Challenges

Dear Carlos Xuma,
 
I first discovered you through the iTunes whenever I first got my iPod and have enjoyed your shows every since. The one critical thing I need to ask anybody such as yourself offering products to help guys achieve success for women is what advice do you give to disabled guys who are trying to find success with women?
 
I ask because I am 26 years old and was born with a birth defect called Spina Bifida. I have to walk around on crutches and all that but I still enjoy a pretty normal life despite my obstacles.
 
I have avoided the whole dating that for a long time because it has always been awkward for me to ask out able-bodied women since during the early years I would just get no where. I realize that despite what women say, they appear to be any more open-minded and non-judgmental than guys are and I can understand how uncomfortable it must be for a cripple to hit on them.

Never the less, I do want to experience romance, sex, and the rest at some point and in order to do that I need some strategy that will allow me to help women out there get over the whole disabled thing.
 
Do you know what I mean? What is your take on all of this?
 
Thank you for reading my email and I look forward to receiving your reply.
 
~
J

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CARLOS:

J, one of the things I have learned over the years is that people can overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles to achieve and get the things they want out of life.

But I'm not going to sit here and blow smoke up your ass and tell you that it will be a breeze. You do have some obstacles. The reality is that most women ARE judgmental. They are usually the first to say it, too, so this isn't going to be news anywhere.

The message I want you to hear, though, is that you WILL overcome your limitations if you persevere.

The first thing you must have is an unqualified, TOTAL belief in the value you have to offer another woman. Without this, it's all just talk and wishful thinking.

Be careful that you don't program yourself with what I call "internal Negs." This is where you try to come to terms with a limitation, and you use it (sometimes jokingly) openly to lower other people's discomfort with it. Sometimes this is self-deprecating.

From now on, I want you to ban the word cripple out of your vocabulary. Not in some dumb version of "political correctness" but only because it carries significant emotional weight in your mind. It's a charge word that does NOT lift your self-esteem. Banish it.

What it does is send a negative message to your subconscious mind that you are less than other guys, or somehow flawed as compared with the rest of the population.

Trust me, I've met people with incredible physical limitations that were 10 times the man most other guys are.

Let me be clear on this: Just because you have a handicap, it does not mean that you need to lower your sites or expectations for what you want in a woman. You just may have to work a little harder to get it.

Once you come from a frame of belief in your value, the physical condition will disappear. Your attitude and enthusiasm will shine and you'll attract people like you wouldn't believe.

Look for women with a hint of emotional maturity as your starting point. (As every man should.) They will have the most capacity for acceptance and open-heartedness.

If you want to build that TOTAL belief in yourself, I suggest you start with The Secrets of the Alpha Man as your best resource...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men