ALPHA MALE QUESTION:

As far back as I can remember I have had trouble in one area of demonstrating my Alpha Man Power. I hope you can help…

To give you some background I have always been labeled as shy and introverted BUT thanks to all your awesome programs (the dating black book, advanced audio coaching, and the secrets of the alpha man) I have grown by leaps and bounds.

I’m able to approach women in the cold market on a daily basis and I have even improved my carrier with my ability to demonstrate my personality. Most importantly I feel confident and more of a man without the fear of changing and going after what I want!

Thank you for that!

So here’s the problem, I’m fine socially when talking one on one or even in a small group when things are fairly low key and not too wild. But when I’m with a group of friends at a bar or restaurant and things start become loud and fast pace (banter between people picks up speed) I can actually feel myself slip into shy mode.

I actually feel like I can’t catch up to everyone’s witty comments and as people become louder and louder I get quieter and quieter until I almost feel paralyzed…like I can’t say anything and my energy is being drained right out of me. I still try to make comments here and there but because I hardly talk in these situations it always feels awkward and like I have interrupted the flow of the conversation.

The worst part of this is that it communicates a lack of confidence and control and women can obviously sniff this out a mile away and boy do they run. My friends girl said, “You seem quiet tonight, are you a little out of your element.” I told her I was extremely tired BUT the truth was I did feel out of my element.

I’ve tried to fight this for years and I’m not happy to admit it but I tend avoid these situations. I know I can overcome this but I’m not sure how.

Thanks Carlos for your insight,
B
Colorado
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CARLOS:

This is an excellent question.

I have something to confess ... I have felt the same socially MANY times.

I used to feel like everyone else was "on" except for me, and I hated the fact that I couldn't seem to keep up.

Here's a few ways to avoid this syndrome:

1) Stop putting so much pressure on yourself to perform at such a high level. The ironic thing is that the more you feel you have to be the super-witty cool guy, the less you can be. It has to come from a place of RELAXED confidence. Not uptight fear.

2) Feel free to start your own conversation threads. Use the tactics from the Approach Women program to take control of the conversation. Make the conversation what you want on YOUR terms.

Sometimes that "witty banter" is really just crap. It's dumb put-downs and non-sequiters that have no real substance. Everyone is acting like this is cool conversation, but it's really boring crap.

CREATE a cool conversation.

Start something yourself like, "Hey, have you guys ever wondered if there are gay dogs?"

or:

"Hey if you were a candy flavor, which one would you be?"

or:

"Did you ever walk in on your parents getting it on? What happened?"

The bottom line is to not try to compete. Instead, Be the LEADER.

Just because everyone seems to be all giggles over the witty banter doesn't mean it's very interesting conversation.

That girl's comment about you being "out of your element" was a way of lowering your status in the group. Her way of putting you down and making her superior to you, as if her "element" means that you aren't able to keep up.

Define things in your own terms. Just because it SEEMS cool doesn't mean it IS cool.

Find a way to stake your own claim in the conversation. Be known as the silent and thoughtful guy.

That's how I turned my reputation around in groups. I took the time to craft my responses and blew them away with the depth of my understanding.

No one makes you feel inferior without your permission.

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