Unique Case of One-itis

Hey C,

I have a kind of one-itis i've never had before, this time because its over a guy (no not in the gay sense!). he's my best friend and kind of a mentor, he's been the one to help improve my confidence and put your techniques in to practice. We also work together and can make a great time out of anything.

Anyway we are from England but he's moving to Canada for 8 months and i'll probably be only able to see him once if at all. He leaves tomorrow and its only just hit me and i feel awful. This is definitely worse than one-itis overy any kind of girl. Your definitely right about good male friends being much more important than women. Only problem with this one-itis i have no idea how to cure it, feels like a part of me is being taken away and i have the fear that without his encouragement i'll return to my former less confident self.

What can i do C? please help me out.
E

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CARLOS ANSWERS:

Yeah, it sucks when someone you've grown close to leaves. I've recently lost a person I thought of as my close friend. His marriage apparently did not include space for old friends, so I no longer see him. C'est la vie. It hurt, but I got over it.

And for any of you guys out there snickering at his attachment to a guy, get over your homophobia and realize that connecting with people is a part of what an Alpha Man does. It's not Gay, it's the Way of the Alpha.

Remember a few things, though:

1) If your confidence requires anyone outside of yourself, it's not really confidence. Or it is, but you don't realize that it has nothing to do with that person. Get it? He's only enabling you to thikn of yourself in a different way (i.e., your SELF IMAGE). You need to discover what it was that made your unique pairing work.

2) Realize that the loss of friends is a NATURAL part of life. NOTHING is forever. You are lucky that at least he will be returning in 8 months. Some people leave your life forever. You need to re-frame this event to serve you, not shake your foundations.

3) Also let this experience teach you to "load balance" your friends. In other words, you probably put too much importance on this one friend. Where are your other friends? A single point-of-failure in your social network is not a good thing. You always need a backup. (You engineer geeks are probably getting a good laugh out of this analogy...)

Get back out there and replenish your social network.

What would you do if this was a woman? You'd go out and meet 10 more.

Why should this be any different?

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