Is it really lying?

Dear Carlos,


I'm really confused about this. Today, I did another marathon-session of searching through two dating sites. Those two Dutch dating sites use checkboxes in the profiles. You should mark if you (man or woman) want kids, yes or no.

Now this causes a big problem for me. I know for sure that I absolutely don't want any kids. But nearly every woman on these sites marks her checkbox with "yes" for kids. There are only 6 (!) woman in a radius of 50 miles that said "no" to wanting kids.

Should I change my preference to yes instead? I am not fond of lying to a woman but it will increase my responses a lot I think. There are no doubt tons of women who discard me only because I don't want any kids.

I have no problem with a woman that already has 1 kid.

Can you give me your opinions on this matter?

Thank you very much on your info, hope to see you on the Cliff's List 2006 DVD's.

Patrick
______________________

CARLOS:

Okay, everyone. Are you ready for a big dose of reality?

Here it comes.

Most women want children.

Yes, it's true. That hard-wired genetic fact will someday come to haunt all of you. I could tell you that some do and some don't, and you just have to look, but the reality is that most will. Not all, but most.

Even the women out there reading this saying, "I don't want children!" are really just a few years ahead of their biological imperative (also known as an alarm clock) that will go off one day to the tune of "Show me the Baby!" I've seen this happen so many times it ain't funny.

Sometimes that alarm clock will wait until her early 40's, too.

Yes, I sometimes sound like I'm exaggerating, and there are always exceptions to the rules, but this is one that bears noting, because if you go into denial and think that you'll just scoop up a woman that doesn't want kids and that will never change - well, guess again.

So what you have to do is reconcile the following:

1) Why don't you want to have kids?

2) Could it be that you just don't want them right now?

3) If you found a woman that met all your other needs, is this something you could accept and sacrifice for her later?

4) Would you maybe want a woman that has older children later on? (You said this was a possibility. What if she wants more?)

Once you understand your decision, you can figure out how best to search for a woman, and whether this may change in the future. Sometimes it's enough for a woman if you just tell her up front that you don't want children now, but you may later.

No one can see what the future will bring. You can't misrepresent a future that no one knows for certain.

So, that being said, if you can't say with 100% certainty that you will NEVER want children, you are not misleading her if you are up-front later on. (I have seen that most dating sites let you choose "maybe" or "not sure" as an option.)

She answered that question with a click of a mouse that you weren't there to witness. She might change her mind later, too. Or, maybe all the women who want children are using online dating right now. Consider using more methods to meet more women. I'm sure there are more than 6 on your area.

Open up opportunities for yourself, but do not mislead or lie.

I'd consider joining more dating services to cast a wider net. And if the prospect of a small pool of eligible candidates is scary to you, consider changing yourself instead of the rest of the world. It's far easier.

Oh, and you will most definitely see me on the next Cliff's List seminar DVDs. Mine was one of the most popular presentations given, so you'll be getting a real treat when this comes out on DVD later this year.

For now, you should take a look at my Alpha Immersion DVD Program if you want to get the vital parts of this seminar right now...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men