Carlos gives you the straight Truth...

  NEWSLETTER August 22, 2006

Dating Advice for Men: The Dating Truth

Curing Your Confusion ... With No Delusion.

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QUESTION:

I lightly studied your material for almost a year now, but in the last 2 months or so I've taken to it much more seriously. mainly because one of my friends brothers is a very good PUA, once we became friends he pushed me a long a bit and has helped to improve my confidence a lot and my outer game skills, and with closer look at your material (The Dating Black Book, the Seduction Method, the audio coaching sessions and newsletters)

I have seen better and better results and feel a massive boost to my own self confidence. You were certainly right about having a good wingman improving your game a lot quicker than on your own..

Anyway to my question, my older friends think that i am not changing for the better because i can't seem to have a good time going out unless i'm interacting with women. Now this is great in terms of motivation for improving my game, but they think that i'll become like my friends brother constantly torn between several girls at a time (doesn't sound so bad to me!).

While i love being with women and enjoy all aspects of the game from a successful seduction to a crash and burn and coming away with experience, i can see their point that i used to go out and have a good time without any of that being necessary and maybe its unhealthy if i'm becoming too reliant upon it? or perhaps they are just exaggerating because of jealousy.

Your opinion would be greatly appreciated Carlos, at the end of the day all i want (like everyone) is long term happiness, but i'm doubting which route i should take.

Yours,
E

CARLOS ANSWERS:

Let's be clear that every man has his own path to walk. Other people can give us all the suggestions they like, but the reality is that there are things in life we need to learn by EXPERIENCING them. We can't be told about them.

Getting better with women is one of those things.

So in short, no matter what route you take, do not DOUBT. If you are going to make a mistake, do it whole-heartedly. Give it all you got.

Most guys are running around out there doing their best to avoid failure, not realizing that failure is how we learn. If you didn't fail a hundred times when you were learning to walk, you would never have learned. you would still be crawling.

I can tell you that you do need balance in your life, and you should be doing more than JUST pickup with women. But if that is what is giving you short-term happiness, then you're not in a bad place. This is just where you need to be.

Eventually, you will evolve past needing to just go out and meet women. Especially if you find one that is worth keeping around for a while. But for the time being, follow your heart and your own internal compass, and learn to trust it.

We all need to swing the pendulum to the extreme to find out where our limits are, and to settle into a reasonably comfortable middle. It's only through exploring the extremes that we can find where we are truly supposed to be.

(continued ... )

If you get too caught up in second-guessing your actions, always worried about whether you're making a mistake, then you're always going to feel like you're doing something wrong. You'll always feel like you're holding back.

Your friends are probably concerned in one way, and jealous of your dedication in another. Just remember that the Alpha Man knows that his path is his own. If he runs around worried about what other people think, he'll never fully live his own life, just the expectations of others.

"Worriers (and spellers) can be hired for minimum wage."

"A lot of people waste a lot of time and energy worrying about what others think of them - which is actually the combo of ego amok and low self-esteem. Or worrying about problems that might arise - which is only useful in context of strategic planning and proactive prevention."

I like that explanation of worry. Especially the most damaging kind - worrying about what other people think about you.

This is the single most limiting mental trap you can fall into.

For more about how to live the Alpha lifestyle, take a look at these Secrets of Male Self-Confidence

CARLOS ON TELEVISION:

Carlos will be appearing live on ABC's "View from the Bay" television show here in San Francisco on Wednesday, August 23rd. The show is a news-magazine style program with notable stars and guests, and now Carlos is one of them!

He'll be discussing dating events and dispensing dating advice for men ...

The show will air Wednesday 8/23/06 at 3:00 PM Pacific time.

QUESTION:

I've got to say a big thanks for all the advice in your e-book, it has helped me endlessly. I decided to have a bit of fun over the last year or so, and in the space of a 5 months I had bedded 6 girls from work, who were just looking for a bit of fun also. Some days I would be really drained and pissed off as almost all the girls in my work would try and flirt with me or catch my attention.

My work is really social and we go out a lot, and none of my mates really go out anymore so it becomes hard not to let one or two, or six! girls get a hold of me. ... I have got into a bit of a pickle.

All of the girls from work have been kept quiet, so I do not have the image of being a player, but - I started seeing this girl in February, and have been bedding her every Friday or Saturday night since. The one problem is, that she stays with her boyfriend! We only recently started talking about why she was doing this, and she told me that if all was hunky dory at home, then she wouldn't be doing it.

She said they never do anything together, and most of the time, in the evening, they are in separate rooms doing separate things. She said she was going to leave him and move in with a friend. I told her only to do this for herself, and not for me, which she said was why she was going to do that anyway.

Her brother had a party at the weekend and it all came out. They've not spoke much about it, but he left a note for her as she disappeared for most of the next day.

She said to me that she didn't realize how much she was hurting someone else, and she couldn't hurt someone else like that. Her mum says she should do whatever makes her happy, and she says she is a lot happier with me. So, she is just staying with this guy to make him happy. I have told her we need to stop our thing now, and it's better she decided now rather than later before I get hurt more.

I know the answer to much of the above will be not to get mixed up in (a) a work relationship; (b) someone else's girl, but please please tell me am I doing the right thing in walking away and leaving her despite her still obviously having feelings for me?

I've told her it needs to stop now, but have also told her life's too short to just make someone else happy, and not herself.

Thanks in advance Carlos for helping me steer my life in the right direction.

A

CARLOS ANSWERS:

Well, if I were you, I'd be ... doing exactly as you already are.

Guys too often get caught up in the pursuit of the one that got away. It sounds as if you understand that the only way to get this girl in the end (so to speak) is to let her go and experience her crazy state.

Every woman goes to crazy-ville after a situation like this. But the problem is that she is living in crazy-ville, and has taken out a huge mortgage on her crazy-house, too.

Honestly, if she's staying with him to keep him happy, she's got issues you don't need.

This is called co-dependence in some circles, and in my circle it's called LOW SELF-ESTEEM.

If she needs to avoid his bad feelings, it's obvious that she's more concerned with what another person thinks and feels than herself, and this is a recipe for doom. Nothing good can come of it.

Just don't get caught up in trying to get her to change her mind, or try to "save" her. Sometimes guys get a little too hung up on the "but I know she has feelings for me!" side of it.

Remember - if she feels for you, she will SHOW it. Words are meaningless when it comes to finding a woman you can stay with.

You need a woman who DOES the things you need her to do.

Bottom line.

This is why I tell guys that you need to sit down and write down your code of conduct when it comes to women. Establish what it is that you will and absolutely will NOT tolerate in her behavior. Only by having this list in your head will you be able to screen out the negative influences on your attitude and life.

(continued ... )

Here's an example of my Code of Conduct:

1) No deception of any kind - Do not lie, or conveniently leave out information that I should know.

2) Don't disrespect or mistreat me in any way

3) Do not take me for granted

If a woman breaks (or bends) these rules in a way that I find unacceptable, she is OUT OF MY LIFE. I don't give her a warning, unless her infraction was an accident. But I'll be sure to educate her.

I also make it a point to weave these into my conversation at some point. Not in an arrogant or stern way. I just find a way to discuss that I have self-respect and do not accept any kind of mistreatment. I also expect that she would want this same thing.

It's amazing how women that might otherwise test and "work" you will find a new level of good behavior when they learn that they are not going to get away with things with me.

I also make it clear that I've got values and certain things that I need to have in a woman that will keep her compatible. Things like a spiritual grounding, a positive and healthy lifestyle, and a stable and flexible attitude.

Remember, YOU are the one to lay down the law in the beginning. It's up to you to decide what kind of a relationship you want, no matter how long it lasts.

This is the essence of Alpha Male Posture.

Powerful men don't try too hard. They know how to influence a woman by demonstrating their internal strength in certain ways.

Do you want to start learning how to dramatically improve your self-confidence with real, time-proven methods?

Are you ready to drop that lame "Nice Guy" routine and start showing her a real Alpha Man?

And if you'd like to learn more about R.E.A.L. Game (TM) and the successful attitudes of an Alpha Man, you should take a look at the program that will put you on the path - The Secrets of the Alpha Man. This is the ORIGINAL Alpha Man program that gives you the REAL Game with women.

For now, you should take a look at my Advanced Audio Coaching Program if you want to get the vital skills right now... I'm going to cover the same topics in DEEP detail on this program. Plus, starting in September, you'll be getting the new VIDEO each month, too.

CLICK HERE for dating tips and dating advice to get women attracted to you - with the REAL you. No games.

You'll learn more about conversational control and how to talk to women when you Approach Women. I cover all the ins and outs of how to talk to women, what to say to women, and feeling like YOU are in control for once.

Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.

"Carlos

"Not sure if this will actually get to you. Just wanted to say
'You KICK ASS!!'

"I honestly havent felt this confident and had so much control with a women ever... You're Bigger than life! keep it coming

"Sincerely, Ron S."

For more dating and seduction advice...

SECRETS OF THE ALPHA MAN - This e-book and CD coaching covers your inner game, from meeting women, to cultivating complete confidence, to life and success strategies, to understanding what the winners and Alpha Men in life have that you can have, too.

Looking for a better lifestyle and inner confidence, as well as more women? This book shows you a map to a more successful LIFE.

Put this link in your browser to see all the great stuff in this set (you may have to put www. in front of it): alphaseduction.com

And if you've already got this program, move on to the advanced Alpha Man Immersion program HERE: Alpha Immersion Program

ADVANCED AUDIO COACHING - And if you're like most guys that love to hear advice and audible examples of things to learn by, and you want new and fresh tips every single month, The Audio Coaching Series is something for you to get.

Each month we go into loads of detail about every aspect of dating and seduction. From what to say to what to wear, to what to cook, to what to do when it's time to close the deal. Every session is over 120 minutes of top-quality digital audio that you can download and listen to right away. No waiting for a CD to ship!

We've been going strong with this series for over a year now.

At the subscription rate it's less than the cost of a CD.

This is a STEAL, and it's a HUGE value. Over 120 minutes - every month!

It's the best value out there for ongoing advice and information.

Click here right now to check it out...

Advanced Audio Coaching and Dating Advice for Men

Is there ANYTHING more important than learning the secrets of how to attract women?

Time is running short for all of us, no matter how young or old you are. Don't waste precious years of your life learning by trial and error (and perhaps not learning at all).

Get the information on how to improve your dating life TODAY. Make the changes you need to make to get the love, se-x, and relationships that you want and DESERVE to have.

If you've ever found yourself saying, "I don't understand women!" then our e-books will finally give you the knowledge you need to finally understand. I'm telling you, it's like getting a book that describes how a certain magic trick is done that has fascinated you for years.

All my experience ... my heart and soul is in these e-books and audio programs. I just know you'll enjoy them.

I'll be back with more advice soon ...This is the year for you to get busy and get successful with women!

- Carlos Xuma

If you want to hear what everyone has to say about these books, go to the site and read the reviews. And download them now to see why more men get success with Carlos Xuma's advice and strategies ...

If you want to email Carlos a question, send it only with THIS EMAIL FORM.

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