NEWSLETTER September 12, 2006

Curing Your Confusion ... With No Delusion.

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QUESTION:

Carlos ... I know the sort of behavior you preach works, and works very well. I see evidence for it every day. It works for me, but I never get anywhere. I can't keep it working. I'm almost certain that the reason is my complete lack of a social life.

I can say with conviction that I'm one of the most fun people you'll ever meet. I can go into a completely silent classroom, break it up, and get a bunch of people talking. Everyone knows who I am in a day or two. If I meet you individually, you definitely wont forget me.

I get complimented all the time about how fun, interesting, and enjoyable I was everywhere I go. I can do it because I'm true to myself and what I want to do, just like you say to do.

But, as I said, I have no social life and very very few friends,... try counting on one hand. I don't understand it, nobody ever wants to get together with me again. (And I know I’m not that bad) I've lost more friends in the last year than I've made. Made 1, lost 5. And these aren’t falling outs, they are fade outs because I refuse to call constantly proposing we get together (just like you say), which never happens anyway.

Your products have definitely made me able to harden myself against the bombardment of negative social rejection and inactivity, and I don’t really think that it is totally me by a far shot. But I have to be doing something's wrong for it to be this bad. I can feel that something is off.

So, my question to you is: Is there anything out there to help the socially awkward/inept/incompetent? Do you have any suggestions. It’s hard to meet women when you don’t have any friends or a social life. You can trick them at first, but they find out soon after.

So, if you can, help me, and many other men.

CARLOS ANSWERS:

It's a hard thing for me to diagnose from here, not having met you and experienced your awesome presence, (sarcasm with a wink)

However...

Something does have to be "off" as you say.

And if I were to guess what the reason is, I'd bet this:

You lack SINCERITY.

I cover this concept completely in the Alpha Immersion DVD program, but briefly, you're not convincing people that you're genuine and REAL with them.

When people view you as "the entertainer" or "Mr. Fun Guy," you'll often be viewed as yet another channel of reality TV that they can live without.

But also recognize that today's society does not allow a lot of time to form a large network of social ties. It's a symptom of our hurried, harried, and hassled lives that we barely have enough time to focus on ourselves, and for many people it's too much to work at their social network.

So not everyone is going to be jumping at the opportunity to be your friend, as much as we'd like to think.

Here's a solution:

Start putting work back into maintaining your relationships with people.

It takes EFFORT. And very often, you might find yourself being the one to do all the work.

Tough Turkey.

The alternative - solitude - isn't acceptable, so you MUST put the effort in.

(continued ... )

People can often sense when a person is a bunch of talk as opposed to someone who will work at the friendship, and they will hang back.

I used to struggle with this, too. It was so much effort to keep up friendships (especially with my married friends). But ultimately it is worth it, even if you only ever meet up with them once or twice every few months.

And you're very right when you say that you can't meet women as easily without any friends. Mostly because a guy with a strong social network just has a better vibe about him.

They say there are three elements to your health - Physical, mental, and social. Many people figure because they are not depressed and not sick, that they are healthy. Not so.

You need a social network. It's one of the things that will help your dating skills more than anything. Primarily because a man without friends has an air of neediness about him that transfers to his game. The second he gets a woman, he over-focuses on her, and forgets the few friends he had.

To help you, start with these steps:

1) Say yes to EVERY social invitation you receive.

I get a lot of guys that actually get a lot of requests to go out, but they're so "dug in" at home, they let inertia stop them from going out.

If you get a call at 11:00 at night, you go out.

If you get an invitation to play checkers in the park, you go out.

2) Get involved in as many social groups as you can.

Join a local outdoor club, or a hiking group, or a chess club. Whatever.

Your next girl might be the relative or friend of someone in one of these classes. Or the friend of another friend.

You can't know.

All you can do is expose yourself to the possibilities.

3) Get out of your damn house!

I'm amazed by how many guys spend 80-90% of their free time at home doing isolated activities and wonder why they are friendless.

Go out and read at the park.

Go out and surf the net on your laptop at the local coffee shop.

Just GO OUT!

• Chance of meeting a new friend at home = 0%
  
  
• Chance of meeting a new friend out in the real world = As high as you want to make it.

Focus on your social network. Put the effort in.

What else would you do with that time anyway?

HAVE YOU EVER FELT THIS?

You ever get 'hooked' on a girl, maybe you go out and have a great time together, and then you show her a little attention, but you don't get what you expected back? In fact, she just ignores you, for the most part?

Doesn't that feeling just suck?

It's like you were punched in the gut, and it leaves a sinking feeling behind to remind you that maybe she's not as into you as you thought. And then you get caught up in that dysfunctional state of mind where you start fishing for feedback in an attempt to get her interested again - or maybe just get a signal from her that she is still interested.

"Wait... is she still interested? What happened?"

Stop looking for indicators and signals.

This kind of seeking her reciprocation is how most guys are turned into the "nice" variety. You start seeking her response more than you go on being an independent and cool dude, and she starts to pick up on your neediness.

Things get ugly from here, as she is inspired to give less and less to you because she feels crowded and pressured.

You end up wanting more and more because you're getting less and less.

Watch out for this wicked - and toxic - spiral.

And if you want more information on how to maintain your cool and calm, take a look at this program...

Carlos,

Your advice **kicks ass**. I've read a few books and on-line dating advice, but by far you've got it mastered. So much of what others use are tricks or gimmicks, but I like your approach because it's all about confident and being real. Our real power is in ourselves, and when we see it, the women see it, too. Thanks for your straightforward approach.

I have a question about how to deal with an awkward situation. I went to get my hair cut at the usual place last night. There was a totally hot women in the chair next to me getting her hair done. We made eye contact, and I was getting all of the "go" signals (little glimpses at me, laughing at my jokes, flashing a little knee, etc.) I was playing it cool, but clearly showing my interest in return.

So, here's the awkward part. My hair stylist, B, is a friend of mine (no romantic interests). She knows my ex-wife and a woman I'm dating now.

I didn't feel comfortable trying to seduce the hottie next to me, because, frankly, I felt awkward in front of B I decided to pass on the opportunity.

Got any thoughts on this ...?

Thanks

J

CARLOS ANSWERS:

Thanks for the good word....

Yes, it's true that I don't use tricks or gimmicks.

Why?

Because it actually LOWERS your self-esteem over the long run. That's right.

Because the message to your nervous system is that YOU are not valuable or capable enough to attract a woman on your own. You have to resort to tricks and manipulation.

That's a bad message to send to your subconscious, my friends. The first thing you look for in your program of choice is that it doesn't rely on a lot of fake lines and artificial techniques.

Hmm... That would sound a lot like my programs.

Now as far as getting blocked by the woman cutting your hair, I say, stop letting what other people think bother you.

Unless this woman would actually report on you and adversely impact your reputation, then only good things can come of your demonstrating your newfound ability to attract women.

(continued ... )

Hell, don't be surprised if you start getting calls from your ex-wife, and maybe a few nooners with her.

The only awkwardness was in the fact that you don't yet identify with your newly developed skills enough to shed this self-limiting belief.

Be honest. It was embarrassing to pickup on that woman while you were being observed. That's why you didn't do it. There was a sneaky bit of shame in your head, and you listened to it.

Next time, dare to do what other men will only just dream of.

ACT. Seize fortune by the balls and SQUEEZE like you mean it.

How alive do you want to be?

Here's a way to live like an Alpha Man - with POWER.
http://www.AttractWomenProgram.com

Do you want to start learning how to dramatically improve your self-confidence with real, time-proven methods?

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Advanced Audio Coaching and Dating Advice for Men

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Time is running short for all of us, no matter how young or old you are. Don't waste precious years of your life learning by trial and error (and perhaps not learning at all).

Get the information on how to improve your dating life TODAY. Make the changes you need to make to get the love, se-x, and relationships that you want and DESERVE to have.

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I'll be back with more advice soon ...This is the year for you to get busy and get successful with women!

- Carlos Xuma

If you want to hear what everyone has to say about these books, go to the site and read the reviews. And download them now to see why more men get success with Carlos Xuma's advice and strategies ...

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