Dating Advice for Men - How to Approach Women, Attract Women, and Meet Girls

Carlos Gives You the Truth About Dating and Attraction...

NEWSLETTER October 10, 2006

Setting it Straight ... With No Debate.

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QUESTION:

Carlos:

It's been many months now that your stuff is working for me. In fact, I'm at the point right now where I've had enough of most New York women and am starting to focus on quality instead. This puts me in a great position of non-neediness, because I know that I won't find one every night I go out...nor do I want to, since I've got plenty of other things to take care of on my to-do list.

Here's my problem, though. Since I'm getting involved less and less often with women who bore me after one or two encounters, what I'm finding is that I use sexual chemistry as my litmus test for whether to take things further with a woman.

A lot of times this is where I hit the wall, and don't really want to continue with her. But I also don't want to cut her out completely. I want to remain friends--without benefits. (Since I believe "friends with benefits" is always a disaster waiting to happen.)

So my question is, if I like a girl but find that we're not clicking sexually, and I want to ease the dynamic between to one where we still see each other but have no expectation of being intimate...how do I do this without making her feel rejected or manipulated?

Thanks Carlos.

CARLOS ANSWERS:

Ah... this is an excellent question, because it tells me that you've traveled far along the path and are now ready to understand the deeper workings of male-female relationships.

You've done well, my young paduan.

But first... you've had enough of New York women? How many women have you been through, you scoundrel?

I have to be careful about how much I teach you guys from now on.

Anyway... let's see what we can do to break this down...

First of all, recognize that we often take on too much responsibility. You must realize that you may not be able to help what she feels about herself (including rejection, the "R" word.)

You can't control a woman's emotional reaction.

If there's one thing that we all feel, with very little help from our friends (or enemies) it's rejection.

But I hear you in that you want to reduce the possibility of her feeling this, and that's a good thing.

Here are my thoughts:

1) When you say "not clicking" sexually, I'm assuming that there is something a bit more concrete to this than a vague and general "feeling." I'm also assuming that the compatibility issue is something that cannot be easily overcome.

2) De-escalation is ALWAYS messy. It involves changing someone else's opinion of something when they ALREADY had different expectations.

This is CHANGE. And as humans we fear change.

Most women are going to have a tough time with this one. But I've got a way for you to handle it...

3) If you want something you can say, I suggest the ol' "blame it on me" gambit. This is where you (accurately) put the blame of not going forward on your own shoulders.

Try this:

"Tina, I've been thinking a lot about my goals right now, and I just don't think I'd be a great match for you. I'm really looking for a flexible and non-committed relationship, and that wouldn't be fair for you. But I really think you're cool, and we should try to keep this friendship going. Unless you're one of those women who thinks that men and women can't be just friends."

Then smile and nudge her a little with your elbow to make sure she knows you're busting her balls on the last part.

(continued ... )

4) You can also just STOP escalating with her from now on. Keep asking her out to do things, and simply let things DEFAULT into friends mode. This is where most guys go wrong with women anyway.

5) No matter what you choose to do, the reality is that a woman will not typically want to keep a lot of opposite gender friendships going. There is ALWAYS (in my opinion) a sexual charge to ANY opposite sex relationship. That's life. If you can squeeze a friendship out of it, go ahead.

But it's not likely. If she's looking for romance most women do not tease themselves along like guys do and continue to see him in the hopes that a passionate spark will emerge.

My recommendation is to just be honest, up-front, and just let her know how you feel, and tell her that it's just a matter of preferences.

Accept the fallout.

You can't always have your cake and eat it, too...

But you can learn about how to have more REAL game here...

R.E.A.L. Game Starts Here...

QUESTION:

I have a situation, needing for advice. My friend and I were chilling at Starbucks when I saw this a 2-set of 9 and 7. Although looked very approachable, but they were in the middle of something, like doing lessons or other serious task.

Maybe it's just my own fear kicking, but that was the reason why I kept postponing the approach. I thought I would wait at least until they put down the pen and start talking to each other.

But it never came. After 15 minutes, they went out and gone. I'm left with a heavy grunts and rage to myself. Why the hell can't I move my lazy legs there and open like usual. I'm very mad and trapped in an extremely low frame. It's like I want to delete all of my knowledge about inner game, pickups etc and just be clueless newbie who don't know anything about the game.

I don't like what I'm feeling now. This is quite rare to happen, but I can trace one or two similar events happening in the past where I was hanging with this pathetic frame for days.

What should I do to stay away from this emotional breakdown IF one day I have this approach anxiety or miss the approach for any other external reasons?

Thanks,

LH, Boston

CARLOS ANSWERS:

Well, this will happen every so often.

Baseball players go through slumps. Read any story about their situation, and you'll find striking similarities between slumps with athletes and what you're experiencing.

Typically, it's 100% mental.

The more you dwell on the fact that you're having problems, the longer the problem persists. The defining factor of breaking the slump is usually just letting go of the lousy thinking that's keeping you there.

Baseball players are notoriously superstitious about this stuff. Even though the reality is that they fabricated this situation in their own heads nearly every single time. Sometimes it will just be a lucky hit or two that puts them back on the path (i.e., changes their thinking), or sometimes they find a way to let go of it. Or they go to a voodoo priestess and drink some bogus potion.

The point is that they let go of their limiting belief and got on with it.

That's what will happen for you, too.

But I wouldn't wait for the lucky break to do this, or you'll just experience the slump over and over without getting to the root cause.

Change your thinking and you'll change your reality.

The key is in how you think about poor performance.

Do you think it's your identity, or just a result of factors that are not related to your own self-worth?

The reality is that we (as men) tend to project our performance in the world on our own value, instead of handling it not so seriously.

(continued ... )

My solution for you is to let go of the need for results for a while so that you can get back to your happy thought. You're taking things too seriously right now, and the harder you are on yourself and your performance, the longer it will take for you to rebound and get back to it.

WHEN IN DOUBT, APPROACH HER!

Tattoo that on your hand so you just go in and have fun with it...

And while you're at it, make sure you are having FUN with this process. Because if approaching isn't fun, you won't keep doing it. In fact, you'll manufacture a reason to get out of the singles world as fast as you can, with whoever comes along, all because the 'singles life' is too painful for you.

More people make this mistake than I bet you would believe.

If you want to master this ability - to Approach Women effectively, then you owe it to yourself to have a look at my Approach Women program.

If, on the other hand, you are all caught up in your self-image, you can learn the principles of self-confidence that will get you to approach every single time.

If you're not getting what you want from life, you need to make some changes.

Find your Inner Alpha Man now...
http://www.AttractWomenProgram.com

Do you want to start learning how to dramatically improve your self-confidence with real, time-proven methods?

Are you ready to drop that lame "Nice Guy" routine and start showing her a real Alpha Man? And it doesn't require you to be some fake "pickup artist" to attract women. It's actually about bringing out more of YOU than you have before.

And if you'd like to learn more about R.E.A.L. Game (TM) and the successful attitudes of an Alpha Man, you should take a look at the program that will put you on the path - The Secrets of the Alpha Man. This is the ORIGINAL Alpha Man program that gives you the REAL Game with women.

If you want to hear what everyone has to say about these books, go to the site and read the reviews. And then download them now to see why more men get success with my advice and strategies ...

If you want to email Carlos a question, send it only with THIS EMAIL FORM.

"The difference between great people and everyone else is that great people create their lives actively, while everyone else is created by their lives, passively waiting to see where life takes them next."

- Michael E. Gerber

Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.

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