Friday, February 29, 2008

Are you worried?

Industry maven Dan Kennedy says in a recent article:

"We cannot allow the worry of distractions to become the bigger distraction than the distractions."

Brief side note: old mentor of mine's statement: "Worriers (and spellers) can be hired for minimum wage." A lot of people waste a lot of time and energy worrying about what others think of them – which is actually the combo of ego amok and low self-esteem. Or worrying about problems that might arise – which is only useful in context of strategic planning and proactive prevention.
______________________
CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

This is an important lesson to you when you're out there trying to talk to women and get this part of your life under your control.

Worrying is the most USELESS mental effort you can expend.

It accomplishes NOTHING. Usually worry immobilizes us so much that we even fail to PREPARE when we know there is a chance of the thing we're worrying about coming true.

And re-read Dan Kennedy's statement once more:

A lot of people waste a lot of time and energy worrying about what others think of them – which is actually the combo of ego amok and low self-esteem.

Very very true. Amazingly we can be both egotistical AND insecure at the exact same time.

If you're in this mindset when you're talking to a woman, you're not only ensuring that your conversation will not arouse her interest, you're also going to emotionally condition and cripple yourself in future interactions, because you'll be practicing the fine art of MESSING with your own head.

The best state to be in with women is worry-free, relaxed, and independent of her judgement and evaluation.

Remember: No woman can judge you! They're not qualified for this job.

Only you are.

Get busy...

- CX

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, February 28, 2008

News Flash - Carlos appearing live tonight in San Francisco

NEWS FLASH

From Lance Mason of Pickup 101:

I announced yesterday that we'd be having a Bonus Session for Real World
Rapport this Thursday night (February 28th). But, what I didn't announce
was the speakers who would be presenting.

Well, we've got the schedule complete, and this Thursday, I'm bringing three
true masters of PickUp, Dating, and Life... to you! Who will be there?

Carlos Xuma - Bay Area local and founder of Alpha Lifestyle. He will be
leading participants through real-world transformations live on stage.

Sean Stephenson - One of the most amazing leaders in self-improvement.
He's been featured on David DeAngelo's products, as well as CBS, and well,
even... the floor of the senate!

J-Dog - from VH1's "The PickUp Artist". He used to be a housemate at
Project San Francisco, but actually hasn't been back to SF in almost three
years! Get the best tips on opening and first impressions from one of the
most famous PickUp Artists around.

Two of these guys are flying in just for this, and may not be back around
here for a while. So, this is your chance...

Three Masters in Three hours for only Thirty bucks!

Sign up now:
http://PickUp101.com/bonusrapportsession

I don't even know what will happen with this incredible team in the room, so
you better be there to find out.

You're Friend,
Lance Mason

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Approach Women Video Contest

Watch this video... See how many mistakes you can see him make, and then send me your list of errors HERE...

I'll be giving the winner of the contest a nice gift from my programs.

(Yes, it's staged, but I want you to see past the act and into the reality that a lot of guys do this stuff...)

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Getting Freaky At The Beach...

Hi Carlos,

I was thinking that beach season is coming up, and I'd like to know how to approach, talk to, and pick up women there. I read in a book once that on the beach, the best thing to do is to go up to women who are sunbathing and ask them if you can apply suntan lotion on them. From there, apparently, a conversation can begin. The book said that most women will say yes.

To me, it seems slightly unbelievable that a woman in a bikini on the beach would alllow some guy she doesn't even know to just walk up to her, and start rubbing lotion on her.

What do you think of this approach? Would it be appropriate at this venue and effective? I know that touching a woman this soon would be bad in most circumstances, but I'm thinking the rules may be different on the beach.

If this is bad and liable to just get me shot down, can you recommend a good way to engage women and start the interaction on the beach?

Thanks.
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Uh, that's totally weird. Don't even think of walking up to a woman on the beach and asking to put lotion on her. You'd get your nuts pulled off.

Instead, focus on the interaction. How could you walk up and have some fun?

"Hey, I was going to come over here and kick sand in your face, but I figured you might beat me up. Instead I came to say Hi."

OR

"Did you see a half-chinese, half-black, half Latina, half pygmie come by here? She's got blonde hair." Smirk.

But here's the kicker: Do NOT look anywhere on her but at her sunglasses. Pretend you can see her eyes, and lock yours there. Just one gaze down at booby or booty central will get you kicked off the island...

And just remember that you have to have some really smooth and relaxed game to pickup at the beach. Every freak-a-saurus and his speedo is out there hoping to get a piece. You have to be pretty laid back.

Good luck...

CARLOS XUMA

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, February 25, 2008

Awesome time in Vegas...

Hey, for you guys that were there in Vegas and got a chance to work with me one-on-one... Wow!

Fantastic time! The Love Systems seminar was MUY cool and informative.

I can honestly say that this was the first time I've been to Vegas in a while where I didn't feel all hollowed out after I was done. It was a ton of fun, and I got a lot of insight from the guys I spoke with.

Special thanks go out to:

Tim & Johnny... Rock on...
Tommy... "Not for nothin' T, but..."
Savoy... We gotta stop meeting in the hallways...
And all the guys who we met with and got a chance to talk to in person. Remember to focus on the Triple Threat.

The Tryst was also a hoot, you gotta go there if you're in the area. I love watching drunk dudes mack on Cougars.

Your friend...

- Carlos Xuma

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Is Feminism Dead?

Feminist at the End of Her Rope

February 13, 2008

by Henry Makow Ph.D.


Thankfully we still have one reliable source of comfort during these cold, gloomy mid-winter days: the misfortune of others, i.e. schadenfreud.

And where is there a better example of stupid, self-defeating behavior than the latest advice of a veteran feminist?

In an article entitled “Marry Him” (Atlantic Monthly, March 2008) Lori Gottlieb advises her sisters to “settle”--marry anything in sight...and fast. This kind of abject surrender, while satisfying in an “I told you so” way, is also sad.

Millions of women who outsourced their common sense and trusted the media, their teachers, their leaders and their society are now high and dry. They were told they could have it all but most can't.

There are three times as many single women in their 30's now than there were in the 1970's. By the time these women have established their careers, many are too hard bitten and used, and the good men are all gone.

They are the victims of the most evil, most successful, social engineering program in history. It was designed to turn out exactly as it has: give them career instead of family. But until feminists acknowledge that they are victims of a cruel hoax, they won't be able to salvage what is left.

I'll elaborate on this theme later but first Ill give you a taste of the wisdom of a woman who defines “Pathetic.”

MS The BOAT

Ms. Gottlieb begins by describing a picnic where she and a friend who both had babies by sperm donors are not feeling “satisfied.” Surprise. They miss not having husbands. No doubt the children will miss not having fathers.

“As any soul-baring 40-year-old single heterosexual woman what she longs for in life...what she really wants is a husband...” Gottleib confesses.

While she and her friends “still call ourselves feminists and insist we're independent and self sufficient...every woman I know—no matter how successful and ambitious, how financially and emotionally secure, feels panic ..if she hits 30 and find herself unmarried.”

Sounding very much like a Jewish harridan, or Oprah, her advice is to “Settle!” Forget about true love, his annoying habits, his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Marriage, she has discovered ,is about having a team-mate, even if he's not the love of your life. She even recommends gays as possible mates.

How did she end up like this? Too much “education” I imagine. Too much feminist empowerment and Hollywood- fueled expectations of romance and men. Earlier in life, she dumped someone because although they had “strong physical chemistry” and their “sensibilities were similar, they proved to be a half-note off, so we never quite felt in harmony, or never viewed the world through quite the same lens.”

Apparently, she was looking for a clone.

“Now, though, I realize that if I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, I’m at the age where I’ll likely need to settle for someone who is settling for me. .. We lose sight of our mortality. We forget that we, too, will age and become less alluring. ...Which is all the more reason to settle before settling is no longer an option.”

"Take the date I went on last night. The guy was substantially older. He had a long history of major depression and said, in reference to the movies he was writing, “I’m fascinated by comas” and “I have a strong interest in terrorists.” He’d never been married. He was rude to the waiter. But he very much wanted a family, and he was successful, handsome, and smart. As I looked at him from across the table, I thought, Yeah, I’ll see him again. Maybe I can settle for that. But my very next thought was, Maybe I can settle for better. It’s like musical chairs—when do you take a seat, any seat, just so you’re not left standing alone?

“But then my married friends say things like, “Oh, you’re so lucky, you don’t have to negotiate with your husband about the cost of piano lessons” or “You’re so lucky, you don’t have anyone putting the kid in front of the TV and you can raise your son the way you want.” I’ll even hear things like, “You’re so lucky, you don’t have to have sex with someone you don’t want to.”

"The lists go on, and each time, I say, “OK, if you’re so unhappy, and if I’m so lucky, leave your husband! In fact, send him over here!”

"Not one person has taken me up on this offer.”

Did I say “Pathetic” ?

COMMENTARY

My advice to single women in their 30's is -Do Not Panic. Do not “Settle.” You are far better off
alone than with a misfit. Also, whatever you do, do not have a child out-of-wedlock or from a sperm bank. That diminishes your chances of marriage big-time. Gottlieb is desperate to “settle” mainly because she has an infant on her hands.

The key thing to realize is that feminism was not spontaneous grass roots social change as it is portrayed. It was social engineering designed to phase out gender, marriage and the nuclear family. There are half as many nuclear families now than there were in the 1960's. The destruction of the family is part of a larger agenda to destabilize and depopulate society in advance of a thinly veiled totalitarian world government. Read my book “Cruel Hoax” and see my website for details.

Sexual liberation is part of this agenda. Men see no reason to marry now that unfettered sex is so plentiful.

I advise women to consecrate sex for long-term loving relationships and end them in 6-8 mos. if marriage is not imminent. Don't waste time on window shoppers.

Feminists have been neutered by adopting the male role model and eschewing the feminine one. They need to rediscover their natural feminine instincts. This involves finding a man they can believe in, and nurture, and not settle for less. True love stems from the sacrifice that women make for the person they love. Let him lead and keep your mouth shut about all his faults. But don't let him take you for granted and dump him if he doesn't love you back big-time!

Generally speaking, the people behind elite social engineering are satanists in the sense that they want to be God. They want to define what is true according to their interests. They want to override God (Truth) AND Nature. Women were designed to marry and have children in their late teens and early twenties. That's when they are irresistible to young men. They should marry men who have graduated and are starting their careers. HAVING CHILDREN IS WHAT MARRIED PEOPLE DO. IT'S WHAT THEY HAVE IN COMMON. Nature doesn't give rain checks, as millions of women are discovering, the hard way.

______________________
CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

Interesting... What do you think?

Send me your comments...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

QUESTION: Feeling Lame in Conversation?

I recently made a list of the social situations I found most uncomfortable. I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but it makes me feel totally average when someone asks, "How are you?" and I can't think of anything interesting to respond with.

Every once in a while, I hear a great response and steal it, but I need more, so that I can stand out with my answer. I'm not a run-of-the-mill man, so why give run-of-the-mill responses? I feel like these moments - the "How's it going?" moments - are a great opportunity to make people laugh (especially women) and make an impression.

So, can you or your team offer a resource, or direct me to one, so I can stop fearing that almost un-answerable question, "What's up?"? It would be greatly appreciated (I'm stuck in Iraq and have used up all my clever responses).

Your Student,

Cory
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Well, I'm assuming you must be one of our proud forces over there... For that, I salute you.

As for a response, I used to say things like:

"I'm contemplating the universe. How about you?"

or

"I'm doing great. Any better, I'd be guilty."

When you become more socially aware, you start to have more insights into even the most subtle of interactions with people. Now, most of the time this is good, but you have to be careful not to let these observations become an excuse to get caught up in your head.

What you're talking about is something that a lot of fiction writers go through when they learn "attribution."

You see in dialogue in books, you have to let the reader know who is talking so they can keep track of things.

"How's it going?" he said.

"Pretty decent," she said.

"That's good," he said.

And this goes back and forth.

Now a lot of newbie writers think that just because THEY are aware that they just wrote "he said" or "John said" a bunch of times that the reader is going to get really tired of this. So they start writing all sorts of lame variations on "he said," like "he yelped," or "she whined."

Not so.

You see, as a reader, you just expect these attributions, and a dozen of them doesn't really even stand out, because the reader is just absorbing the dialogue, not analyzing to make sure you're saying "he cried out" or "she yelled" as a variation. Your mind just blips right over the attribution.

Make sense?

So when you spend a lot of time focused on the wrong part of the conversation - in this case, trying to stand out with a different answer to "What's up?" every time - you miss the point.

You should actually be working on coming up with your own unique signature greeting that you use most of the time, and then focus on the important part of the conversation: What comes next.

This is far more important than being concerned about something that no one else is thinking about but you.

It's true. You may feel lame, but you're just being overly self-conscious.

You are taking on the correct attitude, though, by feeling like you're not a run-of-the-mill guy. Now apply that to the rest of the conversation - where your uniqueness should really stand out.

Don't get bogged down in the fine points.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, February 18, 2008

Where Do You Start When You've Read It All?

QUESTION:

I hope this question hasn't worn you out too many times.

I've read a lot of stuff, and I admit, I've become a bit of a junkie always seeking one last bit and I will then understand it, but i've had it now.

I sit on a lot of knowledge, I read and listen to 10 times more than I can remember.

I'm so confused right now because it's all this talk of cocky comedy, fix your inner game, do this opener, do that, say that, talk like this with your voice, move like this. It's to much!

For you to understand where I come from, I'm the guy who has 0% success with women :/
I observe, I'm not the one observed, and it just makes me furious, i've reached the point where I almost start to cry just writing this. Before I continue I just got to swallow that big chunk of pride.

I got your material, Dating Black Book, Secrets of the Alpha Man, the cds, David Deangelo [interview], everything!

But where do I start? I've done reading and listening, I've done your exercises. I'm talking about the first action I can make when it comes to talking to women. I'm still very anxious when I walk up and I don't know what to say.

What should be my first step?

I realize this is maybe a question that you answered in a book somewhere or in a newsletter.

Best regards, Victor
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

First off, congratulations on working on this, and double-congratulations for swallowing that pride...!

Pride is what will stop you from humbling yourself and just getting better. As they say, Pride goeth before a fall.

Your first step should be the one that you can do comfortably, but it still stretches you a little out of your comfort zone.

Can you talk to store clerks? Then go do that until it's so easy and boring that you feel the need to take the next step.

Don't try to run before you can walk or you'll fall and ruin your confidence even more. Do what you can do.

Only you can define that starting off point. Find it and start there. Maybe it's just getting a part time job and trying out some game on the customers.

Whatever that step is, do it.

NOW.

Take some action. If you wait around too much trying to find that "perfect" starting off point, you'll become totally paralyzed and confused.

Just jump and the net will appear!

Right now you're overwhelmed with information, and all you need to do is review my Approach Women Program and then get busy right away getting in the game.

No more analysis. Just do what you need to do, at the lowest level you can actually DO.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, February 17, 2008

I'll be in Vegas this Friday... Will you be there?

Hey, man...

I hope things have been going well for you. How are you doing
with your 2008 goals?

Well, the other day, my friend Savoy from Love
Systems (and also President of Mystery Method Corp) called me with
exciting news:

I'm going to be a featured speaker at the "Love Systems' Super
Conference February 22 to 24 in Las Vegas.

You've probably already heard about this -
it's going to have the most amazing collection of dating coaches
ever teaching together in one place...AND the material is fantastic.

Who else will be there? Well the Love Systems' guys of course,
Savoy, Sinn, Cajun (who just kicked butt on Keys to the VIP), The
Don, Tenmagnet (who trained Cajun). And Brad P. And Daniel
Johnson, the Head Instructor from Pickup 1010. And Badboy and
Cortez. And Thundercat. And Speer. And lots more.

But it's not just that "everyone will be there" and we'll be
hanging out and partying with everyone at the seminar over three
days in Las Vegas. The stuff that's going to be taught - and the
way it's all set up - will make this a powerful learning tool.

Check out some of these sessions:

Sinn on inner game

Savoy breaking down live pickup video

Badboy's introduction to direct game

Pickup 101 teaches you the 1,2,3 EASY approach

Panels and miniseminars on threesomes, online game, phone game,
dates, how to choose places to meet women, preventing flaking, day
game, strippers and hired guns, one-night stands, and more.

Exercises on improve/conversation, body language, teasing and
disqualifying, opening, approach anxiety, and more.

AND of course...the highlight of the show...I'll be unveiling the
Secrets of the Alpha Lifestyle on the main stage.

Main stage? Since when do conferences have a main stage? This one
does, because there are two sessions going on at the same
throughout the conference. That's two conferences for the price of
one. Your hardest task might be in figuring out what sessions
interest you the most.

Check out the full agenda

Now, how much would it cost to take programs from me, Badboy
Lifestyles, Pickup101, Love Systems, Brad P Presents, Thundercat,
Speer, and so on?

Well, it would be impossible for one thing -
guys like Sinn don't teach 1-1s anymore, Savoy rarely teachers,
neither does Thundercat, and so on. But even of the guys who you
would normally be able to get access to, it would be tens of
thousands of dollars, easily.

The
SuperConference (at the silver level, which I recommend)? $950.

That's it. And it's covered by 100% refund guarantee, not that I
can imagine anyone using it.

I can't wait to see you there.
Go to the site by clicking here...

Check out the SuperConference page and sign up now, and
I'll see you there...

Please stop by and say hi to me and Jen while you're in the conference.

Your friend,

Carlos Xuma


P.S. Make sure you sign up for "silver" and not "gold" (and that
you come through one of the links on this email). This way you'll
be qualified for additional field-work with me personally. I'll
be offering a very special custom-fit workshop at the seminar.
You'll be automatically emailed about this (not included in
conference fee).

P.P.S.
GO HERE RIGHT NOW

Really. Sign up now. Don't procastinate.

Everyone who is coming to the
SuperConference has a massive
following and people are snapping up tickets quickly...I know about
half of them are already sold.

P.P.S. If you have any questions about the event or about my special
coaching that I'm offering at this conference, just email me at
this page so I get it...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Are Women Becoming More Like Men?

You know me. I like to stir a little controversy.

But I'm not sure I see this as being all that debatable.

Are women becoming more "manly"?

Read on:
______________________
Hey Carlos!

Your materials has been great help in my success with women. Thanks!!

You did a podcast recently on “how to deal with masculine women” and I found it really helpful for my situation with my current girlfriend.

Are there any articles or books where you expand on that or offer even more advice. I don’t think too many people talk about that enough.

Too many women now a days like to take that role of masculine.

Any gold nuggets on that area will be appreciated or any links that points to that.

Thanks Again,
Jose
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Well, in my humble opinion...

Yes, I think women are taking on a more masculine role. And it's not just because of feminism and changes in the social order relating to them directly.

I believe that when men started relaxing the line between femininity and masculinity, we left a vacuum.

And if you've watched any good science shows over the last few years, you know that the one thing nature hates is a vacuum... or a gap to be filled.

So when men stepped back in response to the fear of the feminist movement - women slid over and took it over.

And let's be honest here... I think a lot of guys abandoned their masculine role out of boredom, and having no challenges to keep them in it. As Tyler Durden says in "Fight Club:"

"We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact."

We need a new challenge that will put men back in the masculine - dare I say it? MACHO - arena once again.

I watched "Gladiator" last night, for the umpteenth time, and I'll tell you that I still hold those two ideals near and dear to my heart: Strength and Honor. Those two virtues will NEVER go out of style.

So when we complain that women are becoming more masculine, I think it's high time we decided that this is a cry for help, that men are not staking their right and proper claim to what is manly and strong in the world today.

I won't bore you with a "masculine-ist" rant here, but I think you know what I'm talking about.

All you guys in college wondering what place you're going to fill in the world...

All you guys getting married and wondering what place you'll fill in your kids life...

Or what place your kid will fill in the years ahead...

And all you guys in your 40s and 50s getting divorced wondering how to survive in this age of uncertain gender roles...

Congratulations. You've come to the right place to get it all figured out.

Guys, if you want to know more about how to be the MAN women want, and inspire her to reclaim her awesome power of femininity, go HERE right now.

- CARLOS

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Friday, February 15, 2008

Women's Test Questions...

CARLOS
Here is a good question for you... What do you say when a woman says...

"You don't talk much bout yourself, Tell me about you."

-Dewitt
______________________
CARLOS ANSWERS:

Well, think about what her question is telling you about her frame of mind. What's the "subtext" of the question?

Why is she asking it?

It's probably because she is feeling one (or both) of two things:

1) She wants more trust in you before she goes further.

This is a good thing. If she wasn't interested in you in some way, she wouldn't ask for more information.

Women need to know details about you in order to feel that all-important sensation of TRUST.

Without trust, you're just another swinging dick that came into town to get some and then disappear.

She's saying she wants to know more about you and what you can do to make her life fun.


2) She is self-conscious that she may have been talking too much about herself.

Women often become aware that they've been talking a lot about themselves and want to balance it out. We all have this mechanism of determining when we're talking too much about ourselves. (Unfortunately, many people today have a broken mechanism...)

So what do you say to her?

How about telling her a little about you?

Yeah, it's crazy, and I'm sure some "guru" somewhere will tell you that you're lowering your "social value" or something like that, but if you hear a woman ask you about yourself, it's time to give a little sales presentation.

Nothing big, just take the opportunity to talk about your passions and your goals in life. This is the opportunity that most men squander and totally mess up.

You have to have a good story about your life and where it's going to keep a good woman interested.

What?

You don't have that story?

Maybe you should take a look at this: TRIPLE THREAT

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Gentlemen, it is now time to wake up...

From the Globe and Mail, By CAROLYN ABRAHAM, Saturday, December 14,
2002 - Print Edition, Page F1:


Mommy's little secret

As we gather to mark the festive season, here's one juicy morsel
mom won't be dishing up: that guy you call your dad may not be. DNA
testing has revolutionized medical science, CAROLYN ABRAHAM
reports, but it also has uncovered the myth of female monogamy. Now
doctors are wondering how to break the news to men

They came to the hospital together, a husband, a wife and the
little daughter they feared had been cursed by inheritance. Since
birth, she had struggled to breathe, and all the signs pointed to
cystic fibrosis.

If the girl truly had the incurable disease that clogs the lungs,
she had to have received two copies of a CF gene, one from each
parent. Tests at the Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto
confirmed the family's worst fears -- and then some.

The girl was indeed afflicted. Her mom carried one of the culprit
genes. But her dad, the doctors discovered, was quite a different
story. His DNA showed no sign of a CF gene, which means he is not a
carrier and he is not her dad.

Hospital staff have felt bound to keep the secret from him. But
when they told the mom, it came as no surprise; it rarely does. "It
is probably true in a lot of families, that daddy is not who you
think it is," says Steve Scherer, a senior scientist in department
of genetics at the Hospital for Sick Children.

As families gather this festive season, here is a spicy fact that
mothers might be loath to dish out at the holiday table: It's now
widely accepted among those who work in genetics that roughly 10
per cent of us are not fathered by the man we believe to be dad.
Geneticists have stumbled upon this phenomenon in the course of
conducting large population studies and hunting for genes that
cause diseases such as cystic fibrosis. They find full siblings to
be half-siblings, fathers who are genetic strangers to more than
one of their children and uncles who are much closer to their
nieces and nephews than anyone might guess. Lumped under the
heading of "pedigree errors," these so-called mis-paternities,
false paternities and non-paternities are all science jargon for
the unwitting number of us who are chips off someone else's block.

The proverbial postman seems to be ringing twice in everyone's
neighbourhood. Non-paternity is believed to cut across all
socio-economic classes and many cultures. Factor it into
genealogical attempts to trace ancestry and it can snap entire
branches from a family tree. Considered in light of long-held views
about sexual behaviour, it exposes the myth of female monogamy and
utterly shakes the assumption that women are biologically driven to
single-mate bliss.

The widespread use of DNA analysis has presented science and
society with all sorts of new ethical problems, and now it's
pulling this naked truth out of the closet and into the courtroom.
Men who call themselves "Duped Dads" are looking for legal redress
to protect themselves against paternity fraud, raising questions
about the definition of fatherhood. Several U.S. states are
considering legislation that could exempt non-biological fathers
from having to pay child support.

Even the most learned among us are grappling with the implications.
Last month, the 10-per-cent non-paternity rate was cited during a
science seminar for judges in Halifax.

"The judges were just shocked; they really couldn't get over how
many people this would affect," Dr. Scherer said. "They kept saying
things about all those poor people who might be misled -- never
realizing that one of them might actually be among them!"

The notion of a woman carrying the child of someone other than her
partner is older than the Christmas story itself. No geneticist
believes non-paternity to be purely the product of modern
immorality; they have been tripping over the infidelities of
earlier generations for decades. Cheryl Shuman, director of genetic
counseling at the Hospital for Sick Children, said that 15 years
ago, when genetic tests were less powerful, researchers had to draw
blood from a child, his or her parents and both sets of
grandparents. "Sometimes we'd get a call from the grandmother, and
she'd say, 'Listen, my son, or my daughter, doesn't know that their
father is not their real father. . . .'" In the interests of
maintaining family peace, Ms. Shuman said, the tests would be
dismissed as "uninformative."

Over the years, the hospital has relied on the advice of lawyers
and ethicists to develop policies for handling the situation. For
example, its consent form now warns what a genetic test can reveal.
Parents "will sometimes giggle in the waiting room when they read
the paragraph about non-paternity," Ms. Shuman said. "But then we
get the phone call later, forewarning us as to what we might find."
When a test disqualifies a father, "most women do express some
surprise, but then there is a resignation, or an acceptance that
they were kind of half anticipating this was going to happen. But
then all this is followed very quickly by panic and questions as to
whether or not we will betray their confidentiality."

If the case involves an expectant mother, Ms. Shuman explained, the
hospital's legal obligation is clear: The developing baby is
considered part of the mother and the results of the tests
therefore belong to her.

After birth, the course of action is less clear, she said, but
lawyers advise that the child is to be considered the patient,
whose needs trump those of the parents. Since telling the father
could trigger a breakup and leave the child without proper support,
the hospital keeps the secret. Sometimes it can be a whopper.

In one family with four daughters, the DNA analysis was so
surprising that counselors asked the mother to explain. "It turned
out that the daughters had three different fathers," said Peter
Ray, a scientist at the hospital. "We cannot make any conclusions
based on the family structures as they are presented to us."

In the research world, when scientists come across a father in a
mismatched family, they toss the sample. If pedigree errors are not
caught, Dr. Scherer said, they can wreak statistical havoc with a
study: "People have made careers designing software to catch these
kinds of things."

Sample mix-ups can skew results, as can an extremely rare condition
discovered in 1989 in which a child inherits two copies of the same
chromosome from one parent, obscuring the contribution of the
other. But as the number of gene hunts and diagnostic tests has
grown and grown, the leading cause of these anomalies has proved to
be mistaken fatherhood. Some peg the range at 5 to 10 per cent;
others, such as Jeanette Papp of the University of California at
Los Angeles, feel that 15 per cent is reasonable for the Western
world, even if there is no hard evidence. "It's hard to do studies
on these things for ethical reasons," says Dr. Papp, director of
genotyping and sequencing in UCLA's department of human genetics.
"I mean, how do you tell people what you're really looking for?"

A British survey conducted between 1988 and 1996 by Robin Baker, a
former professor at the University of Manchester, confirmed the
10-per-cent figure. That seems high to skeptics such as Dalhousie
University geneticist Paul Neumann, although even he admitted that
"my colleague, who's a woman, tells me women have no trouble
believing it. . It's the men who can't."

Bernard Dickens, a specialist in health law and policy at the
University of Toronto, said that in another British example, the
non-paternity rate was three times that.

In the early 1970s, a school teacher in southern England assigned a
class science project in which his students were to find out the
blood types of their parents. The students were then to use this
information to deduce their own blood types (because a gene from
each parent determines your blood type, in most instances only a
certain number of combinations are possible). Instead, 30 per cent
of the students discovered their dads were not their biological
fathers.

"The classroom was, of course, not the ideal place to find out this
information," said Prof. Dickens, who is often consulted on ethical
issues by geneticists at the Hospital for Sick Children.

He feels, as do many researchers, that culture can determine
whether false paternity is very high or very low. For example, in
Muslim Egypt, the integrity of lineage is so important that neither
sperm or egg donation nor adoption is permitted, let alone sexual
indiscretion. But false paternity causes obvious problems for
anyone who values a clear pedigree and makes it a statistical
impossibility to trace the true identity of our ancestors back more
than a few generations.

Robert Moyzis, a molecular geneticist at the University of
California at Irvine, recently had to break this news to a friend
who had spent considerable energy and resources compiling a family
history that stretched back 1,000 years. "I had to plug the numbers
into a computer model and prove it to him. The chances that he was
related to the ancestor he thought were zero."

Logistically, it may seem that only men are naturally programmed
for multiple partners. After all, they can produce sperm by the
thousands 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and do it well into
their retirement years. Women, on the other hand, are limited to
the eggs they were born with, maturing one a month and not much
past their fourth decade of life. The precious few shots that women
have at reproduction may drive them to seek the best mate for
prospective offspring -- though the decision might be wholly
unconscious.

This notion is bolstered by the "sperm wars" theory, in which
Britain's Dr. Baker has noted that sperm of two different men can
effectively battle over the spoils of fertilizing the egg in a
woman's reproductive tract.

In 1999, a questionnaire in Britain found that most women tended to
be unfaithful to their long-term partners around the time they were
most fertile. That same year, researchers at St. Andrew's
University in Scotland concluded that women seem to desire
different types of men at different times of the month. When they
are most likely to conceive, they are attracted to men who have
very masculine features, preferring more feminine men when they are
not ovulating.

The researchers suggested that women may subconsciously feel that
beefy men may make a better biological contribution to a baby, but
softer features may signal a better father.

And strangers may have a biological advantage. "There is actually
data from Britain," said sexual-behaviour expert Judith Lipton,
"that suggests a woman may be more likely to conceive with a fresh
partner because a woman can essentially develop antibodies against
her regular partner's sperm, so that she may be more likely to be
impregnated by fresh sperm."

Between 30 and 50 per cent of women cheat on their partners,
compared with 50 to 80 per cent of men, said Dr. Lipton, a
psychiatrist with the Swedish Medical Center in Washington who last
year co-wrote The Myth of Monogamy with her husband, David Barash.

"This jibes with the idea that as many as 10 per cent of these
relations may result in pregnancy," she said, explaining that women
may cheat as an escape from a bad marriage, for revenge on a
cheating partner, to find a better provider, or just for fun. All
this messing around might have been predicted by animal behaviour,
but it has been only recently that researchers learned just how
hard faithful females are to find in any species.

Dr. Barash, a zoologist and professor of psychology at the
University of Washington, explained that while it was generally
known that most mammals are rarely monogamous, certain species were
held up as paragons of virtue. Scientists believed, for example,
fidelity was definitely for the birds. "But not even the swans are
monogamous, and they were the poster children for monogamy. Despite
their waterfront property, they still sneak around with the
neighbours."

With the 1980s advent of DNA fingerprinting, a quick molecular test
that, among other things, tells scientists whether two creatures
are genetically related, researchers have realized social monogamy
has little bearing on sexual monogamy in the animal kingdom. "A lot
of hanky-panky goes on even if two creatures set up house
together," Dr. Barash said.

Despite thousands of hours of observation, birds managed to fool
not only their mates into thinking they were faithful, but their
observers. Yet DNA tests show that 10 to 50 per cent of birds are
fathered by a male other than the one sharing the nest.

"We always knew the possibility was there for males to be available
and receptive to EPC -- extra-pair copulation -- but what was not
known was that the mated females would do the same thing," Dr.
Barash said.

In part, researchers figured females would be deterred from
cheating since they had more to lose than a male by fooling around
-- their mate might stop foraging to feed the hungry offspring,
cutting off the animal equivalent of child support, or worse, turn
violent. Yet this, he said, seems only to have inspired females to
perfect the art of secrecy and deception: They persistently sneak
off in search of stronger genes, better feeding grounds, good
providers and protectors.

These trysts may have been overlooked, said Frances Burton, an
anthropologist at the University of Toronto, because the
researchers were often male. "There is a weird double feedback
thing that goes on when it comes to observing animals, particularly
non-human primates. We impose upon the observations human
prejudices . . . it can obfuscate whatever truth there is."

Even the fact that female animals actually derive enjoyment from
copulation wasn't fully accepted until 1971, when Prof. Burton
showed that female monkeys stimulated with an electric toothbrush
did in fact reach orgasm. "Though they rarely did with male
monkeys," she added, "because the males did not engage them for
long enough periods."

Now the hope that fidelity is compatible with wildlife has all but
vanished. DNA testing is crossing one species after another off the
list. Of 4,000 mammalian species, only 3 per cent are still
considered candidates. Birds, bees, snails, snakes, fish, frogs . .
. not even mites are monogamous. You have slide well down the food
chain before Dr. Barash will put his monëy on a contender:
Diplozoon paradoxum,a parasitic flatworm found in the gills of
freshwater fish. The first time two worms mate, their bodies are
fused together for life.

None of this should imply that humans are incapable of monogamy, he
added. "Saying something is natural is often used to justify
unacceptable behaviour. It's natural to poop on the floor, but we
spend a lot of time becoming house broken."

His wife, however, said the moral transgression of infidelity
cannot compare with the deception of lying about paternity. She
thinks paternity fraud should be considered a crime of the highest
order.

"Reproductive deception is morally similar to rape," Dr. Lipton
said. "If you trick someone into raising a baby not his own, and he
puts 20 years of his life into an endeavor based on a falsehood,
that is appalling. "If I were the queen of the world, birth
control, of any form, would be available to any woman who wants it
and DNA testing would be available for all the men so that they
would know who their babies are."

There are certainly those -- the "Duped Dads" among them -- who
would agree with her.

Morgan Wise remembers how in 1999 the doctor rose from his chair,
walked around the desk and sat down in front of him. Mr. Wise's
youngest son had been diagnosed with cystic fibrosis years earlier,
but a medical test showed Mr. Wise did not carry a CF gene. "My
first thought was that they must have misdiagnosed my son," the
40-year-old railway engineer from Big Spring, Tex., said in an
interview this week. But then the doctor looked him squarely in the
eye and said: "Morgan, do you have any reason to think this boy
might not be yours?"

The possibility seemed outlandish. He had been married to the same
woman for 13 years and they had had three boys and a girl before
they broke up in 1996. But for peace of mind, he decided to go
ahead with paternity tests. In March, 1999, the results arrived by
mail -- a creased piece of paper telling him that not one of the
three boys was his.

"I felt anger toward [my first wife] and sadness, and I felt so
sorry for my kids," Mr. Wise recalled. "I told my boys, 'I love you
all, you'll always be my sons, the only difference is now I'm not
your birth father.' " Despite this revelation, a district court
judge ruled that Mr. Wise had to continue paying child support for
the three boys. Based on a 500-year-old common law, most states
operate on the presumption that a husband is the father of any
child born to his wife during a marriage.

Mr. Wise took his case to the media, hoping to generate political
support and contact other men in a similar situation. Instead, he
angered the judge, who revoked his visitation rights to the
children but left him responsible for $1,100 (U.S.) in monthly
support. "This," Mr. Wise warned, "could happen to anyone."

The Wise verdict has become a flash-point for men who discover that
their children are not their own. Many are actually eager to find
out, ordering paternity kits over the Internet. (The American
Association of Blood Banks reports that 30 per cent of men who
suspect they are not biological fathers are right.)

Men have set up support groups and begun to lobby to change what
they see as archaic laws. Three states have bills pending that
would take paternity fraud into account and at least three others
have already passed similar legislation.

The Wise case also has focused legal minds and ethicists on the
definition of fatherhood, and the prevailing view appears to be
that dad is the man who reads you bedtime stories, not necessarily
the man who shares your DNA.

In Canada, there has been no case in point. But Prof. Dickens at U
of T said a recent ruling suggests that Canadian courts would
discount DNA evidence over the best interests of the child. A few
years ago, he said, a man tried to win visitation rights for a
child he believed he had fathered with a woman who had since
married someone else.

The court ruled that the former boyfriend's biological contribution
did not outweigh the risks of compromising the bond the child had
forged with the mother's husband. "If you have acted in a
father-like way toward a child, then you are the father," Prof.
Dickens said. "Fatherhood is a social reality, not a genetic
reality."

He firmly believes that people who undergo genetic tests to find
out about paternity are entitled to such information. But those
being tested for a genetic ailment or some other inherited trait
cannot expect the same: "It's not for geneticists to spring this
information upon them. The point is, when you are testing for a
particular trait, it's either there or it's not there, and there is
no need to say why it is or why it isn't."

Some fathers, of course, feel differently. Stacy Robb, founder and
president of the support group DADS Canada, said that "it's unfair
because the doctors come across this information and they don't
tell the man listed as the father on the birth certificate. It's a
disregarding of men's rights. The point is mothers and fathers are
not treated equally."

And as the staff at Hospital for Sick Children are learning,
keeping secrets can backfire. In one case, a father who tested
negative for a gene that his sick child had inherited wrongly
believes himself to be both a carrier of a genetic disorder and the
child's natural father. Ms. Shuman said counselors have never told
him otherwise, even after his marriage broke up. But recently, he
contacted the hospital again to say he has a new partner and wants
to come in for further testing. He assumes that any child produced
in his new relationship also may be at risk.

Telling him there is no rïsk would reveal the truth about his first
child. Going ahead with the test denies him the truth about his own
DNA. Prof. Dickens suggests testing the new partner. If she turns
out to be a non-carrier, there is no need of further discussion.
But Ms. Shuman said that also may leave counselors with some
unwanted "moral residue."

"He hasn't come back in yet," she added, "but we may have to reveal
the results . . . It all gets messier than you might think. Welcome
to my ethically charged world."

Carolyn Abraham is The Globe and Mail's medical reporter.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Should You Listen To What They Put in Magazines?

Hey Carlos,

I've had great success with your teachings, and have finally 'settled' down a bit and have a nice girlfriend and all. Thank you.

You mentioned somewhere that magazines such as Men's Health are great and offer good advice and all,and that's true to a good extent,especialy for info on career and working out and diets.But some of their dating advice seems contradictory to your work. I mean,it urges you to always be the one to say sorry to a woman even if it's none of your fault,to believe that the woman has to be won,to think that women are the prize of the relationship. To me, that seems somewhat contradictory to your methods and what I believe in. I mean, I've used the belief that the 'woman has to be won' before and it's never worked.

Of course,I do agree that some stuff on the magazine is good,but a lot of it relies on the 'what should be' principles and not 'what actually happens'. Don't you think so?

What are your views on this, and how solid is the dating info on Men's Health and similar mags?
______________________
CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

Actually, I've never said that the advice in these magazines is "great." Only their tips on fashion and fitness.

Occasionally, Men's Health will have a few nuggets of wisdom in there, but the reality is that none of these magazines is going to risk controversy over any REALITY with women and masculinity. But any magazine that focuses on men's lives and men's experiences is a positive step, in my book.

While I don't subscribe to it now, I once did, and found it a good magazine.

When it comes to advice, you're already coming to the right spot. :)

I'm going to be a little obvious here and tell you that if you want to know where to go, you should probably read this: CLICK HERE

Remember,
Magazines are in business to do one thing: keep you buying their magazine.

I'm here to help you get successful so you won't need me any more.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Friday, February 08, 2008

Should You Talk About Your Feelings?

New- How Do You Talk About Your Feelings With a Woman?

It's almost Valentine's Day. How do you talk about your feelings with a woman?

I've been getting a lot of questions about how a guy should handle Valentine's day, and how a guy can talk about his feelings with a woman - especially when she asks you that loaded question: "What are you thinking?"

Are you ready to learn more?

Go read the article NOW...

How Do You Talk About Your Feelings With a Woman?

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

New Blog...

There's a blog that popped up recently that one of my readers turned
me onto. The author is some new guy named Mark and he just gets
it - his style is very direct and no-bs, and what he writes is dead on.

Specifically, Mark is writing about how to meet girls and be an
all around cool guy in college. It looks like he was the king of his
campus and slept with about 70 girls when he was at school, and
then he started mentoring some other guys over email. So he
compiled those emails together and put them into a PDF.

Read carefully: this is *required* reading if you're in college.

But its also great for social circle game in general, and there
are some great tips about being a fun guy, converting friends
to hookups, etc. Great stuff at this blog...

If you know this guy, let me know, because I want to talk to him.
I've been really enjoying his reading, and it has me psyched to see
such a sharp new mind writing on this stuff. Check it out now HERE

I'd like to get him on my new Internet Radio Talk show...

Carlos

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Kudos for the Latest Podcast...

Hi Carlos,

Thanks for the reply through your podcast...

Your advice was, once again, clear and so insightful..

Never look through the eyes of the person I am right now, but through the eyes of the person I will become.; Be like him, think like him and assume his identity while traveling on the journey to be him..

And I will become the guy you refer to in the beginning of your answer: a man having so many options that he no longer has time to think twice about flakes.... That's my destination.

I'm loving the journey on my way to a complete Alpha guy...

On another note, I wanted to add that I respect the guy you are:

You're not just a guy out there to give a lecture and show your superiority to us, Alpha-to-be guys,and make money, but you're actually a guy who cares about other guys in the community of men. I'm saying this because you do regularly reply to my emails, and I really appreciate that you find and take time to reply and help us...

See you later... Great advice and great mindset for the new attitude I've adopted...

A. - France
______________________

CARLOS COMMENTS:

Thanks for the kind words...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, February 03, 2008

How to Read a Woman's Body Language...

In my office, there is a girl I am attracted to. She is 30 and I am 52. We are friends in a work environment. We look to each other in the eyes and their eyes say she knows I'd like to make love with her. Her body language send mixed signals. But there one I do not understand: when we talk, she very often crosses her arms in front of her breast.

Is it to say "forbiden" or is she shy ?

Please Carlos, help me to undersatnd.
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

What does she do when you ask her to meet you for drinks?

What does she do when you take her out and have fun and kiss her with power and confidence?

THAT is the question you need to discover the answer to. Body language is usually a cop-out for a guy to "play it safe" by interpreting a woman's actions so that he can minimize his risk.

F*ck risk - dare to go after what you want. No more playing it safe.

Remember, you don't need to understand how a car works to drive it, so you really don't need to understand a woman.

You need to just get in there and go after it, like a MAN.

Am I reaching you guys on this one?

I hope so.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Response to the "Telling a Woman How You Feel..."

Great email Carlos.

It reminds me of something I did last night, but with a twist.

I was at my local and there's this barmaid who has it all. Pretty, fun, nice figure, laughs at just about anything. But she has a boyfriend and I respect that.

That doesn't mean I don't flirt, cause it keeps 'em off balance.

So last night I had a couple of slices and I always put the pizza fixin's on them.

She was very busy tending bar so I just put the fixin's on the side by the booze. All night long she doesn't realize they're there.

So at the end of the night when it got quiet, I grab her by the hands and said:

"J__, I've loved you from the first time I saw you (she starts laughing and I'm trying to hold my laughter in), I mean since I've set my eyes on yours I can't stop thinking of you (a little more laughter). I love your eyes, your smile, your laugh, your skin (at this point she's buying it, and I can tell....she's allowing herself to swoon...priceless). And since I can't put you out of my mind I just had to get you a gift. I didn't wrap it, because I was overwhelmed by the spontanaeity...I couldn't wait to give it to you."

Then I direct her to the fixin's she's ignored all night.

"From the heart, baby, I give from the heart."

She let's out a big laugh and says "Tribal, I'm so glad you came tonight!"

When I got home, I texted her that I was only half kidding.

Next move is to ignore it like I never texted her at all.

Funny thing is I was so composed and not the nervous little bitch I would've been before I read your stuff.

Kudos, bro.

~Tribal

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Have You Ever Tried To Tell A Woman How You "Felt" About Her?

Have you ever made the mistake of telling a woman how you felt
about her?

It's a common mistake, and I'm going to reveal why in this
newsletter.

If you'd like to jump straight to the information that can help
you avoid this kind of fatal mistake with a woman you want to get
in your life, go HERE:

QUESTION FROM A READER:

I have a problem, quite a big one in my opinion.

Well where shall I start, a few months ago I met this girl at
college, she's smart, funny and I feel we connected. We gradually
became better friends and we spend a lot of time together and over
the past few weeks I suspected that she may have some feelings for
me (I did too).

Feeling quite confident about this looking at the way she acted
around me I thought on New Years Eve I would try and tell her how I
felt and see if I was right in thinking she felt the same way.

Heres the bit that destroyed me: All night she was getting quite
friendly with one of my friends and she was spending most of her
time next to him. So stupidly as I was a little drunk I took her
into a quiet room and told her how I felt. I have to say I was
expecting a little more reaction, she didn't really say anything
back, and eventually just went back and sat with my friend.

I was devastated at this. I kept telling myself that it was
different this time, I wasn't wrong. But I was, I feel depressed
about it Carlos I really thought she liked me in that way.

So where do I go from here, I mean, do I continue to try and
express my feelings, and how? Or do I quit now, and keep my
friendship the way it is.

She's one of my best friends and I love her, I'm so scared of
losing her as a friend, I just, for once in my life want something
more out of it.

Please Carlos, I really need some advice from a expert like you.

Thanks a lot

Ash

West Yorkshire, Britain.
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Well, my friend, you came to the right place.

First of all, you know where your mistake was, don't you?

Let me replay your words:

"I took her into a quiet room and told her how I felt..."

Guys everywhere are saying, "OOOH... Big mistake" and shaking their
heads.

Especially me.

The one sure-fire way to kill attraction with a woman is to talk to
her about your feelings. It's the ultimate buzz-kill.

Why?

Imagine that you're sitting there watching a movie. It's a really
good mystery. You're keeping track of all the clues, and you're
getting close to the end. Right then, your roommate walks in and
says, "Oh, the guy's wife killed her." And he goes to the kitchen.

How would you feel?

Probably like stomping on his head.

We humans enjoy the build up of tension. What ruins it for us is to
have the mystery destroyed.

That's why I hate this new show on cable that shows you how all the
magic tricks are done. I don't want to know how they're done...
that's why I like watching magic shows! I know they're tricks, but
I like not knowing.

This is exactly what your girl experienced when you told her your
feelings. You probably thought she'd just jump into your arms,
relieved to find out that she liked you, too. But what telling her
your feelings does is remove all the mystery and uncertainty from
the situation...

And that's what creates attraction and romantic interest in the
first place, my brother.

Second of all, I want you to promise me that you never make a move
on a woman that you're "so scared" of losing.

Why?

Because you're setting yourself up in what I lovingly call a
"double bind." This means that if you're scared of losing her
friendship, that fear will taint any attempt you make to attract
her.

You simply can't have it both ways. You can't walk the fence.

Fear of loss is one of the most deadly killers of a man's game,
because he will never act like a man who is living his life from
ABUNDANCE and SECURITY.

Instead, he acts like he's a wuss that's scared of making people
angry at him.

Think about it for a second... Think about any guy you know who is
attractive and charismatic. Does this guy run around with a "Oh
please oh please - I hope you like me!" attitude?

No. He doesn't care if you like him or not - and THAT right there
is why we're attracted to those types of people. They communicate
strength of spirit and confidence that is not shaken by other
people's opinion of them.

Really, take a second here and read that over again. It's big and
important that you understand this essential characteristic of men
and how they communicate their Alpha Strength.

Third, if you do make a move on a woman that's your friend, be
willing to risk LOSING IT ALL.

This is the other side of that fear I just told you about. You have
to be willing to lose what you've got to get something more.

Don't be lured into that false sense of need where you try to play
with "scared money." That's when you're gambling, but you change
your winning strategy because your emotions are jacking with your
decisions.

You said that this "destroyed you..." No, I don't think so. You
just lack options.

From now on, no more emotional discussions with her. Women don't
need to know that you are interested in her or have feelings in
her. All she cares is if SHE has them for you.

You can talk about your feelings later on, when you've got a
relationship and you two are having wild monkey-love together.
Until then, keep your mouth closed.

Next, make damn sure you're out there meeting new women and
forgetting your focus on this one woman. Obsession is the number 2
killer of relationships, and it's the unhealthy focus on ONE woman.

It screams out: "I have no other options but you, which means no
other women want me..." Which is a BIG red flag to women. They want
a man with social value and confidence.

But I want to warn you about a problem I see coming up...

I think you might be falling into the Nice Guy trap.

You know how I can tell? From the tone of your email at the end. It
sounds like you're sobbing into a hankie, and you might go out and
rent a bunch of chick flicks tonight while you sit home eating
chocolates...

You need the antidote to cure you and rehabilitate you, and it's
called Alpha Attitude.

What is "Alpha Attitude?"

Well, think of it this way:

It's the inner confidence of a man who knows he can create the kind
of relationship he wants with a woman.

Have you ever seen an at-tractive woman on the street, and thought
to yourself, "Man, I wish I knew what to walk over and say to her
so that she'd stop right there and really want to know more about
ME."

But then we usually disqualify ourselves in our head, thinking
"What do I have that she'd want?"

The Alpha Attitude wipes all that self-doubt and fear away.

I explain the inner game mindset of the man who is confident and
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