Haunted

I've been following the steps to overcome my approach anxiety the past 3 months and think I have been doing OK. Granted it took me some time to get going but in the past few weeks I have been approaching women I find attractive and been trying to get numbers.

I have been striking in out in that the one's I am interested in already in a relationship. But I am approaching and am trying to approach 1 more woman each week. However after each "rejection" (use that terms loosley since I really wasn't rejected) I keep thinking about my ex.

We were together for 6 yrs., broke up over Thanksgiving and haven't had contact since. The more I think about it the more I realize I lost 6 years of my life and start to get frustrated/anger/depressed.

I just keep picturing her with someone else and for some reason can't get that out of my head. I keep telling myself from one of your podcasts that I'd rather be alone than with the wrong women and after 3 months I've come to realize she was wrong for me.

I guess I just need a boost but what can I do to overcome this?

B

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CARLOS:

I hear you on this, brother. I've been haunted before.

First off, you have to recognize that your neural pathways (AKA, your brain) got conditioned to her. It's not going to pass overnight.

You're haunted.

So you wanna get un-haunted?

B, I have to call them like I see them. I'm a straight shooter, and I have to tell you that you're not REALLY believing what you're telling me about rejection not being rejection. I can hear it in your tone of email. (Yes, I can read between the lines.)

You see, RATIONALLY you know that you shouldn't think of being turned down this way as rejection, but your HEART denies it. You don't believe it because your self-esteem and self-image are pretty poor right now. Lower than a snake's belly.

After 6 years of being bonded with this broad, you gotta find ways to re-validate yourself. No, this isn't some touchy-feely new age notion.

You need to get out there and feel good about NOT having a woman before you're going to feel good enough to get one.

Remember my saying: You're better off single than with the wrong person.

I'd start using that vivid imagination you're currently using to picture her with someone else and start imagining YOURSELF with someone else. You see, you need to get your own thinking under control, amigo.

The most important skill you will ever learn in the area of Dating and Attraction (and maybe life) is how to control your thinking.

ABSOLUTELY.

So it's time for you to start using that imagination to HELP you instead of hurt you.

Who do you blame when you punch yourself in the face?

Do you blame the guy that said "Hey, punch yourself in the face!"

Uh, no.

YOU are the one doing this, so YOU need to take responsibility.

No more excuses.

When those thoughts come up, BREAK THEM. Yell out "Stop!" as loud as you can in your thoughts.

Start taking control of your own thinking.

It's time for you to Get Alpha

NOW.

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