6-6-2005 NEWSLETTER - Dating Advice and Tips on Seduction

Carlos gives you the straight Truth on how to be a player...

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QUESTION:

Approaching woman in a gym

A gym, to me, is a place highly charged with sexual energy. Everybody is busy with their own bodies while checking out everybody else. Do woman feel self-conscious when in a gym and do they think that all the men are testosterone plugged perverts?

Seeing as one gets to see so much of a woman's body in the gym, how could one approach the hot women without making them feel bad or be at a disadvantage having them think that you are some pervert?

I am well built and on good speaking terms with the aerobics class instructor (always singling me out), so it's not as if I'm NOT getting noticed, but whenever I walk by most girls (some of them regular attendees) they refuse to just look me in the eye to allow me the opportunity to greet them. I try to act as confident as possible, but is there a point when it becomes "too much" and they think you are just full of yourself?

J
South Africa
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CARLOS CHUCKLES:

Testosterone Plugged Perverts.

T.P.P.

That's a new term by me.

Here's a little of what's going on ...

Yes, there is a lot of body self-consciousness at the gym. A lot of women are sensitive to the exposure. They're in outfits that pretty much tell you at a glance whether they're in good shape or not. That leaves them feeling very "exposed."
Women, on the whole, feel on display most of the time. (We discuss this in the Audio Coaching interview with Diane ...)

They're being looked at by the men, as sexual objects, and by other women as competition.

It's not easy being a hot chick sometimes.

Not to mention the fact that the hot women in a gym are always being stared at and picked up on. A lot of the women are actually there for the exercise FIRST. While they're not ruling out meeting someone, they do want to get what they came there for - the workout.

Oh, and let's not forget that women HATE being seen when they are sweating.

(Another reason to lean back on the teasing and cocky comments about them. They're also more vulnerable in this environment.)

So they're a little more sensitive to male attention at a gym than they might be at another location.

The answer to your dilemma is to approach women first with a very disarming and non-intrusive introduction. If you want to attract women, you have to think strategically.

Here are a couple:

1) Leave your towel or bottle of water behind at a station, or next to her stuff in the aerobics class. When a beautiful babe goes to use the station, you say hello and pardon yourself in to get water. And then move on so that it comes across as matter-of-fact. Then, later, you can approach her again and see how responsive she is.

2) Point something out about her that's wrong, like her shoe is untied, or her ask her if she's going to be long on that machine. Maybe even mention, "Hey, watch out for that seat. I think the pin is a little loose." Or just ask her for advice on the machine. "Hey, is that machine safe if you've had a knee injury?" Don't smile at her when asking these questions. That seems too "pick-up."

Keep the conversation starting with the context you're in - the gym and exercise.

3) Use some cockiness with a little humor to bust her chops a little. (But as I said, only a LITTLE. And definitely nothing about her appearance.)

Once you've established an initial contact that doesn't come across as if you're a T.P.P. (or a Perv...), you're more open to try again to get her interested.

The reality is that most guys in the gym are fairly obvious about picking up on the women there. You have to come in with a slightly less direct approach if you want to get past her "dork radar." That's why I suggest you don't do the "smile and follow" technique that a lot of the other dorks in the gym use.

That's where they smile at a woman and proceed to make sure they're on the next machine over from her for the rest of the day, practically stalking her.

I have a friend who was in the gym and was engaged in discussion with one of the "bouncing pony tails," and some guy got all aggro on him. He asked my friend to set a few more plates on his lift. My friend took it in good humor, but made it clear that he wasn't going to be his "weight-bitch."

Guess who got her phone number?

Some guys just don't know how to express their needs very well. The poor chap walked off in a huff, probably hoping that he could swoop in and pickup on that girl by being aggressive. (And I'm sure he was a little juiced, too.)

You guys know that this kind of "jerk" behavior never works out. And this kind of jerk never gets the woman.

The best approach you can use in the gym is really to hang back and spot a woman you might be interested in and catch her on the way out of the door, or even on the way in. Start a casual conversation BEFORE or AFTER you get into the gym environment. And then tell her so: "Hey, I wanted to respect your workout time in there. If you have a second, I just wanted to say hello. Have you been a member here long?"

Women LOVE hearing that "R" word - R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Just don't sing it like that.
You can also work your aerobics class for more women, but in a different way. (And please tell me you're not in leg-warmers, stepping to "Footloose.")

Also, your instructor is giving you social proof, so that's great. Keep up that friendship because it will allow you to join in on discussions with other ladies later on.

Second, you're probably better off just starting with some very light interactions with the ladies. Just say "Hello" to them over the course of a couple classes. You can even take the edge off by waiting for a while, since you know most will be back ... eventually.

I just have to warn you to watch out for giving off the "player" vibe at the gym. You have to avoid staring at their perky little boobs and butts. Sometimes those outfits make it difficult, but you have to know when to exercise your self-control, too.

On the other hand, remember that women always have the choice of wearing:

A) Something tight that reveals their form and bodies

OR

B) Something very loose and frumpy that keeps you from figuring out just how much they need this workout.

If she's wearing A, she did it ON PURPOSE.

If she's wearing B, she's also wearing it ON PURPOSE.

Think about that for a second or two and you'll understand why you don't have to be so self-conscious for her. Nobody put a gun to her head and forced her to wear those tight leotards.

What you really need to do, instead of recognizing her insecurities, is to be broadcasting your superior value to her. You do this through acting confident and secure, and just moving things forward.

Stay out of her head.

And as I stated above, keep the smiling down to a minimum. If overdone, smiling just gives off an approval seeking vibe. Don't be too serious, but be sure your body language and aura is confident and persuasive.

Don't ACT confident.

That's where most guys fall flat on their face. Acting is TRYING.

You must BE confident.

There's a BIG difference here, and it's one I can show you.

There are many environments you have to be prepared for in the dating world. Some are more agreeable to meeting women, and others you just have to know how to give off a more confident attitude.The reality is that there are a few definite skills that you need to develop to win over the hot women you see every day. Not a ton of tricks, or magic hypnosis phrases, just a few core skills that are EASILY learned.

I cover this and many other topics in my e-books and audio. If you'd like to learn more about how the REAL players get the women, you can download the information right away.

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I'm in this to help you, educating men to do better in their lives in the one thing that has eluded us for thousands of years - SUCCESS WITH WOMEN.

Is there ANYTHING more important?

Remember life is too short, and death is too long.

Don't wait until your heart is broken before you take steps to learn how this game is played.

Get the information on how to improve your dating life TODAY. Make the changes you need to make to get the love, bedroom action, and relationships that you want and DESERVE to have.I'll be back with more advice soon ...

This is the year for you to get successful with women!

- Carlos