Long Distance Agony

Dear Carlos, I met a very cute girl online from Peru and we e -mailed each other but we have to use a translator to understand each other. I was planning on making the trip to see her but thought "how can this work when we would have such a difficult time relating b/c of languages differences.

"I am scared on failure and don't want to suffer a bad experience b/c of that. We do talk on the phone and used the web-cam
but the language difference and an age difference of 21 years. She seems very sincere .... She would take a step back and learn some language first before making a trip. Wanted to know what you thought.

Thanks, M

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CARLOS:

My gut feeling is that this girl is looking for a ticket to ride over to the U.S. of A.

And right now, fear of loss (which is fear of failure) is not a frame you should have when entertaining a situation like this.

You have a lot of strikes against you...

1) You're thousands of miles away. Intimacy and relationships are not built over this kind of distance. I don't care what anyone else says.

2) Your age difference is HUGE. Do you want a woman for the weekend or a lifetime? Well, you better have more in common with her than your internet connection.

3) You're not even speaking the same language. Literally. You can't form an intimate bond without having something in common. And right now you might as well be from different planets.

Of COURSE she seems sincere. She's looking to upgrade her status from Peru to the land of Milk & Honey. She'll give you an Oscar winning performance. I'm not saying she's lying or may not be into you, but ask yourself what's wrong with the guys in her neighborhood?

If you're interested in this woman, have her take a trip to come see you. She can arrange for the travel, you will provide her with food and a place to stay. (Could be a hotel, too.)

If she digs you, she'll come see YOU.

And I really think you need to read my Dating Black Book. I address this specific situation and explain why you have to be careful with long distance relationships.

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