Is he on to something?

I had somewhat of an epiphany and I'm wondering if you could help clarify something.

Last week at a party I tried saying hi to this girl I had a thing for from a while ago. She kinda got weird and quickly looked away, ignoring me. I personally didn't care and thought if she's gonna be like that then fine, I'm not going to let it ruin my night.

I went around the party talking up different people, passed her a bunch of times without looking at her. Shortly after, she was staring at me, did things to get my attention, and even approached me. I was cool about it, keeping some witty banter going, but my question is this: It seems like I may be able to use this "oh, I didn't even see you" type thing to get some attention, particularly from warm contacts.

So, how do I take it from there in future interactions to the next level in building attraction because it seems after a certain point they have to try and approach you. This has happened about three times from three different girls in the last two weeks. I think I may be on to something here. Any thoughts?

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CARLOS:

Hmmm... I don't mean to sound self-congratulatory, but this is one of the principles of being immersed in your own reality and carrying a strong frame that I discuss. (We covered this in depth in the Alpha Immersion Seminar back in March. You'll be able to see it soon on the DVDs.)

This is TYPICAL female behavior. (And typical human behavior, too.) When we're snubbed or ignored by someone who appears to have High Social Value (HSV), we desire their attention and affiliation more than ever.

This was an evolutionary gambit that played out over millions of years, when humans understood that being in good graces with the Alpha was a good way to ensure your survival. Who realized that better than women?

So of course she's going to be interested. After you demonstrated high social value in the party, she then realized that her ignoring you A) had no effect, B) could potentially backfire when she risked ostracizing herself from the social group.

The reason this worked for you was that you were blissfully ignorant of the technique (AKA: Natural) and were able to get the right mindset instead of trying to use a technique for the result. If you had been trying to do this to get her interested, it probably would have backfired on you.

Ignoring a woman is a powerful statement of your own personal power, as long as you do this from a frame of living in your own reality and acting from YOUR beliefs, instead of trying too hard to bend HER reality to suit you.

One is try-hard and low self-esteem manipulation. The other is self-centered (NOT a bad thing) and empowered.

Don't use something to "get" something. Do something from your natural identity and let the results just pour in. When you add the need to "get," you will find it will elude you.

So the lesson here isn't the results you get, but the mindset you achieve. THIS is what most guys miss on their path to glory with women.

I'm reminded of the story of the teacher and his student:

An old teacher once told his student to go out on a long road and find something special to bring back to him.

The student asked what it is he was looking for.

The teacher would not say.

And so the student went out on the road and searched for a year. He came back with a sack full of many fantastic things.

The teacher looked through it all and pulled out a leaf that had been mixed in with the precious artifacts. "Here it is," he said.

The student said, "That was it? I was supposed to find a leaf?"

The teacher smiled and said, "If I told you to find a leaf, would you have found this wonderful treasure?"

The student nodded and bowed to the teacher.

***

Now, I covered much of this topic in a previous Podcast, but I wanted to emphasize that holding on to the moment, or seeking an outcome roots us to some pretty weak results. But if we go in to discover the experience and learn along the way, we achieve much more.

We already know that the more you try to get a woman's attention, the more she'll shy away from it.

I distinctly remember trying to catch a gal's eye during a presentation in a class, and I remember how she deliberately avoided connecting with my stare.

That was painful, my friends. I felt that gnawing pain right in the middle of my chest. Here was this gal I wanted and hit on all the time, and she had even 'seemed' interested in me, and she was ignoring me.

Looking back on it, I know exactly what went wrong. But that pain still reminds me to never do that again...

If you'd like to read more rules about what not to do with women, have a look at this:

The Dating Black Book

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