Get around people who make you grow and learn

Hey Carlos... just wanted your quick input on overcoming slight/moderate intimidation/lack of confidence with other men and women that have a higher confidence level than myself. I do just fine with equal/lower confidence level people, but just dont feel the same confidence with higher confident people...

... Example: At a party and some people that you meet seem to be more confident than myself when I speak to them... I just dont feel real comfortable when this is the case.. other times, men or women that are meek or dont have an authoritive demeanor are easier to speak with and I feel comfortable..

I want to eventually talk to anyone I meet the same way whatever thier confidence level or what they look like.. any particular things I can do to accelerate this change?

thanx,
chris
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CARLOS ANSWERS:

This is a classic case of what I call "projected comparative value."

I know, a lot of words.

What it means is that you're projecting your own sense of self-esteem based upon a perception and comparison of others' self-esteem.

What does it matter that they are more confident than you? What you're saying to yourself is that you can only associate with people that feel worse about themselves than you do (or show it more.) That sounds a bit crazy when I say it like that, huh?

Ideally, this should be reversed.

You need to understand that you will not learn anything but a false sense of superiority by dealing with people who don't challenge you.

But if you hang around people that can be a good example, that can show you better character and social behaviors that can help you grow. Instead of being intimidated, be inspired. If you're not growing, you're dying.

Comfort is irrelevant.

If you chase comfort the rest of your life, you'll be a neurotic loser addicted to the avoidance of any potentially rewarding experience in life. You'll fold at the first hint of pressure. This is especially sobering when you realize that nothing of any value in life can be obtained without RISK. In fact, it's that element of risk that makes life rewarding.

The direction you head in life will be in direct alignment with how you associate pain and pleasure. If you think that being around people who can teach you a better way of life is painful, you'll probably avoid it. Unless you learn how to re-frame that experience in such a way that you can focus on the benefits.

It's up to you.

I talk more about the effective use of pain and pleasure to motivate you to greater success in life in The Secrets of the Alpha Man.

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