How do you ask a woman out that you haven't seen in a while?

Hi Carlos
I have the following question. I was living in a dormitory a couple of years ago, where I knew this girl, I was really interested in. She had a boyfriend back then. I have found out that she is single now living in her own apartment like me. How should I go about this? Is it wrong to write her an SMS?

How exactly am I going to convince her to go out with me, when I can't achieve face to face contact first?

J.E.
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CARLOS:

I would tell you to definitely get in contact with her.

But don't call her with your agenda all set like that. You're already thinking about "convincing" her to go out with you.

(Insert Carlos shaking his head here...)

Remember, your posture going in determines your outcome. If you are in it for your own gain (your agenda - to get her to go out with you), she'll sniff you out.

Let me give you a universal translation here:

Selfish, agenda-seeking behavior is something she translates to mean: "He will only be looking out for #1 - himself. He won't see to any of my needs. I won't be satisfied with him."

So, back to your question, how do you go in with the "goal" of getting a date?

An SMS is a WEAK way to communicate with someone until you've already established some connection, attraction, and rapport.

Instead, CALL HER. Obviously if you're considering SMSing her, you must have her number.

Call her up and be fun, witty, charming, and get her attracted to you. (Hint: Use the strategies I outline in my Approach Women NOW program to get her started.)

Once you've got her interest, end the conversation with one of my effective closes for a quick coffee or tea somewhere. Do it soon and do it convenient to HER.

Even if it's under the pretense of getting in touch just to catch up, that's better than nothing.

Personally, I'd be a little hesitant first.

Remember something very important here: SHE might have changed quite a bit. She could be a totally different person. 50 pounds heavier.

Crazier.

Louder.

You just don't know. You need to screen her for suitability FIRST.

This is a far different posture than "Golly, I gotta get her to like me so she'll see me!"

If you want to learn the inner and outer game tricks of the trade when it comes to attracting women and getting more dates, check out my Approach Women Program. You'll be damn glad you did.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Direct - or Indirect?

Carlos,

I've listened to quite a number of your podcasts and have found them to be very eye-opening.
I've been a total chump up until recently, and my efforts to change have been largely instinctual. When I bumped into your work from advice from a friend, it was like the disconnect had been fixed! I will definitely check out more.

My only question at this point is something I've been dealing with regarding how forthcoming you should be about your feelings up-front with a woman. Many dating/seduction methods seem to oscillate between he "never tell her how you feel" school and the "just let her know exactly how you feel" approach. Now I know that things are rarely black and white or absolute and that you have to keep lines of communication open.

But I guess my question is really whether the being coy or how other dating coaches' sense of "cocky/funny" is enough on it's own? I am starting to feel that I'm shooting myself in the foot by trying to withhold what I want from her.

Recently, I pretty much wrecked it with a woman I had been pursuing for months (after wanting her for years), only to find she ended up with another guy (my friend) even though she wasn't very passionate about him, simply because he was clear about how he felt and told her. Later, she told me (in a really messed up context) that she didn't know about my interest because I didn't tell her that I liked/loved/wanted to be with her.

Until then, I thought it was clear, but it obviously was not. What's worse, was that she was turned off of my by my hesitation in not telling her my feelings. She felt that it showed insecurity and lack of confidence not to be able to openly admit how I felt about her straight up.

I understand that the woman does thrive on the question of wondering how you feel about her, but at some point - should you just say it and ask for what you want, be it dating, relationship, one-night stand, etc. rather than try to keep her on the edge and guessing? I sense I'm not one of these guys that can keep a woman interested just with the "promise" of something to come as they might not even see me as a prospect, regardless of the work.

Any insight would be great! Keep up the good work.


R.
______________________
CARLOS:

Ah, this is a question that plagues many men out there. It's a calibration issue that is best understood by stepping back for a second and looking at the big picture.

First of all, there is Strategy, and there are Tactics.

Strategy is the big picture, and Tactics are the little things that make up the big picture.

Strategy is deciding on a rushing game against a versatile and effective defense in football. Tactics are the individual plays during the course of the game. It doesn't mean they won't pass the football, but they might not do it as much because that's their strategy.

It's a strategy that you should demonstrate confidence with a woman and not gush about your feelings. I generally prefer the woman be the first one to talk about how she feels, because then it's more satisfying to her. She's fulfilling her female role. Not to mention, if she brings it up, you know she's feeling the emotion.

Cocky and Funny is NOT enough. You have to learn how to achieve a balance. Most guys don't understand what "cocky and funny" really communicates on a subconscious level with women.

Look, women don't want men who try to be women. It's not your responsibility to have big emotional discussions. You're a MAN! Play the part. Be strong, confident, and consistent.

BUT (and this is where balance and good judgment come into the picture), you do need to recognize when she's actually in need of some heart-to-heart talking and feeling. But this is a SMALL percentage of the time. You can talk and connect with a woman without having to be an emotional wuss.

An occasional "Love you" or "Thinking about you" is enough to keep her connected.

So the TACTIC here is to remember that you can occasionally be vulnerable and talk about your emotions, but don't get out the tissues and start watching "Fried Green Tomatoes" or some other chick flick.

Just give her a satisfying dose of CONNECTION.

That's what she wants.

And if you're confused about this balance, let me recommend you don't just sit around listening to my podcasts. You need to get the essential elements of attraction with women HERE:
Secrets of the Alpha Man

Learn how to be the man that women WANT.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

What to do when she breaks up with you and you want her back...

Hi,

I must say that your ideas have opened my eyes a lot, especially about the fear of rejection part. I have to say that although I'm a pretty handsome guy, I haven't been much successful with women until I've convinced myself to drop a little of my pride and stop fearing rejection. Believe it or not, I have wasted opportunities with extremely hot chicks who came on to me (not me) because of my wussiness (I am a funny guy, but lacked the confidence). It is true that it mostly turns out great if you just do it, not as negative as we think it is. So, thank you Carlos X. for your books.

My question is, I've been dating this girl and I must say I've became attached to her... slept with her for a couple of weeks until problems started to arise from her part not wanting to commit with me (although I never brought up the subject, neither did I say 'I like/love you' which was awesome if you ask me :P) The sex stopped, though the making out sessions continued looking at the fact that she was still attracted to me.

Then we had to travel (each to a different country) and we didn't speak (except for few emails) for 2 months. When I returned, she wasn't acting as she used to with me (I'm sure she talked to someone else, but I doubt others were as attractive to her as me) which really annoyed me.

I know she is still attracted to me, but I just couldn't make the move (wussiness? guess so) cuz I was simply disappointed with her behavior, she was clearly keeping stuff from me and acting a little distant though obviously attracted at times. I felt that she was disrespecting me since she was taking me for granted.

Anyway, recently a little incident happened which I took advantage of and showed her I was disappointed from her and told her that I won't tolerate any disrespect from her. I expected she would see her mistake, but she did not. And we aren't speaking at all now although we see each other everyday at university (I drop a Hi and a little smile if I'm close to her, but she just can't look into my eyes as if I hate her or something though I don't).

I wanted to get away from her so I would find new opportunities yet I don't want to let this relationship end just like this.

Should I make a move, or wait for her? (I'm a stubborn man, I can tolerate a lot) I feel that she's just acting tough, all an act.

Z, Lebanon
______________________
CARLOS:

Well, congratulations on recognizing your stubbornness.

Now get rid of that trait quickly, and no lame excuses about "that's who I am."

There's an old saying: "Do you want to be right, or be rich?"

That doesn't mean material wealth, mind you... Just that you will find that in order to get what you want from life, being "right" is not always the best strategy.

First of all, let's learn some lessons:

A) When the sex stops, your game is dying. The attraction is dying. This is completely unacceptable.

When you're being an Alpha Man, the sex never stops, because she's always rabid to have you because she never has enough of you.

B) She's NOT still attracted to you. Women who are still attracted to you do not do what she is doing. They don't stop having sex with you and they don't break up with you and then avoid eye contact.

You are projecting your attachment to her on her.

C) You're trying to revive something that has died. Move on.

I'm going to repeat my advice for you guys who are desperate to revive a relationship that's over:

The question of how to get back an ex-girlfriend or win back some woman you messed it up with previously is a bad path to follow for the following reasons:

1) You will never have the credibility you should with someone you've messed it up with. If, by some stroke of incredible technique you actually manage to get her back, she'll always be testing you, pushing your buttons, trying to see if you are for real. In the end, you'll wind up being a whipped pu ssy of a man, reduced to jumping through hoops, constantly trying to curry her favor. Don't do it.

2) You'll spend 10% of the energy on simply finding a NEW woman that you start things off RIGHT with. Why drive yourself crazy, risk stalking her, and otherwise turn yourself into a toad of a man to win back something you never really had? Do it right the first time.

3) By resorting to go back to a woman you once pursued, you're demonstrating a scarcity mindset. You are further reinforcing that you somehow cannot meet any of the other 2.8 Billion Women on this planet and must now recycle. Think bigger. (And this woman you're pursuing will sense your desperation and pull away even faster because of it.)

4) You are probably in the heat of delusion, thinking that this woman is somehow the "one" for you, and there is no other woman like her. The reality is that there are MILLIONS of women like her. Your desperation and insecurity are simply blinding you to options. Go out and meet 20 new women (for real, not half-heartedly) and I'll guarantee you that you won't think the same anymore. She's like a snowflake: unique and special - JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE!

You'll further destroy what little self-dignity and confidence you have by continuing to travel down this spiral chute to hell.

MOVE ON!

Ironically, if you are to ever stand a chance of getting her back, this is the only way to do it. Only by demonstrating the ability to get on with your life will she ever find you attractive again.

But I can help you find the confidence you've lost and get you on the path to a new and better relationship...

I created the Alpha Man program just for this situation. It will rebuild your self-esteem higher than it was before. Better. Stronger. Faster.

Go download the Secrets of the Alpha Man e-book right now...
http://www.alphaseduction.com

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

This is what an Alpha Man understands - your girlfriend is illogical, but predictable

Over the last year, my current girlfriend has "triggered" many of the negative emotions I use to feel going back ten-fifteen years.

This is interesting, because these emotions I would feel would trigger the beta male within me. You know who I am referring to, that part of ourselves we just hate to admit wants love and approval from women.

Well, yesterday, my girlfriend was just being her natural sweet self but her behavior triggerred that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach where I "felt" I had to stop what I was doing just to cater to her needs, I even sensed from her that she was getting slightly pissed off.

In a flash, I realised the emotion and saw it as a demon from my past, I decided to slow down and take my time to finish what I was doing. In fact, I deliberately took even longer. I noticed she went into a "stroppy" mood which I found interesting. I decided not to enter her world but to leave her alone. No talking, just carried on what I was doing, putting my needs first.

Within twenty minutes she came over to me started the "I love you" routine. Knock yourself out on that one.

I thought about it afterwards and I have come to the realization that women are the most illogical species on the planet and my communication with them will be based on that illogicality as will my behavior.

For me this was and is a significant breakthrough in terms of healing the negative associations from my past. Your material has helped me to see a totally different frame of behavior, totally awesome.

I hope this helps some of the guys out there who can relate to this in some way.

Slow down guys, keep your composure and put the smile on your face first.

Mike V
London
______________________
CARLOS:

A-HA!

He has a moment... an epiphany ... and now he is forever changed.

My thoughts are that I've gone through this EXACT same situation before, and when you realize that handling her "illogical" behavior with an understanding of how this "illogic" works, you come to a new place in your game.

This is where having an Alpha Lifestyle will boost your self-esteem through the roof once you realize that CHASING WOMEN is actually hurting your posture.

It's crazy, but when you get to this point, where you just intuitively understand that a woman's disapproval will NOT affect you in any way, that is when you start to have women turn their own attitudes around and become more loving and approachable.

She will be able to open up more with you because she can trust you more to be the Alpha Man.

I cover this completely in the Secrets of the Alpha Man program.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Is Carlos really a "guru"?

Here's a short paragraph I saw in a newsletter recently. It's interesting, and it's something I've been guilty of.

Have a read:

"Have you ever seen the word 'Guru' not used in quotes? I have not. People put a label on people. And many times the word 'Guru' is positioned as a bad thing. 'Guru' means (among many things) teacher or expert. And generally it is stated in a derogatory meaner, placed in quotes, implying mean 'So Called', usually by someone that begrudges someone else for having what they, too, also want. Blaming others for their lack of success, making it appear that they are being exploited. All the while they would love to have the same success. Perhaps dropping the hypocritical ego could help remove the 'Them against Us' conflict resulting in greater success."
______________________
CARLOS:

This is an excellent observation.

I don't consider the title "Guru" a bad thing. I like it.

I embrace it.

I see this same kind of judgmental attitude from guys who create that "US vs. THEM" situation to soothe their sore egos when they aren't getting success with women.

It's easy to blame others and point fingers. It's hard to do the right thing and work to improve yourself.

Luck for you, I make it all so much easier with these programs...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

What do I do when dating advice contradicts another?

I've bought Simon's IAP and Instant Dating Success (my first seduction materials), but there's one problem I have for a long time. Every 'guru' has it's own opinion, and it all makes sense, but different tips contradict with each other. I already have my preferences, but it stops me from listening to other authors.

Should I use all of the advice? How do I choose wisely?

______________________
CARLOS:

Great question!

Sometimes you'll see certain tips that seem in contradiction to other things we may have said. In fact, you might even see times when it seems like we're contradicting OURSELVES.

Rest easy, my friend. It doesn't mean that we're all full of crap.

It just means that this area is not all "Black&White" as some people would like you to believe.

I personally suggest certain strategies and tactics as a way of getting understanding of the principles, the way you learn scales in playing guitar. But after you learn those scales and patterns, you can then learn how to break the rules to make MUSIC.

You see, life is filled with apparent contradictions, and the skill of attracting women is no different.

The key is to use your own CRITICAL THINKING to determine the best solution in any given situation.

Use your head, and try everything. But don't just throw something out because it didn't work. Figure out WHY and you'll know what to do next time.

I show guys REAL Game. Which means that I show them how to build attraction with their own REAL personalities, not trying to be a fake pickup artist with a bunch of scripts.

Learning how to do that is the ultimate evolution for the Alpha Man that wants to learn how to attract women anywhere, anytime.

You can start by downloading my foundation program - The Dating Black Book - HERE.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Long distance? Or just scarcity?

comment: Your advice seems the best out there. After buying David D's and Mystery, I found you focus the best on inner game. You deal best with real situations. I been literally broke (i owe parents money), since finding your podcasts. But I will look into buying your products soon like February.

My question is over long-distance relationships. You said they don't work. Why? I have been talking to a girl over long distance for over 4 months. For the longest time I thought it wouldn't last, but it has. We had only spent 2 days prior to that together. She has told me I love you, which I later reciprocated. I do need to work on spicing it up with cocky returns which your last email mentioned. I like this girl, but know I must not let it get to my head. Recently I have been boring and too nice. So I will fix that.

My other question is how does one respond to this over the phone or aim, "what else will I get from you other than a massage when we see each other?" It seems cocky funny is a good response, but it can't be used all the time. I think. How do I and should I give hints of what I'd do? Hopefully I will see this in a future newsletter.

Peace,
Reb
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CARLOS:

Well, LDRs (Long Distance Relationships) can work, but it all depends on how you define "work."

Look, there are some realities you cannot overlook:

1) If you are not seeing a person regularly, both quantity and quality, you are not getting the REAL picture of what she's like. Isolated get-togethers are not a good way to get to know someone - if you're looking for something longer-term. But if you're only looking for the short term, that could suit you just fine.

2) Being far away from someone SIMULATES excitement and desire to your nervous system, just because you cannot just go over and watch a movie with her, or get together whenever you want.

Take it from a guy who's been there - unless you already have a bunch of girls in your vicinity that you can date, you have no business going after ones that are further away.

It's scarcity thinking of the worst kind.

As for your second question, just have her tell you what SHE would want. Don't answer unless she satisfies your needs:

"What's in it for me, honey? Here, I'll give you a challenge. Write me an essay on 'what I want you to do with me after you're done with the massage.' I'm not saying it will come true, but I'll definitely consider it... :)"

Get creative... but don't get obsessed.

And if you want to know how to really handle your dating life the right way, download the Dating Black Book by clicking HERE.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Advice if you aren't quite an Alpha Man yet...

I received the [Secrets of the Alpha Man] programme very quickly, which is great seem as though it had to come all the way to the UK! It is full of very very good information, anyone not absorbing this information really is missing out on a HUGE quality of life. It's not just about dating, it's about a lifestyle. It's about unleashing the REAL you, and this programme helps tremendously with that.

I have followed a few other programmes in the past but to be honest if I had known about this back then I would have just followed this one because the scope is really wide. My advice to anyone who has not purchased Secrets of the Alpha Man, take control of your life now and go get it. You will notice vast improvements in your day-to-day working life and social life.

Thanks Carlos, keep up the fantastic work! The Advanced Audio Coaching and e-books are working wonders too!

Cheers,
Steve

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Skeptics ... I love 'em!

I stumbled upon your Podcasts on Itunes and was interested in what you had to say.

I have seen other, what I would consider to be, scam websites that look much like yours. You have quotes from very strangely named people, Excell, who names their son Excell?

These are the first sources of my skepticism.

Second, who made you the expert on this stuff?

What kind of research, experiments, recorded observations, successes have you made that allows you to make these statements?

Do you have any educational background for this?

Or after 20 years did you just wake up one day and decide you had all the answers and were going to spread the ‘truth’?


Now…that said, I think you bring up a lot of good points that make sense and are evolutionarily accurate.

For example, your talk about how traditionally there was not an issue of man attracting women because there were strong male role-models who acted like men, where as today media and political views have distorted our view of what a man should be.

I am interested in your products, but I believe that with anything you find on the internet there is a required amount of caution and skepticism.

-Brandon
______________________
CARLOS:

Normally I would pass right over an email like this because there are so many others deserving of answer, but I so rarely get ones like it that I wanted to do the courteous thing for once instead of dismissing it.

First of all, yes, a lot of people feel that a healthy amount of skepticism is fine. But the reality is that people use the "skepticism" excuse to avoid change or questioning their ego much of the time.

Skepticism is looking for a reason to NOT do something.

Curiosity, on the other hand, is the healthy attitude.

• Skepticism is closed. Curiosity is open.

• Skepticism is avoiding. Curiosity is seeking.

Skepticism is fear. Plain and simple.

Fear of growth. Fear of change. Fear of the unknown. Fear of taking charge of our own lives.

The question is not "What if this is a scam?" (I've been around for 5 years doing this. I'm a household name when it comes to giving guys the advice that gets them women.)

The more important question is: "What if it really works?"

THAT is the question most "skeptics" are trying to avoid.

Hey, it's easier to say "I doubt" than "I wonder..."

It's easier to chuckle at something (like a guy's name - yes, it's really Excel, and it's a great name if you think about it...) than it is to commit to using information that will change you.

Change is scary. So is getting educated.

Look back in history at the nay-sayers who have held us back from progress over the centuries. They've always been the 'skeptics' and the ones who say "Who are you to say..."

"Who are you to say the earth is round?"
"Who are you to say the earth revolves around the sun?"
"Who are you to say you can break the 4 minute mile?"

People with an open mind have marked all of mankind's upward progress over the ages.

Look, I've been in the field of personal development for YEARS.

When was the last time you got information from a Harvard professor that HELPED you with your dating life?

My guess? Never.

When it comes to dating and women, the only people who are experts are the ones who are successful DOING it.

I am. And my information and testimonials stand on their own. Read them here:
http://www.alphaseduction.com/alpha-male.htm

PhDs look at reports and graphs. I break down women's behavior and make it understandable.

It's not empirical evidence that you need - it's healthy CURIOSITY.

Instead of standing back with your arms crossed trying to convince yourself that you're the Smart Dude for not doing anything, do this:

1) Search my name on the internet: Carlos Xuma. Take a look at all the credible locations I've been published. (By the way, I just added beer.com as another location that has me for their resident advisor.)

2) Look at the list of sites, radio, television, etc. that I've been on. There's a list at www.datingdynamics.com and www.carlosxuma.com

What's that? You haven't seen me on TV? Go see it HERE: GALLERY

3) Everything I sell is offered through a credible online merchant (Worldpay) and you can get a refund if you are not satisfied. Period. All you have to do is send it back to me. I take ALL the risk for you.

4) Search your heart and ask yourself why you are resisting the opportunity to grow. Is it really 'skepticism,' or fear?


Everything in life is risk. You take more risks with your life just leaving the house in the morning.

But keep this in mind: You are guaranteeing your own problems with women if you DON'T get this understanding. You're not RISKING this result - you are assuring it!

I hope we'll see you sending in your own Alpha Testimonial sometime soon, Brandon.

Good luck!

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Should you be 'cocky and funny' all the time?

Carlos,

Hey, I have been reading your newsletters and have found myself in a bit of a bad situation lately. I am one of those attractive dudes that always has good luck with the ladies (at first) but problems start showing up with time and relationships.

I have been dating a girl for 6 months now but the last week with her has been a living hell. Before I get to something more specific let me say that when I met her I was extremely cocky bordering arrogant with humor thrown in. She has complained about me being cocky since about the first week.

Now, I hear time and time again how she wants to know where she stands and that she loves me regardless of my being cocky. She tells me that she would like a "nice" Stan instead of a cocky one. I quess I need a biiiaaatch slap from you because today for the first time in 6 months I sent a long e-mail (not mushy - but just a bit too revealing). I hope that I can be forgiven for this Alpha Man sin.

I am also finding it harder to be away from here-losing some touch with my inner game. I am getting a big case of oneitis and I need that slap. It is just so tempting to buy into her consistent discloser saying that it would be easier to be with a "nice" man. However, her ex was extremely dominant to her (almost abusive) and she stayed with him for 10 years.

She has also talked about her dating history and all of the "nice" guys were flushed by her. So my problem is that she says that she wants to know where she stands in the relationship and that my cockiness is the reason for all of the fighting.

At what stage of the relationship does a man ease up (if at all)? We have been fighting (a lot) and I would like to break the cycle and just have a dating situation that is more fun and light like it used to be. Carlos I am also curious about this.

This girl has confessed her love for me almost on a daily basis (between the fighting) but I have slipped up a few times and told her that I loved her back. Yes, at first I told her "you everything that I never thought that I wanted" and she loved it but now it is just "I love you too". Danger Will Robinson Danger. Can a man that has got the girl keep her even after a few wuss attacks (long letter, one too many calls, I love you, etc.).

Any suggestions on recovery?

Stan

______________________
CARLOS:

First of all, you guys are thinking WAY too black & white.

I never told you that you couldn't tell a woman how you felt ... just not in the first 10-12 dates at least!

The most common mistake is this:

• Boy meets girl.

• Girl likes boy, but plays it cool

• Boy likes girl, but is drawn in to infatuation for her because she's the rabbit and he's the hound.

• Boy goes overboard and starts pulling "Rom-Com" (romantic comedy) moves, like telling her she's his destiny, and trying to CONVINCE her to like him rather than SHOW her why she should.

• Girl loses interest because he wasn't enough of a challenge, and failed all the "needy/clingy/desperate" tests she put in front of him.

• Boy becomes despondent and heartbroken. Stalks woman until restraining order goes into effect.

Okay, so the last one is an add-on of mine, but you'd think this was the end of 90% of the promising early date situations out there.

Look, after you've been seeing someone for more than a few months, it's okay to let her know that you love her or care about her. Just don't gush and come across like a weepy, overly sensitive wuss. Be a man about it!

Tell her your feelings, but do it in a way that shows you don't care if she feels the same way. THAT is how you tell a woman you dig her. So she understands that you're in charge of your own reality.

If you leave her wanting for too long, she's start to get nervous and test you even more because she's getting NO reassurances from you. That's not so good.

We do what we do as Alpha Men because it's the right model for today's modern masculine man. NOT because we're trying to manipulate and control someone out of their insecurities.

BIG difference.

Being cocky all the time is annoying.

Yeah, that's the truth, all you big fans of "cocky and funny." It can be downright grating on a person's nerves to have this constant mouthy, cocky routine running non-stop.

Cocky and funny, or tease-to-please as I developed and enhanced it, is only effective as a SPICE. Not the main dish.

You do it every so often to build up some playful sexual tension. Don't go crazy with it.

Make sense?

If she remains difficult to be with when you're a more calm individual (meaning that it looks like she needs the constant conflict to stay interested), you really should consider moving on. This is not a person you can be with over the long term.

Look, it sounds like your calibration is all off on this area, and I want to put you back on track. I filmed my Alpha Immersion seminar and included all kinds of detailed information on how to get women by understanding true social dynamics.

If you find yourself confused by all these strategies and pickup tactics, you need to learn how to apply REAL Game.

Get the Secrets.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Keep women friends, or dump them?

Hi Carlos - Got this ladyfriend at work who says she only sees me as platonic but who I would love to get a more deeper level of attraction with. To complicate things she says she doesn't really like to talking to guys cause they're always hitting on her but somehow I'm different.

Now I do try the cocky funny routines and will mix it up with some sexy suggestives. But she does phone me out of work to off-load her personal problems and complaints as I offer a supporting shoulder.

To cut a long story short I liker her as a friend. But should I dump her as a friend if I can't get the sexual tension between us going?

Bobby UK

PS: I am just GREAT at making lady friends. But not very good at taking it further!
______________________
CARLOS:

Congratulations.

You're her Nice Guy.

You spend time on the phone with her and talk about her feelings and all that stuff...

But inevitably, even when you tell me that you're mixing in some teasing and cocky material, you're probably not doing it to the level that engages her emotions. My guess is that you're "dabbling" with it, but not committing to using the strategy because you're very attached to your old wuss ways.

I know this because of what you said at the end, that you're great at making lady friends instead of lovers. Women like you because you're like a girlfriend with a gender identity problem. They can ignore that little physiological gender difference because you have no sexual charge.

REMEMBER: Magnets attract metal because they are polarized - i.e., charged.

You're failing to get any sexual tension going, so women assume you are good to unload on.

You're stuck in your old belief system that if you can somehow be nice enough FOR a woman she'll want you. When, in fact, you must be nice TO a woman by being an Alpha Man.

That's okay, I was once the same way. I had this moral dilemma for so long that using any kind of knowledge to help steer my relationships onto the right track was somehow "wrong" or manipulative. And that it was somehow better for me to fail using no strategies than to succeed using them.

This is the delusion of the idealist.

The reality is that if she says she sees you as "platonic," you lost the game a while back.

Why?

Because you'll just end up spending about 100 times more energy trying to get a woman who has written you off to find you sexually attractive than you will if you just go find a woman to start things off right with from the beginning.

And by focusing on the woman that you are not getting, you are deeply embedding the belief in scarcity in your subconscious mind. You're focusing on the one instead of the many, and as a result you are going to create a harmful fracture in your thinking where you ought to have the most strength.

This fault will be right where your masculine strength should be - your ALPHA MAN POWER.

There's no problem having a few female friends, but when that's ALL you're making, you're doing something wrong, and it needs to be fixed. Those lady friends of yours don't know how to hold an intervention for this kind of problem, trust me. They'll just throw their hands up and walk away before they'll sit you down and explain how it REALLY works.

If you want to turn this around do the following right now:

1) Stop being her shoulder to cry on. That's what her girlfriends are for.

2) Start demonstrating some strong male energy. Tease her. Bust her chops.

3) Get the Secrets of the Alpha Man. It will help you avoid making this kind of mistake EVER again.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Seattle Lair presentation and Bootcamp 12-9-2006

FYI: I'll be in Seattle, WA on 12/9/2006 to present to the Seattle Lair members. I'll also be holding an exclusive 3-4 person bootcamp with a few of the lucky guys there.

If you're in the Seattle area, you need to be there for my presentation on Saturday, and my bootcamp on Saturday night.

Get more information here:
http://www.mensdatingadvice.com/mens-dating-advice-seminar-Seattle.htm

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Cell phones and hot women - it's a lockout

I heard about you when you did [David DeAngelo] DYD's Interview Series.

I have a situation that has been bothering me and I know its also an issue with other guys here but they don't want to admit it.

I been noticing lately that most of the HB's I want to talk to are usually on the cellphone walking around. So how would the Alpha man deal with a HB on her cell walking around? I find this to be very difficult to deal with.

______________________
CARLOS:

Yes, the reality is that you will frequently find yourself at the mercy of a "lockout" element. A "lockout" is anything a hot woman uses to keep herself inaccessible - a convenient excuse to not talk to you, ignore you, or keep her life uncomplicated with the approaches of chump men.

It really all boils down to a few things...

First of all: Do you have the persistence to break into her world?

If you don't have the deeply-grounded and rooted belief in yourself that is necessary, you'll cave the first time she pushes back on you.

There's a reason she's on the cell phone. It gives her a convenient and powerful excuse to not talk to guys who approach her.

Imagine the life of a Hot Woman:

- Approached all day long
- Dorky guys constantly trying to get her number
- Chumps always looking to satisfy their personal agenda with her
- Having to turn guys down all the time
- Preferring to avoid it by keeping a cell phone clamped to her head

Yeah, it's gotta suck.

But seriously, if you had dorky women approaching you all day long, you'd come up with these kinds of defense mechanisms, too. It simplifies life.

So how do you deal with it?

Waver her down. Stop her with a very serious look on your face.

"Hey, I need your attention."

When you get it:

"I realize you're probably blissfully happy not to have to talk to the other dorks who tried to pick up on you today, but I'm not one of them. I just wanted to let you know that you have a wonderful energy about you. If you're interested in learning more, get rid of that call and meet me over here. K?"

Wink.

Move over.

Wait and watch her out of the corner of her eye, not directly.

When she gets rid of her call, you're on.

Get bizzy...

And if you need any other tactics and methods for approach, you can learn them here: Approach Women NOW!

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Do you believe that women don't want short men?

Considering the fact that I have not at all been unsuccesful with women , I got really excited when I somehow ended up on your website and listened to the intro.

....But my lack of success comes from the fact that I am a very short man about 4'2" and this puts a lot of women off. Actually some women have admitted to me that if I was a little bit taller they would consider going out with me.

Do you think your book will somehow help me out on here? I undesrstand now that women usually prefer men taller than them. But then I cant go on without finding a woman that somehow will like me ... Is there anything I can do to make a woman not to cosider my lack of height and Find me attractive? Do you cover such agendas in your book?

Awaiting your urgent response.


- S (in the UK)

-----------
CARLOS:

Let me say this:

1) Will my e-book help you? Yes. Definitely. The principles help a man regardless of his height. These are principles that EVERY man must be very aware of for long-term (even short-term) success. You have to have a strong inner game right along with your outer game.

In fact, the mistake comes when you listen to a woman who says something like: "If you were a little bit more X, I'd consider going out with you..." That's woman speak for: "You're not being Alpha enough for me, and I'm not feeling the attraction."

Of course, she doesn't know how to verbalize this, so she says what comes to her head as a convenient excuse.

I know for a fact of a guy who is a little person, stuck in a wheelchair, who can attract women.

2) Do I address how to overcome this particular situation?

Yes, the Alpha Man program covers "perceived limitations" in detail.

You see, there are a set of beliefs that you will wind up working with, no matter what. Your physical situation (which I do not consider a disadvantage, just a challenge depending on your dating goals) is one that has its roots in many common beliefs among men. One is that women judge men the way that men judge women - based on appearance. Not true.

There are specific strategies to be employed. You never need to be short in spirit or mind, S. (Consider this: Stephen Hawking has been married and remarried, and the man has been totally incapacitated for decades. There is a woman for EVERY guy on the planet.)

3) Remember that you cannot make a woman ignore the obvious. The key to managing your situation is showing her the self-confident man that she will be attracted to.

You see, there is the conscious part of her mind that can try to fight with her subconscious mind, the same way many men and women struggle with a relationship they know isn't going anywhere, but they feel that crazy attraction that actually rules their actions. That subconscious attraction mechanism is the part that every man has to engage in a woman or she will NEVER truly be yours.

One thing you can do is to make your height a source of humor. Don't put yourself down, but make it clear to her in your posture and lighthearted way that your height is NOT a source of insecurity for YOU. Once she knows you and that it's not a problem for you, she'll be much more interested.

Remember: Women pick up on insecurity faster than the 49'ers can lose the season. (Hey, I'm in San Francisco. I can make those jokes.)

Use your vulnerability to demonstrate your Alpha Power to women. Knowing how to talk about your weaknesses is something that will drive women crazy for you, and create a connection that she will NOT want to lose.

I've literally been able to create such strong attraction and rapport with a woman that she has been heartbroken to have me leave at the end of the night.

I recommend the following:
1) Keep reading the newsletters, and also get the Dating Black Book. This will help get your attitude stay on the right track.
/dating-advice.htm

2) Complete my Secrets of the Alpha Man home study course. I can promise you that it will help you in skills as well as understanding.
https://www.alphaconfidence.com

Thanks for the email, S...
(and "mind the gap"! :) (Just a tube joke for my other British Alpha Men out there...)

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Get more success with women by closing effectively...

Carlos, - I have a quick question for you - there is this girl I have met and like, and while at college, we get on really well, - she said to ring her at the weekend and see if she wanted to do anything, - so I did and got a lame excuse about her forgetting, and agreeing to meet a friend -

Now dont get me wrong, I get on with women well, abut the main problem I have is getting them to meet up outside of places like college & work and I have tried different approaches, so I was hoping you would have some fail-proof ways of getting them to want to.- any tips would be much appreciated. - cheers mate .

Michael, UK
______________________
CARLOS:

I get a lot of emails from guys that want me to be clear that they are "doing just fine" with women, except for this ONE sticking point.

Well, assuming this is true, you have a situation that is not that hard to fix.

The first step is to STOP looking for foolproof solutions.

THERE ARE NONE!

Trust me, I've tried them ALL, and the one sure thing you have to realize is that there are no sure things.

Except one: If you're authentic and true to yourself, and if you act from a core of compassionate POWER (masculine, dominant, leader) you will have more overall success than you know what to do with.

So stop looking to avoid risk and the possibility of failure. Only losers spend all their energy trying to avoid the possibility of failing.

Read that last line again.

Next step: Start being more clear and assertive with women when you first meet them. This girl flaked on you like this because you didn't really cement in the good feeling and fun, and then you probably failed to start it back up when you talked on the phone.

Reasonably sane women will not refuse a date with someone they think is fun and cool.

You need to lock in a more vibrant air about you, and close her more definitely when you've got the good vibes going. Don't leave it so vague the next time. You need to make a statement that shows your interest in her at some point so she isn't left with an empty feeling of "failure to launch."

I hear some contradiction in your email that I want to point out. You say you "get on with women well," but you're not getting results. I suggest you re-evaluate your definition of "get on well." Perhaps you're getting good energy on the first meeting, but you're lacking in the ability to close successfully.

I'm not always so clear on the reality of the situations guys write in about because there are a lot of guys who delude themselves as to their real level of success with women. The reality is that most guys DO NOT get what they want from their interactions and relationships with women.

Shitty as that is, there is a cure for the common Single Guy. It's called EDUCATION.

If you could learn secrets to attract women, would you? Can you see past your ego defense mechanisms and embrace the power of the Alpha Man?

Find out how to close women right ... HERE.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

She's sleeping with her friend while you write me emails...

QUESTION:

Last year I met a 40 year old woman (but she looks to be in her late 20's) at work. Acting cocky and humorous, I got her to notice me.

We went out for drinks the first time around and I told her that I had a girlfriend. Being the kind of person she is, she didn't act on her attraction towards me.

The second time we went out for drinks I kind of blew it by being somewhat crude in my approach, and not being as cocky towards her as how I initially started out.

Today she knows I am single but now she's sleeping with a guy she refers to as just her friend but cannot see herself being with him in the long run.

Question: How do I rekindle her initial attraction to me that I know that she felt for me initially??

What steps do I have to make to magnify those seeds of attraction?

------------------------
CARLOS:

So now she's sleeping with a guy who offers no relationship potential, huh?

Gee. That's a new one. (Sarcasm intended.)

She's attracted to him and staying with him because he's showing her challenge. He's not smothering her or rushing her into a relationship.

Well, we don't need to go into all the reasons why she's with him, just look at the ways you can trade places with him.

1) Are you still in contact with her? If so, you need to be using those contacts to deepen her attraction. If you're seeing her on purely friendship terms -- STOP IT! You're ruining your chances, and you'll never be able to break out of "friend" mode.

2) How did she act when she knew you were single? Did she change her behavior from then to now in any way? If she did, she was probably stirred by the prospect of you suddenly being in demand by another woman.

3) Ignore your 'competition.'

Just do everything better than he has been. Or everything that he's stopped doing, 'cause I guarantee you he has stopped doing what he needs to, or will soon. Don't ever act jealous of him or even acknowledge him. It sounds like her telling you that there was no relationship potential with this guy is her way of telling you that she's open to the possibility of the next guy.

(Remember: Some women just don't like to be alone. She wants to line up her next Knight in Shining Armor in advance.)

Start joking with her in a cocky way that she knows she wants to 'trade up.' Tell her she should 'act now, before she misses her opportunity.' Make it slightly joking, but slightly serious as well.

4) You should probably express your romantic interest in her via non-verbal means. You need to get her attraction mechanism started. I suggest going out to drinks and showing her some confidence and mystery.

Talk about some deep, non-sexual topics. (But avoid therapy-talk.) Get her to open up about her emotions. Then start showing her that you *might* be interested in her romantically. Hold her glance too long. *Accidentally* brush her hand with yours. Leave her wondering, "Is he digging me?"

The bottom line here would be to make sure you two are not behaving as friends, or even letting this go non-romantic in any way. Don't let her think that you're just a guy friend that she can unload on, or just go out on *platonic* activities. She has to feel the sexual tension.

(All the while, make her know that you're not waiting around on her. She has to know she can't just dilly dally around on the sidelines.)

You have to be willing to lose her as a friend to gain her as a lover. After the amount of time you've known her, she should know whether or not her interest is there. She'll convey that interest level through her actions (not necessarily through her words.)

You just have to be funny, confident, alluring (mysterious), in control (self-control of your wimpy tendencies), and a challenge. Be playful, be unpredictable. But do SOMETHING other than what you have been.

As a famous man once said, you keep doing what you've been doing, you'll keep getting what you've been getting.

Now, if you want to get something different, you should get the Secrets.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Can you tell if a woman is cheating on you?

Hi Carlos Xuma,

I don't have problems meeting women, one reason is, I'm married.

My question is signs of a cheating woman, and believe me all men want the answer to this question.

Do you have one?

______________________
CARLOS:

If you're looking for cheating, you're thinking from the wrong side of your self-confidence.

The first sign you should be looking for is this:

Are you still driving her crazy with desire, or is she comatose?

Are you still WORKING at the relationship, or have you gotten lazy?

Does everything still seem promising, or are you in a rut?

I believe that deep down inside, every woman KNOWS when a man is doing another woman.

AND

If a man just listens to that still small voice inside, he knows if his woman is being unfaithful.

I think that women and men cheat for different reasons. Men cheat out of sexual boredom and to get variety - and to relive the excitement of the early part of romance. Women cheat to get back to that fun part of romance AND connect emotionally again with a guy that seems genuinely interested in them instead of stringing them along just for the sex.

But the problem of wondering if she's cheating is wiped out when you keep your wife on her toes. Keep her excited.

In short, keep her believing that you're an Alpha Man that is going to continue to WORK on the relationship.

You have a choice:

A) Expend energy going through a divorce and going out on the singles scene, and finding a new woman, and starting a new romance

OR

B) Expend energy on your own relationship.

You'd be amazed how much easier option B is if you use it.

If you're looking for signs, you'll find them. (Watch the movie "Goodnight and Good Luck," which covers the Mccarthyism of the 50s when everyone was looking for communists.)

But if you live your life looking forward, blazing a trail, with Alpha Man power and leadership, your woman won't want to cheat on you. She'll be HAPPY.

Guaranteed.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Why do you need validation? Can you let go of this and be more secure?

VALIDATION
______________________

Part of our needs as humans is to get validation along the way to assure us and make us feel approved of. We sought this validation and approval from our parents and peers when we were children, and we never really let go of that need when we had to "grow up." As a result, we become insecure and needy, and we lose our Alpha Man frame.

Limit the amount of approval you need from other people.

And work to let go of this need as much as possible.

You can't worry too much about what other people think about you. It's easy to go through life seeking approval and never really accomplish anything because you're trying to please everyone. You can't make everyone like you, and it's a belief that you must leave behind.

(Willie Loman in "Death of a Salesman" fails to achieve for this same reason. He thinks it's better to be liked that to achieve worthwhile goals.)

What this means for you in dating is that you need to be able to communicate, through subtle and not-so-subtle methods, that you do not need her approval. A woman will not feel attracted to a man if she feels she has any influence over his sense of self-esteem.

How do you communicate this?

One way is to find and pursue your own personal interests. This can be as simple as a hobby or a sport interest, like swimming or weight training.

The best way you can demonstrate your independence is to have goals outside of dating. Having a personal direction or mission (something I discuss at length in The Secrets of the Alpha Man) is immensely attractive for a woman. It shows women that you have a life outside of pursuing them. Hint that you have a hidden depth to your character that they need to explore and discover.

The more you seek approval and validation, the more it will elude you.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Too much information?

Just to add to the chronicles of "You Gotta Be #*&$ing Kidding Me," I wanted to point something out.

Yesterday I received an email complaining about receiving TOO MUCH information from me on how to attract women and get a girlfriend.

Huh.

How about that.

Wouldn't you call this one of those "high quality" problems?

How many guys in your life have actually given you advice that you could USE to get hot women?

I'm guessing that almost none of you have experienced this in your own life because over 90% of all guys have NO IDEA how to do this. Hey, I was one of them for the longest time. I had some early success, but after I wussed out, I had no one to point the way back to Alpha-ville.

But, as is often the case with the truly valuable information in the world, you won't experience success in this area until you really start to GET SERIOUS about it and USE IT.

So if you ever find yourself lacking gratitude for the information I send to you, do us all a favor and go elsewhere. Go to those sites where they tell you to "confess your feelings" for her, or write her a love poem, or take her out to a movie, or (gag) ask her if you can kiss her.

Sorry, guys. Beautiful women don't play by those rules. And neither should you.

So, for every guy out there who really wants to improve his skill with women, he needs to remember this one phrase:

Anything worth doing in life will NOT be easy.

If it were easy, everybody would be doing it.

Hey, exercise will make you look better, feel better, and overall improve the quality of your life. In EVERY single case.

If that's the case, why doesn't EVERYONE exercise?

EFFORT. It takes effort, guys. THAT is why so few people are fit today. It's more comfortable (i.e., pleasurable) to sit in front of a television, or go see a movie than it is to exercise.

The people who excel in life do so because they have the fire and passion that others do not.

If everyone got a super bowl trophy at the end of the football season, do you think anyone would watch it? Play it?

Nope.

Anything worth doing in life will NOT be easy.

But when you apply yourself, when you actually start to learn how to do something that someone else said you could never do, it's a RUSH.

And honestly, once you learn the techniques for attracting women, you'll laugh at how little effort it really takes to separate yourself from the rest of the chumps out there.

Isn't it about time you got the success you deserve in life?

Get the Secrets

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Where do you get the information you need for pickup, seduction, and building attraction?

You know, it occurred to me recently that not every guy is aware of all the areas that I can help them with their dating life and building their self-confidence and ability with women.

So I put together a quick sheet to help you understand the benefits of my programs. It's a free PDF that you can get here:
/Resources/DDBrochure.pdf


I think it will help you find what you need to get REAL Game ...


- Carlos

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Are you embarrassed about talking sexually with a woman?

HI
I have question for you and need some help.

How do I get the topic of conversation over to sex?

This is one area with women that I feel uncomfortable with and I am probably sending out confusing body language too. To bring up the topic of sex with a woman that I have just met makes me feel embarrassed. I know I want to do this and have to try and learn from my failures and grow in this area. Perhaps I should put together one technique and repeatedly use it and learn from my experiences.

Do you have a DVD on doing this or could you give me some suggestions on how I can OVERCOME my feelings of EMBARRASSMENT in bringing up the topic of sex with a woman I have recently met. (with someone I have already been intimate with this is not as big a problem).

J
______________________
CARLOS:

A lot of men feel confused about this topic.

Typically when they bring up the topic of "bumping uglies" (I wonder where that one came from), women become immediately turned off.

Why?

Because of one of several problems:

1) They brought the topic up too soon

2) They brought it up in a crude or unrefined manner


To cure number 1: Wait until you've established some attraction with a woman before you start talking about the Nasty. You'll just creep her out.

To cure number 2: Learn a little sensitivity and calibration for the people you're hanging with. Almost every group is willing to "go sexual" in conversation if you wait a few minutes. Just don't bust out with your latest "Did you hear the one about the hooker and the dildo?" joke right off the bat.


I personally have never had a problem broaching the topic of sex with women.

Why? Because I'm putting off a strong sexual 'vibe' with women wherever I go. Women know by the way that I talk and move that I'm a sexual being.

So the first step for most guys is to start revealing their sexuality to women.

This is not something you will be able to do overnight, either. You will have to gradually become more used to revealing your sexual nature.

Part of it is SHAME. You are ashamed of sex in some way, either through your parents or your own mental conditioning.

Get rid of this shame by immersing yourself in a comfortable and healthy view of sex.

• Watch a lot of erotica (Note: This is not the same as porn!)

• Watch a lot of sexy movies ("9 1/2 weeks", "Body Heat", etc.)

• Read a lot of erotic literature (and this does not include "Penthouse Forum")

Something I want to point out is that a lot of guys write in to tell me that "X" is no problem with a woman they have been around for a while, but with a new woman, "X" is scary.

(Fill in "X" with just about anything...)

Of course it's easier!

But here's something I want you to realize: It's not easier because of time or familiarity, really. Familiarity is just a perception.

It's easier because you've let down your own anxiety and fear about disclosing and opening yourself to that person. You're no different, and they're no different. The only thing that has changed is your mental FRAME about the situation.

And, yes, as a matter of fact, I do have a DVD set that will help you with your game. It's called the Alpha Immersion Program, and you can get it HERE.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

How to ask a woman out... and how NOT to.

There's this girl I work with and things are starting to progress a little which is obviously great. She doesn't work in the same section as I do but yet comes to visit me on a regular basis and finds excuses that are the most obviously poor reasons to come visit and talk to me.

I finally just asked her out well sort of, I was talking about this new scary movie that's in theatres and she was talking about how much she hates scary movies and I told her we should go and if she didn't like it that "she wouldn't have to pay my way". She then responded with well we're not seeing a scary movie we'll see something else. First question is did I make it clear enough that this is a date and is that a yes if so I still don't know :)

Lastly do you think dating a female co-worker is a wise idea?

Thanks Carlos I love your newsletters every guy should be subscribed I'm doing my part to get my friends signed up keep up the good work.

______________________
CARLOS:

Well, I'm going to have to point you to a previous blog post regarding (it's called "Dating a Girl at Work...").

There's nothing wrong with it, as long as you are reasonably sure there won't be any cRaZy stuff later on. (And there's never any guarantee on that, my friend.)

But let me give you one tip right away:

DO NOT TAKE A WOMAN TO A MOVIE ON A "DATE."

And even more important, never take a woman to a horror movie. You might think you're going to drive her into your arms as her protector, but you're really just going to raise all kinds of anxiety and fear in her, and that's not very helpful to make her feel rapport and connection.

Ya dig?

What you need to do is realize that she might be interested in you, but she's still in a state of keeping a safe distance. Your priority is not in "asking her out" but in making it clear that you are a sexually dominant and assertive Alpha Man. (Not sure how to do this? Look HERE.)

Once she gets the right "vibe" from you, the intent won't be an issue anymore. She'll know what's up. Just don't try to sneak in by pretending you're just "hanging out."

Make your first out-of-work experience with her something interesting and dynamic. Your priority is to give her an ENERGIZED and FUN experience.

Movies don't allow you much opportunity to do that.

It's great that you're getting a lot from the newsletters, but remember that they are only a starting point. You need the BIG picture, and that starts with learning these strategies in DEPTH.

The best thing you can do is to take a look at my Approach Women program, because I cover all the ins and outs of approach in this comprehensive home study course.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Nice guys SUCK

Someone posted this rant about nice guys up on the best of Craigslist. I thought you should read it because it is really what a lot of women are thinking, and sitting around disgusted about. They just don't always have the guts to vent it like this woman did.

Read on:
______________________

Why nice guys SUCK
Date: 2006-09-10, 9:19PM EDT

This is a long rant, so bear with me or hit your back button. I'm frustrated and in no mood for your sh*t either, so if you don't want to read it, well...

So I'm dating a nice guy now and it SUCKS. No other way to explain it, it just SUCKS. He's no challenge. He agrees with everything I say. He's got it all though - a decent job, a nice house, no kids, no psycho ex-wives, and he's tall and cute. Anyone ever seen that Friends episode when Alec Baldwin played Phoebe's boyfriend?? YEAH, my boyfriend is THAT nice. He's just too f*cking nice. Nice is boring. I've never heard him raise his voice. He's never aggressive. He has no edge. He won't even drive over the speed limit and that f*cking annoys the sh*t out of me, yet I sit in the passenger seat and keep my mouth shut... watching everyone whiz by us.

[edited]

So for the nice guys out there, my advice is this: It's great that you're nice (to an extent), but have some backbone. Don't be a spine donor all your life. When your girl is out of line, say something. Don't let her walk all over you. Occasionally, be a "bad" boy (being bad doesn't translate to abusive or criminal). Say "No" to her sometimes. Raise your voice and be heard. Say something dirty/sexy to her occasionally. Drink a few too many beers and piss out in public. Smack her ass. Don't ever use the word NICE to describe things, especially sex (okay, that may be a personal pet peeve). Have an interest in at LEAST one sport (or pretend to). Drive 5-10 miles over the speed limit once in awhile. Run an old lady off the road just for kicks (yeah, I'm kidding about this one... just ride her bumper for a few miles). Be aggressive during sex. Take off those damn white socks and Jesus sandals. Grow a goatee for a few weeks. Shave your balls. Stray from your routine and shake things up.

BE A MAN FOR GOD'S SAKE... and the women will fall at your feet.

Whew... THAT FELT NICE.
______________________

CARLOS:

Well thank you!

It's always refreshing to hear a woman say what most women are merely thinking. And this should reinforce to you guys out there that women who are normal (yes, there are a lot of them out there) think this same way. Women want men that act like MEN, not wussies.

My prediction? This guy will last about a couple months longer, tops.

He'll last only as long as it takes her to find a guy that DOES turn her on.

What kind of guy is that?

An Alpha Man.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Visit Dating Dynamics on Myspace

Yes, in the long history of being an internet geek, I felt it was necessary to start a Myspace profile.

Maybe I'll be able to make a few new friends this way.

:-)

http://www.myspace.com/thedatingguru

Go ahead and sign up as my friend, and we'll get you some cool stuff from time to time...


- Carlos

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

It's hard to believe you can have such fast attraction with women, but you can.

You stated early on in your ebook that you have to take care of the "inner game" first before learning "pickup lines", or you'll be back here before you know it, how true.

I was learning other techniques and was doing pretty well but would sometimes falter or get rattled from a women when tested. Not now. Your Alpha Man CDs are quite good and have taken root in my subconscious. Twice in the last week I've been described by friends as Alpha.

Where were you last year, when I was in love with "the one" and being "the nice guy". I'm convinced the outcome would have been different if I had your material last year. I hope to bump into her someday and let her see the difference. But I digress....

Your material and my classes in Improv. in combination have created a deadly combination. Just this Wednesday I'm out with two lady friends at the Hotel W having a good time, we get into a little tiff and she decides to leave with her friend, no problem. I try to leave and this 20 something blonde from Prague, won't let me and within minutes we are kissing, her hands are up my shirt with her grinding on me. The more disinteresting I am the harder she tries. We end up taking a cab with another guy I just met at the bar and head over to The Matrix, meanwhile she on me like white on rice.

The other guy David takes me aside and asks me my secret. I mention your program ... and he insists I teach him. Later the Blonde leaves and I'm standing at the front door with the bouncer a young good looking French guy and he points out a hottie that he is crazy about in a tight dress that she is falling out of. She asks if I am management. I reply: "Something like that" with a smirk and complete confidence being very present with high status.

Next she's got her tongue down my throat right in front of the bouncer and my buddy. They both look dumbfounded and want pointers. I didn't approach either of these women and had NO agenda, which we know women can read a mile away. Both these guys are good looking and in there twenties. I'll be 50 in December and stand all of 5-9". My point gentleman, you don't need lines once you have the right attitude, and posture. Make no apologizes for being male.

Keep up the good work.
D.O., Marin, CA
______________________
CARLOS:

A lot of guys will probably even read this and convince themselves that your success story isn't real.

Why is it that more guys don't "get" this information and start applying it?

Usually it's ego. A man will go through unbelievable amounts of effort to avoid questioning his beliefs about himself.

The reality is that skill with women is always learned. There really isn't any such thing as a natural (The natural is nothing more than a by-product of a childhood where he didn't develop self-limiting beliefs about women.)

I do want to point out 2 important points from your email:

1) When you lose the NEED for women (knowing that you can get women when you want instead of always feeling in a scarcity mindset) you will lose that agenda that scares most women off.

That's why guys are discovering how being an Alpha Man will turn them into the men women want.

2) Learning the skill of improvisation is a BIG asset to guys looking to improve their dating skills.

When you're 'in the field' as we call it, and you're in front of a woman, you'll find that a lot of the things you read online (opening lines, etc.) require a lot more practice than you thought to pull them off.

So the best practice is to simply BE the man you need to be, and how to talk to women will just come naturally.

Learn how HERE: Approach women

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Stop being so concerned with what a woman is thinking...

Sup Carlos?

I'm getting better at approaching and using [various methods] lately and brought home my first girl Saturday night since starting the material. Things went pretty well. We hooked up. In fact, I knew even before she met me that she wanted me... she couldn't take her eyes off me.

Anyway, we made plans to meet up for lunch today, but when I IM'ed her she said she had to meet with her student advisor and wanted to reschedule. I just sure, no problem.

Then, she says she still wanted to call after her class got out and I said that was fine too.

Anyway, 1:30 rolls around and she still hasn't called. I said screw it, I'll just grab a bite to eat then head to the gym for an hour.

This is where it gets good...

At the campus food court, I actually see her their with one of her girlfriends. She didn't see me I don't believe, but I was pretty irritated. I ate then just went to the gym.

I feel fine now, but what do you guys think she is doing? I assume it's a test to see if I will call her asking her why she hasn't called me, but I won't give in. How would any of you have handled it?

Also, I don't plan on calling her until she calls me, if she does.

When she does, how should I act? What should I say?

______________________

CARLOS:

You're planning too much. You've gone into the realm of TRYING to make everything work rather than just letting your natural Alpha Habits take over.

You're placing way too much emphasis on figuring out what she's thinking, and what it all means.

It means nothing.

You must simply act from a place of strength and belief in your own reality and your own world.

Without this calm sureness in your own life - in your own skin - none of that other stuff matters.

If you don't believe in you, she won't.

Guys, when you are all wrapped up in trying to manipulate or engineer a certain RESULT, you miss the point.

Mistakes:

1) Instant messaging her to "check-in" on your lunch date. Bad. Don't do that. If she has to cancel, it's her job to tell you so that you can discover the quality of her character. "Sure, no problem," is a wuss reply. You should have been teasing her and busting her balls.

2) Waiting on her call. This places far too much emphasis on her as a result. You handed all your power over to her by giving HER the control. No matter what she says, she doesn't want that control! You must be the one to lead things. You should have just told her you can't wait around for her and you'll just go with 'someone else.'

You do have someone else in your life, don't you? If not, you didn't read the "D.O.W." chapter in The Dating Black Book.

3) Assuming that once a woman is interested in you, she will STAY interested in you. Not so. Her emotions and attraction will ebb and flow. You must always assume you're starting from ground level with her.

4) Getting irritated that she was there and did something you didn't expect. Women will do this to you for the REST of your LIFE. Start getting used to it now. The one thing that will curb this kind of behavior is acting like a stronger male role model. (Otherwise known as an ALPHA MAN.)

You should have walked right over and started chatting up her friend, in a happy, couldn't-give-a-shit attitude. Oh, and you should have done this with your 'someone else' that you went to lunch with.

Being an Alpha Man is more than knowing one strategy that fits-all. (There's no such thing.)

When you ask how to act or what to say, this has to come from the heart. The simple answer is that you must act with confidence and power. You act like YOU, but the strong, confident version of YOU.

The way to do that is what I teach you with the Secrets of the Alpha Man.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men