want to learn how to increase your own self-confidence, self-esteem, and overall self-image, you need to take a look at the Secrets of the Alpha Man program.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING MYTHS

Here's an interesting list of dating myths. Somewhat funny, but some of these are pretty insightful.

DATING MYTHS

Bit of blarney #1: There’s no such thing as love at first sight.

Reality: Actually, there is... but interestingly, it happens more often for men than for women. “Men can fall in love instantaneously when they lay eyes on someone attractive because they’re so visual,” says Dr. Helen Fisher, a noted anthropologist at Rutgers University and author of Why We Love. Women, on the other hand, are biologically programmed to “fall” differently: Since women aren’t as visual, they’re slower to feel smitten. “Women at least have to talk to the person!” she says.

Bit of blarney #2: Men should always pay for a first date.

Reality: If a woman invites you, you are her guest and she pays. “Stop the diving-for-the-wallet dance,” says etiquette expert Gloria Starr. “The person who asks is the person who pays. Women can and should plan dates.” But Starr cautions against going Dutch from square one—let one person or the other pay. She says that dividing the check is a bad way to begin a new relationship, because it sends a message that neither one of you is investing in the bond.

Bit of blarney #3: Single women rearrange their schedule to see a guy they like.

Reality: “In a study of hundreds of Americans, we found that men were more likely to change their patterns and habits to be available for women,” says Dr. Fisher. So, if a man is interested in a woman, he might actually be the one waiting by the phone or obsessively checking his email so that he can redo his schedule to see his sweetie.

Bit of blarney #4: If a guy doesn’t immediately show his interest, he doesn’t really like you.

Reality: Actually, the reverse is more likely to be true. If a guy likes you and doesn’t want to mess things up, he’s more likely to move slowly. “Some of the worst dating disasters I’ve heard of involve men who dazzle with their insistence that you’re ‘The One’ right after they meet you,” says Dalma Heyn, therapist and author of Drama Kings: The Men Who Drive Strong Women Crazy. “You feel flattered and thrilled, get intimate, and then he’s gone! He only wanted to woo you, not win you.”

Bit of blarney #5: Play hard-to-get to land a man.

Reality: This belief usually goes hand-in-hand with some others, like a woman should never call a man, always pretend to be busy, and never say yes to a date unless it’s far in advance, right? Wrong. When it comes to dating, there are no hard-and-fast rules to follow,” says Joni Mantell, a psychotherapist and love coach who practices in New York and New Jersey. Yes, hard-to-get can be a quality that confident people possess—confident people are more discerning. “But fake confidence or toughness creates distance,” cautions Mantell. Develop confidence and your own rules, and the right partner will get you, difficult or not!

Bit of blarney #6: It’s always a mistake to date someone at work.

Reality: “It often works, if you are smart about it,” says Ronna Lichtenberg, author of Pitch Like a Girl: How A Woman Can Be Herself And Still Succeed. Lichtenberg suggests some ground rules: Don't date more than one person interoffice, and only go for it when the chemistry is definitely there—i.e., do not use your cubicle as a regular pick-up joint. Of course, you should stick to common sense and corporate rules regarding boss-subordinate dating. Make sure you both agree beforehand on what you’ll tell your coworkers. Finally, Lichtenberg advises, “Don’t do it if you are prone to bad break-ups. And don’t lie—you know if you are.”

Bit of blarney #7: Sex is just an animal urge for men.

Reality: Actually, Dr. Fisher says that men tend to regard sex as more intimate than women. “It’s easier for a woman to find someone to have sex with her if she wants it,” she says. “For women, sex is a real gift to men. Men have to do the courting, so when they get sex, they feel a closeness because they’ve ‘earned’ it,” says Dr. Fisher. Too bad that doesn’t always extend to the post-coital cuddle!

Bit of blarney #8: Women can’t deal when a relationship ends.

Reality: Studies show that three out of four people who become extremely upset and take drastic measures post-break-up are men. Says Dr. Fisher, “It’s a myth that women take break-ups harder!” Sure, women are bummed (enter weepy movie marathons and Chubby Hubby), but since more guys are raised without the tools to deal with their feelings, they tend to be the ones who actually flip out after a bad break-up. Lesson learned? Toss a pint of ice cream to your guy friends who are mourning a break-up, too.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

"What's it like to be a stripper, mommy?"

Here's a great MP3 with all you need to know about the life of a stripper...

http://www.sexwithemily.com/audio/sexwithemily_episode16.mp3


Pay particular attention to her comments about the guys she chooses and why...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

SUCCESS STORY

Here's a little story for you guys out there who want to know about another guy's experience and how he overcame it.

The ESP trick he talks about is to ask a girl to think of a number from 1 to 10. Most of the time, she's thinking of 7. Try it out sometime.

--------------------

Carlos,

I wanted to relate a story. I literally just started listening to your podcast this past week end; 12 Mar 06... I purchased one of your products, The Dating Black Book.

As a point of reference, I have only been learning about Seduction/Attraction for a little more than a month now. I just stumbled upon the topic at iTunes and soon began absorbing the information like a sponge.

The part that has interested me is the insights into the female psyche. I've never had a problem approaching women or showing value. "Cocky Funny" comes naturally to me and I have a relatively high IQ. Not trying to boast, it is simply the truth. You don't do what I do and work for whom I work without being tested along the way!

But, I fall prey to the 'One-itis' bug every time. In fact, I've worn the fact that I'm a one woman man as a badge of courage and honor. I literally would tell a woman that I am always exclusive with women. I've never felt the need or seen the sense in dating multiple women. My reasoning for this is that I like to make a deeper connection with fewer people in all my relationships. It's an energy thing that I'm certain you understand.

That's the background. Now the situation. Late last year I met a woman when I wasn't even looking. With my new knowledge I think she probably seduced me. However it was not all that it seemed. She had a boyfriend in a long distance relationship. He is a D.I. in San Diego for the Marines. She and I are here in the midwest. We strike it up and I indicate interest very strongly. She's a little reserved and over time I understand the source of her reservations to be; she doesn't trust easily as she has been hurt badly, she's not sure about her relationship with the Marine, but won't cheat on him, wants to take it slow, be friends first, etc.

Of course, all this makes perfect sense to the unenlightened me and I buy it hook line and sinker. Over the course of a few months we do make a certain emotional connection and she an I speak to each other daily. She tells me over Christmas that she's going out to San Diego over New Years for graduation of one of his classes; that he's been
alluding to the idea that he wants to ask her to marry him. She tells me that she won't do it. I'm skeptical, but will wait and see. She actually calls me from San Diego to tell check on me and tell me that she's turned him down.

During her absence, I find a blog for the dearly departed in the name of her father who passed last year. In it, I find a post from her mother oestensibly to her deceased father telling him that my love interest is intending to marry the Marine. Wow! Without revealing how I know this I confront her with it when she returns.
She to this minute denies that she is getting married.

Now here's where your help comes in. First, I've been so intrigued by this new information for the last month that I'm actually in
various stages of attraction with 5 other women. All of this began prior to me learning of the impending nuptials as I had recognized that I was in a position of weakness with this woman.

Now, I'm listening to you and reading the Q&A that comes with the Platinum
program. In it you address the all to common question of how to I get her back. The answer being you don't with the remote exception possibility of if one is willing to loose a friend to gain a lover.

Well I don't want to gain a lover as there is no future with a liar. But I would like to get some of my dignity back. So, without malicious intent, I broke it off with her after I confronted her. And relying on the principle that women want what they can't have waited for the phone call. It came a week later. She inquired as to whether I had sent her flowers anonymously for her birthday. It was a bogus pretext for the call on many levels. But I had my affirmation. Funny thing all my juices were flowing then and they were driving me to try to hook up with her again. But I resisted and went to a strip club to practice my game. I had a great time with two girls at the same time. I number closed one of them.

I did many of my own little 'cocky funny' things, goofy stuff, and threw in some stupid little mind teaser tricks to add value. In the past I would not have done that last thing. I would have simply looked for her to be a good conversationalist. Lazy, I know. But the best was how easy some of the stuff from the game was to pull off. I did the infantile ESP pick a number from 1 to 10 thing. One of the two girls literally went reeling across the room during a lap dance when I guessed her number so fast she had barely had time to think of it. I did it to the other girl too an she was shocked. I know I am such a neophyte at the game, but the little bits that I know are all so much fun. Simply because they are showing me a side of women that I never knew existed.

I'm such a left brain analytical thinker, none of this was even conceivable to me. Everything had to fit a linear pattern or it didn't exist for me. Well after 3 marriage in the dust bin of history for me, I'm finally learning a little about women. Thank you and all the others in the community for helping to level the playing field. I am certain that I will be a loyal and dedicated student. I'm having too much fun.

G

PS... I haven't thought about the lying girl or felt any emotion for her since about 21:00 last night. Amazing how powerful this stuff is at reestablishing self-confidence.
----------

CARLOS:


Amen to that, brother!

It's truly an eye-opening experience to find out how the social marketplace REALLY works out there. And it's incredibly empowering to learn that these strategies can give you a sense of power again over your own life.

Guys want and need choices and options. When we feel like we have no choice, we get frustrated and lose our cool.

Dating and Attraction is all about that. What I teach is all about that.

Giving men back their sense of power and confidence with women.

And giving them OPTIONS.

Here's a great place to get some options for yourself:

ALPHA MAN

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

ANOTHER MISTAKE YOU CAN AVOID:

I have a really good question that I am curious about how you would suggest approaching it.

What if she complains 'you don't say you love me' ?

While this is a simple question, there are several potentially different case scenarios here:

1) She confessed her love to you once or twice, then she pops the question above.

2) She has confessed her love multiple times (and you are interested in her), and somehow begins to feel insecure about your own feelings. I realize you could brush it off with humor but if things begin to get serious for her due to her uncertainty, she may just shrug and say “no, really, I never know how YOU feel about this.” how do you respond?

I want to emphasize that the whole idea here is to keep things under control WITHOUT upsetting her. What do you do to keep the attraction WITHOUT hurting her feelings (especially in light of the fact that the longer you brush off answering this, the more serious it is going to get for her in terms of her uncertainty about your feelings.)

Another case scenario (less heavy than the earlier) is she told you several times she liked you, and then asks you if you like her. What do you say?


Last scenario: she told you several times she liked you, and then she says “you never say that you like me”. Etc etc. How do you answer this?

Looking forward for your answer

E.
----------

CARLOS:


My big concern here is why you feel you need to keep things "under control," and then why you think you need to avoid upsetting her?

Both are mistakes.

First off, my initial question is how much of what you gave me in "scenarios" actually came to pass. (?) Guys (but even more so, women) are notorious for thinking up scenarios in their heads and not having any basis in reality. Rather than go for reality, we'd rather "figure it all out" in our heads.

Human interaction is organic, and very spotty at best. You can NEVER predict with any certain accuracy what a person will really do when you talk to them, so you must develop these skills in REAL LIVE SITUATIONS WITH WOMEN.

You'd think that was obvious by now, but so many people are in the "protect myself" mode of thinking that they fail to see that this actually protects them from experiencing real interaction with other people.

As I said, one big mistake is trying to NOT upset her. That's a pussy response, if you want to know the truth. If you walk around on egg shells all the time around her, you'll only wind up with her thinking you're a supplicating dork. Don't do it.

She's probably not going to dump you for saying how you feel TOO LITTLE, but you can damn well be sure she WILL dump you for saying it TOO MUCH. Like you NEED her to feel a certain way back.

She's only asking you so that she can get some reassurance from you about your feelings. She's feeling insecure and wants your feedback to feel safe about staying with the relationship.

So don't hold back out of some artificial need to control her. You'll never be able to.

The problem is not in her asking you, but in your need to seek a response (or give a response) which maintains some kind of illusion of control or power over her.

A real Alpha Man would act from his own desires (not his insecurities or neediness) and do the best he could to answer her question truthfully.

If it was too early, I'd say it was too early, no matter how much I was pressured to answer.

If it was the right time, I'd tell her what I felt for that time.

First ask whether or not you have feelings for her...

... then figure out why you need to hide the answer.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

BEWARE THE GAME:It appears that women are getti...

BEWARE THE GAME:

It appears that women are getting smart to "The Game" and those who use blind techniques. As you guys know, I always give you the mechanics so that you can re-engineer these things and not feel like some turkey spouting lines.


Just remember, after all the hubbub is over, all this stuff still works. Don't think that it was a "fad" that has had its time.


Women want Alpha Men in all their forms.

The sad thing is that most guys will try to use this as an excuse to remain AFCs. But then again, they were always going to find an excuse not to change, weren't they?


Read this article:



http://www.gawker.com/news/nick-sylvester/finding-the-lost-nick-sylvester-cover-story-158674.php

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Help!

Well, it had to happen.... the world is, admittedly, a negative place. The only people you ever hear from, usually, are the critics. They nay-sayers.

The Negs.

You never hear from the people who like what you're doing nearly as much as those that want to criticize. I'm reminded of a saying:

Those who have given up on their dreams will do their best to discourage you from your own.


Oh, so true.

So here's what you guys can do to get the positive word out there ...

I want some of you to got to the iTunes music store and post your (true) positive comments about my free podcast that I do each week. It would help me increase my ratings, and also get other guys hearing the podcast who need to recover from their wimpy ways.

Just go to the iTunes podcast section, and click the arrow next to the "Podcast Directory" at the bottom. When you get to the podcast section, type in "Dating" in the search box on the left, and select "Search Podcast Titles."

Click on the arrow in the title for my podcast, and then click write a review at the site.

Thanks!

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMM...

Hi everyone...

First I would like to admit that I am here living in Dubai, United Arab Emirates and all of your details I read is really helpfull and changed everything in dealing with women... Now I have a lot of contacts...

Second, I have a question for all of you... UAE is full of traffic signals.... So imagine you stopped in a traffic signal and looking through the window and saw a lovely cute lady....

So you smile and she smiles back.... there is a beginning attraction.... talked and as soon as she is giving me the number the signal went green and we had to move...

My question is in order to avoid situations like this what is the best way to talk and take the number very quickly?? You can't just smile and then ask her for the number? right?

---------------

CARLOS:

As always, I know that these principles work all over the world, because they're based in the simple skill of social networking and widening your social life.

The more options you have, the more likely you are to come out ahead and get what it is you want.

I'm not sure this question is coming from the right standpoint, however.

Allow me to explain...

What would an Alpha Man do?

Would he hear the protesting honks of the people behind him (social pressure) and give in?

Or would he rule his own world?

I think the latter.

Your question is what do you do in this situation.

How about pull over and talk to her...

?

Crazy, I know.

If you'd like to learn how the Alpha Man thinks, and how he gets women to invite themselves into his life... Read about it HERE:
Secrets of the Alpha Man

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

SOLO BARFLIES:

Hi Carlos.

I really enjoy your audio/ebooks/podcasts. I found out why my relationship fell apart and have been practicing your alpha seduction methods.

I have a question for you: along the lines of the bar scene how do you think women feel about men who go to these bars by themselves. Most of my friends are in relationships and hardly get out anymore.

I try approaching at other places other than the bar scene but I still enjoy it. I just feel women's defense mechanisms would be on high alert being approached by someone who is by themselves. Keep up the good work.

- B
--------

CARLOS:

Remember, the only difference that's really going on is that you're projecting your fears on the women.

You THINK they think this, but they really don't care. As long as YOU don't care.

Get it?

If you go in with the belief that they think you're creepy for being the solo dude and that they'll raise defenses to this, well ... they will.

If you go in with the belief that you've got something awesome to present them with (YOU), and that they'll totally dig you ... they will.

It's all in the state of mind.

As for how you present yourself, how about this: "You know I was going to meet up with some friends tonight, but I thought I'd stop by here and make some new acquaintances. What's your name?"

Simple.

Effective.

All you have to do is deliver it with conviction and belief.

And I've got more methods to approach solo in my APPROACH WOMEN NOW program...

Get it here...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Seminar Begins....

For all of you lucky enough to be here for our Alpha Immersion Seminar, welcome!

For everyone else, you'll just have to hang tight until after the weekend for any posts or newsletters...


I'll give you a recap after it's all over.

This is going to be a near-life experience ...


- Carlos

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

New Audio Coaching available!

The latest session of the Advanced Audio Coaching is now available... Session 30!

Take a look at the information PACKED into this month's session:

* THE APPROACH - How to "switch on" the right mode for approaching women with the most success, Turning yourself into an "approach machine", Understanding your pain threshold, Using the Lottery Winner mentality, Keeping motivation and inertia going, What negative approach frames are, how to motivate yourself from failure, and more ...

* THE APPROACH - PT. II - The approach mindset to hold for a lifetime, Field example of the "art chicks," How to break down the insecure barriers, and more ...

* CARLOS XUMA'S CONCEPTS PT. I - The Alpha Man Model and qualities, sensitive men, The Three S's and what they mean to you, Pain and Pleasure as a motivator, Inner and outer game, frame control explained, The Jeet Kune Do of pickup - No Style, How to adapt to your personality, Upward and Downward spirals, Attitudes of an Alpha Man, and more...

* CARLOS XUMA'S CONCEPTS - PT. II - Success Strategies for the Alpha Man, Time management, goal setting, planning, How to use lifestyle modeling, Multiple streams of female income, Time value of relationships, What your emotional capital is and how to keep reserves, Scarcity and Abundance - how they impact your game, How to short circuit chasing and insecurity, How to manage your thinking, How to motivate yourself the right way, The cure for approach anxiety, How to use direct and indirect correctly, The ultimate state of success with women, The primary elements of Storytelling, and more ...

* THE MENTAL TRAP OF IDLE TIME - Time to Dwell Syndrome, and how it ruins your dating, How infatuation works, and how to avoid getting stuck in it, Mistakes guys make that push them to obsession, What gives a woman comfort to move forward with you, The "Thoughtful" mistake, Dating more than one woman, How to be "easy to be around," The curling concept, The cure for depression, and more...

* HANDLING FLAKES - The updated strategy on how to handle women who flake on you, what you must NOT do, How to use the principle of aversion conditioning, How to use detachment, the flake-handling tactics, Why she flakes, how to turn it around, and more ...

* FAST LEARNER SYNDROME - Why you start to mess up when things are going good, The importance of establishing a good foundation,What you need to practice to keep your game tight, and more ...

* SELF-CONFIDENCE STRATEGIES - How to recognize the effects of low self confidence, Handling frustration and anger, What confidence is NOT and why appearances are misleading, The 6 laws of self-confidence and self-esteem, What to do to raise your self-confidence, What you don't know about other people's self confidence, and more ...


Not only do you get the 126+ minutes of Session 30 when you subscribe, but you also get these bonuses:

1) Access to the Alpha Man Power Forum with hundreds of tips, posts, and advice you can discuss with other Alpha Men

2) SIX additional HOURS of Carlos Xuma's first podcasts

3) A monthly bonus e-book

4) Monthly bonuses of Dating Advice Teleconference calls with exclusive Q&A from Carlos Xuma


And if you order right now, I'll also throw in ANOTHER BONUS -
Last month's audio (another 119 minutes)...

Check it out:
ADVANCED AUDIO COACHING

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men