Do you have an itch you need to scratch?

I gotta ask you, [in your e-books], you said, theres nothing wrong with getting with a woman to sleep with you without wanting a serious relationship.

Well, I have a girlfriend that is pretty good in bed, but theres another one here that wants me pretty bad. I have to admit, I'd love to do something with her like oral or sex with a condom, but I dont want to hurt my steady live-in gf. This other girl is constantly hittin on me and shes' sexy although not as sexy as my current gf.

I put this in the forums, but nobody answered. I asked [another advisor] this a few months ago and he said once you find a good one, then dont cheat on her, but I cant help feelin attracted to these other hotties that flirt with me pretty heavily.
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CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:

Look, if you're looking for my permission or justification to cheat on your girlfriend, don't bother. You don't need my permission. We're not talking about a moral judgment here, really... And this is something I cover in my book: The Dating Black Book.

Guys are not biologically wired for monogamy. Or psychologically, really. But there's a lot of literature out there that tells you you "should be" and that it's a "sin" to do otherwise. I'm not going to get all moral on you. That's your own thing to figure out. Eventually, you can and will be able to stay with just one woman.

But if you want to be a man of character and values, define for yourself why you have a live-in girlfriend when it's obvious that you don't want that monogamy thing.

?

Take a second to really think about that one.

I have a good idea what belief is at work underneath:

1) You've got a good chick in your life, but like so many other guys, you think the grass is greener on the other side. Or, at least you want to find out.

2) The thrill - the novelty - of the new chick is staring at you there, and you're responding to the need for sexual conquest.

3) There's a possibility that things are getting dull in your current situation, and you either need to move on or put some energy back into it to fix it.

You're going to be attracted to other women your whole life. The question will always be: "What are you going to do about it?"

When you get to the point where you emotionally understand that there is really very little difference between women, and that it all really boils down to the relationship you want to create with her, you'll be able to hone it down to just one...

Until then, figure out what you prefer for yourself right now - the experience of many women, or the loyalty of just one.

Remember, you'll learn more about yourself in the context of a long term relationship than you will anywhere else. But you may not need one right now, and that's fine.

If you want to learn more about the Dating Continuum, I suggest you read my definitive book on the subject: The Dating Black Book.

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