WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN SHE SAYS...

Carlos,

I wrote recently regarding a girl that I have been dating and intimate with for about 4 weeks. Your reply was comprehensive and right on target. I will be either ordering the Alpha Male CD's or Telephone Conferencing this week as soon as I decide which will be the most helpful.

In the interim I am trying to fine tune my approach with Stacey. I have been confident and cocky with her and am sure that we will continue dating for a while but a part of my game is weak and I know it. I have searched thru the Dating Black Book and the closest thing I find to this conundrum is in testing. Stacey is a blonde and she is nearly a 9 so she is replete with tests and questions.

For example: Saturday night we set down for a few minutes to watch some tv. She ask "Why do you keep all of the lights on in your house and sometimes leave your closet door open?" Would you mind if I turned off the lights and the ceiling fan?" I respond "Stacey, I really wasn't thinking about the lights but I don't mind if you turn them off but the ceiling fan stays on - If you're cold a blanket is in the bedroom".

Carlos, I really didn't care if the lights are on or if my closet door is open or shut. How can I compromise on those types of things that I don't care about (to make her more comfortable) without looking like that I am capitulating - or should I handle this another way. She also asks questions like "so what do you think about joint credit cards?"

For those "qualification" questions would that be the smile and nod without answering approach?

Thanks for your help.

R
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CARLOS:

Test questions come up all the time, and they're not usually even consciously tests.

This chick has probably lived her life getting everything she wanted from mommy and daddy because she was the cutest little girl, and when she grew up she found that there was a plethora of guys out there willing to kiss her ass to stand in her shadow.

Your desire to handle these tests correctly is right on the money.

Just remember that all your responses need to say is that you are coming from a strong and powerful reality - which has nothing to do with hers.

In other words, you are acting to suit yourself, to make yourself happy, and anything she wants to do is fine, but you aren't going to let her needs walk all over you.

You have to be able to step back every so often from the big picture and realize that if all she's going to do is try to modify your environment, you aren't going to be happy with her very long. She's going to be incredibly emotionally draining to be around because you'll always have to feel "on your guard." And that's not how a good relationship feels.

A good relationship feels like the other person "gets you" and you are both getting along without having to constantly break a sweat to make it work.

I give you guys the specific actions to take in the hopes that you'll be able to find the congruent attitude to convey it with. When you get success from it, you get the feeling of success, and the right habit is reinforced.

So smile and nod, but be aware that she's likely to keep pushing these buttons over and over. You may keep coming up with the right "answer," but after a while the question gets to be a real pain in the ass.

Ask yourself if she's worth this kind of drain. (?)

And if you want to know more about the mindset of the Alpha Man, take a look at this here:

https://www.alphaconfidence.com

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