DATING ADVICE EMERGENCY:

Carlos,

Hi, I have a question for you and the advice you give will mean a lot. I started reading your book a couple of years ago and I won a girl over using your advice. We have dated since then but now we have had a break-up. The situation looks grim to me and I have some dubiety about rekindling anything but I am sure you have heard this thousands of time: I want her back.

The main premise is that she dearly loved me but I took advantage of her, I was not there when she needed me and I sometimes tried to induce her to change. She did live in Texas close to me but she moved to Louisiana early this summer to be with her mom for a few months. Over the last couple of weeks I have noticed that she had not been calling much.

I called her on Sunday night and asked what was going on. She told me that she met someone and that we are over. The next day she wrote an email thrashing me for everything that I have done to her. Carlos, I agree with her. I was wrong and I tried to tell her that. I want to make amends and move our relationship up. Our current status is that she won't take a call.

I tried calling yesterday before lunch but I know that calling any further is obviously a mistake. It took this mess for me to see what she really has to offer. I was just really stupid and didn't see it before. Interestingly enough she is dating one of the New Orleans evacuees.

Do you see any wiggle room for me here. Any advice would be great. She sounded like she was just very angry in her mails and she wanted revenge. Yesterday she wrote in one of the mails "Robert, dammit, I have to do this". My current plan is to send a handrwritten letter (no other contact) to tell her that I am sorry, I was wrong, and that I think she is doing the right thing by taking bold steps to make a change.

I really don't know what to do next. I was planning on proposing soon but I never told her and one of her chief complaints was that I didn't want to make a commitment.

What do you think?

R
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CARLOS:

Do not have any further contact with this woman. You're starting to slip into obsession over your guilt.

You did what you did, now move on. You can't fix the past by "making it right" again. This is the path to your own self-destruction.

And I'm not over stating it, either.

Don't call her. Don't write her. In fact, never contact her again. There is no way you will recapture her heart like this.

If you continue on this path, your attitude will slowly slide into whipped-dog mode faster than you can cry along with "Fried Green Tomatoes." Your next step is that she'll be taking a restraining order out on you. Stalking is the next step, dude. And you're very close to that point.

This is how stalkers are created. Obsessive self-redemption and having some "point" to prove.

LET IT GO!

You learned your lesson. Now get rid of the guilt, because that will cripple your attitude in the long run. I've seen guys literally wither up and turn into a shadow of their former selves because they didn't reclaim their balls and get back to feeling good about themselves.

Here, get this RIGHT NOW. I'm not kidding. It's the one thing you can use to revive your flagging self-esteem. I consider your email an EMERGENCY situation.

Go here NOW: CONFIDENCE WITH WOMEN

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