Direct - or Indirect?

Carlos,

I've listened to quite a number of your podcasts and have found them to be very eye-opening.
I've been a total chump up until recently, and my efforts to change have been largely instinctual. When I bumped into your work from advice from a friend, it was like the disconnect had been fixed! I will definitely check out more.

My only question at this point is something I've been dealing with regarding how forthcoming you should be about your feelings up-front with a woman. Many dating/seduction methods seem to oscillate between he "never tell her how you feel" school and the "just let her know exactly how you feel" approach. Now I know that things are rarely black and white or absolute and that you have to keep lines of communication open.

But I guess my question is really whether the being coy or how other dating coaches' sense of "cocky/funny" is enough on it's own? I am starting to feel that I'm shooting myself in the foot by trying to withhold what I want from her.

Recently, I pretty much wrecked it with a woman I had been pursuing for months (after wanting her for years), only to find she ended up with another guy (my friend) even though she wasn't very passionate about him, simply because he was clear about how he felt and told her. Later, she told me (in a really messed up context) that she didn't know about my interest because I didn't tell her that I liked/loved/wanted to be with her.

Until then, I thought it was clear, but it obviously was not. What's worse, was that she was turned off of my by my hesitation in not telling her my feelings. She felt that it showed insecurity and lack of confidence not to be able to openly admit how I felt about her straight up.

I understand that the woman does thrive on the question of wondering how you feel about her, but at some point - should you just say it and ask for what you want, be it dating, relationship, one-night stand, etc. rather than try to keep her on the edge and guessing? I sense I'm not one of these guys that can keep a woman interested just with the "promise" of something to come as they might not even see me as a prospect, regardless of the work.

Any insight would be great! Keep up the good work.


R.
______________________
CARLOS:

Ah, this is a question that plagues many men out there. It's a calibration issue that is best understood by stepping back for a second and looking at the big picture.

First of all, there is Strategy, and there are Tactics.

Strategy is the big picture, and Tactics are the little things that make up the big picture.

Strategy is deciding on a rushing game against a versatile and effective defense in football. Tactics are the individual plays during the course of the game. It doesn't mean they won't pass the football, but they might not do it as much because that's their strategy.

It's a strategy that you should demonstrate confidence with a woman and not gush about your feelings. I generally prefer the woman be the first one to talk about how she feels, because then it's more satisfying to her. She's fulfilling her female role. Not to mention, if she brings it up, you know she's feeling the emotion.

Cocky and Funny is NOT enough. You have to learn how to achieve a balance. Most guys don't understand what "cocky and funny" really communicates on a subconscious level with women.

Look, women don't want men who try to be women. It's not your responsibility to have big emotional discussions. You're a MAN! Play the part. Be strong, confident, and consistent.

BUT (and this is where balance and good judgment come into the picture), you do need to recognize when she's actually in need of some heart-to-heart talking and feeling. But this is a SMALL percentage of the time. You can talk and connect with a woman without having to be an emotional wuss.

An occasional "Love you" or "Thinking about you" is enough to keep her connected.

So the TACTIC here is to remember that you can occasionally be vulnerable and talk about your emotions, but don't get out the tissues and start watching "Fried Green Tomatoes" or some other chick flick.

Just give her a satisfying dose of CONNECTION.

That's what she wants.

And if you're confused about this balance, let me recommend you don't just sit around listening to my podcasts. You need to get the essential elements of attraction with women HERE:
Secrets of the Alpha Man

Learn how to be the man that women WANT.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men