HYPER-AWARE
Carlos,
I have read your material and have had a lot of success. However, tonight I think I regressed from cocky to wussy and I am trying to assess the damages and manifest a new plan.
To make this as short as possible I have been dating a girl for a month. I saw her Saturday night and things went very well. Today, I wanted to break our communication pattern and do something different.
Normally, I would spend the weekend with her and call on the Wednesday or Thursday after that to arrange the next meeting. The plan was to drive to her town call her up and invite her for a spontaneous trip for ice cream and I also wanted to return a book that she had been reading that she had left in my car and also give to her a book which I purchased a couple of weeks ago as a gift.
I called when I was in town but she was just going to work at her night time job. I played cocky and funny on the phone and created a reason for being in town and then I mentioned that if I had the chance I would bring her books by work. An hour later I walked in handed her the books said "Don't work to hard - have a good night" and left. That simple. I was there 4 seconds but I am daunted about this having that wuss, needy stink. Yuck.
Just for a little more insight she often talks about a future with me and had mentioned before that it would be okay if I stopped by her workplace sometime so I felt somewhat comfortable taking this action.
I thought she might write an email later saying thanks but I haven't heard from her. So, Carlos - are you cringing?
My question for you is this. Is there ever a time when something like this is acceptable or is it always in the wuss category? and any advice on how I can turn this back around?
- J
____________________
CARLOS:
The only mistakes I can see here are in your thinking. Your actions would work if they were coming from the right belief system.
Right now you're making the mistake of being a try-hard. This is the guy that's DOING things to get a certain result.
That's too outcome-dependent. You're needing a certain result and worried constantly about the appropriateness of everything you're doing.
When you do something to NEED a response, you are putting yourself out of your natural ALPHA behavior.
When you do something because you want to do it, and you are not out-of-control trying to get a response, you are acting from your Alpha desires.
The big thing that will get you here is taking every action too seriously, as if everything you do has to be some pre-planned strategy to get things to "work right."
Ironically, even though the strategies and tactics I teach work like a charm, you can be guilty of being TOO self-aware.
Meaning that you can be way too focused on "not doing the right things" instead of just doing as much of the right things as you can.
When you realize that there are so many things going on, you become hyper-attentive to details, and those details don't really make or break your game. It's your confidence going in.
Here's a few bits of advice:
1) Drop your emotional attachment to a particular result. The best thing you can do is to be as detached as you can. Imagine yourself as an observer from across the room, coldly analyzing your performance.
2) You always do the best that you can do. Even if you THINK you could have done better or different. You must learn to let go of your retro-analysis. That's just focusing you on failure.
3) Set your goals on moving FORWARD to what you want. If you don't get it, learn from what you did, and then apply the learning and experience to the NEXT woman. Don't get caught up in the process of salvaging every effort. That's scarcity thinking.
4) Work keenly on improving your self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-image. These three elements will take care of 1000 other small things you may think you're doing incorrectly. Small behaviors are taken care of by getting the BIG attitude.
And if you want to learn how to increase your own self-confidence, self-esteem, and overall self-image, you need to take a look at the Secrets of the Alpha Man program.
I have read your material and have had a lot of success. However, tonight I think I regressed from cocky to wussy and I am trying to assess the damages and manifest a new plan.
To make this as short as possible I have been dating a girl for a month. I saw her Saturday night and things went very well. Today, I wanted to break our communication pattern and do something different.
Normally, I would spend the weekend with her and call on the Wednesday or Thursday after that to arrange the next meeting. The plan was to drive to her town call her up and invite her for a spontaneous trip for ice cream and I also wanted to return a book that she had been reading that she had left in my car and also give to her a book which I purchased a couple of weeks ago as a gift.
I called when I was in town but she was just going to work at her night time job. I played cocky and funny on the phone and created a reason for being in town and then I mentioned that if I had the chance I would bring her books by work. An hour later I walked in handed her the books said "Don't work to hard - have a good night" and left. That simple. I was there 4 seconds but I am daunted about this having that wuss, needy stink. Yuck.
Just for a little more insight she often talks about a future with me and had mentioned before that it would be okay if I stopped by her workplace sometime so I felt somewhat comfortable taking this action.
I thought she might write an email later saying thanks but I haven't heard from her. So, Carlos - are you cringing?
My question for you is this. Is there ever a time when something like this is acceptable or is it always in the wuss category? and any advice on how I can turn this back around?
- J
____________________
CARLOS:
The only mistakes I can see here are in your thinking. Your actions would work if they were coming from the right belief system.
Right now you're making the mistake of being a try-hard. This is the guy that's DOING things to get a certain result.
That's too outcome-dependent. You're needing a certain result and worried constantly about the appropriateness of everything you're doing.
When you do something to NEED a response, you are putting yourself out of your natural ALPHA behavior.
When you do something because you want to do it, and you are not out-of-control trying to get a response, you are acting from your Alpha desires.
The big thing that will get you here is taking every action too seriously, as if everything you do has to be some pre-planned strategy to get things to "work right."
Ironically, even though the strategies and tactics I teach work like a charm, you can be guilty of being TOO self-aware.
Meaning that you can be way too focused on "not doing the right things" instead of just doing as much of the right things as you can.
When you realize that there are so many things going on, you become hyper-attentive to details, and those details don't really make or break your game. It's your confidence going in.
Here's a few bits of advice:
1) Drop your emotional attachment to a particular result. The best thing you can do is to be as detached as you can. Imagine yourself as an observer from across the room, coldly analyzing your performance.
2) You always do the best that you can do. Even if you THINK you could have done better or different. You must learn to let go of your retro-analysis. That's just focusing you on failure.
3) Set your goals on moving FORWARD to what you want. If you don't get it, learn from what you did, and then apply the learning and experience to the NEXT woman. Don't get caught up in the process of salvaging every effort. That's scarcity thinking.
4) Work keenly on improving your self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-image. These three elements will take care of 1000 other small things you may think you're doing incorrectly. Small behaviors are taken care of by getting the BIG attitude.
And if you want to learn how to increase your own self-confidence, self-esteem, and overall self-image, you need to take a look at the Secrets of the Alpha Man program.
alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men
posted by Carlos Xuma at 8:49 PM
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