First Approach - Field Report

I did my very first approach tonight at a club and it went very well. I opened up with a "Hi, i don't have a pickup line but i wanted to talk to you, what's your name?" which I got from you.

I wasn't Mr. Superseductive guy but i managed to keep the conversation going by asking the questions most wuss guys ask.

"What's your passion?"

"What's your interests?"

Now to be fair, apparently she didn't have ANY interests or any passion. So I ran out of things to say. She didn't seem like a very interesting person.

I don't think it was because of me because I was actually not so nervous due to my boost in confidence from improving myself over the last month or so, so i don't think it was her defenses or so because I was not acting very nervously (I think). She seemed to have a good time talking to me.

However, as you probably know it's the easiest thing in the world to find a guy that is alone in a club, they seem to be EXACTLY EVERYWHERE, but it's a completely different story to find a woman on her own.

They tend to stay in groups, and my problem is that I find it impossible to go up to a group, specially if there is guys in the group as well, I know that I just started, but I was wondering, what's the differences between groups and one on one? How do I get myself to do it?

Once again, thanks for all the help.

Best regards, Victor
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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

First of all, high five for just getting in there and approaching a woman. EVERYTHING starts with action, and you took action.

This is important to not overlook.

Second of all, you don't want to be "Mr. Superseductive guy." This is an illusion that we need to somehow be different from ourselves to attract women.

NONONONONONONO.

Third thing: When you run into an uninteresting woman (and there are a LOT of them out there) you have to make a decision for yourself what it means when the conversation runs stale like this.

I know that you didn't ask me about this, but I feel it's necessary to point this out.

Most guys interpret it as being THEIR fault that the conversation dies out and they lose confidence. The REALITY here is that the woman is just not able to keep things going (or chooses not do do so.)

That's when YOU must make the decision for yourself that this is not a person you would find interesting to be around.

You see, a lot of guys give women a free pass based on beauty alone. BIG mistake. Your rule should be that Beauty does NOT get her past your internal bouncer. Just because she has a winning ticket in the genetic lottery does not make her a qualified candidate to play a role in your world.

YOU didn't run out of things to say. It's that you both didn't have a good vibe or chemistry.

Now your next step should be (and this is PURELY for your own self-growth) to find a way to keep things going and bring out her interests. Every woman has them, she's just not working hard to help you.

You want to know what I would say in this situation?

When things start running dry, you simply elbow her gently and say, "Hey, come on, aren't you good in social situations? I know you're not boring. C'mon, tell me what gets you excited in life..."

Gentle TEASING is always the way to go.

Why?

1) If she responds badly, she's got a structured and rigid personality. This means she's NO FUN, and she has NO PLACE in your life.

2) This communicates your playfulness and ability to take the lead. Always an attractive combination.

Now for your question...

The only difference between groups and one-on-one is WHAT YOU'RE THINKING about them.

Let me say that again...

The only difference is what is going on in your head. When you see a woman alone that you want to approach, you think it's no big deal because she's going to be glad that you're coming along.

Well, we all know that a woman being seen alone is a sign of "loser". They do this on purpose - for safety, social perception, and company. It would look really needy and "slutty" for a woman to be out alone in a bar. (Or so the belief goes.)

So your only challenge right now is to overcome this self-limiting belief you have about groups and perception.

Sit down right now and write down all the things you believe about walking up and talking to a group of people. I think you'll be shocked by the results, if you're honest with yourself.

You probably believe:

- They don't want any more people to talk to.

FALSE.

- They would think you're weird if you walked up and chatted them up.

FALSE

The women would laugh at you.

FALSE.

The list goes on and on...

All of the best guys with social skills that I know have no problem walking up and talking to groups.

Why?

Because they really believe in their heart that they can give some value and fun to the people they're about to meet.

I demonstrate how to walk up and open a group of people in my Alpha Lifestyle program. I highly recommend you get this program to complete your INNER and OUTER game. And learn the inner confidence of the Alpha Man.

Get the Alpha Lifestyle...

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