CARLOS XUMA'S NEWSLETTER:
Carlos is Baa-aack !
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Carlos Xuma and the TRUTH About Dating and
Attraction...
Because every
man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.
QUESTION: Scarcity
thinking - even if she's a cool chick ...
I am writing to you now because I am in a bit of a post-relationship situation
that I'm not sure how to handle.
I dated a girl for just over a month. She ended
our relationship a little less than a week ago due to the fact that over
our winter break from college, she was stressed out with working 2 jobs
(she just moved into a new apartment) and wanted to focus on school for
a few weeks. The words she used were "I
think we should take a break," and then she went into the aforementioned
work/school ordeal. I completely understand, and then she told me that "it's
not permanent."
A little less than a week later, I still want to be with this girl. I'm not
in love with her or anything, I'm just bummed out that we couldn't continue
this journey -- I think this girl is awesome, and we have a lot in common,
but at the same time I'm kind of confused as to how she feels about me, but
don't know how, or if, I should approach her about it for fear of ruining
our friendship.
And sure I've learned from you that I shouldn't let a girl have that kind
of impact on me, but this is a girl that I love listening to her speak, and
taking everything in. I want to make her feel the way she makes me feel, and
that is being constantly on my tip-toes, and very excited.
Do you have any advice for me and my situation? Anything would be appreciated,
and I thank you for taking the time to read this e-mail.
-Nick
CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:
Sigh.
I hate to be the one to break this to you, big guy, but she's
not attracted to you anymore.
The important thing here, though, is not how she
feels about you. You can never totally "control" that. You can influence it
a great deal (by using my strategies), but no one can ever completely control anyone.
The important thing is how YOU feel in
this situation. It's about how well you manage your own emotions. It's how
you make yourself feel when you run into this situation that makes the difference
between confidence, or sinking self-esteem.
I need to point out that you ended your email
with a variation on the King Loser Line of all time:
"Yeah, I know BUT...."
The translation to what you're saying is: You know I'm right, but you'd rather
follow your undisciplined emotions.
Look, I know how this situation feels. I'm not bashing
you here because I've been there plenty of times myself. It seems so cool
when you meet a chick that you feel like you have potential with, right? You
want to keep that good feeling going.
The problem is that you are holding
onto good feelings as if they're rare, and you'll only experience it with
this girl.
That is scarcity thinking.
Trust me, you are in college. This is where you should be experiencing
as many women as you can. There's no rush! You've got a good 60 more years of
dating and attraction to look forward to. (If you learn this stuff right,
of course.)
The reality is that you have already lost her.
She's just going to walk away from someone she's into?
NO WAY.
Continued ...
CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO...
No one who has something they value will let it go voluntarily.
Least of all a woman in a relationship.
Think about that for a few minutes. Go ahead. Go watch some American Idol
and ponder this. I'll be waiting here.
You back?
Okay, now think about it: Would you give up a woman that you were really
into?
NO! I know this because you're not giving her up right now!
No one (except a disciplined Alpha
Man) would be able to walk away from someone
or something they find fun and enjoyable and attractive.
She's breaking up with you and this is her "nice" way
of giving you a chance to be a man and walk away with dignity. You should
take the opportunity.
Here's what you do: Tell her you're not really interested in seeing just
one person right now. You appreciated what you had together, but you want
to see what else there is to experience. If it's meant to be... you'll be
back together.
The next step is to stop calling her.
I can bet you any amount of money that she'll be calling you in a couple
weeks, especially if she sees you with other women. And chances are you won't
want to be with her if you find a few QUALITY candidates as you move on.
You're now faced with a choice...
One road leads to dignity, self-preservation, and establishing your own Alpha
Man self-confidence.
The other road leads to a wussified existence as you circle
the drain trying
to win back a woman that is already not attracted to you.
Which will you choose?
I can teach you the path to choosing better. You
can learn the advanced strategies to attracting women right HERE.
QUESTION: The
college dorm player...
Dear Carlos,
First of all, thank you very much for your excellent work in helping men
improve their confidence. I have bought both Secrets
of the Alpha Man and
the Alpha Immersion programs, and have greatly benefitted from them. Am looking
forward to seeing more resources from you, so keep up the good work.
I'm in a tricky situation which I hope you can help shed some light on: I
live in a college dorm where there are a lot of women. Their ages range from
20s to 30s. Recently I have begun to flirt with them and imho, garnered quite
a lot attraction among them. I used a lot of the techniques such as 'tease-to-please',
kino, etc.. But above all these, I believe it was my confidence and 'don't
give a crap to what others think' attitude that was the drawing power.
Though I can perceive their level of attraction rise, I have not felt the
need to take next step with them. The reason is because I haven't found one
that I really like. So I've sort of build up a general attraction among the
women. It also seems that the one or two women who liked me and who showed
more overt signs of attraction towards me actually made the other women want
me too.
So here are some questions:
a) Is there a possibility of me giving off too much of a 'player vibe' since
this is a closed community? (the girls in the college do talk!). Is it possible
to be confident with women and enjoy their company yet does not give off a
player vibe?
b) What should I do in such situation to be able to build a general attraction
among women and yet not give off a 'player vibe'? Should I continue to flirt
with the women?
c) Some of the girls which I have flirted with showed a bit of a 'cold' sign
to me; they would sometimes ignore me. And yet at other times would be incredibly
warm. I believe it was their attempt at 'push and pull', or maybe jealousy,
or whatever.
What is your diagnostic on this Carlos? Perhaps I have flirted
with too many girls and should be more discreet? Maybe I should be a sniper
rather than the artillery? ;-) But I do know that I enjoy women's company
(and they do me too. At least that's what I believe!). Is there anything that
I need to remedy? For your info, I have not slept with any of them...
d) If there is a girl (among those that I have flirted with) whom I would
like to take to the next level (ie, have a relationship with her), how do
I do it? Will she see me as a player because of my attitude with women? If
yes, is there anything I can do?
Hope you can help.... Thanks a lot!
E.
CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:
Good questions, all of them. You may be over quota for
one email, though, so I'll hit the important points, because once you understand
the right state inside, the rest become irrelevant.
Let's start with your first question about giving
off a "player vibe."
To begin with, you are very concerned with this perception, as if what other
people think matters.
Well, the fact is that it does ... and
it doesn't.
It only matters when you internalize the fear of creating this perception.
In other words, when you feel like you are worrying about this projection,
you're hurting your ability to attract women.
The Alpha Man only worries about creating the internal belief system that
reflects his own goals, value, and integrity. Then he gets busy acting
in accordance with that state. If he's being genuine and
authentic with his honor,
he doesn't give a shit what other people think about it.
If you want women, then go after women.
The Player Myth is a way that women unintentionally
keep men in a state of fear. Guys everywhere are afraid of this label (as
much as women are afraid of the "slut" label.) But isn't it interesting
that women everywhere want to tame the player for herself?
Continued ...
CLICK
HERE TO FIND OUT MORE ...
Dude, you're in school. You're there to learn and have
fun. Save the relationship
stuff for when you're ready. (Because the honest truth is, no matter how much
you might think you're ready, you're not.)
But you're welcome to pursue something monogamous with
just one woman for the time being.
Just take it easy and move forward on your
own initiative.
ACT, not RE-act.
If a woman is cold to you one minute, warm the next, that's about par for
the course, my friend. (You can learn more about the
Nature of women in my
e-books and programs.) You only need to hang around women a lot to find that
they are like this a great deal of the time. A woman wants to rid the emotional
turbulence of ups AND downs. It's not her state THIS
MINUTE that matters -
it's the overall variation that she can experience.
My opinion is that you need to drop this concern
over the "player vibe." It's
a perception that you are imposing upon yourself. The way you counter it is
to communicate your own direction behind your intentions for women. Believe
me, women are looking to have fun, and are attracted
to a man who knows how to please a woman.
If you're doing your job right by leading her through attraction, and then
getting to good rapport and trust, you just keep moving forward. She won't
be able to resist a guy who challenges her in the right ways, and gets her
attracted.
Here's something I want every guy to write
on his mirror and read aloud for
the next 30 days:
"Almost no one has the self-discipline to STOP pursuing that which they truly desire."
Least of all a woman, my friend. Your rational mind doesn't
have the strength to overcome the heart.
So if she's into you, any "player" vibe
won't stop her.
It's the foundation of what I teach, and you need to learn it.
Look, the reality is that True success with women requires a firm
sense of self-confidence.
Now, you'll hear that bit of advice from a lot of
guys out there, but the difference is that they'll say "be confident," and
not give you ONE single method of improving that confidence.
That's where Carlos Xuma enters the game for you. (That's
me, by the way...)
I spent years trying out various self-help programs, studying my own inner
psychology (and inner wuss, too.) I figured out which things make a difference
and will genuinely help you improve your inner game
with women.
When a woman detects that you've got passions and direction in your life
- even if that passion is to improve to be more attractive
to women - then
they'll want to come along for the ride.
I saw it over and over again as I went down this road.
Now, I also mapped this development, and I want you to benefit from my
experience.
There's no reason you should have to take as long as I did to make these changes
to your own life.
For those of you out there reading this right now
that aren't sure how to calibrate to the "Alpha
Man" ideal, I have
something for you that you will find LIFE-CHANGING.
Click here
right now to find out what I'm talking about, or just read on...
A lot of the situations
guys write in about are a bit unclear because many guys delude themselves
as to their real level of success with
women. The reality is that most guys DO
NOT get what they
want from their interactions and relationships with women.
Shitty as that is, there is a cure for the common Lonely
Single Guy.
It's called EDUCATION.
It's the only way to stop being a whipped,
scared, beta guy and get your love life under your control again.
If you could learn secrets to attract
women, would you?
Can you see past
your ego defense mechanisms and embrace the power of the Alpha Man?
When you have enough women and action in your life, you
won't feel like you need to analyze or chase every chick that comes into your
sphere of influence. And that's a good thing. You'll act on it because
you've got a sense
of abundance in your life.
If you'd like to create your plan for making your life what you want, develop
confidence, attract women, accumulate wealth, find happiness...
Click here to read about the Alpha
Man program.
I know there are some guys who won't understand how these concepts go together,
but all success in life is linked together by some common
principles.
If you're not getting what you want from life, you need to make some changes.
Stop putting your destiny off until some other 'convenient'
time...
Discover your inner Alpha
Man now... Click HERE
to learn more...
"Carlos, my man! I can't thank you enough for the valuable information you have shared
with me and how open my eyes have become to the tests and challenges
that women have put on me all my life.
"I would have to
say that your Alpha
Man Program is one of the
best solutions to getting this part of your life in order, as well
as, getting you where you want to be mentally to attract more of the
caliber women we all want in our lives. I hope we have a lasting relationship
in the form of mental growth for many years to come and thanks again
buddy..."
- Javier
"Hey carlos, thank
you for the Secrets
of the Alpha Man course. I think I must've listened to the cd's four or five times now !
"The
confidence I've gained in meeting da ladeez at work and socially has
been tremendous. I was never skeptical at your
program, but was interested/concerned
as how I would notice the changes in myself. The clincher was when
several of my closest friends ... pointed out to me that I had confidence
in so many ways!
"Thank you so much
for your hard work for making it easier for the rest of us!"
- Richie from UK
|
Learn more about R.E.A.L.
Game (TM) and the successful attitudes of an Alpha Man: Take a look
at the original program that will put you on the path - Alpha
Immersion. This is the ORIGINAL Alpha
Man program that gives you the REAL Game with women.
Prove it to yourself - If you want to hear all the great
things everyone has to say about these books, go to the site and read the
reviews. And then download them now to see why more men get success with
my advice and strategies ...
CLICK
HERE TO LEARN MORE...
Teddy
Shabba of Dating Advice Coach Reviews The
Dating Black Book:
"Too many books dealing with
meeting and dating women focus on techniques instead of the basic fundamentals
of what actually attracts women to men.
In fact this is the main reason why so many nice
guys have problems actually getting any further than the first few dates
with women and that's if they find the courage to actually use the techniques
on women.
However, Carlos Xuma in his book The
Dating Black Book shows men the basic fundamentals of attracting
and being successful with women.
The
Dating Black Book starts off explaining the importance of actually
improving yourself and building self confidence to attract women.
If you are looking for a sugar coated version of
what it is going to take then this is Not the book for you.
After covering the different aspects of your inner
game as well as how to build your self confidence, Carlos moves on to
actually show you how to find a girlfriend or women for a long-term
relationship.
Many times men have a tendency to get comfortable
with a woman quite early and end up in a relationship they do not want
and do not know how to get out of.
The
Dating Black Book helps you understand what to look for in a good
woman and what to watch out for in a Not so good woman.
To finish off the book, Carlos quickly covers the
basics on sex as well as some additional resources for men to read that
will help improve a man's life in general.
Overall, if you have ever read anything that Carlos
Xuma has written on dating and women then you already know that he has
a lot of very useful information and knowledge to give men, and The
Dating Black Book will help you get even more of that information
and knowledge.
I would highly recommend this book to the majority
if not all Nice Guys or Recovering Nice Guys out there who are struggling
with some of the concepts and techniques that other guys teach.
If you want to just be yourself and attract women
then The
Dating Black Book by Carlos Xuma is for you..."
- Teddy Shabba - Dating Advice
Coach.com
|
If you want to email Carlos a question,
send it only with THIS
EMAIL FORM.
"The difference between
great people and everyone else is that great people create their lives
actively, while everyone else is created by their lives, passively
waiting to see where life takes them next."
- Michael E. Gerber
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