Can you really just start a conversation from nothing?

Hey Carlos I’ve been a frequent read of your ebooks and podcasts and have learned a lot. Yet am still having some issues meeting women.

But, since reading Secrets of the Alpha Man I have gone through a drastic change. I find myself being more confident, tough with my friends, more loose in social situations, and generally able to flirt with any girl within the context of an extended conversation. Though, it would be great if you released an ebook about nothing but flirting with women, both initially and in the midst of conversation. There really aren't many great resources just on flirtation, as opposed to how to "handle" women.


First, I will completely admit that I still have a case of the-one-that-guy-away-itis, but I have enough respect for myself to rationalize it and realize that its not so much a case of wanting her back as it is desiring to prove and vindicate myself in front of her and her friends due to the terrible nice-guy humiliation I went through a year ago. I now know that if she had met the man that I am now, I would have either ended it right there or it would have lasted longer.

And yet I still have a huge problem with actually approaching women. Unless there happens to be a guerilla in the room AND I happen to be accidentally next to her AND we happen to look at each other, I find it very difficult to approach. Moreover, when I do approach in a confident and relaxed manner the conversation never really gets going, with her awkward/uninterested replies and my seemingly nagging and random questions.

Can you really just walk up to a woman who is minding her own business and all alone in a cafeteria, library, coffee shop, or store and start a conversation out of nowhere? Don’t women (and men for that matter) find it weird when someone out of nowhere walks up and starts talking about some random subject?

I've tried to simply go to the mall and give women "drive-by compliments" to fight this fear, but each time I literally just walk around for an hour horrified at the prospect. I'm confident in my ability once I have a number due to my flirtatious and relaxed manner around women, but approaching keeps getting to me stumped every day, especially since my college campus is filled with ample opportunities to meet women. I don’t even dare dream of meeting women at a bar.

With my senior year coming up, I don’t want to let my last year go by without having at least met one woman on my own. After all, my only sexual experience was with a girl who effectively offered herself after telling me that “she had no idea I’m so good looking,” which I suppose to my advantage is something I hear often. Is there any advice you can give me? Does your "Approach Women Now" program address these issues?

Thanks.

Joe, Boston.
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CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:

Well, first of all, yes, Approach Women NOW does tackle the subject of addressing fear of approach - or otherwise known as "approach anxiety."

Many guys have it, and it's not hard to overcome if you do it as part of a planned process, which is what I outline in the program. And, yes, it even covers that enigma known as "flirting."

Your ability to overcome your current limiting beliefs and fears lies in your ability to back up and get back to a step that you feel you CAN comfortably accomplish. You'll always be battling fears versus your own teeth-gritting determination until you lower the internal anxiety you feel to a manageable level.

You don't want to have to wait for women to magically discover who you are, as that one woman did. They are waiting for you to PROJECT your personality out there with Alpha Confidence, and this takes more than just a sudden flip-of-the-switch attitude change. It takes a DECISION.

Right now it sounds like you're reflecting a lot of judgment back on yourself that is not necessary. You're projecting a certain belief on your interactions that is completely unfounded - that the woman is disinterested - and even if she is, does this REALLY reflect on you, or on her poor social skills?

There was an experiment done by a rather "free thinker" university professor, where he came to the class he taught with a bag full of cookies. He munched on them and then offered them to the class. Some people took them and happily ate them. After about ten minutes, the teacher revealed that these were in fact dog biscuits. Some of the people in the class supposedly puked on the spot.

Now I ask you, what changed in that situation? The dog biscuits or the belief system of the students?

What you believe is so powerful that it will make the difference between success and failure in life. GUARANTEED.

How do you change your beliefs?

Get EDUCATED and learn what's REALLY going on with women.

I hear this all the time: "I'm really very confident once I get talking with a woman and it's comfortable, but before that I'm not..."

BULLSHIT!

You're just as comfortable before, but you're messing with your own head by believing the wrong things in the wrong order, thus sabotaging your own confidence. What you're saying is that HER REACTION TO YOU is what makes you feel either good or bad about yourself - and THAT is what most men never address. They learn clever techniques, but they never overcome this glaringly obvious hole in their inner game.

Once I realized that it is a complete HEAD GAME (i.e. - INNER game) that must be won to successfully attract women and get girlfriends, I conquered this fear, and relatively easily, I must add. But I was determined once I figured out the power of the belief systems I had created.

I encourage you to re-read that paragraph about the professor and think about it for a while. It could be the most powerful lesson you learn all month.

And if you want to overcome this fear of approach once and for all, I have a solution for you.

Just go here: HOW TO OVERCOME APPROACH ANXIETY

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men