ONLINE DATING QUESTION:

I have been trying online dating as another stream to meet women. I am currently using match.com and I have e-mailed 55 different people in the past month using the intro e-mail you suggest using in advanced audio coaching session # 2. Four out of the 55 have e-mailed me back and we began to e-mail back and forth (I really try to challenge each e-mail) a few times until I asked for their phone number then they don't respond?

Another 8 out the 55 e-mailed me and said that they were not interested? (I actually challenge this by writing something like...Don't put yourself down so fast:) ...I was going to give you a chance...:) I'm not sure what they are basing this off of (both my photo and profile are good and I'm my worst critic).

My question is, are these the numbers you can expect from online services? I know it's a numbers game but I was hoping for a little more.

Thanks Carlos!
B
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CARLOS:

Let's clarify a few things first.

Your results are going to vary based on:

1) The woman

2) the online service

3) the approach

4) the profile of the woman and how well you "read" it

5) the timing

6) the picture you use

7) the rest of YOUR profile...

and a whole bunch of other factors. Online dating can be very uneven. You have to really figure out the vibe of each woman and CALIBRATE to her needs. And you have to do this without ever having met her. You're doing this through the worst way possible - EMAIL.

Email doesn't reflect tone of voice, and misunderstandings happen ALL the time because of it.

So what I recommend you do is to lean back on the ball-busting until you've had a chance to interact and you can read her vibe. If you can't calibrate to her, you'll come across the wrong way. Remember that the material I give you has to be applied in judicious amounts. It's like medicine: Too much can kill the patient, too little has no effect.

Now I asked you to send me in the interaction between you and this woman. I added my comments to each section, and here that is:


I just read your profile and you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders:) You seem like you might make an interesting friend. Oh and just a random question but I was wondering what your favorite resturant and or club in Denver is? Talk to you later.

-B

CARLOS: Good intro, not too abrasive, and expresses some curiosity.

I don't go out in Denver to eat, and I hate clubs so I can't answer your questions. The last time I did was a couple of monthe ago I went to Dazzel with some friends. Why do't you tell me where you like to go.


W
CARLOS: Right here I'm getting a real "bitch" vibe off her. She's too good to be polite with her words, and she's impatient with you. "I can't answer your questions"? C'mon, honey, is it really that hard to pick a f*cking restaurant?


Hey W,

Good to here from you:) How was your weekend?...Mine was good, caught some sunrays, partied a little, and took a nap today:) So you don't eat in Denver and you don't like clubs?...and I thought you might be a wild child:) Just kidding:) I haven't been to a club in a long time but I do like trying new restaurants around the Denver area. It was my sister’s birthday this weekend and we went to an amazing Italian restaurant. It was a gut buster all right:) What's your favorite food? Well gota run but talk to you later.

B

CARLOS: Your response is incongruous with her bitchiness. What I mean is that she was pretty obviously being a bitch in that last email, and this one should have called her on it with a comment like, "You've never been to a restaurant in Denver? Hmmm... Well, what did you think of Dazzel?"



My weekend was quiet. I went shoe shopping with a friend. I went skating on the path and caught up on some sleep. My friend is moving to antarctica for 6 months so Im trying to spend as much time with her as possible befor she drops off the bottom of the planet. My favorite foods are shushi, popcorn, Indian, and what ever I'm in the mood for. I don't like meat markets in general, thats I don't go clubbing or hang out at the bars every weekend. chow ttyl.
W

CARLOS: Here she's at least trying here to relate. That's better, but by this point you should have closed for a phone number. I don't go more than two emails before requesting the phone number. By this point she is already making excuses for not doing something with you, and that's not a good sign. I'd probably drop her by now just to give my self-esteem a boost. If you keep pursuing her, you will feel on the losing end.




Wow, Antarctica, now that's a big move:)..what's she going to do down there?
I haven't been skating in a long time but I did a lot in college. I just remember that it was a great workout especially for your calf's. Can you do any rail slides:) (I know bad joke but hey it's late).

Oh I was thinking that you should send me a number where I can call you, e-mail gets really stale. I need to here the sound of your voice so I can tell if you're a cool gal or one of the those chronic e-mail people:).
Send me your home or cell phone number and let me know what your schedule is like over the next couple of days (unless your homeless and don't own a phone in which case you can just send me the number of your shelter:). Talk to you later.

B

CARLOS: This is well done. It's just the right balance of challenge and teasing. Not offensive at all. But by now, she hasn't really expressed ANY interest in doing something.


Wendy,

I'm glad that I got to meet you and you sound like an interesting and fun person but it doesn't sound to me like your ready to take the next step. I asked for your number last week so that we could get out of e-mail and talk on the phone. You didn't respond. Maybe you were extremely busy but I'm busy too. I need to talk to the women I have just met so that we can tell if there's any chemistry. Sorry we didn't get to know each other better but good luck in your search:)

Ben

CARLOS: Good closing. You cut her off, and you need to really let that sink into your gut so that you affirm that YOU can get rid of HER without feeling needy or depressed about it.

Overall, there is almost nothing wrong with this interaction.

The only thing that would have been handled better would be to call her on her negative attitude right off the bat. Now it's tough to do in email, but it can be done. Here's how I would have answered the first bitchy email about not going to Denver to eat and not going to clubs.

"Wow, Wendy. I sure get some angry vibes from you about the places you like to eat. Is this not a good time to email with you? Perhaps I misread that. I find that email tends to miscommunicate tone, so I'd hate for us to misunderstand each other.

"To be honest, I don't like to carry on electronic friendships (or more), so I'd much rather talk in person. Send me your number and let's make this a little more 'real.' Cool? Hope everything gets better for you."

And that's it. She has to know that you're not going to take that kind of lackluster interest and overall bitchy behavior.

Honestly, it's entertaining to think that you can turn this kind of person around, but sometimes you have to be willing to cut them off right away. My other response would probably have gone something like this:

"Sorry to hear that you don't like to eat out. I'll be honest, I expected a little more of a courteous tone in your email, and what I got was a bit disrespectful for a guy who's just trying to see if you might be interesting. Maybe you had a bad day, but I'd like to see if there might be someone better out there. Good luck..."

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