Okay, pickup artists, let's talk about Integrity...

I just sat down to the computer this morning to open an email from another person in this field, and he was talking about trying to do more for guys that need to have a complete life, not just approaching women.

You'll probably see more and more of this in the future, as other gurus start to come to the realization that I've always had - that what most guys have wanted ALL ALONG is to find a path of self-improvement and boosting his own sense of self-esteem. That's what most men are trying to do with this game of dating and attracting women.

I think you know when someone is speaking from the heart, and that very ability to sense the sincerity - and project it - is a key determinant in your attractiveness to women.

Most guys realize after a while that their lives chasing women is useful, and necessary, but often unfulfilling when you look at the larger picture of your life. Men that focus SOLELY on women find that the journey was all about the goal, and the goal is never what you think it is.

When you take care of this area, you'll find that your finances are out of whack. Or your spirituality is bleak. Or your family ties need to be re-established.

We are all works-in-progress.

Being a Pick-up Artist is a small slice of what you're capable of being as an Alpha Man.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

What is it about guys that are Naturally Attractive?

Carlos,

Not to beat a dead horse or anything, but I gotta tell you about my roommate because I want to understand more about what he is doing and how he is doing it.

First off, he's a great guy and one of my best friends here at school. He's got my back to the very end and I don't doubt it for a second.

But, everywhere we go... and I mean EVERYWHERE, girls flock to him... literally. We'll be on the street, hot girls just stare at him. We'll be at a party or a bar, hot girls approach him, now imagine that! I think you know where I'm going with this. He is a good looking guy and all, but it's got to be something more than just that.

Bottom line is I WANT HIS RESULTS! And, I want to know how he achieves them. Advice?

Paul
______________________
CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:

Yeah, don't we all, Paul.

When we see a 'natural' - a guy who is naturally attractive to women - we sometimes fall into the mistaken belief that he's got something magical - an ability that must surely make him a holy being. (Yeah, I'm exaggerating, but not far from what you're thinking in your head.)

Again, it's a comparison trap that you can fall into when you look at another person and want THEIR results.

You CAN'T have his results specifically. It's chasing something you can't control right now, and it will actually lower your ability.

The guys that WANT to have a certain result, like a specific football player's ability, or a politician's social skill, rarely accomplish it. The ones that get the result are the ones who focus SPECIFICALLY on THEIR OWN development and growth. Because that's where it all starts.

I don't want to get too caught up in the mechanics, because the mindset is 10 times as important. If you're chasing another person's results, even if you think that's what you want for yourself, you're going to hurt your game, because you'll always have a standard set that is not your identity, and it undermines your sense of self worth at that moment because you're not achieving it.

Even if you want to use him as some kind of benchmark of your own performance, it will not help.

So you want to know what his attraction secret is?

Here it is:

1) He's physically attractive, so he's got a flashy lure. Women will be drawn in by the appearance. This is good only for about 30 seconds, while she waits to hear what comes out of your mouth.

2) He's got a good image. I'll bet he's got a style of appearance (clothes, hair, etc.) that makes him look good.

3) He's got a charismatic attitude. He's persuasive, and he can communicate well.

4) He's not giving off subtle pings of insecurity and instability with his mannerisms, speech, and body language.

5) He's not focused on being like or doing as well as anyone else. He's surrendered to the present moment and accepted things RIGHT NOW. As they are, good, bad, or indifferent.

I guarantee you that anyone that's good with women and confident with women has learned these strategies and has given up the need to compare on any level.

You can only sell your product when you're convinced of its value. You don't see anyone selling their goods or services while dumbstruck in awe over their competitors, do you?

This is the essence of Charisma. And the secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn. Here's a link to a great resource for you to consider...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Top Ten Loser Lines

Without further ado, here are my top ten things that guys say that IMMEDIATELY put them in the "wussy chump" bin and turn you into a friend. In reality, there are about a thousand of these, but I decided to keep this a Top Ten list. Send me your suggestions!


Enjoy:

10) Can I buy you a drink? (Uh, first, you're asking; second, you're bribing. Fastest way known to lose $8.)

9) Want to see my car? (Translation: Wanna see how small my dick is?)

8) Hey, let's go back to my place. (Without a good reason, this reeks of horny guy with no game and a big waterbed.)

7) Can I kiss you? (Don't ask. EVER.)

6) You have the most beautiful eyes! (Usually said while staring at tits. C'mon, Short-bus. Get original.)

5) Do you wanna go out sometime? (Asking, with nothing specific. You tell her what you're going to do...)

4) You remind me of my mom. (Ohhh boy... gonna be sick...)

3) Go ahead and tell me about your problem... (Said in a variety of ways, with one result - you become her emotional tampon.)

2) I'm looking for a serious relationship. (Hearing this is scarier than watching "The Exorcist" in a haunted house while holding hands with that little girl from "The Ring.")

And...
1) You're the woman I've always wanted! I think you might be The One...

I should have waited until late October to print these, because now I'm all creeped out...

Simple lesson here - If a man doesn't have game, don't ever say the things he says. That's a great start.

Your next big step is to learn about THIS

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Banter Bling

Imagine: You're out at your favorite night hang-out. Maybe a club, maybe a bar, maybe your friend's party. You order yourself a drink, and you spot a lovely Betty hanging out with a friend, right beside you.

"What do I say?" you wonder. "What should I open with?"

That all-too-familiar empty-head syndrome starts charging up in your melon. Another dreaded pause, when you know you should be walking up and just starting the conversation. But you weren't prepared!

And now that voice in your head starts talking nasty: "You're blowing it! You look like another chump with a Cosmo in your hand!"

And just when you were about to walk away with the drink and try to find another group of ladies (when your courage gets a rebound from this drink), the lovely lady turns to you and says, "Wow, where did you get that cool necklace?"

"Oh..." Suddenly the voice in your brain shuts up, and you're back in the moment. "It's my power amulet." You let a smirk slip out.

"Power amulet?"

"Yeah, it's called Dragon Sky. It's made with Black Tourmaline that pushes away negativity and bad energy. There's also Sodalite in there for strong purpose ..."

She walks up and looks at the dragon pendant reaching to touch it... a little static charge zings through your body. "What's this symbolize?" she asks.

"Well," you say, offering her your arm, "come with me and I'll tell you all about it." You turn to her friends. "You okay if I bring her to my table for 2 minutes, ladies?" Her friends smile, turn to each other with their "chick-code," and nod Yes...

You are SO in.

That's what it's like to have an opener AND a confidence token around your neck...

And won't it be nice to have when the conversation is starting to lull, and you need a little something to talk about?

http://www.banterbling.com

Your bling is your thing, Alpha Man, and you need something to set you apart from the other would-be macks and "pickup artists." Something that resonates with courage and power, and Banter Bling was created just for that.

These necklaces are imbued with stories, beauty, and elegance, and they add the perfect touch to any man's appearance. It's gotten to where I won't start my seminar until I've got my necklace on, and I don't travel anywhere without it.

TSA, just try to take it away.

If you're ready to add a little somethin' special to your look, then I've got the thing for you...

Dating and seduction advisor Cj Chandler created exotic, sexy, attraction generating jewelry specifically for Alpha Men.

If you order a necklace between now and July 10Th, Cj Chandler will make you a second custom necklace for $25.00. This offer is only available for Carlos' Xuma's Alpha men and would normally cost over $200.00

CJ says: "I will use gemstones, silver, and various pendants designed exclusively for us - you and I will work together to create a necklace that will compliment your goals, style, and coloring. This goes way beyond the scope of a custom piece of jewelry- in a sense, it's also a free coaching call as I will have to ascertain where you are in your Alpha path, interpret your goals, and wrap it up with a style (fashion) consultation."


Take a look and quench your soul-thirst here:

http://www.banterbling.com



Your friend,

Carlos Xuma

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

This is the way to play your confidence cards... The ALPHA MAN way...

Carlos,
Thanks for all of your advice in the past & future! I subscribe to your Advanced Coaching online!
Awhile back I dated a girl for about 2 months. We got along well & seemed to have good chemistry. For whatever reason it kind of ended, first her not wanting a boyfriend, me talking her into keeping it going, then me deciding that I should move on and do something else instead.

Anyways about a year has passed and during this time I have seen this girl a lot she goes to the same gym, bars, etc. She usualy gives me strong signals that she would like to talk to me, but I usually ignore her & do my thing. Recently though I felt like talking to her so I sent her a text message appologizing for the way I handled out situation and she responded back that she didn't handle it well either and thanked me for thinking of her. I have dated other girls in this time and so on but can't seem to totally shake her from my head for some reason.
It never really got very serious, I would have called it more casual dating. Is this worth pursuing her at all at this point? I do like her and she admitted she likes me too and for whatever reason it didnt work the first time around. But since she was never truly my girlfriend can we pick up where we left off? I am pursuing other opportunities as well as I learned from your books to always be flirting!
Please advise!
Thanks for all the past & future advice!
Nate
______________________
CARLOS ANSWERS:

Look, there's always a chance of getting it going again, but it just isn't always worth your time to pursue. Mostly because guys place too much emphasis on fixing what they broke rather than fixing their own bad habits.

Which is always misleading them from the True Path.

To paraphrase Shakespeare, The fault lies not in the stars, but in ourselves.

Your fantasies about what might have been are pretty much the same as the stars...

So you're doing the right thing by keeping your options open and keeping an abundance mindset. You're just wondering if you can go back there.

Well, the way you're caught up in this fantasy, you might as well go for it and either totally blow yourself out, or see if you can make it work. You've got a fixation that needs to be handled. (Remember, as I discuss in the Audio Coaching, your biggest enemy is really your own imagination...)

First - stop sending little apologies. That's removing the tension (not necessarily bad tension) that you need to start this fire. Remember that sexual tension is the spark that ignites the attraction, and without it all you have is potential, not reality.

Second - don't look at this as a pursuit. Look at this as an opportunity for her to prove why you should give her a second chance.

Do you see the difference in mindset?

One is "What can I do to GET her???"

The other is, "What can she do to get ME?"

You never SAY it that way to her, but you keep playing your hand as if you have the cards - and she doesn't need to see those cards.

If you want to learn this mental frame in a more thorough way, you should take a look at my Alpha Man confidence program...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Pickup on the "Straight Edge..."

First off I wanted to say thanks for the dating advice, when I first came across your podcasts I was kind of weird about taking advice like this, but now I am really glad I did. I really enjoy the podcast because it is really making me start to think about how people look at me - not only women. I want to try to change the way that I was looked at - I dont want to look like one of those stupid dudes that will bend over and take it in the ass just to be with a good looking girl.

So now for my problem hopefully you can help me.

I am 22 years old, I am a pretty good looking tall skinny guy. I am having a real hard time meeting cute girls out here. When I see a cute girl I am starting to become pretty comfortable with starting a conversation. Where the issue starts is that I am what you call "straight edge." I have chosen to lead a life of drug and acohol abstinence. so I just dont really like the idea of dating a girl that is a total bar girl. it just doesn't make any sense for me to meet girls at a place that is based on something that I am pretty against... I am not saying I wouldn't date someone who drinks on occasion but I dont want an avid bar-goer.

The other thing is that I work in a hot rod shop, I build custom cars. well if you have ever been into cars you know that the real hardcore shops generaly dont have too many women around...!

...Basically what I am getting at is that from 7:30 am to 5pm Monday thru Friday is for-sure woman-free, and then I don't really go to bars and clubs ... and thats where most girls here go to meet guys. so when I do meet a woman how do I maximize my time since chances are I won't have long to talk... If you have any suggestions as to where I could meet more women that would be awsome!

-Andy C.
______________________
CARLOS ANSWERS:

You hit something right on the head that I think a lot more guys should pay attention to: If you don't like or don't want the girls you meet at bars - DON'T GO TO BARS TO MEET THEM!

I'm astounded at the number of guys that go to bars to meet women, then discover that most of the girls there are really not there to meet guys as much as they are to have a fun time, and then they cry to me about the fact that they're not meeting any quality women.

The great realization here is that even though bars a great warm market, they're NOT where I go to meet women I want to date.

Yes, you heard that right.

Carlos avoids bars for finding women.

Yes, I can hear the cries from the audience: Then how the hell did you ever get mad skills with women, Carlos?

My skill in approaching and attracting women came from the fact that I didn't solely use any one place to meet women. You have to use the WORLD as your playpen, my Alpha Brothers. If you're doing anything else, you're actually programming your nervous system to AVOID picking up women and approaching, and your game will suffer over the long term.

I meet women at parties.

I meet women at clubs.

I meet women at restaurants.

I meet women at stores.

I meet women at shows...

The fact of the matter is that I honestly believe that there is NOWHERE you can go without meeting women.

Attractive women.

Eligible women.

And that's part of the secret to my Alpha Attitude. (If you want to learn the whole secret, go HERE...)

But for you, being on the "straight edge," as you call it, is not such a bad thing, Andy. In fact, it's ONLY bad if YOU don't believe in it!

I've found that women are actually MORE attracted to me and MORE interested in me when I was very frank and earnest with them.

(By the way, I'm always frank and earnest with women. In California, I'm Frank; in Nevada, I'm Ernest.)

Seriously, when I put my personal choices out there - with strength and conviction, not apologetically - women were way into it! Never fails. Because she knows you're coming from a place of strength and conviction, which is something that most guys these days don't have.

So if you don't want a party/bar-girl, then don't meet women there. (But it's been my experience that there are quite a few women who go to bars that aren't what you'd call "bar girls.")

Where are the women you want to meet?

Here are a few ideas:

- Church. One of the best pickup places on the planet, and it's even sanctioned by God. How's that for an endorsement!

- Online. Choose the qualities you want from a catalog of women that you'll never run out of.

- Street/Daytime. Your best bet is to go to places that you like to go to, and then talk to the women that are there.

I don't know what in the world your work has to do with NOT getting women. Chicks would f*cking LOVE to hear about a guy with a job you have. What you perceive as a negative or an obstacle is actually a great opportunity for conversation, my friend. USE IT.

Don't give me a lot of rubbish about being at work X to Y o'clock every day, either. Go out on your lunch.

Before work, go to Starbucks. After work, go to Starbucks.

Before you go home at night, go shopping and meet the clerks and women at the mall.

There are TOO many places to meet women.

What you're REALLY saying to me is that you don't have any places to go that are RISK FREE. You don't have any EASY places to meet women.

Tough titty said the Cat to the Kitty, but the milk is still good...

Don't ask me where the hell I got that one. But it seems appropriate here.

Look, ANY behavior that is not directly related to getting your ass outside and in places where you can meet women is just an EXCUSE. It's your way of letting yourself off the hook from doing the "work" of meeting women.

If you knew how many women were waiting for guys to introduce themselves, you wouldn't talk yourself out of all the opportunities you most surely are.

And most guys don't approach because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.

Discover the secret methods to approach women with no fear of rejection.


CLICK HERE

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

I have a chance to save this young man's dating soul...

Thank you for all the e-mails and the helpful tips. There are some smart thing I've read so far. I promised myself to use them, and I have since your first letter. Since you've tried to post me some advices I would like to ask you my first question.

I come from Macedonia (probably don't know where it is)... I hope you won't mind to giving some tips to this young man :))

See I've had a crush on a girl who is one year older than me. It's all great but I was wondering if it could be a problem?! Can girls this age even be interested in younger guys?

Anyway, I met her two months ago at school (I'm receiving your letters for about 10 days now),but ...after reviewing your tips I think I had had the wrong approach ... I think I went in a bit too much as a nice guy. She probably saw a bit of a friend in me, I think.... And far as I know that might be the worst approach there is!

Anyway, I decided to take a step up but I think in the end I didn't have much success. Eventhough I called her two weeks ago and we had a nice conversation ( a perfect conversation!) she hasn't given me a feedback ever since. I've tried to contact her on her MSN but all I got was an ignorant conversation. I really have lost the compass on this one, I really think I could use your advice.

Thank you, Carlos, hope you'll write me soon,

Aleksandar
- Macedonia
______________________
CARLOS ANSWERS:

Of course I'm familiar with Macedonia, not only from history (Alexander the Great), but because I was in Serbia earlier this year leading a seminar there.

Well, I've been down this road before, many times, and the ritual I'll put you through is pretty standard.

First, make sure you're dating and seeing other girls.

Second, don't worry about age. It's a perception, and one that you can control with your attitude and Alpha Power.

The rule is to behave as if you're at least a few years older than her (and THINK it, too), while occasionally giving her a glimpse at the boy inside you.

This isn't all that hard to do, either.

But there is a prerequisite - something you must have before you can do this. And it's something that a lot of guys aren't learning when they stock up on pickup lines or "seduction techniques."

What is it?

It's called being comfortable with yourself.

If you have a lot of anxiety over your own value as a man, you're going to lack confidence, and that's what she has to see from you.

So, that being said, if you know you went in too much as a nice guy, you need to exorcise your inner wuss. (As in "exorcise that demon," not "exercise by working out...")

In the end, if you were wimpy up front, expect no great results from this girl. She's probably already categorized you as wuss material and moved on. She was being nice by having a "nice conversation," but remember that being "nice" will not attract women to you.

Being confident, a bit brazen, a bit of a scoundrel... Think: Han Solo in "Empire Strikes Back." (Definitely not Annakin in the pre-quels.)

My advice is to get my e-book: The Dating Black Book.

If guys had this information up front, they'd develop healthy dating habits early enough that I wouldn't have to perform a wuss-ectomy later in life.

Get the best dating advice for men you can have - The Dating Black Book...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Coming SOON - CARLOS XUMA & SCOT MCKAY TELESEMINAR

You're hearing about it here for the first time...

The Carlos Xuma Conversation Teleseminar is coming on JULY 9 at 6:00 PM Pacific Time (That's GMT -8 for you Globe-geeks out there...)

Here's the link for you to find out more and get the dial-in number.

Keep in mind that only 200 people will be able to dial in! After that, you'll have to listen in on the web. And we're giving priority information to the people who are ON THE CALL.

Be sure to use this page to submit your questions before the event.

READ ABOUT THIS DATING AND ATTRACTION TELESEMINAR HERE...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

An interesting point of view...

This article comes from the Washington Post regarding a new "trend" in dating with the brain. They call it "intellidating."

Interesting concept. Something that we Alpha Men have been using for quite a while, though.
______________________

"It's not like we were just fighting. We were interacting, sharing thoughts, and that was far more satisfying than if we'd gone out to see the movie of the week."
______________________

Here's something to consider: Sex has always been about what you're thinking, not just what your body is feeling. Your brain is the central processing unit for your experience. I had a several hour session with my gal last night, and it was all about connection and enhanced experience.

When your brain is in it, your body will follow...

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/15/AR2007041501096.html?nav=rss_email/components

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Going after the one that got away...

... Quite recently I was reunited with my ex girlfriend and we've been briefly talking every now and then. I find she is extremely boring to talk to on the phone, I get more stimulation talking to a mirror. I'm emailing you wanting to know what types of things to talk about to engage her into conversing. I've only had this problem with her.

I've most definitely used the strategy of the three S's. [self-discipline, self-confidence, and a sense of humour] for example, yesterday she cancelled on me and instead of throwing a temper tantrum I said "oh well, I'll talk to you later". I've tried making jokes. I'm not boasting or anything, but I am well known for my bright sense of humour however, I can't seem to get this girl to laugh too often.

Both of our schedules are very hectic. She calls me every now and then but our talk is usually classified as "small talk". It really is. Our conversations last no more than 6 minutes, if even that much. Carlos, take my word when I tell you that this is the only girl that I have ever had trouble with on an intellectual basis.

Like I said she was my ex girlfiend. Previously, when we were dating which was exactly last year, exactly 12 months ago, I was unfortunate and unaware of your books and programs. My confidence level was below hell, that is exactly how low it was. I had absolutely no game, no intellectual skills, no sense of humour, and absolutely no self-discipline. I think she still holds this against me and when talking to this particular girl I feel as if I did last year.

Your programs have helped me raise my confidence level. Back in Janurary and February my confidence level was out through the roof ...
______________________
CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:

Well, first, good going on improving your confidence level. Most guys don't really understand just how important inner game really is. You see, if you're using techniques on women without the inner beliefs you need, you're putting makeup on a pig, to put it bluntly.

(Read more about this HERE...)

At first glance, it sounds like you're in the trap of trying to dig yourself out of a hole you should never have fallen into.

There are a lot of women out there that aren't worth your time. Take it from me, not every good looking woman is interesting. (And I'm saying that about as nicely as I can.)

You're falling victim of the old scarcity principle at work here.

1) You dated her before. Now you're trying to play the "I can fix what I messed up before" game.

Don't bother. Just move on. She's not into you, and she's showing it with her level of engagement in your conversations.

2) You are challenged, and that's why you want to make this work so badly.

I go through this syndrome quite a bit with guys. The second they read my e-book or hear my programs, they suddenly realize they could have done something different and not lost that relationship.

The problem is that this is a misleading track of thinking to go down. If you could have done different, you would have. But you didn't have the information then, so you must chalk this up to experience and learning. Take that to the NEXT woman that comes along. You can't un-cook a piece of meat that has gone bad on you.

Hmmm... not my best metaphor, but it will have to do.

Divest yourself of this losing stock. It's like old shares of Enron you just can't unload. You can't make them more valuable by throwing more money into them.

Same with her.

And if you want to learn how to control and command conversation with persuasion, you need to see THIS...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Are you still living at home?

I have a quick question. By me telling women I'm a 24 year old male still staying at home with my mother stop the action? It seems like everytime I tell a woman I still stay at home with my mother at 24 years old they either stop trying to kick it with me, or make an excuse as to why they can't hang out. Even when my mother isn't there.

I was talking to a friend who said no woman is going to want to fuck or lay up under me in my mother's house.

Any advice?
______________________

CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:

Well, let's figure this out...

First of all, whenever you're in a situation that can be viewed as a negative, it's your job - your DUTY - to make it a positive. Life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. Not in some kind of dumb, deny-the truth kind of way, either. You simply take life by the lemons and SQUEEEEEEZE until you get the lemonade.

Hmmm... that's not really an appetizing metaphor, but you get what I mean.

Lately there's been that video of the "Secret" being passed around, and it's become something of a phenomenon. Now the essential message of "The Secret" has been around for thousands of years. I learned it back when I was about 22. I was a self-development junkie, and I got the Earl Nightingale recording of "The Strangest Secret." (He had a "gold" record for this WAY back when, and he was the first person to really popularize the concept.)

The message is: You become what you think about.

BUT - most people are being misled by the video, thinking that if they just think about things, they'll appear.

Uh, no. Not quite.

You have to add one more element that they don't tell you about:

WORK.

That's right, friends and neighbors. There is no gain without some sweat equity.

If you're not working on what it is you want, it will NOT just come to you, no matter how promising that concept is presented in the video and the book. They make it seem like you just start programming your subconscious mind and that's it. Just sit back and wait.

In some cases, whatever it is you desire will take back-breaking, blood - sweat & tears effort to acquire.

About 10 years ago, I wrote down about 10 long-term goals for my life on an index card. I pulled that card out about a year ago to find that I'd completed 9 out of the 10 goals.

One of them was to obtain a black belt. Do you think I could have just settled for daydreaming about getting my black belt?

No.

I had to get off my ass and go into a dojo at least a couple times a week. I had to take private lessons to improve my ability. Then I had to practice it for years to ingrain the moves into my muscle memory. Now I can learn a Shaolin Chinese kung-fu form in a matter of a few hours, like I just did this morning. It's called "Buddha Fist" and it's sweet. But that ability came AFTER I put in the effort. Not before.

My black belt didn't just fall into my lap. I busted ASS to get it.

But I did get it.

Now, I digress. You're wondering, what the hell does this have to do with living with your parents...

If you're in a situation that is not what you desire, TOUGH. You better get behind your situation and appear all right about it or your friend is right, a woman won't want to be with you.

Now, you didn't say why you were still at home, so I'm assuming there's really no good reason for it. So guess what? It's time to get working on the solution. Here it is:

FIRST: Move out. ASAP.

Why are you still living at home? Laziness? Gambling debts? Taking care of mom?

Well, whatever it may be you better figure it out and make that reason ready for prime time.

Let's say you're just not where you planned to be in your career right now. (And if this career is in the food service industry, it's time for you to get ambitious.)

If you can't leave home, if it's out of necessity, than get clear on it so that you don't constantly undermine your own confidence. If YOU aren't sure about why you're in the situation you're in, or at least working on changing it, a woman will not dig you and you aren't going to get far with her. She WILL smoke you out. Women evolved this ability over thousands of millennia.

No, not even with clever hypnotic weasel phrases or routines. These work for guys who have the courage and confidence to project their personalities.

But if you're okay with the reason, and you put it out there, you're likely to get a whole lot further.

You see the one thing a woman is attracted to more than anything is AMBITIOUS POTENTIAL. She's only got to sense your potential and your desire to strive to know she's with an Alpha Man.

If you're looking for me to provide a short-cut for you so you can trick some unwitting woman into sex with you when you have nothing good to offer back, well think again.

If you don't have the skills, you don't deserve the rewards.

If you don't work for it, you don't deserve to HAVE it.

Dead simple, see.

You see, this is where I differ from some of the "gurus" out there telling you that if you use this or that clever technique, you can trick yourself past her radar to sleep with her.

Nope. Sorry. You'll just join the thousands of disappointed "pickup artists" who find that there is a dead-end to this cult of thinking.

If you want to know better how to project your ambition - and even create a mission and a purpose for yourself in life, go look at the REAL Secret...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Suddenly she comes on to you...

Ok, so theres this girl at my job that has been making many passes at me lately. She will basically tell me that she wants to hook up with me, wants to do naughty things with me, etc. I'm 21 and shes 24. I have worked with her for about 2 years and she has never showed any signs of this. She was there back in the day when I was busting on a few attractive girls (they dont work there anymore). The funny thing is I dont think I've done anything really to spark too much attraction, she just came on to me like that.

Now, my thing is that I'm planning on leaving the job soon, and considering I'm still a virgin, I think this could be a good time to experiement sexually? What do you think?

Also, I'm kind of nervous about what to say if she asks me if I'm a virgin? Got any advice for me Carlos?

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CARLOS ANSWERS:

Well there's one of two possibilities here. She's either really digging you all of a sudden (yes, strange, but not unheard of...), or she's just winding you up for fun. Let's assume that it's the former and not the latter.

Sometimes a woman will just get it into her that she's into you. Since this has come on so spontaneously after a period of knowing you for a while, I say you strike while the iron is hot.

Look, the longer you go before you get rid of your virginity, the tougher it will probably be on you later. I highly recommend that guys get rid of it as soon as humanly possible, because it will lower that mental anxiety over sex that many men carry their whole lives, which then morphs into some pretty bad social shame later on.

Contrary to what many of the "shame mongers" out there would like you to believe, there is nothing worse for a guy's confidence than waiting too long to establish your sexuality with a woman. Don't fall prey to manipulative religious dogma or other would-be "authorities" on this topic.

That being said, I think you should go for it. Don't wait, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Just DO IT now.

Don't get introspective and start to second-guess it.

Just do it now.

Don't worry about the work situation, since you're leaving anyway.

Just do it NOW.

Don't spend a lot of time using some more clever "pickup" techniques.

JUST DO IT NOW!

I remember in high school I had a girl, Karen, that suddenly decided she wanted me. Just like that. Out of the blue. And I was so caught off guard by her attention that I didn't get that she wanted to date me. She was cool, very attractive, and I simply couldn't believe she'd want to be with me.

I was such a Dumb-ass. I even remember another guy in my class saying, "Dude, she's into you! Ask her out!"

And shy, low self-esteem me just shrugged it off.

That's one of those regrets, and it's the worst kind: the "I didn't do it" regret.

So go after this one.

And when it comes to revealing your sexual status, you simply come up with an answer for her:

HER: "Are you a virgin?"

YOU: "What would you prefer?"

HER: "Either..." or "Virgin..." or "Not..."

YOU: "Well, here's your opportunity to educate a poor ol' farm boy..." Smile, wink, take her by the hand into the bedroom.

It's not whether or not you're a virgin that she cares about. It's how YOU FEEL about that fact that carries the weight.

I hear a million women nodding their heads right now...

If you'd like to learn the attitude that attracts women and starts that spark of desire and turns it into a roaring flame (like it did here), then learn how to be the Alpha in any situation...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Mind Control Goes Commercial

Everything can be commercialized now using the Internet.

A mysterious figure known only as JK Ellis is attempting to mainstream mind control and “cult development” for the curious and the power hungry.

SEE IT HERE...

Through his blog and web site JK Ellis easy he can help anyone create a cult in a step-by-step fashion to appeal to your desire for power, control and personal betterment.

Understandably JK Ellis is doing all of this anonymously utilizing a combination of other peoples products and services to spread the word.

From his blog Ellis describes an ominousness and ambitious project called “Perfected Mind Control” which threatens to turn old style mind control tactics on its ear.

Ellis describe Perfected Mind Control benefits as finding healthy recruits which will
act more predictably, benefit from the PMC processes, less subject to siphoning energy from group recourses, less subject to uncontrollable phobias and anxiety, more likely to have a stable income”

He also tells you how to operate a cult so that you are bullet proof from law suites and over payment of taxes.

All in all Perfected Mind Control is promised to benefit everyone involved, not just the cult guru.

...or so says JK Ellis.

Only time will tell.

You can read more about the PMC project at THIS WEBSITE and the JK Ellis blog at THIS LOCATION.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Traveling observations... and communicating in context.

So I'm in San Francisco airport, grabbing a disgusting morning meal at Burger King. I've got an hour or two before my flight and I needed some morning sustenance. I love to people watch, so I open my eyes and ears to start absorbing the morning circus here at SFO.

Behind me in line are a couple more Vegas chicks looking ready to hit the strip. And they're talking.

God help me... they're TALKING.

Sigh...

But I use this as an opportunity to check in on another person's reality.

They're talking about going into a Sbarro's for breakfast and finding the food incredibly horrible, but they're SOOO drunk that they finish it anyway.

Yeah, as I was saying.

I find that conversations like this used to have many different effects on me. At first, I felt like, WOW, they're cool. They're having fun times. Party on!

Then, I saw this behavior more as immature pleasure-seeking. I would turn my nose up at their ignorance.

Then I felt superior to them because of it. I was aware and "awakened." They were so under-developed and ignorant.

Then I got over myself and learned how to just ignore their adolescent behavior. I became tolerant.

Then I realized that I was no different at that age than they were, and I developed more understanding for them.

Then I realized that they had a path to travel before they understood what was really important in life, and they were just getting started. I started to feel compassion.

And that eventually let me back to wishing them well, and to Party on!

But now I had a new understanding that traveled the circuit of their experience, even before they had gone down that road. I wasn't better or worse; I was just in a different place.

I really believe that we have to go through an evolution in our development that allows us to not be so sensitive to the condition of others. There will always be people that are further ahead (or further on a different path) and further behind, so we must do our best to open ourselves up to their experience of the world, without feeling oppressed or threatened by it.

Let's get back on that path...

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Beware of polarized communication...

All-or-nothing thinking prevails these days.

What am I talking about?

It's that propensity for guys to think in black-and-white.

Yes or no.

Good or bad.

Right or Wrong.

Polarized to one side or the other.

"You're either with us or against us..."

There is very little in life that is mutually exclusive, meaning there's not that much that requires you to choose one absolute over another.

But time and again I see this need for guys to think in these terms, mostly to make things comfortable for them. Easier to digest with a mind that isn't willing to do the work to engage in critical thinking.

I recently read a newsletter from someone in the "community" (that clever term for the guys who want to discover how to attract women more effectively.) In this email, the person used the term "seduction community" and "lies" synonymously.

They're not necessarily the same, and it really struck me as a way of being a little "elitist" and superior, as if this person's take was the "truth."

I see this particular thinking with a lot of guys that consider themselves "enlightened" here in the whole "California consciousness" scene. In fact, it's with women, too. They get a little arrogant after they find some bit of spiritual truth that they perceive to put them further along life's path than others may be.

Don't let yourself be pulled into this polarized thinking that attempts to prejudice you. It's easy to view this as good and that as bad, because it lets you be a bit superior for a while. You get to be the smart guy.

You get to be "Right."

Until you learn something new...

And it all changes again.

Keep learning, keep expanding your horizons, and never let anyone tell you that someone else is wrong because of x and y and z. Just let them show you THEIR way, and then YOU be the judge.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Is this the way you want to program your subconscious mind?

Carlos-

Enjoying your Alpha Man cds...

The phrase that sends a shiver up my spine is "I'm gonna f@$k THREE HOT WOMEN EVERY WEEK FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!" I know this is a little different from your "Super Confidence Now!" but since mine is a little more direct, does it make it bad?

Even though it has not materialized yet, I know I will achieve my goal, not because I am entitled to it, but because I am expecting it and know it will happen.

Any suggestions, appreciated.

M
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CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:

Well, here's a little suggestion, and keep in mind that it's coming from a place of "been there, done that, bought the t-shirt...."

When I talk about this topic of dating and attraction, it always comes from a place of respect for women and a place of honesty within each guy. The bare-knuckle truth is that even though you think that sleeping with a bunch of women is your desire and gets you excited, it's really just a channel for your sexual energy.

Deep inside, this isn't all you're looking for. A lot of guys think it's sexual conquest they desire, but it's much more than that.

Look, ask any woman that has an ounce of self-honesty and awareness and she'll tell you that women want sex, too. In fact, women want sex MORE than men.

HUH? DID CARLOS JUST SAY WHAT I THINK HE DID?

Yep. He did.

Because it's true. It's just that society has NEVER smiled upon women that embrace their sexuality. In fact, in order to control women and ensure their paternity (that a child was really theirs), men through the ages have created rules and laws to make it difficult for women to show their sexual nature outside the confines of a committed and monogamous relationship.

But let's not get too far off track here...

If you are setting your goal to be sexual fulfillment, that's your prerogative.

Go for it. Have fun, be safe, sleep well.

But if you have a goal that most men do, which is to realize his full potential with not only women but with his success in LIFE - increasing his financial success, friendships, influence, etc. - then you need to get rid of the "f*ck women" mindset. It will ultimately set you way back on your path to Alpha Manhood.

You need to get a shiver up your spine for something that increases YOUR masculine value, not just satiates your biological needs.

Creative visualization is one of the most powerful mental processes you can use to achieve whatever you want in your life. I included the various ways in which you can create the kind of reality you want through this technique in the Secrets of the Alpha Man. I want you to use it as a tool for greater accomplishment.

So while your statement of intent there is one that I think you can vividly imagine, it's not really all within your control. It's also not realistic.

Why not instead say: "I will learn the skills necessary to have any woman I desire." Of course, phrase it in a way that gives you that tingle... or just tack it on to the current one you made up.

But don't limit your thinking to simple sexual release.

You're a MAN. You are capable of creating Wonders of the World. Don't squander your immense potential on just bumping uglies...

Learn how to be an ALPHA MAN here...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

You do whatever you have to...

Top of the day. Recently I've been reading the Dating Black Book and the Seduction Method. Greak work man! Breaking the ice isn't really a problem for me,after reading the DBB and SM.

What I don't understand is I feel I build enough rapport with the girls I've been talking to recently. I mean I tell them how i'm into male and female interactions and from the questions I would ask - which was mostly the questions you asked Kathy in the interview - [and] they would completely tell me all they wanted to see in a man.

But my problem is after getting their number they never return my call! So the problem isn't even getting their number but getting them to return my calls. I dont call too early, and give at least 2 days before calling them again.

The craziest thing happened to me at a party. I was cock-blocked by this stunning girl's friend. Her friend was a lesbian, so I didn't think she would be jealous of her friend talking to me. She could tell her friend was deep into the conversation with me, and would always pull her away.

What would I do in that kind of situation?
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Of course she could be jealous of her friend talking to you. She wasn't jealous of her friend - she was jealous of YOU because you were hitting on the woman she was attracted to.

Ohhhh yeah. Giggidy giggidy!

In reality, you should have worked to befriend the potential blocker lesbian. When you see that there's another woman in the mix, you need to work for her interest, too, or she's going to pull the pin on your grenade and ruin your game.

So what do you do when you do all the right things and you still find yourself blocked?

You have only one real option - You have to do whatever you have to.

What? You think that's too non-specific?

There's a part of a recent movie I want to tell you about. The movie is called "The Last Kiss" and it stars Zach Braff (of "Scrubs" fame.) Zach is a great guy, and I loved "Garden State," but this movie was the epitome of the "chick flick." Still, there's usually something worth redeeming in these movies, some lesson to be learned.

I did find one such nugget in the movie. The dad of the woman talks to Zach about his cheating on his girlfriend, and he asks the dad what to do. "You do whatever you have to," he says. Meaning, it's not WHAT you do, it's that you keep going until you succeed. IF you really want her back.

Well, long story short, Zach sleeps out on the porch for a few days, and eventually she relents. I'm not sure of the lesson there except that if you annoy and persistently try hard enough, any woman will take you back.

But the message for you is this - If there's something you want, you don't let anything get in your way. The ultimate statement of desire is your work to GET what it is you desire. Nothing else speaks louder than that.

I know a hundred guys that would say: "Man, I want a Lamborghini!" Yeah, sure, dude. What guy doesn't want a $200,000 sports car?

But how many of them would be willing to really WORK to make the money for that car? Not that many. They don't really want that car. They're just saying they'd like to have it if it doesn't mean too much effort on their part. They're tantalized by the possibility, but inside their own head they've already decided that they'll never actually have it.

Contrast this with the guy who will actually DO what is necessary to acquire what he wants. The guy who sits down and devises a plan to get the things in life he wants. The man with the plan is the one that usually gets what he wants.

If he wants it bad enough.

So when lesbian friend drags your girl away, do you let her? No, dude. You go right back in there with your knife clenched between your teeth... you duck under the barbwire, and you avoid the landmines. Just go back up to the woman and say, "Hey, I realize we all didn't get a chance to bond properly there and all, but I thought you were interesting. I knew that if I didn't come over and at least get your number, I'd never forgive myself."

You don't give up.

You are persistent not because you come from a place of weakness and lack but from a place of desire and Alpha Strength.

If you don't know the difference, you should probably read this...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

New study on touch and kino - Dominance

The power of a light touch on the arm is highlighted in this article excerpt....
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A good-looking man approached 120 women in a night club over a period of three weeks, and asked them to dance. It was in the name of science – the man was an assistant to the psychologist Nicolas Guegen. Remarkably, of the 60 women who he touched lightly on the arm, 65 per cent agreed to a dance, compared with just 43 per cent of the 60 women who he asked without making any physical contact.

A second study involved three male research assistants approaching 240 women in the street and asking them for their phone numbers. Among those 120 women who the researchers touched lightly on the arm, 19 per cent agreed to share their number, compared with 10 per cent of the women with whom no physical contact was made.

Guegen says that when men make this light touch on the women's arms, they are perceived as more dominant which is an attractive trait associated with status.

To test this, more women were asked for their phone numbers in the street. Again, half were touched on the arm and half were not. After the male researchers had done their bit, a female researcher approached the women and asked them questions about the men. Supporting Guegen's explanation, the women who had been touched on the arm tended to rate the male researcher who had approached them as more attractive and more dominant.

This study was conducted in France, and Guegen cautioned the findings might not translate to other cultures. “It is possible that in a non-contact culture, the effect of touch in a courtship relation would be perceived negatively by women,” he said.

This is not the first time psychological research has revealed the social effects of physical touch. Other studies have shown, for example, that when observers view a picture of one person touching another, they perceive the “toucher” to be more dominant than the “touchee”. Yet another study found waiters and waitresses who touched customers lightly on the arm, were perceived more positively than those who made no physical contact.
__________________________________

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Your Meaning of Life

Hey Carlos -

Thanks for talking about The Way of the Superior Man - I picked up the book a few weeks ago and have been reading / studying it.

I have been thinking about my life purpose a lot lately and am trying to find it. While I have a great job and clearly defined career goals, I feel that I'm more than my career / job (which, by the way - is a bank auditor / examiner). My life purpose, I feel, should be more than to be a bank examiner / auditor.

Do you have any recommendations on how one can go about finding their life purpose? I know my Myers Briggs type (ISTJ), and I have a list of personal values - perhaps I can use those in creating my life purpose??

Thanks,

Greg F.
______________________
CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:

Good question...

By its nature, a man's purpose is not something that will just appear out of the blue. You may not discover it until much later in life, in fact.

The most important thing you can be doing is just SEARCHING FOR IT.

This doesn't mean you have to go on a spirit quest or some retreat in Tibet. It just means that you have to be actively examining your current work and lifestyle to see if it fits your overall passions.

Look, I've wanted to be everything from an astronomer to a rock guitarist, so don't get the idea that it's all going to just fall in place. Ironically, you'll probably find your purpose or calling by chasing the things in life that AREN'T your calling, but at least divert you to different paths than you would normally take.

You hit it on the head by starting with a personality assessment. From there, I'd even talk to various life coaches and people in the area of self-actualization.

Yes, you are more than your career...

You are more than the woman you are with...

You are more than the car you drive ...

You are more than the paycheck you get each week... (And this is the one that keeps more people from finding their calling - the pursuit of wealth rather than inner peace and happiness - which eventually does bring you the wealth you seek...)

To find out what your life purpose is, you can also go here to find out how I discovered my purpose, and how it led to true Alpha Lifestyle:
Secrets of the Alpha Man

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Study: Female cheetahs sleep around

Interesting little story:

LONDON, England (Reuters) -- For female cheetahs in the Serengeti, the call of the wild is just too hard to resist as new research shows nearly half of their litters are made up of cubs with different fathers.

And while the serial infidelities of the females does ensure a broader genetic mix to help the survival of the endangered species, it comes at a cost, the Zoological Society of London (ZSL) said on Wednesday.

"Mating with more than one male poses a serious threat to females, increasing the risk of exposure to parasites and diseases," said Dada Gottelli, ZSL's lead scientist for the research.

"Females also have to travel over large distances to find new males, making them more vulnerable to predation, so infidelity is a heavy burden."

Cheetahs are a threatened species and are declining in number in the areas they inhabit.

The effective breeding population is estimated to be below 10,000 individuals and the species faces threats from human attacks and habitat loss.

"This research shows that more of the male cheetah population are contributing to the next generation than we had expected," said Sarah Durant, leader of the Serengeti Cheetah Project since 1991.

"This is good news for conservation as the genetic diversity of future generations of cheetah will be preserved by their duplicitous behavior."
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