How to deal with different cultures and dating

Hey Carlos, fantastic audio series. I find it really helps the way that your understanding is so fundamental and your advice is then tailored from a person's inner game. It expands your understanding of reality with both women and all of your general attitude to life and taking control, for which I wish to thank you. Now onto a question.

I am a western guy and have moved to Hong Kong. Now, I saw how the alpha approach was so useful back in the UK. However, over here I have very different situations to master. The Chinese culture is so strong in these girls that they are seriously more introverted. They are so scared of touch in public. Also a large percentage are looking for marriage or their mr.right. Also western guys have a very bad reputation for getting a girl into bed and then running away. On the other hand we also have high value because we are a minority and seen as affluent, and HK is very materialistic.

So now that I a have built a context, my question is this. In a place such as this it is hard to know what you can and cannot do. I went on a date with a stunning girl who is my music teacher. I showed up to my 2nd lesson and she was dressed up to go out, and I had made no attempt to ask her out before, so said 'are you going out tonight' to which she said 'no'. I then realised she had dressed up for me. She then said that she would go out if I took her! So I did.

We went for a snack and some cocktails and I enjoyed her company. However, she kept asking me all these questions about life and am I a player, do I want kids, am I a one -girl-man etc all in a very serious tone. Obviously testing me, and at the end I went to give her a hug (I didnt think kissing her was right, due to this being HK, I mean they are scared of holding hands in public) and as I went in she was like 'er er no touching no touching' in a chinese semi english dialect.

So I grabbed her hand and pulled her in for a hug which she reciprocated. The whole evening went really well, we both laughed and shared stories had some light hand touching in the bar. She then kept asking me why I wanted to learn music at the place she teaches. Probably wanted me to say 'because you were there' but I could not work out for the life of me what to tell her... I didnt answer the question. I did not know if that because she is very traditional that telling her she is attractive etc may scare her away and tell her I am after one thing (which I am not) and that her idea of pure romance that just flows is crushed.

What do you think? I made no push with her in terms of a kiss, but thats ok as we touched a lot and laughed. So can you tell me what is the best way to deal with this traditional minded girls. Should I let them know my intentions? Teasing and flirting is never very effective because of dialect issues so building attraction is a lot more superficial. If you wear a suit your perceived value is very high.

So I would love to hear your advice on this subject, I am very confused, but if you have ever been to china then you will know exactly what I mean.

Cheers

Graham, HK
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CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:

Well, actually, I have been over to China, both mainland and Hong Kong. And I do know what you mean, that it's got a different culture.

However, I disagree that you cannot tease and flirt. This is a universal language between the sexes that does not change - only in the way that you approach it and the subtlety with which you use the technique.

The first thing you must do in another country is turn on your observation mode and really watch social interactions VERY closely. You have to observe what passes for acceptable. Read books on the culture and the evolution of that society.

It's different when you grow up in a certain country, where you feel the culture from the inside out. Now you've got to become a student and learn it all over again.

But don't think for a minute that the principles of being an Alpha Man are something you can put on and get rid of to suit you. Most of that confident and capable persona must be with you all the time.

You can always be confident in any language or culture, and it will not be a turn-off to a woman - unless it's done arrogantly.

The next step for you is to learn the language and understand the nuances and subtleties there, too. Once you have a grasp of the language, you can then communicate and understand those small sub-communications much better.

One thing I recommend is getting out of your head with all the self-doubt and second-guessing. Stop trying to get into her head and do everything "just right."

Get in there, get dirty, get busy.

Make mistakes, learn from them quickly, and then get on to your next mistake - which I hope will be a different one.

This is all a process of learning. And it will be with you for the rest of your life. It just requires you to get rid of this fear of failure and move on to the next success hiding behind it.

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