Some big lessons in attracting women and finding a good woman...

Carlos,

I have purchased your Dating Black Book and Approach Women Now cd series. I have to tell you that after reading the book and listening to the CDs I could help but feel like the dorkiest man alive. I have let woman control my emotions and have responded to them instead of them responding to me. I always came off as a needy unconfident pervert!

... I have learned to set standards and not let a woman test me without busting their balls. I hope that if I keep this up I will eventually find a woman that qualifies to be in my life. One big thing too, if a woman sees that I have things going on in my life, the tend to be more interested instead of the bore I used to be. I have the motivation now to follow my dreams and if a woman wants to be part of that then so be it, but have learned not to let a woman pull me off course of where I want to go and do in my life...

I have been hanging out with this girl for about three weeks now, I have taken her out to the movies once and cooked her and her friends dinner at my house once, the rest of the time I usually just hang out with her at our mutual friends work.

She did something that really upset me last night and I wanted to ask if I handled it right. I meet her at our friends work and our friend invited me to hang out with them at her aunt’s house. Well, first I got lost on the way there and I asked the girl I am seeing to meet me at a near by store and I will follow her but she told me to call our friend, her friend had to meet me at a store and I followed her. (that upset me)

Then once we got to my friend’s aunt’s house the girl I am seeing completely ignores me. She spent the whole time on the phone with her friend and on the computer. I played two games of pool with my friend’s brother and then left without saying goodbye to the girl I am seeing (Carlos that really pissed me off).

Well the girl I am seeing called me a couple hours later and I told her that she had disrespected me and that I am not a kid anymore. I told her if she doesn’t’ want anything to do with me then tell me now! I told her I don’t date women that disrespect me and that is the first and last time that will happen. She said sorry and blah blah blah.

Please tell me what you think. I have a very open mind. Also she refuses to kiss me on the lips, but will cuddle with me and hold my hand and stuff. Really strange, it’s a challenge!
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CARLOS ANSWERS:

Well, this is going to be a tough pill to swallow, but since you've already gotten on the path to redemption through my programs, I know you'll be able to take it.

First of all, this is a situation that a lot of guys get into. I call it the "wishful thinking" situation.

You think you're seeing her, but she's not really "seeing" you at all. She's keeping you around as a trophy guy that can pump up her value by making her look desirable. You're only going to be in her life as long as it takes for her to find the next guy.

If a woman is into you, she will not refuse to kiss you or give you more affection. And DEFINITELY will not disrespect you by ignoring you.

Don't be confused by the APPEARANCE that she's giving off. Holding hands and cuddling? She can do that with ANYONE. The only true gauge of success with a woman is how much of her heart and soul is she willing to surrender to you. (No, it's not even sex, really. That's just incidental.)

Now the problem happened here because you did not handle this IMMEDIATELY when the situation required attention and management.

You see, it's up to YOU as the man to make sure that she does not push you or test your boundaries this way. However, there is a RIGHT and a WRONG way to handle the situation when it comes up.

At the first indication that she was playing around with you like this, you need to (playfully) bust her chops on it, and then make it clear that you are not going to sit there and accept it. By staying there all that time with her playing with her friend and you playing pool, you were telling her implicitly that it's okay to treat you like this.

The next big mistake is the amount of times you're talking about being "upset." My friend, women do not have the power to upset you. Only YOU can make you upset. This is an emotional reality that not a lot of guys are willing to admit. The reality is that your emotions are COMPLETELY under your control.

You were "upset" because you REACTED to her behavior rather than managing it.

You could stay and play pool and be cool, but you would have to GENUINELY be there for your own fun.

I can BET that you did very little to cover up this "upset" you were experiencing. And she saw it. And she knew she could emotionally control you as a result.

Really, everything that you experienced could have been avoided WAY back at the start.

When?

As soon as you became a "tag along" with her friend to see her. That appears as if you had nothing better to do. And all your talk about "hanging out" with her makes me think that you're not being aggressive enough to make this go forward.

Look, the reality is that she needs to either demonstrate that she's a woman that you can count on to be a loving and caring addition to your life, or ...

NEXT!

There is no "hanging around" with women. You need to be showing them an exciting new reality, one that you control, and one that you can bring into her reality by the power of your presence.

You're demonstrating "provider" traits right now, and not enough "attraction" traits. Seriously, dates are for chumps. Take her out to have FUN. Not go see a movie. That just shows a lack of creativity.

You sit for 2 hours in the dark and that's supposed to be romantic? I never understood that.

I don't DATE.

I CREATE.

I create meaningful, fun experiences for women to enjoy with me. And that's why they keep coming back for more.

1. Dump her. It's the best thing for your attitude right now. Really.

Besides, she's just not into you. The only way to inspire her interest is to move on and give her a reason to want you again. Only by being out of her grasp again will she remember what it's like to desire you.


2. Start expanding your social circle.

You must make your social life more reliable so that you don't feel like you need to fall into someone else's plans. It's fine if you do, after all, hanging with the people you like and have fun with is what life is all about.

HOWEVER, by creating your own social situations, you'll be much more in control and confident, AND you'll be opening yourself to many new alternatives with women. You'll find that you have OPTIONS - which is one of the most important things in a man's life.


3. Be more definite about what it is you want in life right now.

Even when it comes to small things like your free time. Don't accept just "hanging out" unless it's on YOUR terms. The way YOU want it.

Don't be one of the guys out there that just falls into everyone else's plans, and then wonders why women aren't attracted to that directionless attitude.

Women are attracted to the leader.

The Alpha Man.

Find out how to discover your Alpha Man traits here...

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