Bad vibe...
Hi Carlos,
I'm just finished to watch your Alpha immersion program. It's an excellent product! Even after 3 full years of studying the best life and dating coaches around, I find that your ideas are very well put together and strongly communicated.
These days I'm having lots of big realizazions about the game and about lots of blind spots in my character and my perception of reality.
Last night I faced a big challenge. I met a friend of mine who is also very committed to improving himself and his game. Now, even though we meet regularly and discuss about goals, game and generally support each other during hard moments, we are at a point of our evolution that is killing the high vibe that we used to have together.While at a bar, I realized that his state was not the best and as a consequence his communication was poor. However, my intention was to relax, network and generally appreciate the people who were at that bar. I was in a playful mode...I bantered a bit with him, slagging him about the expensive drink he had bought for himself telling him that he was like a high maintenance chick...
His reaction was short but clear:
"You see? this is not vibing! you are talking to me as if you were talking to a chick!! you are putting me down and this is killing our rapport!!"
I felt like ok...cool...this is not working...back to small talk...but of course from then on he was looking at me as I was saying the wrong thing every time I opened my mouth...
So I just kept opening girls on my own...only to practice and have fun...
After a few moments, he left...saying: "This is not working...". We said goodbye with the awareness that it's ok to have some nights off and that true friendship has to go through moments in which you are honest about what you think of each other...
What am I missing here? there are some pieces missing here...I know it. How would you look at this situation?
Thank you in advance
Francesco
______________________
CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:
Your friend sounds a bit judgmental on the surface. He wasn't providing helpful feedback, only that kind of insecure energy that feels - as you said - like everything out of your mouth is wrong. If you get that feeling with anyone you're with, man or woman, it's negative energy. When you're out with someone who is criticizing in such a harsh and unproductive way, it's better to separate yourself from them. The best thing he could do for you was leave, and I sense he did that because of frustration with himself that he projected on you.
You see, most people have very elaborate social mechanisms they use that allow them to control and manipulate the other person in the conversation. It's subtle, but man is it ever in there. Some people are so skilled at this that you feel like you were bitch slapped and jerked off at the same time.
Your attitude was the healthiest of the two of you.
The key is to never let the other person dictate:
1) Your feelings
2) The course of the conversation
In other words, do not REACT to other people. That's how other people play with what they sense are weaker personalities. They make you feel on the defense, and suddenly you find your behavior curbing to meet their expectations.
It's the toughest line to draw when you're learning because you know there are areas to improve on, and you don't want to be a hard-ass and miss something because your ego got in the way.
At the end of the day, only you can make the final judgment as to what needs to happen next, or where you need to change your course, or yourself. And you'll never be ABSOLUTELY SURE you're right.
That's what it is to be a human being.
But, you now have a guide for that in the form of the Alpha Immersion Program. I put years of research into that program so that guys everywhere could understand the principles of social dynamics with women, and really get their lives on track. If you can't attend one of my seminars, then the Alpha Immersion Program is the next best thing...
I'm just finished to watch your Alpha immersion program. It's an excellent product! Even after 3 full years of studying the best life and dating coaches around, I find that your ideas are very well put together and strongly communicated.
These days I'm having lots of big realizazions about the game and about lots of blind spots in my character and my perception of reality.
Last night I faced a big challenge. I met a friend of mine who is also very committed to improving himself and his game. Now, even though we meet regularly and discuss about goals, game and generally support each other during hard moments, we are at a point of our evolution that is killing the high vibe that we used to have together.While at a bar, I realized that his state was not the best and as a consequence his communication was poor. However, my intention was to relax, network and generally appreciate the people who were at that bar. I was in a playful mode...I bantered a bit with him, slagging him about the expensive drink he had bought for himself telling him that he was like a high maintenance chick...
His reaction was short but clear:
"You see? this is not vibing! you are talking to me as if you were talking to a chick!! you are putting me down and this is killing our rapport!!"
I felt like ok...cool...this is not working...back to small talk...but of course from then on he was looking at me as I was saying the wrong thing every time I opened my mouth...
So I just kept opening girls on my own...only to practice and have fun...
After a few moments, he left...saying: "This is not working...". We said goodbye with the awareness that it's ok to have some nights off and that true friendship has to go through moments in which you are honest about what you think of each other...
What am I missing here? there are some pieces missing here...I know it. How would you look at this situation?
Thank you in advance
Francesco
______________________
CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:
Your friend sounds a bit judgmental on the surface. He wasn't providing helpful feedback, only that kind of insecure energy that feels - as you said - like everything out of your mouth is wrong. If you get that feeling with anyone you're with, man or woman, it's negative energy. When you're out with someone who is criticizing in such a harsh and unproductive way, it's better to separate yourself from them. The best thing he could do for you was leave, and I sense he did that because of frustration with himself that he projected on you.
You see, most people have very elaborate social mechanisms they use that allow them to control and manipulate the other person in the conversation. It's subtle, but man is it ever in there. Some people are so skilled at this that you feel like you were bitch slapped and jerked off at the same time.
Your attitude was the healthiest of the two of you.
The key is to never let the other person dictate:
1) Your feelings
2) The course of the conversation
In other words, do not REACT to other people. That's how other people play with what they sense are weaker personalities. They make you feel on the defense, and suddenly you find your behavior curbing to meet their expectations.
It's the toughest line to draw when you're learning because you know there are areas to improve on, and you don't want to be a hard-ass and miss something because your ego got in the way.
At the end of the day, only you can make the final judgment as to what needs to happen next, or where you need to change your course, or yourself. And you'll never be ABSOLUTELY SURE you're right.
That's what it is to be a human being.
But, you now have a guide for that in the form of the Alpha Immersion Program. I put years of research into that program so that guys everywhere could understand the principles of social dynamics with women, and really get their lives on track. If you can't attend one of my seminars, then the Alpha Immersion Program is the next best thing...
alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men
posted by Carlos Xuma at 8:04 PM 
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