Sexless marriage... How do you handle it?

I supose this question will be different from what you're used to. I bought your books a few years ago and they really changed my thinking and attitude. The question is this. I have been married for ten years in a bad marriage that came about simply because I hadn't read your books at the time. I have two young daughters.

My wife has not slept with me in years. I now have the ability to meet and interact with women in a much improved way. My question is more to your excellent life skills than your dating skills. Should I stay in a sexless marriage and try and improve the situation or move on and break up a family? Is my own happiness that important?

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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Wow, this is a hell of a thing to answer.

I can't tell you definitively whether to leave or to stay, but I will tell you this:

SOMETHING MUST CHANGE!


There are a couple of reasons you need to act very soon - I guarantee you that she is getting it somewhere if it's not at home.

I would say try this:

1) Seduce your wife.

Yeah, you heard me. See if there is anything there worth saving. Use what you've learned to restart the fire. You have to try, otherwise you'll always wonder if there was anything you could have done.

2) Get into some kind of counseling ASAP.

You don't get into this situation without a lot of resentment and unspoken issues that got buried. You need a pro to help you dig them out and expose them to the light. If they stay hidden, you'll never be able to have even an amicable divorce. Like it or not, she's the mother of your kids (hopefully) and no matter what happens, you'll need to be on a good footing if you want to stand a chance of there being a positive future with them.

3) If she won't work with you, you have to consider that your presence is not going to help anything.

After the kids are gone she WILL divorce you. I can pretty much guarantee it. And she'll take a significant portion of everything you own - right at the moment and what you acquire between now and then.

You're not necessarily "breaking up a family." Let me explain...

1) Life is precious. Every minute wasted in a situation you don't want to be in only hurts everyone that much more. You shape your kids by the environment they live in. If it's dead and lifeless at home, just think of how that stunts their emotional growth. Kids need passion and life.

2) Kids are tougher than we give them credit for. It's not divorces that mess kids up; it's not managing their issues when you break up. You will probably cause much more damage to your kids by keeping them in a passively hostile environment

Another option is to have an open marriage where you agree to stay together to help the kids, but you both get your business taken care of elsewhere. I'm not a big fan of this arrangement because it doesn't solve any problems except your own selfish needs. The kids still grow up confused and disconnected.

Bottom line: Get this thing moving forward, or get the hell out.

You've only got one life, and it's draining out of you moment by moment. Martyrs don't help their families - Alpha Men do.

If you're wondering how to learn the attitude of an Alpha Man, just go here...

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