Blind Spots in Your Awareness

Hey carlos!!! , how is it going? My name´s Ricardo, I'm from Argentina and im 23 years old. I´ve been reading and following your materials for months.

At the beginning, I only focused on the techniques, I was "idealistic" so I went out on nights with a "script" to follow. I had no real interest in the girl I was talking to, so my game came across as unnatural and fake. Soon I realized that before even thinking about using a technique, you have to be coherent within yourself, you have to be calm, happy, and you have to discover your source of happiness in life. Its not about pick up lines, its about sharing your personality with the females, it´s about having a good time for yourself, AND to make HER have a good time WITH you...you might be reading this and thinking "ok, this guy has a good point, so whats his problem/question?"...well, here it is:

I have a good friend, I consider him a wuss...he displays clingy behaviours, he almost never acts cocky and funny, but he's persistent with girls...he engages their logical brain. So we may be on the beach, or in the night club, and we start talking to girls....lately, we met a gorgeous chick.

I acted REALLY cocky and funny with her, teased her, I also got the "slaps in the arm" that everybody mentions a lot. I totally controled the frame...the girl was with her mother, so at the beggining, I "gamed" the mother, and then I started to game both the mother and her daughter..they were both really happy and enjoyed my presence. Me and my friend got their emails, BUT the girl ended up hooking up with him and not me...as I told you, he is persistent and he asked her out in the first chat talk, but I decided to act more aloof and uninterested...

I kinda dont like to go out instantly with a girl I just met... I prefer to take the time to get to know her a little bit before going out, and, since attraction isn´t a choice, and i´m pretty sure I triggered attraction in that girl and he did not..., I wonder why did I fail, or why did that girl not choose to wait a bit until I asked her out...im pretty sure I triggered attraction in her because of her responses....

I also admit that I did not asked too many "rapport building" questions to her. I prefer to build rappor after making out and not before. am I right?? when is it a good time to start building rapport?? is it good to build rapport when you first meet a perfect 10??...is it good to use extreme cocky and funny materials in low energy enviroments like a beach or a park??...or should I turn it down a little??

What worries me is that this is not the first time that this guy who has no game, ends up hooking up with a girl that we both meet and I don´t. So I suspect I have a BIG blindspot and I need your help... I enjoy a LOT acting cocky and funny with girls... I think it´s one of the things I enjoy the most in life...so sometimes I might be crossing the line and forgetting to build rapport...

Well, I would be really thankful if you could read this email and answer my questions. I know that a lot of guys who are kind of "advanced" in your materials have the same problem than me...

thanks a lot!!

Ricardo

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CARLOS ANSWERS:

Well, Ricardo, you're understanding some things at a

This is a case of seeing the exception (that you once thought was the rule) and using it as evidence to doubt yourself.

I'll tell you what your friend has going for him - he ACTS. Quickly and decisively.

You see, you can make all sorts of excuses as to why you chose to wait, but the fact is that you waited too long to let her know that this was going somewhere. Women are very sensitive to guys who swoop in with this clever game and then it never seems to formulate into anything because they won't escalate.

You'll see a lot of guys who seem to have this great game up front.
They'll approach - No problem.
They'll chat her up - No problem.
They'll even get some indications of attraction - No problem.

And that's because they've been working on this part of their game for so long that they're afraid of venturing outside the comfort zone for fear of failure. When they get close to a new realm of discomfort - somewhere they might fail - they back off and stay safe.

Here are some points for you to consider:

1) Don't compare.

Sure, it's easy to look at some other guy's success, and then at your own lack of success and think that they're some correlation. Sometimes there is, but often times it's a matter of comparing apples to oranges. And in the process, you start doubting yourself because you're not like the other person.

Nothing matters but your own results taken in an objective review. Drop the comparison game, because it will KILL your real game.

2) Don't get stuck on a "rule based" approach method

Yes, there is a "game" element to this, but it's still social interaction, and as such, it requires more flexibility and fluidity. The second you start adhering to a script or a plan on the interaction, you lose sight of the reality in the interaction.

Instead, back off on the rules and just go into an approach laid-back and relaxed. When she tests you, that's when you can respond with something a bit rehearsed, but don't get caught up in a flowchart of human interaction. It doesn't work this way.

3) Ease off the cocky and funny

I'd be willing to bet that you're starting attraction quite well, but you're not calibrating it to the woman and knowing when to get REAL with her. As a result, you're destroying trust because she senses you're just a one-dimensional creature from the planet "cocky."

Again, the reason you're probably so content to be such a ball-buster is because A) there's a natural part of you that enjoys it and it's congruent, and B) you're also using it as a shield to hide your REAL personality from her. Drop the facade and start showing true value through your confidence in your own personality.

4) Build rapport as you are building attraction

Start to open up and be a bit more vulnerable in your interactions. This doesn't mean revert to your old wussy ways. What I mean is to show the human side of yourself. One thing many guys don't realize when they start using strategies for attraction is that they are tools, and without the human side, women aren't going to be interested.

You say on one hand that you want to get to know her a bit better before going out with her, but on the other hand you're not doing anything to get to know her better - like asking rapport-based questions.

And what better way to get to know someone than to go out with her as soon as possible? How else did you plan on "getting to know her?" It sounds to me like you've set the game up to fail already.

(You can do what you "like to do" or you can do what gets you results. Which do you think is better for your long-term success?)

Again, this goes back into rules-based interaction versus "vibing" and being little more flexible.

5) Forget the "aloof and disinterested" ploy

Again, another over-used and not-so-understood tactic. Aloof and disinterested is not what a woman wants from you. You can play this game with strippers and women with the intellect of a Bic pen, but not on any women you'd want to spend more than 5 minutes with.

6) Escalate faster!

She needs to know as soon as possible that there is a chance of romantic interest, or you'll lose her interest.

It really doesn't matter if you're more comfortable getting to know her over time. Getting better with women (and socially) isn't about being comfortable - it's about building a skill that will EVENTUALLY feel perfectly comfortable.

Do what is necessary when it's necessary. Get an "insta-date" right away if you can, because you'll only save yourself more time in the process of "getting to know her."

Make sense?

And if you want to know the deep, inside strategies of approaching women, I suggest you look at THIS.

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