Did you know that Dating Dynamics offers personalized one-on-one coaching?

That's right...

Direct phone coaching is the best way to handle the random speed-bumps you'll run into while dating.

Maybe you just need a little motivation. Maybe you need help to get past a sticking point. Maybe you're in need of the right strategy for that special woman you've met.

If you can't get to the San Francisco Bay Area to attend a seminar, this could be the fastest path to your solution.

Direct consultation with Carlos Xuma.

That's right... you can now actually hire Carlos Xuma as your personal coach...



We hear about all kinds of challenges from our students and clients...

:: I want to meet more women, but I don’t know where to go or what method to use. Internet Dating. Personals. Speed Dating. Bars. Clubs. Then there's all these seminars, workshops, eBooks, etc? Where does a guy at my experience level start?

:: I know a bunch of routines and opening questions, and I've memorized stories, so why am I having a hard time opening with women?

:: I heard Carlos' podcast the other day, and I was wondering what the best way is to handle MY personal situation...

:: I'm on three different online dating services, but I can't get any replies or dates out of it...

:: I can't seem to get past the first date or two ...

:: I wish I had someone who I could talk to on a weekly basis who will get to know me, and will help me through my sticking points over a period of time...


Maybe you’re just starting on your journey of learning the dating and seduction game. Perhaps you’ve read some material online or you want clarification on a how to use a technique or strategy. Or you might be a decent conversationalist who wants to work on being great.

There is hope!

Like a good coach should, Carlos works with your specific situation and helps you maximize your strengths while giving you the motivation to achieve your goals. Every man wants to be more successful with women, and he wants to nurture and develop the Alpha Men that are willing to put the effort in.


Your questions might include:

:: How to start a conversation, including role-playing and sample scenarios

:: Building true rapport and comfort by finding common interests and values

:: Finding your Alpha Male Power and cultivating killer self-confidence

:: Creating and handling sexual tension - including sexual escalation

:: The right type of learning tools and practice techniques for your personality type

:: Learning how to communicate the best parts of you to women so that you aren't overlooked

:: Creating a spectacular online profile that will get you results

:: Anything else that is specific to your game and overcoming any personal barriers holding you back from success

Carlos coaches over the telephone in half-hour segments, for as much time as you feel is necessary. By default, you will be set up to speak to Carlos, and you can also be referred to our consultative coaches for added benefit.

(You can also request a special female perspective to go along with the advice you get from Carlos. Ask for details...)


Carlos has VERY limited time slots available for this exclusive custom coaching, so you should make a reservation as soon as possible to make sure you're not put on the waiting list.

We've just opened a new site dedicated to some of the special services that Carlos offers, such as special event conference calls and the new Masters Series audio that will be available soon.

This is the place to go to find more information about Carlos' phone coaching and other programs.

Take a look HERE at the details:
http://www.mensdatingadvice.com


We'll talk to you again soon...

Carlos Xuma & Dating Dynamics


PS: You could go for months and even years with the same problems coming up again and again. It's like a weird problem with your car that you just can't seem to fix once and for all.

Is it worth the frustration and effort you're putting into trying to figure it out on your own? Wouldn't it be easier to get your problem SOLVED, without groping around in the dark for the answer?

After you fill out our pre-call worksheet, we'll take your situation under review, and we'll have you on the right path in no time.

Get this part of your life taken care of NOW - with an EXPERT that can point the way for you.

http://www.mensdatingadvice.com

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

RAW DATING ADVICE:

Hey big boy, your Black Book is the F*****'n bomb. pulling chicks over the side (away from their friends) is a very effective strategy & you know the thing of taking a babe on a date to a place where she is known ..... it worked for me.


Keep it up, your advice is live and "RAW" and I believe in it beacause its workin for me. right now you know, there is this honey that I really luv an am obsessed with. I spoke to her and she sounded rather unsure (I think I havent earned her trust yet) her best friend is my brother's girlfriend and am told the chick has never had a boyfriend and she also told my brother's girl that she is not ready for a relationship.

Worse still, my closest friend betrayed me and is countering me on this girl. I think he's told her a few lies about me so she cannot trust my love for her.

Carlos, I need to win this girl for the first reason that am in love with her, and for the second reason that a want to come out the ALPHA MALE over my mate (Sorry I have to do this to him but he did me first) I want to play a smart game and win this chick smooth. Point is, I need some advice here.

M.P

--------
CARLOS:


First of all, NEVER call me "Big Boy..." (Unless you're a gal watching me release my Thick-o-saurus from my boxers...)

- shudder -

I had this vision of a gang of sailors waiting for me in an alley. "Hey, Big Boy! Where you going?"

cuh-ree-pee....


I’ll tell you right now that the problem is this: “there is this honey that I really luv an am obsessed with” and "I need to win this girl for the first reason that am in love with her"

If you’re obsessed with her, you can’t have her. You’ll freak her out and drive her off with the intensity of your attention.

What you need to do is to date at least five other women before you go after this one. That will lower this intense level of desperation that I hear in your voice.

And you are most definitely NOT in "love" with her. Guys make the mistake of thinking that lust = love. Love is a mature emotion that is three-dimensional. Powerful. Life-changing.

Lust is just what makes your pants fit smaller when you think about her naughty bits.

Make sense?

You most certainly need to review my e-books to save you. Get past this fantasy that you've cultivated in your head for her. You can't love someone you don't even know. Your feelings are based on vapors... a mirage that you created in your own skull.


Oh, and get rid of your “closest friend.” He’s betrayed you, and he’s obviously not loyal.

Alpha Men are honorable above all else.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING ADVICE FOR MEN:

Carlos,

Thanks as always for the continued newsletters and information. In one of your recent articles, this statement ([the guy who's] really sick of never being able to reach women in the first place) caught my eye and really stuck out.

My problem starts right at the beginning. Going into an environment, putting myself into the game and not getting the look of interest. Lately I feel "its just not
worth it" if I can't at least get a look from the opposite sex. By no means am I an ugly duckling.

My closest friends tell me for a 40 yr old man, I look more like 28-30. I am a good looking guy in my opinion. Why is it there are some men who can walk into the environment, and be able to get that "look" of interest from the opposite sex so at least you know this is someone who will entertain your approach.

Am I making sense, or am I way off base? I am probably going about this in the wrong way, but that's why I am asking. As always, thanks for your time and input toward my better days on dating.

K
---------
CARLOS:

I'll give you the same advice that I give a lot of guys, but that doesn't dilute the importance of it if you'll really hear what I'm saying:

If you need other's approval/attention/interest to validate your sense of confidence, then it's not really confidence. You're just running on fumes.

Women don't have to show interest in you for you to do something.

90% of the guys I've worked with find that their self-confidence improves sharply by JUST TALKING to a woman.

I'm not going to say you're off base, but you're looking in the wrong direction right now.

Your confidence is self-generated. You feel good about yourself to the degree that you take your own life under control and learn how to manage your romantic life effectively.

And not just your romantic life. It really starts with your own goals, hobbies, pursuits, career, etc. When a man is living the life he wants, the women will pick up on that energy and eat it right up.

By looking for a woman to give you a "look," you're saying that she controls your romantic life, not you.

Turn it around.

LOOK at women. Let them notice it. And then approach.

As a doctor of dating, let me tell you that my prescription here is going to be very simple:

Get The Secrets of the Alpha Man. It will put you on the right path to REAL male Self-confidence.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Have a great Thanksgiving holiday, everyone...

We'll be back later with more great stuff ...


- Carlos

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

VINDICTIVE WIFE QUESTION:

I think this is somewhat of an unusual question but here goes. I am now divorced and my ex-wife had many affairs on me. It literally killed me. I have rebuilt myself through your programs to become an even more Alpha Man.

My ex-wife was living a few hours away from me with the guy she left me for. That all came to shambles and she called me a few weeks ago, wanting me to "guess who it was". I guessed the wrong name trying to make her think I have moved on. She got pissed and hung up.

Well she officially lives back in the area. I am talking a VERY small town, so I can see her quite often. Last night I was in Walmart shopping and she aproached me catching me off guard completly. Carlos, I felt my eyes light up and heat rushing from my face. Here is the conversation.:


HER> Hi

ME> Hi (with a monotone voice and my back towards her)

HER> How are you doing?

ME> I don't want to talk to you, just like I told you on the phone. I want to be dead in your eyes.

HER> Can't we just be civil?

ME> Yeah we can be civil when you walk that way (pointing towards the direction she was going)

She ended up staying near me all through wallmark till I left. It is even to the point when I see her in a bar she will make sure she grinds and kisses guys right in front of me. Of course I give no reaction because I don't care, She can't hurt me anymore. I have bigger fish to eat :)

To make this short I DO NOT wish to even speak to this woman again. I haven't forgotten the pain she put me through. Carlos my dislike for her doesn't override my my objective in creating my life and meeting women. I know and believe she is trying to make contact me with for 2 reasons:

1. She wants to get her foot back into the door slowly.

2. She actually feels guilty for everything she had done to our marriage and wants to ease her consicience by making emense with me.


Either way, it's selfishly drivien. Unfortunately, I know I am the standard for any guy she ever gets with. She will always compare guys to me to determine if she likes them for the long hall. I've heard all the stories on how she regrets her mistakes and no one will ever love her like I did etc.....

But questions is I HATE HER. I want her to leave alone, she doesn't diserve my attention or voice. How can I handle this. My other question is I am certain that if I am out with another women she will try to cause problems.

How can I take care of this?
----------------

CARLOS:

Interesting situation. I’d say the best thing to do is to avoid her, but with this kind of exposure, you’re being forced into a different situation.

You need to get very Machiavellian. Do you have the book “The 48 Laws of Power”?

GET IT.

Read it all. You’ll understand that you need one result: Keep your life the way YOU want it. Which means that you may have to tell her a few untruths. You may even need to ACT like you changed your mind and think she’s okay.

You can be seething and hateful under the surface, but that won’t help you at all. You’ll just be poisoning your mind and spirit. You have to find a way to forgive her and move on.

It DOESN’T mean you have to like her at all. Just use her the way she used you. Not to do evil, but to keep your life good.

There’s a big difference here. Hopefully you understand what I’m saying.

One way or another, she will try to manipulate you through your hatred and anger until you let it go and become the one pulling the strings.

Don’t be pulled down into the black hole of negativity and bitterness.

Make things work on YOUR terms.

There are many ways to make a situation work, and some of them require growth and development on your part.

Don't try to make her "think" you moved on.

MOVE ON!

That's the real problem here. You're still harboring strong feelings for her, which only serves to keep you involved with her. Hatred is just across the state line from Love, my friend, and you're just converting energies.

It's time to find a way to let go of this anger and pain. Seek professional assistance if it will help you get past this barrier.

Trust me, this kind of internal pain actually causes cancer in people if it isn't released.

I recommend you look to some spiritual counseling as well. Believe it or not, I attribute most of my development in this area from my spiritual and philosophical beliefs.

Defuse the situation by being the one to take control of it. Right now you're under the influence of emotional narcotics known as "hate" and "fear." Get through this and you'll be able to see other solutions.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

T-Shirt You Need to See

Got this in from one of the Alpha Men out there... Gotta love a woman who wears this:

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

STINKY BREATH!

I’ve got a question re: bad breath:

I’ve been dating this girl for a few months and whenever we go out for dinner, she orders some kind of salad with either garlic dressing, green onions or blue cheese, which leaves her with a smelly breath for hours...

How do you tell a woman that she has bad breath in a tactful way? Is it appropriate to suggest to go pick up some breath mints? Please let me know.

Thanks and cheers,
M
------
CARLOS:

Well two possibilities come to mind.

1) She's not aware of her poor choice in food.

2) She's trying to keep you away because you're a crappy kisser.

I'm only kidding on number 2.

Sorta.

Let me put the answer this way...

Stop trying to be too nice to her. By ducking out telling her something like this, you're putting her up on a pedestal (just a bit) and also becoming too concerned with keeping up barriers between you two in terms of your communication. This makes it harder to have a REAL relationship later on.

As long as you don't do something totally stupid, like say, "Whew! Your breath is strong enough to knock a buzzard off a shit heap!" - you'll be fine.

The Alpha Man just politely says, "Hey, honey, you're going to want one of these after you're done with the meal." And hand her a breath mint or an Altoid or something. Have the mints already. And then use one yourself.

Do it with a smile, and don't make a big deal out of it.

If she's so insecure that she can't handle the truth about her breath, you probably have a more serious problem than bad salad dressings.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Alpha Male Vibe Question:

Hey Carlos, I've read some of your advice and I've learned some things in which I have been trying to put into practice.

I seem to be able to make girls laugh, and chill easily with girls around me. I've been practicing some advice I read,like acting not too interested when talking to a girl, don't smile too much, not acting too needy, being funny and cocky, staying in control and some other stuff...

Whereas my friend who doesnt seem to be able to make girls laugh as much as I do and is nice to girls seems to be getting more attention from certain girls. We both are reasonably good looking guys. Sometimes I feel as if no matter how much I try to follow the 'rules', and even when this friend doesn't try to follow the rules, I find that girls tend to give him more attention.

Am I doing something wrong?.. What is it that he's doing that I'm not doing? Or are they (girls) just playing games of their own? And one more thing.. How do you get the aura of 'coolness' like Bill Murray you were talking bout.

-----
CARLOS:

Here's my guess...

I think you're too socially reactive.

What do I mean by that?

You're reacting to every social cue or incident as if it indicates something about you - or about your friend. And, in doing so, you're starting to chase the carrot instead of letting it chase you.

The syndrome that you're suffering from is "hyper attentiveness." This is where you become aware that all these social cues are being thrown, and that there are strategies that will work, and you lose the natural 'vibe' of the situation you're in.

The first thing I want you to observe in these situations is HOW your friend is doing. Not WHAT.

In other words, what I think you'll see is that he's not being a Try-Hard. He's not following a script of attitude that requires him to behave a certain way, and as a result he comes across as comfortable with himself.

A lot of analytical guys take this stuff and they feel as if they use it like a recipe (one dash of cocky-funny, a spoonful of negative hits, a few good stories, bake for 20 minutes) that they'll see some kind of magical outcome. But the one ingredient that they inevitably neglect is their own PERSONALITY.

THese aren't "rules." They're guidelines, and they are meant to flex for different social conditions. The real point of learning what I teach (and you need to actually study my materials to understand this) is that you have to become more aware of social dynamics.

Remember that the definition of confidence is really about liking yourself. There's no substitute for that, and women sense that more than all the "cocky/funny" in the world. I'll bet dollars-to-donuts that your friend is laid back and relaxed, and that's his secret. He's not being a try-hard.

And the aura of "cool-ness" that I talk about is something that is cultivated from the inside out.

The best way to cultivate it is to repeat the success of someone else who has laid out a map to doing it. I created that map for you, and you can get it in the Alpha Man program...

The real problem is that you've only got a small part of the picture. You said yourself that you've read some of my advice. The newsletters are a good starting point, but you will only get real long term success through one of my e-book or audio dating advice programs.

You need the complete picture to succeed in the long-term.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

SAD STORY OF BREAKUP AND NOT GETTING "IT"

Dear Carlos,

I just got the Secrets of the Alpha Man E-Book, and am waiting for the Cds to arrive in the mail. I´ve only read about 100 pages, and you have no idea how much it has changed me. I like the language you use, its straight to the point without any fancy words that I can't even pronounce.

The part [about] the only way you should give up is what has me asking you these questions, that if you screwed up and want the girl back, its better if you just walk away! I like the A.M.P. it up!!

... In conclusion I feel sorry for myself for not reading this book years ago, but you cant cry over spilled milk, so I am taking inmmediate actions now and the book is really helping.

I started going out with this girl and before reading the book I was already acting like an ALPHA Male, I was doing everything just as you describe it, I was so secure about myself that she even mentioned it, I even acted like a true player and she loved it! I was doing everything perfect as I always start out with girls.

But then, I let my guard down and let my feelings come in action, and after this it was down fall. I dated the girl for two months, the first she was still in my country and the second she left for college in another country. Two weeks after she left I took time of work and went to visit her, We never fought or anything while I was around, but there were too many moments of complete silence, and this irritated me so much that I started bugging her if something was wrong. ***

She said that I shouldnt be doubting that everything was good. I knew something was wrong. I came back to my country and things were not the same anymore, before she used to call me 24 / 7 , send me text messages and all that crap, but then I sensed she lost interest and started getting more and more irritated until I told her what the hell is wrong and that I thought we could not keep on with the relationship because she had changed so much. (I was expecting a "lets keep on trying")

eehh!! Wrong answer, she took my offer and we broke up. We havent talked much, the only times weve spoken is when I can't control my emotions and call her, It just bugs me so much that she can be so cold and days can pass by and not call!

I later found out that this girl does not like a guy that gives her to much attention or is a serious type, the way I was with her when I visited, but in reality I am a fun guy to be with, Ive never had trouble girls liking me, but I screwed up with this girl, and the guy she met two months ago, the secure guy, player who took his room the first night they saw each other, did not come out when I visited her.

The guy that visited her was not only trying to get her to bed, I my nice guy came out too much, How can I control my nice guy, the guy that everybody loves and speaks highly of him but that made me loose this girl. How can I block my feelings to jump in and maintain the player that approached her at a bar and told her, you will spend all night by side, and she accepted because she loved the security. Why does alcohol makes me more secure?? I am so secure when I am a bit buzz!!

The question:

WHAT THE HELL DO I DO?? I want her back, but as I read in your book, calling her and keeping her in my life is not the option, but I want you to analyze my situation and give some advice.

Should I want her back after she said that I treated her to nice and gave her too much attention? Is my ego playing a role here saying that I hate losing? How do I control myself from sending her greeting cards etc.? I wont see here till december but we chat every now and then, this question is very important, what do I tell her when we chat, should I answer if she messages me?

Thanks in advance

- Enrique
----------

CARLOS:

You'll notice that I marked a section above with ***

This was the turning point. This is where so many guys futz it up with their insecurities, and women pick right up on it.


As for "How do you control yourself..."

Dude! That's like asking me how you NOT pick your nose.

YOU JUST DON'T DO IT!

Self-control is the hallmark of the Alpha Man. In order to be one, you must behave like one.

If you're saying that you "can't stop yourself" or anything like that, you're copping out. You're always in control of your actions. You're just making choices based on fear and insecurity as opposed to confidence and calm.

And everyone has more courage with some alcohol in them. There is no "why." That's the effect of a good buzz. It lowers your inhibitions. Beware that demon.

Now, hold on to yourself here, because you might not like the message I'm about to give you, but it's critical that you listen to me.

GIVE HER UP!


Right now.

You lost this woman a long time ago. If you continue down this path, you'll end up at the bar every night crying about this wonderful woman that you let slip out of your fingers.

You'll become so sad that your friends won't even want to be around you.

1) She isn't that special. EVERYONE is special and unique. And that's why we're all the same.

2) You'll lose your confidence and self-respect if you continue this line of thinking and action.

3) The only reason you want this one back so badly is because you messed it up, and now you want to redeem yourself. You're locked into thinking that you can make things right. You can only do this by learning how to move on with your life.

4) You can get a new girlfriend that you can do everything RIGHT with for about 1/10th the energy necessary to "win her back." And even if you do get her back, she'd be watching you every day, testing you to see that you can maintain your new confidence.

But she'll know in her heart that it won't change for her.

What do you do?

You asked me, so I'm telling you - Let her go.

You already read my advice once and you're refusing to follow it.

What will you do this time?

I trust you'll make the right decision.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

ONLINE DATING QUESTION:

I have been trying online dating as another stream to meet women. I am currently using match.com and I have e-mailed 55 different people in the past month using the intro e-mail you suggest using in advanced audio coaching session # 2. Four out of the 55 have e-mailed me back and we began to e-mail back and forth (I really try to challenge each e-mail) a few times until I asked for their phone number then they don't respond?

Another 8 out the 55 e-mailed me and said that they were not interested? (I actually challenge this by writing something like...Don't put yourself down so fast:) ...I was going to give you a chance...:) I'm not sure what they are basing this off of (both my photo and profile are good and I'm my worst critic).

My question is, are these the numbers you can expect from online services? I know it's a numbers game but I was hoping for a little more.

Thanks Carlos!
B
----------
CARLOS:

Let's clarify a few things first.

Your results are going to vary based on:

1) The woman

2) the online service

3) the approach

4) the profile of the woman and how well you "read" it

5) the timing

6) the picture you use

7) the rest of YOUR profile...

and a whole bunch of other factors. Online dating can be very uneven. You have to really figure out the vibe of each woman and CALIBRATE to her needs. And you have to do this without ever having met her. You're doing this through the worst way possible - EMAIL.

Email doesn't reflect tone of voice, and misunderstandings happen ALL the time because of it.

So what I recommend you do is to lean back on the ball-busting until you've had a chance to interact and you can read her vibe. If you can't calibrate to her, you'll come across the wrong way. Remember that the material I give you has to be applied in judicious amounts. It's like medicine: Too much can kill the patient, too little has no effect.

Now I asked you to send me in the interaction between you and this woman. I added my comments to each section, and here that is:


I just read your profile and you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders:) You seem like you might make an interesting friend. Oh and just a random question but I was wondering what your favorite resturant and or club in Denver is? Talk to you later.

-B

CARLOS: Good intro, not too abrasive, and expresses some curiosity.

I don't go out in Denver to eat, and I hate clubs so I can't answer your questions. The last time I did was a couple of monthe ago I went to Dazzel with some friends. Why do't you tell me where you like to go.


W
CARLOS: Right here I'm getting a real "bitch" vibe off her. She's too good to be polite with her words, and she's impatient with you. "I can't answer your questions"? C'mon, honey, is it really that hard to pick a f*cking restaurant?


Hey W,

Good to here from you:) How was your weekend?...Mine was good, caught some sunrays, partied a little, and took a nap today:) So you don't eat in Denver and you don't like clubs?...and I thought you might be a wild child:) Just kidding:) I haven't been to a club in a long time but I do like trying new restaurants around the Denver area. It was my sister’s birthday this weekend and we went to an amazing Italian restaurant. It was a gut buster all right:) What's your favorite food? Well gota run but talk to you later.

B

CARLOS: Your response is incongruous with her bitchiness. What I mean is that she was pretty obviously being a bitch in that last email, and this one should have called her on it with a comment like, "You've never been to a restaurant in Denver? Hmmm... Well, what did you think of Dazzel?"



My weekend was quiet. I went shoe shopping with a friend. I went skating on the path and caught up on some sleep. My friend is moving to antarctica for 6 months so Im trying to spend as much time with her as possible befor she drops off the bottom of the planet. My favorite foods are shushi, popcorn, Indian, and what ever I'm in the mood for. I don't like meat markets in general, thats I don't go clubbing or hang out at the bars every weekend. chow ttyl.
W

CARLOS: Here she's at least trying here to relate. That's better, but by this point you should have closed for a phone number. I don't go more than two emails before requesting the phone number. By this point she is already making excuses for not doing something with you, and that's not a good sign. I'd probably drop her by now just to give my self-esteem a boost. If you keep pursuing her, you will feel on the losing end.




Wow, Antarctica, now that's a big move:)..what's she going to do down there?
I haven't been skating in a long time but I did a lot in college. I just remember that it was a great workout especially for your calf's. Can you do any rail slides:) (I know bad joke but hey it's late).

Oh I was thinking that you should send me a number where I can call you, e-mail gets really stale. I need to here the sound of your voice so I can tell if you're a cool gal or one of the those chronic e-mail people:).
Send me your home or cell phone number and let me know what your schedule is like over the next couple of days (unless your homeless and don't own a phone in which case you can just send me the number of your shelter:). Talk to you later.

B

CARLOS: This is well done. It's just the right balance of challenge and teasing. Not offensive at all. But by now, she hasn't really expressed ANY interest in doing something.


Wendy,

I'm glad that I got to meet you and you sound like an interesting and fun person but it doesn't sound to me like your ready to take the next step. I asked for your number last week so that we could get out of e-mail and talk on the phone. You didn't respond. Maybe you were extremely busy but I'm busy too. I need to talk to the women I have just met so that we can tell if there's any chemistry. Sorry we didn't get to know each other better but good luck in your search:)

Ben

CARLOS: Good closing. You cut her off, and you need to really let that sink into your gut so that you affirm that YOU can get rid of HER without feeling needy or depressed about it.

Overall, there is almost nothing wrong with this interaction.

The only thing that would have been handled better would be to call her on her negative attitude right off the bat. Now it's tough to do in email, but it can be done. Here's how I would have answered the first bitchy email about not going to Denver to eat and not going to clubs.

"Wow, Wendy. I sure get some angry vibes from you about the places you like to eat. Is this not a good time to email with you? Perhaps I misread that. I find that email tends to miscommunicate tone, so I'd hate for us to misunderstand each other.

"To be honest, I don't like to carry on electronic friendships (or more), so I'd much rather talk in person. Send me your number and let's make this a little more 'real.' Cool? Hope everything gets better for you."

And that's it. She has to know that you're not going to take that kind of lackluster interest and overall bitchy behavior.

Honestly, it's entertaining to think that you can turn this kind of person around, but sometimes you have to be willing to cut them off right away. My other response would probably have gone something like this:

"Sorry to hear that you don't like to eat out. I'll be honest, I expected a little more of a courteous tone in your email, and what I got was a bit disrespectful for a guy who's just trying to see if you might be interesting. Maybe you had a bad day, but I'd like to see if there might be someone better out there. Good luck..."

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

EXAMPLE OF BAD CALLING PROTOCOL:

QUESTION:

OK, I can't take this anymore! I called her once on this Friday(Leaving her a message that Id like to hear from you-that was after our second date the Friday before, and we had not talked after that )

and she is not returning my call WHAT DO I DO? I know I should call but what do I say?

I don't mind forgetting about her and I can do that but I could have sworn we hit it off well.

Please just give me a one sentence advise.
------

CARLOS:

Let this be an example of why you must not leave women messages on their phones.

If you like sitting around for days wondering why a woman isn't calling you, if you like sitting on pins and needles, if you like raising your interest in her but doing nothing to get her more interested in you...

Well, then go right ahead and leave her a message. And then kick yourself for three days while you wait for a call that will never come.

Don't fall into this trap.

Next time you call, you call to talk to her and only her. If you get the machine, hang up and move on.

The secret is to...

Well, you guys should know this from the programs.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Shameless Plug


"Carlos, I want to thank you for all you've done for us all. When I was in high school (now 25) I had many one night stands which didn't allow me to learn ANYTHING about women. I met this one girl when I was 20 and eventually got married. It was one year ago to this day that I learned my EX-wife had many affairs behind my back. I felt left in ruins with low self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-worth.

"I stumbled on your programs about 6 months ago and became a full time member to your audio coaching. From regularly listening to your words I have boosted everything I thought I lost because of my divorce. I also learned exactly the art of seduction and building attraction with women.

"To put it bluntly, your programs rock. I have and will continue to recommend these programs to anyone who not only wants to succeed with women but also succeed with their own life."

- J.O.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING SLUMP QUESTION:

I have been in a major slump lately. I haven't been going for a lot of the girls I want to, been feeling a lot more Beta, and it's scaring me. I started rereading Secrets of the Alpha Man...

Sure, I've hooked up with a few girls here and there, but I KNOW I am capable of so much more.

I proved it to myself the first month I was here for school. I walked up to every girl I saw and started chatting her up and grabbing her number, etc. It sucks cuz I really wanna find out what my potential is with women. I wanna see how many girls I can get, how hot I can get them, etc.

My problem is that I just haven't been TRYING anything. I haven't been doing set openers or cold approaches lately and I don't know why.

I even coached my buddy to help him get this girl and my advice worked awesome for him, but it's like I haven't tried it lately for myself. What's wrong with me? I hate knowing the problem and not doing anything about it.

------
CARLOS:

You've been neglecting yourself. You're chasing the women, and not your own self-development and inner happiness.

Women don't make you happy.

YOU make you happy.

Look harder and you'll find the reason why.

But remember that you can take some time off and come back with a better attitude. Stop making women THE priority in your life. They should only be ONE of the priorities in your life.

What else are you doing in your life?

Remember that the difference between my advice and the other "gurus" out there is that I don't condone seeking fulfillment through external validation. In other words, you're already happy. You just have to get out of your own way.

All pain comes from desire - desire for things to be or not be a certain way.

An Alpha is fulfilled all on his own, with or without women. Even if he's in a slump, the Alpha Man knows that it's only temporary. He can feel comfortable and secure even in his own low-performance.

Ride your mood out. Don't let it become a lifestyle.

It's just a temporary setback.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

You're going to hear it here first...

Have you ever heard of Bruce Lee?

Of course you have.

He's famous for his Martial Arts skills and his invention of something called "Jeet Kune Do."

What is this funny term?

Well, it's Bruce's contribution to the Martial Arts world. It is, in fact, his art.

What he did was look at all the fighting systems, from Wing Chun to Kung-fu to grappling to boxing ...

He looked over the Arts and found what he liked and seemed usable, and he used it. And what he didn't need, he threw out.

In the words of Dan Inosanto, one of Bruce's students entrusted to carry Bruce's way on:

"No art is superior to any other. That is the object lesson of Jeet Kune Do, to be unbound, to be free: in combat to use no style as style, to use no way as the way, to have no limitation as the only limitation. Neither be for or against a particular style. In other words, Jeet Kune Do 'just is'."

Well, that's the style of attraction and dating for results you're going to get with us. The best of the best.

No-Style. All-styles.

I will be unveiling these new methods and hybrids of techniques in the future.

It's called Martial Hearts.

No, I'm kidding. What a goofy-ass name that would be.

My value to you guys is that I'm taking the best of the Dating Arts and bringing it together into a comprehensive understanding.

Not a lot of "talk to your inner child" nonsense, either.

We're taking the heart-based application of dating skills and applying solid technical skills along with them. So you'll have not only the Tactics (HOW), but the Strategies (WHY). Techniques with PRINCIPLES.

It's still called Dating Dynamics. It just keeps getting better ...

Only the best to get you on track with your dating life.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DETAILED DATING PROBLEM:

Carlos,

I read over some of your material and I really like the Alpha Man book. As a writer and producer of television I have to commend you on your writing style. It is a very good read. Long, but the read goes down slow and smooth like a fine wine. Keep up the good prose bro!

Question:

At what point should a woman start to reciprocate in the proactive "winning and dinning" and pamepring during the dating process?

Situation:

I have been dating this wonderful woman for two months (to the day). This past weekend I just drop the boyfriend word. From the very first meeting it was on! Yes, we slept together and the passion continues to be great! Mostly because we meet over a year ago and both of us met through a friend of which both of us are independently very close which, has help us create a nice bond from the start.

It is going well. No drama, maybe becuase she is mature (33 yrs old) and German. Very respectful in returning calls and showing up on time and, most of all no NY bullshit of dating me and two or three "other guys" or "I think I have a thing for an old flame". We are definitely on the same page with this being committed to each other in dating. We see this as a good time in our lives to bring somebody in and have been spending each weekend together to get to know each other better.

I have been fitting most of the bill for she just came back into the country and has alot of expenses associate with setting up her consultantcy and moving into a new apartment. She is strapped.

However, what is lacking is a sense of old fashion "let me do this for you" attitude. Like proactively making plans for us to do things on the weekend (I initiate all the plans); taking me out on the town or to dinner; pampering me with a massage.

I should mention that If I ask for a massage or anything help with anything she will gladly give but, proactively/thoughtfully catering to me as I have her does not seem to be in her psyche at present.

This goes to little gifts as well such as bring over coisssants or flowers (yes, I like them) when she comes over for the night. My place has been the hub for the last two months seeing that her place just got up to speed this past weekend.

What she has done: She has taken me to a free events that her friend's hook her up with tickets. She brought me to her boss' place for a private dinner, letting everyone know who I was. If I ask for her time she will make for me and in some cases spending more than I asked. She has missed appointments.

Like I say we have been spending every weekend together minus one when she caught my cold from the week before. She insisted on staying with me instead of going out with friends and got sick. I do commend her for that.

In short, I haven really seen any thoughtfulness or effort in regards to giving a small gift or taking the initiative to pamer me. I have been spoiling her and we have had a great time. I even helped her out with paying for her bed because she did not have the money. She will pay me back, for she is a person of honor that, I am not worried about. It is the lack of giving right now.

I don't know if this is because she is independent and German (Northern). Or, this is how she is as a temperment...aloof. Or because I am soooo different from the nuckle heads she dated in the past that she does not know how to pamper a man. That side hasn't kicked in yet. I think part of it may be that she doesn't have great cash flow at the moment (which will change in the next month) but, as I said this is part.

How should I go about decerning what is the truth in this situation? What should I look for or how should I test her? More importantly when would be a good time to bring this up or should I?

Thanks,

T
----------

CARLOS:

Thanks for the detailed account. I'm going to explain what's going on, as well as cover a few things that I feel you could do differently.

First, let's define your woman's personality.

She is what she is.

I know, that's brilliant. You can wash my feet with rose-water later.

Seriously, that's a fundamental truth that I've covered in my books (especially the Dating Black Book.)

The person you meet is probably not going to change, or become a different person just for you. The behaviors and actions they are exhibiting now are likely to be the ones they will do for a very long time. (Translation - FOREVER.)

It's the Frog and the Scorpion. (Re-read this story in my e-book.)

Does that mean you're stuck with this?

No. You can bring it to her attention (in a very non-needy and relaxed way.) You simply state what it is you're looking for in a woman.

I recommend you have this discussion with her after you take a weekend off from hanging with her. It's my guess that you two are so consistent now that she's EXPECTING you, and you're predictable.

Very bad it is to be predictable, as my boy Yoda would say.

Give it another break. This time it's YOUR decision and choice. She needs to feel the absence of you before she will ever really appreciate your presence.

Next, if she gives you any kind of chick-speak about "this is who I am" blah-blah-blah... Just shrug and drop it.

If she doesn't make any concerted effort to take care of you after this point, which she most certainly won't, she probably never will.

You see, part of the problem of expecting her to do stuff for you is already a given. She isn't doing it because YOU ARE SPOILING HER!

Sorry, I guess I could have just said that at the start, but I like to paint the picture of your future in advance and save you the trouble of living it.

No one works to keep something they thing is theirs for the taking.

This is what it is to be taken for granted.

Congratulations. You're a living cliche.

Stop making excuses for her, like it's her family, or her ethnicity, or it's her time of the month, or it's her bad hair day.

This chick:

A) May not be a "giver"

B) Has no incentive to give from the way you've been treating her

That's it, brutha.

Spend a few weeks having her wait on you hand and foot. Then disappear for a week. No calls. No nothin'.

I can bet you what will happen. She'll be calling you, asking you what's wrong, where are you, etc. Then you tell her to come over and cook you dinner. And you know what? She'll be HAPPY to.

Now, do I condone this? Is this manipulative behavior?

Perhaps. But it illustrates something very important.

You wouldn't have this problem if you had demanded what you needed up front. Now you're throwing more and more good money after bad, investing in a stock that is not giving you any return.

At least not the return you want from it.

Alpha Men get what they want and make sure they're never ripped off. Human relationships are like anything else in life: If you're not getting what you want, you can only blame yourself for the choice you made and not asking for it up front.

Alpha Males start the relationship on the right foot, with the right tone and expectations.

Let me say it one more time in language that we can all understand:

You're her bitch.

Stop giving in the hopes that you're going to get sometime soon. You're falling into the Gambler's Trap that I discuss in some of my e-books.

The truth is that she now needs to feel what life was like without her favorite guy spoiling her and waiting on her hand & foot.

She really wants to wait on YOU, but you're not letting her, and therefore she's shut down all the nurturing parts of her.

Ignore her for a week. She'll realize her loss and come back.

Or she was never into you to begin with.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

POLL RESULTS:

This is pretty important, guys. I just summarized the results of the latest poll here for you. It's pretty interesting.

By far, the largest percentage of respondents say that the approach is their biggest sticking point.

The next highest is the getting laid stage.

Now, if I'm reading into this correctly, and based on previous questions, I'm guessing that the problem looks a little like this - and this is my own analysis:

Approach is the biggest problem. Numbers aren't a problem, because when you do approach you realize that numbers are NOT a problem. After you get a number or recontact her somehow, you have problems getting a meeting due to flake-age. And when it comes to what I call the "Red Zone" (the time nearest to the get-sex, or not-getting-sex stage), you're having LMR (last minute resistance) and not knowing how to deal with it.

Here are the results:

Poll Name: Sticking Point

Question: What's your biggest challenge with women?


Answer %
Approaching 48
Getting attraction started 16
Getting her phone number 2
Getting an actual meeting with her 10
Getting laid 24


Now, I'll be covering these ad-nauseum in the Audio Coaching, specifically on overcoming the major obstacles to attracting women. Most interactions come to a critical decision point, and that's when you must have skills to overcome them.

Let me suggest first that you guys that have ANY concerns about Approaching need to get my Approach Women NOW program right away. It will not only help you with your ability to approach, but it's almost an essential part of the in-field stuff I'm going to be doing in the future.

Go here: Approach Women Program

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

FLAKEY CHICK QUESTION:

If a girl is defintiely flaking out on you when you schedule a date by saying she wants to go, but isn't sure what time she is available, and you know it's just unacceptable behavior, how do you let her know you don't want to see her anymore?

Also, if she tells me she still wants to be my friend after I break it off with her, would it be bitter of me to say no? I mean, I don't want to be friends with someone who is flakey, right? Am I a bad person for telling her it wouldn't be a good idea if we remained friends?

-------
CARLOS:

There's no need to burn bridges. Remember, it's better to keep a potential ally than it is to turn her into an unnecessary enemy.

There's nothing stopping you from busting on her and practicing on her later, or network to her friends. Make her part of your harem of girl-friends. She'll also be social proof for you when you meet up with her, rather than an enemy that will blow out your sets and your credibility.

Think ahead. Plan. Don't burn your bridges!

Flakiness isn't really enough of a reason to totally cut someone off. It also doesn't mean you ever have to tolerate it.

Just make sure you never RELY on her to follow through. Never plan any event that requires her to attend.

If she says she wants to be friends, I'd say, "How are you going to do that exactly?"

And listen to her answer. It ought to be quite entertaining.

And remember that there is a way to prevent flakiness from women in the first place, which is what you need to do.

It's coming soon in the Advanced Audio Coaching... :)

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

ANOTHER READER CONTRIBUTION:

Un-be-lievable!

Guys actually do this stuff. This is another of those "went WAY TOO FAR" chump moves.

Take a look at the video, and see if you don't get a little nauseous.

Now, before you think that I'm un-romantic, I do think that things like this can be done for a woman, but most guys don't know restraint and self-control. Too much of this crap will make her VERY tired of you. Romance is a dish that is best served like dessert - sweet, infrequently, and in small portions that leave her wanting more.

Thanks to MF for this contribution....


http://media.putfile.com/My-Girlfriend

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

QUESTION:

Hi Carlos

I have this friend of mine, she's very pretty and enjoys attention. She always tells me about the guys who are chasing her at work and outside work.

But I am shocked that every time I go out with her as a friend, no strings attached, she buys me things and pays for my food. I have started developing some feelings for her. I do not know whether I should wait or it's time to ask her to go out with me.

Regards
N
-----

CARLOS:


Dude?

Should you ask her to go out with you?

You have already been going out with her!

Don't make the mistake most guys make which is to think you have to make it formal all of a sudden. What you should do is turn one of these no-strings attached meetings into some fun-with-no-strings meetings.

And stop developing feelings in a vacuum. You're starting down AFC road. You gotta get yourself in REAL interactions with her where you can start to DO things with her.

A lot of guys will spend hours and hours building fantasy castles in their heads, just to avoid the possible reality that she isn't into them.

But you gotta make that leap of faith and DO something. Or you'll be spending a lot of time alone with your fantasies.

The reason she's probably hanging with you is either:

1) She things of you as a girlfriend.

2) She might want a little more, and values your presence enough to pay for it.

But remember that this girl is an attention-hound, and that means that if you can't give her what she wants (or get caught up in a vicious cycle of manipulation with her through what she can/can't have), she'll eventually move on to the person who satisfies her low self-esteem.

The next time you see her and she makes a comment about other people's attention, call her on it.

"Why is it so important to you what other people think about you?"

That will start to separate you from the dweebs that chase her.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

APPROACHING WOMEN QUESTION:

Let me start off by saying you have been very helpfull to me especially since I have no experience in the single world. Since the age of of 17 (I'm 23 now) I have been with the same girl.

Now I have been single for 4 months and have been making attempts to meet/date some new women. Your material has been fantastic and I fully understand all your concepts and have been able to apply them once I get past my biggest weakness, Initiation. I feel very awkward and uncomfortable with the approach, I know Practice, practice, practice. I am trying.

The situation is im at a bar (party/pickup bar) I make eye conctact with a very attractive fem. I hold eye contact she smiles I smile back and I counted 3 seconds and turned tail instead of approach. It really pissed me off that this happened that I chickened out but oh well life goes on and in time I will learn. But after a few beers I confessed my cowardness to my friends and they asked me to point out the girl. One of them had a master plan of tricking me into going towards her to get a free drink with him,

Once there he turned to her and said this is my friend S hes been digging you all night. I took the opportunity of embarrasment and tried to turn it into something positive. I quickly made a remark about my freinds boldness and finally did what I should have done a while ago and introduce myself.

We had some so-so fluff talk and did some dancing my read on her was a shy girl or a girl to nice to reject me because of this I was not gonna make a play on getting her home that night so I didnt want to seem clingy or aggresive, so after dancing and a little bit more small talk I closed with her number. I Followed all your tips and concepts to the T with the exception of that terrible opening.

To much of my great surprise Somehow she is genuinely interested in seeing and getting to know me even with my very weak opening, For the advice and tips I was able to apply that night I got the most attractive girls number I have ever gotten in my life, I still need alot of work on my inner game as you would say, but I guess I didnt do that bad.


Any tips would be immensely appreciated. Keep up the good work, I do plan on being more than a podcast free loader soon. I would really love to join your message forum comunity so I will find something to purchase within the week.

Thanks
S.B.
---------------

CARLOS:

Thanks for your letter... And I'm glad I've been able to help.

I'm not sure I found a question in your letter, but I will comment.

You don't have to do EVERYTHING right to get a woman interested. You just have to do ENOUGH things right.

This is a big change in thinking, because you shouldn't put too much pressure on yourself to succeed. Just KEEP PLAYING.

You did the right thing by not trying to push things all the way to the bedroom. Have patience.

And don't beat yourself up over what you didn't do; congratulate yourself on what you DID do. I highlighted the portion of your email to emphasize the important lesson to pull from the experience.

The Podcast is only the tip of the iceberg. If you want more success in the approach and meeting women, I highly suggest you look at this program:

How to approach women

You'll get the most out of this, and probably the Alpha Man program for more confidence.


Let me know if you have any specific questions, and congratulations on moving things forward with this girl, in spite of yourself. :)

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

STOP TIEING YOUR TONGUE UP...

hey Carlos, "the great"

I have a problem, for some reason when I am talking to people my words jumle up and then come out in a way nobody understand what I was saying or talking about. I even find it extremely hard to explain thing to people clearly. I know what I want to say but it the right words just wont come to mind for me spit out. sometimes its like I want to say two different thoughts at the same time and end releasing some bullshit. even when talking to girls.

Is there a way to take care of this problem?

S
-----

CARLOS:

Okay, you guys are taking this "great" thing too far... I was joking with the last one... :)

But feel free to stroke my ego with a compliment every so often. Couldn't hurt.

Dude, this is one I totally hear you on. I still think faster than my mouth, and it gets me a little jumbled from time to time.

When I'm instructing a class, I have to make sure I'm easing back on the mouth-throttle a bit or my words don't come out the right way.

The best exercise for this is consciously inserting pauses into your speech. Hurrying your speech up is a sign of insecurity because it's viewed as someone who thinks they have to speak fast enough to not lose the other person's attention.

Another exercise is to SLOW THE &*$# DOWN! Just consciously take control of your speech and keep your talking behind the speed of your thinking. You'll do much better.


I cover at least a dozen exercises in the Approach Women NOW program that will help you immensely with this, by the way. Everything from getting your voice and mouth ready to speak, to what to talk about and how to deliver it.

CHECK IT OUT HERE

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

ALPHA MAN COVERS HIS ASS

QUESTION:

There is this girl who lives below me in my dorm. When she is sober, she is the sweetest girl ever to me, but when she is drunk something is wrong with her. She ALWAYS hits me...and hits me hard, like in my stomach and my face. Last night, she hit me twice in my eye and tried to spit on me. I've never done anything to her!!!

Last time this happened, she apologized the next morning and claimed not to remember. I mean, she gets absolutely wasted everytime, but is only mean to me when she's drunk. I prevented her from hitting me last night a couple times, firmly, but she complained to my roommate I was hurting her. I was hurting HER?!?!?!?!

Give me a break! What the hell am I supposed to do? I'm going to go talk to her later on today, but what should I say? This can't go on, especially when I have done nothing to her.
----------

CARLOS:

Here's how I'd attack this one:


1) Talk to her again. Let her know that this behavior is unacceptable. If she continues, she's going to find herself in some deep shit.


2) Report her to your RA. Also, file a report or some kind of information and GET IT ON RECORD. If this girl decides to go formal and complain against YOU, you could find yourself looking for a new school, or even grabbing your ankles each morning so your cell mate can tickle his pleasure with the new kid fresh out of college.


Don't be dumb. Reality doesn't matter. Women are going to be believed more often than a guy when it comes to these things. Our society is predisposed to believe that men are rapists and killers, and that it's part of your violent nature that made you do what you didn't do.


3) Line up your witnesses. Make sure you've got a few people who are willing to support you and your story if she goes psycho.


4) Stay away from this girl. Never be alone with her.

EVER.

That last one should be a no-brainer, but chicks make guys do some incredibly stupid things sometimes.

And in case you feel like this goes against being an Alpha Man because you're tattling on a girl, guess again. You're not an Alpha if you're not thinking with your brain.

If you ever hit her back, you'll find yourself in the Hurt Locker.

She's got a drinking problem, and she's got some subconscious violent tendencies. She's also an instigator, and she'll leave trouble in her wake.

Let her spiral the drain. Just don't get caught in the undertow...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

IS THERE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN FOR YOU?

Dear Carlos,

I was talking to my best friend who has 10 years of experience in the dating world and he thinks that in this world, one will not be able to find a girl who is physically attractive (a general perception of the public) and emotionally stable and healthy (avoiding those unhealthy ones you listed in your ebook). Of course I'm not referring to someone who's perfect but what do you think?

sincerely,

A
---------

CARLOS:

Well, I've got a lot more experience than that, and I'm here to tell you that you can find anyone you want, if you're willing to look hard enough.

And NOT SETTLE!

I agree that there are more sketchy chicks out there that are hotties, but if you get in touch with what you really want in a woman, you'll find that it isn't about all the superficial stuff.

It's about her quality of character.

Your friend's statement of absolute-ism sounds to me like someone who is either jaded and bitter, or has given up all hope.

Or both.

Please recognize that just because a guy has experience does NOT mean that he knows what is really going on with women and how to relate to them, and how to attract them.

I made that comment about my years dating above, but I honestly never use a number of years to prove anything. It's my wisdom that I pass on, and it's that information that you guys hear and understand to be the Truth.

Look at his results. If he isn't getting what you want, he's a poor model for you. Move on.

Find strength and faith, and go after what it is you want most in life.

You'll find that women will follow you on this quest.

Would you like to know how?

Check this out...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

CRAZY WOMAN DRAMA:

I know you are great at covering the multitude of women and dating techniques necessary to be an alpha man, and following on from your terrific ebook 'Secrets Of The Alpha Man' and some info I listened to on your podcasts online (nice work, great for listening to in the office, it'll be Advanced Audio Coaching next).

I would like you to tackle issues on dealing with 2 Criteria.

(1) I have dated several single mothers, and recently one who is separated with a husband lingering like a bad smell. She has moved on, invested a heck of a lot of time in her house and life since moving out but not divorced yet, still going through the child custody. This guy was abusive to her.

She has 2 kids (8 and 9) who are nice, however the nine yr old son suffers from ADHD and I couldn't be around him as he is for his father in the divorce. How would you approach a relationship like this, my theory is to keep it as light as possible and be patient with the girl and give her more space than what is between an airhead's ears. I have been dating other people off and on during this.


(2) She is also a girl with a wild past, one of her closest male friends who has a child by / with her best friend is a very disruptive influence, and her and her best friend both get on with him very well. He has been inside prison for many years off and on, and when I first met him he had been in a bad fight with several guys.

What a first impression meeting him on a sofa covered in blood with severe cuts and bruises all over him! He is best described as psychotic in nature, he has just got out of prison again and is on a charge AGAIN for assaulting a prison officer. He has no money, no fixed home and no job and some of the things he gets up to would shock you. Anyway regarding the kids (my ex's and her friend's) he is fine with them but I find that a little worrying that my ex allows him to play with them.

Furthermore she talks about his antics like they are almost cool, she is 27 with 2 kids! He is seeing the other girl as he fathered her child, but my girl's need to talk about him (plus she slept with him as a teenager once) is indicative of some of the stuff you bring up about 'she talks about another guy'.

(SHORTENED FOR LENGTH)

However, to highlight points of your programme I hope you can go over this bad boy / girl addiction and girl's desire for drama, in addition to the single mother / separated dating area, which generally is considered a no-no I understand.


Thanks King Carlos

S
------
CARLOS:

WHOAH!


Normally, I don't ever like to criticize someone's choices in women. That's a personal thing.

But here I gotta make an exception - and a strong recommendation.

Mostly because our choices say a lot about who we are on the inside.

Your life is the sum total of the choices you've made up to this point.

That's very powerful. I hope you read that and think about it a few times before going on.

First of all, I'm going to suggest you get as far away from this dysfunctional family unit as you POSSIBLY can.

I did not detect one thing in all of what you said that would make this beneficial to you right now. You'd be in the middle of some really scary sh*t, cochise.

A guy covered in blood?

Look, we all catch someone in a bad time, but there's also a possibility this is worse than BAD.

It could be dancing with your own mortality.

Have you ever had one of those experiences where you're in a predicament, a situation that is scary and threatening to you? And that situation has you thinking on the inside:

"Holy crap! I gotta get out of this... I'd do anything to put things back to the way they were. If I could just have made a better choice a few minutes ago and gotten out of this..."

Well, this may be one of those.

This guy is a danger. To you and your lifestyle, whatever it may be. He will NOT be a positive influence on you. I realize that you haven't said anything about dating her, but the impact these people could have on you by association is enough.

He has NOTHING to lose with his behavior, and that may mean that he'll go 'psychotic' on you sometime, bud. Not a pretty concept.

Now, let's get to what you asked:

If this woman makes these choices for herself and her children, what does that say about her?

Well, first of all, while there are some women who want this kind of guy, most - thankfully - do not.

The psychotic guy you mention is just an extreme case of the bad-boy.

Women have an inner need for psychological and emotional energy. They want to ride the roller coaster of emotions and sensation. A lot of younger girls are what we lovingly refer to as the "stimulus junkies." They need this kind of treatment to satisfy something that was missing in their childhood, something they crave.

Sometimes it's just being caught up in this whirlwind. Sometimes it's just their low self-esteem.

But bad-boys have a potent force of "I'm going to do what I want in this world" that cannot be denied.

And to a woman, this looks a lot like the strong kind of guy she's normally attracted to. She just doesn't know what she's in for in the long run until she's addicted.

And that's just what it's like.

An addiction.

As for single moms, hey, there can be a lot of fun there. But if you're looking for something long-term, watch out. You've got a lot of baggage to handle. Just a short list:

- She's already got a child with another man.

- He's going to be in all of your lives for a very long time.

- She will always put her child ahead of you. (Which is much easier to handle if the child is your own. Trust me from experience here.) And let me say that another way - You will RARELY ever be her total priority.

- She's may be looking for another romantic interest, but after she has a child, she's more concerned with their survival. That will make her choice more financial/provider than you might like.

Single moms can be fine, but understand what you are getting out of the situation, as well as her. If it works for you, then fine.

But don't choose single moms just because you're lowering your standards. Or because she's lowered hers.

Understand?


Oh, and I want to caution everyone out there that an Alpha Man is not a "bad boy."

And for all you would-be Alphas out there, the most important thing you can do for your quality of life and your success is to choose your friends and the people you surround yourself with. And be VERY VERY picky.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men