ALPHA DOMINANCE AND ALPHA ATTRACTION:

Carlos, your stuff is great.

I listen to the podcast weekly and always relate it to my friend to help him out with his woman issues. My question is a bit different from that of other guys on your site, but fundamentally, the issues are the same. I have a great girlfriend and a great relationship with her, but there are a few things I'm curious about. To preface, we've been going out for two months, but off-and-on since April (and we'd each seen other people in the interim).

First, she and I have become best friends. We spend almost every day together to the detriment of our other friendships, but we greatly enjoy each other's company. Of course, we both recognize that this is unhealthy, but do it nonetheless. Second is a dominance issue: she is physically stronger than me (a problem on my part that I'm fixing by working out now), and she feels like "she chose me" when we first met, while I disagree with her on this point.

Otherwise, she sees me as very dominant in other social situations. She tells me that she finds me very attractive, but I suspect that these dominance factors detract from her attraction to me.

Carlos, I realize that being an alpha man means not caring about these things, and in truth, they bother me only minimally. However, I'm so impressed with your content and your honesty that I thought I'd run even these small issues by you.

As a message to other guys, I have to say that your stuff is extremely helpful. I started reading dating info about a year ago, and I started on the track of higher self-confidence. This summer I got into your info, and I'm most impressed that you focus on being your own man, rather than only on trying to have sex with hot women. Guys who employ your advice effectively will realize that once they have the self-confidence that only THEY have control over, then they can have the woman of their choice.

Thanks for the advice,
M

P.S. Another message for the guys: you know you've found a great girl when SHE pays for YOU whenever she can.

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CARLOS:

Well, I've got a concern, and it's not the physical dominance thing. Keep working on that so that she feels physically safe around you (that you can protect her.)

My biggest concern is the amount of time you're spending together.

You say: "we both recognize that this is unhealthy, but do it nonetheless."

This is not good.

Never neglect your friends. You need a healthy and active social life in addition to your relationship.

Let's say this little romance made in heaven should end. It could happen. (More on this in a moment.)

What would you do when she's gone? Go back to your friends again? They're going to be happy to have you back, but not as happy as if you'd stayed in touch and connected the whole time instead of deserting them. That undermines trust.

I see this quite a bit (and, yes, I've even DONE it in my past), and it's never a good thing. When you focus on one person to the exclusion of all others, you run a big risk of obsession.

Which then only makes it MORE likely you'll burn out on this one person you're so caught up in.

I don't need to talk about addictive behavior, but you get my point, right?

When you say "we both recognize that this is unhealthy, but do it nonetheless", you're saying the classic Ultimate Loser Line, only using slightly different words.

Don't know what this Ultimate Loser Line is?

"Yeah, I know, BUT..."

But what?

If you know what you're doing is wrong, but you choose to do it, you're saying you have no self-control. In the end, that's the biggest issue, because you're not doing what's healthy for the relationship; you're doing what serves your immediate gratification.

If you want this relationship to last over the long haul, and stay healthy in the process, give each other some time to breathe.

Or you'll hear the dreaded "I think we just need some time apart..."

And it's all over from there.

Don't listen to a woman when she tells you that she's attracted to you. Words can be deceiving.

Watch her ACTIONS.

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