DATING GURU QUESTION:

I've been reading your newsletter. I'm sure you are aware there is a lot of
competition in what you do - a zillion guys on the web "teaching" about
attracting women. Now when you run across the all too common female
complaint that their man cheated on them, I'm wondering how this is
accomplished when the man is either married or in a committed relationship?

Do women just not care anymore? Are men lying about their true intentions,
which face it are to get laid, not to leave their commitment? If it was
otherwise, they wouldn't cheat, they'd leave. Despite the zillion gurus,
all seem to speak to single people pursuing other single people.

I am trying however, to learn the dynamics of what is going to attract a
woman to a married man to the point she'll sleep with him. I have no use for
cheaters. But it's so common with statistics saying up to 80% of married men
will cheat at least once on their wives, I am trying to learn the dynamic
from the female perspective as to what a married man does, that allows a
woman to not care about his committed status and sleep with him anyway.

You know a man like this is "getting lucky" and isn't going to buy the cow
when he's getting the milk for free. How is he accomplishing this when he's
married? Is there no guilt? An overinflated ego? An inner game that blames
his wife for his cheating pursuites? A willingness to give up half of
everything he owns if his wife finds out and divorces him? What's the woman
thinking? Is it only certain types of women? But if you believe that 80%,
that's a lot of women. Where are these women and how are they identified?

I believe strongly in self-help products. But I haven't found one that
speaks to understanding woman from this perspective. I wouldn't contact half
the "experts" out there, but you seem to know what you are talking about.

Will any of your products be useful to me? I know this is long winded, but
I'm extremely confused.

Thanks,
L
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CARLOS:

You know, there's nothing I love more than someone questioning the validity of what I'm doing. It just brings out the fighter in me, I guess. I LOVE a challenge.

First off, the other "Zillion" advisors out there don't have a freakin' clue, dude.

Take a look at some of the book covers and jackets in the "self-help" section of your local bookstore sometime. They're either written by women who are stuck in their search for the "white light of love" in their thirteenth marriage, or they're written by guys with ridiculous hairstyles that you know aren't getting laid.

Academic knowledge of what attracts men and women is bullsh*t.

Why? Because they ignore that our rational minds are enslaved by our emotional minds.

Our EMOTIONS reign supreme when it comes to making decisions of the heart. Everyone else out there is going to tell you all the logical reasons, when you know inside that there is a different world happening out there. It's just like Neo in the "Matrix" man.

I'm your Morpheus. Nice to meet ya.

Here's your red pill.

No, I don't even offer you a blue pill. Take the red one or come back later when you're ready.

I don't want you thinking that you can go back to your nice comfortable "illusion" of life. The only choice for any self-respecting man is to get unplugged, and QUICK.

You're very concerned with the whole "cheating" thing. This leads me to believe that you've got some strongly defined notions of what "cheating" is to you, probably from past experience. You may even be coming from a strong frame of scarcity, which only adds to your confusion.

Let's set something straight.

Men AND women cheat in about equal numbers. If you heard my radio interview (available at the site for a limited time) you'd know that women even AGREE with this. And I even tell the reason why we think women don't cheat as much in that interview.

Women cheat as much as guys do, but for different reasons.

And the same reasons.

Guys want sexual variety. Women want emotional connection and acceptance.

And we often cheat for the opposite reasons, too. Women sometimes want a man that still has some lead in his pencil. Guys sometimes want a woman that will listen to him and accept him without being critical.

In short, we all want what we're NOT getting.

So don't be so quick to lay blame on women for putting up with men cheating. The same thing is going on the other way, too. It's easier to stay in denial.

Remember that lifelong commitment is not something everyone can handle. In fact, the probability is that 70% of all first-time marriages will end in divorce.

L, you gotta get your head on straight as to what REALLY matters in this game. It's not about why people put up with cheating, at least not directly. Why not have your cake and eat it, too?

People are insecure by nature, so it's always easier to cheat to "test drive" another person, and keep your safe, secure relationship in reserve to avoid the ache of loneliness.

We want two things: Something new with excitement and stimulation on one hand (what cheating gives us), and something old that is stable and you know is there for you when you come home drunk late at night (what relationships give us.)

If you present a man of high enough quality and status, no woman in her right mind would go somewhere else for her milk. She's gotta be too busy chasing YOU all the time!

And if she's smart, she'll have you chasing HER the same way!

Human emotional psychology is what rules the world of relationships, not logic. Marriage is logical and rational, so why does 90% of everyone getting married secretly fear it?

Because commitment requires the power of your rational mind over your primal desires. And we all know who wins that battle, don't we?

Don't get me wrong, I encourage long-term relationships for EVERY man out there. It's the best way to chip away at your insecurities and sculpt you into a mature human being.

Remember what I say: You'll learn more about yourself in the context of a relationship than you ever will trying to score as much bootie as you can.

But at the same time, I'm not going to blow smoke up your ass and tell you that we're all ready to do that "settle down" thing. The only way to find out what you really want is to experience many different women in your life. And contrary to popular belief, you're not born with this knowledge. You had to be incredibly lucky to find it out on your own at all.

A relationship takes WORK. Ten times - no, a HUNDRED more times work to stay with one person than to go find someone new. Relationships don't usually end because of the way the other person is. They end because they bring up all our insecurities that we're unwilling to change and take control of.

They end because after the first few weeks of starry-eyed bliss, we start poking and prodding at each others' insecurities, whether we mean to or not. And unless you've got your sh*t together, brutha, you ain't going to last.

So here's what I say: If you want to understand why women and men cheat, yeah, I can tell you about that. But that's not going to give you a whole lot of enlightenment.

Now if you're interested in learning how to improve yourself and attract the women you want into your life, without feeling a constant "threat of loss" feeling or insecurity every time a woman talks to another guy, you damn well better get my e-books and audio.

Start with the Secrets of the Alpha Man Program. That will give you an understanding of the forces that make a man powerful and a desired commodity in today's market.

It's got everything a growing boy needs... CDs, exercises, e-books, vitamins, minerals...

Get it.

NOW.

SECRETS OF THE ALPHA MAN

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