The Early "I Love You..."

Hi C,

I started up by subscribing to your newsletter. It happened when I moved out of the country for a few months, I decided that when I got back I no longer wanted to be the nice guy that everyone loves but actually be the one to get women. I searched quite a lot of websites... After quite a lot more rubbish and contradicting stuff I then found your website, by that point I was quite tired of looking for unconvincing material but I thought I couldn't do any harm to subscribe to the newsletter, so I did.

after several newsletters I realised I was onto a winner, your advice really started to make sense particularly because I've actually always been a pretty confident bloke I was just deluded about what women wanted, so I managed to pick up on stuff quite quickly without too much trouble. After a couple of months I decided to buy your Dating Black Book, which helped me so
much more. I must have read it through about 5 times now and always refer to points that I need help with (hence my previous question). I've also bought some audio sessions, which I enjoyed...

Thanks to your dating black book and newsletters my love life has improved a lot, so thanks a bunch.

I know in your black book you covered the early 'I love you', but I need a bit more detail if you can spare the time. Well I've been with a my girlfriend for about a month now, while I like her she does seem to be a bit needy/clingy. For the moment I can put up with this without much problem. However she has already said she loves me a few times. Now this freaks me out a little and confuses me, I find it hard to believe that she is in love with me already, I know I'm certainly not in love with her. When she says it, it makes me feel a bit guilty because I know I cant say it back.

So rather than put up with this I've been thinking of sitting her down and telling her that I don't want her to say it unless she really means it. It seems like a good idea to me if I say it right, but I don't want to be making a big mistake. Can you please give me some feedback, Carlos? it would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks, Elliot

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CARLOS:

Watch out for the needy/clingy thing. Right now, it feels good because you are still in that period of Limerance. (This is a term for that blind emotional state we fall into when we're in lust.)

A year or two of this kind of insecurity and you'll be opening your wrists or pulling a Superman off a tall building to get away from it. What starts out cute and gratifying to our own insecurities often drives us batshit later on.

If you're not in love with her, don't say it. It isn't true, and it would damage you both.

Right now you're still in this relationship out of guilt. It may be time to consider moving on. She's using emotional blackmail to keep you around right now, and that's not good. She's also immature enough to not know the difference between her fairy-tale love in her head, and the real love of a mature, committed relationship.

If it's scary now, it probably won't get better.

Bite the bullet and do the man's job here. You can start by sitting her down and telling her how you feel and tell her that if this is an issue for her, perhaps you should start 'seeing other people.'

(That's a clever term meaning that you're breaking up. Funny thing is that women use it on men like that's NOT what it means, and men just say they don't want to see her anymore.)

I will say that I would not hold much hope for her to change much, even after you sit her down. It's highly likely that you'll have a calm period, and then it will go right back into Needy-ville.

And then you may have to be the man again and do something a tad more permanent.

Remember what I teach in The Dating Black Book about the Dating Continuum... Follow that advice and you can't go wrong.

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