What Does a Woman Need To Have To Sleep With You?

Hello Carlos,

Hope you doing great. Just had to let you know about my story last week where I got introduced to a girl by a friend.

It all happened on a night where we were in a small social gathering with only me, her and my friend. After half an hour my friend went to sleep and there was only the two of us. I think she is usually very shy and not very talkative by nature so I kept talking just to ease the situation and to make her comfortable. We have been talking for a while when I realized it was quite late but she was still here. I tried to get closer to her to see her reaction and eventually we started making out.

Of course your advice did help a lot. For example I acted confident and seemed to be sure of what I was doing, I was even trying to make her laugh successfully (I guess our sense of humour were similar), Then I had a lot patience before getting into the 'Ahem' situation :).

So [your] three 'S' worked perfectly here: Self-confident, sense of humour and self-control. Oh and I used [your] palm reading trick as an excuse to get closer to her and this is where it started.


My questions are:

(1) She seemed to be very into me that night but was regularly saying that she would not be having sex with me. I took it easy, took a few seconds break and tried again till she accepted. Would she have said that only to test my reaction?

(2) If a girl is supposed to sleep with a guy if she trusts him (most importantly) then why did she do it on the first night she met me and that too only after a few hours? Can that really be enough for a girl to trust a guy?

Keep rocking dude!!

Ranjiv,
Reading, UK
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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

This is a common situation with guys that seems illogical up front, but is actually very obvious underneath.

First off, a woman says that sort of thing ("I'm not sleeping with you") for one reason primarily, and it's not to test you. It's her way of establishing in her mind that she is remaining "innocent." Women are culturally and societally programmed to protect their sexuality as their "secret value" to the world. It's her bargaining chip.

(Ladies, if you're reading this and getting angry, I didn't write these rules. I just explain them.)

The one thing a woman used in days-gone-by is her sexuality. It was her unique selling proposal for men that she had to guard. If a man thought she was a "loose woman," it lowered her sexual value. After all, how would he be able to be sure that his children were really HIS if she was the kind of girl who messed around?

Well, in the last few years we've been able to destroy that myth (of the chaste woman who does not cheat) with the discovery that about 10% of all kids are not from the father they think they are.

But it's VITALLY important to a woman's social appearance to her peers and to men that she look innocent.

Think about what the worst insult is to a woman: Slut.

So she will proclaim until the end of the world that she's a "Good Girl."

And her way of maintaining this image to you is to make you believe that she "never does this sort of thing."

And she even denies it to herself, telling herself that this or that sexual encounter "doesn't count."

Now, if you did react badly or impatiently to her saying "not tonight," she would have been turned off in a big way. You would have proven yourself to be just another guy who only wants "one thing."

Game over.

But you did the right thing which was to hold back and chill. Relax and let her feel that she could connect with you, and that you were a confident and patient chap.

You also bring up an equally valid and important point about "trust."

Isn't a woman supposed to trust a man before she sleeps with him? Yes, she does, but not as much as you might think.

There's another ingredient that is more important than trust, and it will make all the difference to you with women.

She needs to feel CONNECTION.

So to answer your question, YES - that's all she needs in order to feel comfortable enough to indulge her sexuality and have fun with you.

In order to understand women, you have to really understand the huge part of reality that is actually a complete LIE.

Here are some facts about women that most men accept as the Truth, but they're not:

- Women are not as interested in sex as men.

Nope.

Women are actually MORE sexual than men.

- Women don't cheat as much as men.

Nope.

Women are just better at keeping it hidden than men are.

- Women need to be your only girlfriend before she will sleep with you.

Nope.

As I told you above, she only needs to feel a connection with you to allow herself to be sexual with you.

So the real riddle that guys need to solve is HOW to get a woman to feel that connection with you. To feel that she is actually FELT and UNDERSTOOD on a deep level.

To really supercharge her feminine identity, and touch her soul in a way that most men will NEVER understand.

That is what I teach you in my Alpha Conversation & Persuasion program.

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