How do you handle poisonous women?

Here is a question I have for you that may be better suited for a therapist, but, hey, you're in the game so here goes.

Back in 2004 & 2005, I was involved with a woman that had so much game, she would put most attendees to your seminars off balance. No, really. And true to form, back in that time, I did everything, I mean everything you have preached NOT to do. Send flowers? Hey, not once a month, no, no, no. Once a week for over a year. Not standing up for myself? The quintissential milk toast. You name it, I did it. I would have done just about anything for this woman. Getting the picture?

Obviously, the relationship-you can't really call it that-deteriorated into a nothingness. Admittedly, both of us were cruel to one another at various times and, admittedly, most of the problems that incurred were as a direct result of me being a very pathetic excuse for a human being. But at one point, I told her, hey, I needed a break from her. She agreed. Two days later, she calls me up and said can't we try it one more time. Of course with my head stuck so far up an orifice in an impossibly anatomical position, I caved.

Two months later, again I said I need a break from her. Two days later she comes over to my house again asking to give it one more try. Again, still with my head firmly implanted in that same orifice, I caved. Couldn't say no. Finally, finally, I break it off, SEVEN months later.

Now, here is the question. She's calling now in 2007 wanting to have lunch. Keep in mind, everyone, and I mean everyone, loves this lady. She's funny, unbelievably witty, USED to be very sexy to me. I really want to say I do not want to share lunch with someone who I know has the capacity for that kind of cruelty and the ability to manipulate as very few can. Oh, one more thing. I occasionally have to work with this woman. Perfect!

But where I am right now, I don't want to make room in my world for someone who has the capacity for cruelty and manipulation. It's not out of arrogance, bitterness or anger. It's just a rock solid knowingness that I do not want to share my world with someone like that.

What would you do? Any thoughts on what to say in a PHONE call? Geez, this is like that Mark Twain thang, I didn't have time to send you a short letter so I wrote you a long one.

Oh, by the way, part of how I got here, where I am right now, was listening to what you and David D say.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.

David
______________________
CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:

Always a great question from you, Dave...

As guys, we often find there are these women with a strange power over us. We love to hate them.

There are 2 ways I can see you handling this situation, and either would work depending on where you are on your Alpha Man path right now:

1) Ignore her, avoid the lunch, but be friendly.

2) View this as an opportunity to learn and grow.

What a fantastic challenge! I love having people like this in my life because they represent a unique opportunity - to take my social skills to the next level and figure out a complicated and tricky situation. It's like a puzzle I've been assigned to solve. A rubik's cube of human psychology.

I understand that women like this can be very tiring to handle, and you'd probably just as soon NOT have to deal with her, but since you have to for work, why not make the most of it?

First - Get her to take you to lunch. You deserve a free meal today. Tell her: "Okay, but lunch is on you this time."

Second -, as far as what to say on the call, use it as a chance to try out a few things.

Let's say she's got an evil streak of putting people down. I'd probably bait her into putting someone down, and then see if you can get her to turn her own opinion down.

HER: "Oh, Sheila is SUCH a bitch! I can't believe they haven't fired her."
YOU: "So you're saying she doesn't have ANY redeeming qualities?"
HER: "Not really."
YOU: "Well what do you suppose she would say about you?"
HER: "Uh, I guess she might say I'm a control freak."
YOU: "Hmm. Are you?"

You see what you can do with a little mischievous curiosity? You can start to learn the subtleties of social control and persuasion. Think of her as your personal lab project that you're doing a research study on. That's how I handle these people.

This is something I cover in detail in my new program, by the way: Alpha Man Conversation & Persuasion.

I'm not saying you have to date the woman, only let her help you with your own goals. Remember, everyone will either enlist you to help them with their goals, or help you with yours.

Which do you prefer?

If you're ever in a situation where you're forced to deal with a difficult person, it's your own personal obligation to make the most of the situation. I have someone in my life like this, and I use the opportunity to see what I can accomplish with my newest skills.

My point is simply this: Don't get TOO used to avoiding difficult situations and people. You may be taking the easy way out.

I cover the complete ins and outs of handling difficult people in my Alpha Man Conversation & Persuasion program.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men