How to Handle Women Who Tease

I'm a longtime fan of your stuff and have read it all. The Dating Black Book should be on every guy's shelf in a manner of speaking right beside the dictionary, because truly it is a dictionary of sorts that helps guys finally easily define how to understand women.

I've been dating on a fairly regular basis now since reading the Dating Black Book but I've come up against a problem. There's a woman I've been seeing off an on for almost 2 years now and of all the women I've dated I really like this one. Every time we start things up we get close to a relationship then just before it happens she bails.

Without fail though every time she's out drinking I'm the guy she's calling up asking to go over to her place (this happens almost every weekend).

My question is Carlos, is she still attracted to me or am I wasting my time with this one? If she is, how can I break this cycle and start making some progress? It's like she doesn't trust me or something.
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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

This is a situation to apply my "evidence theory" to help you see what's REALLY happening.

When you're faced with a situation where you can't seem to figure out what is going on, always sit down and write out what the end result is that you're experiencing right now.

In other words, the end result for you is what you said:

"Every time we start things up we get close to a relationship then just before it happens she bails."

Can you imagine what a relationship with a person like this would be like over weeks, months, or even years?

Guys often think that they can take a person with many of the qualities they want - or are deluded into believing they want just because she's "hard to get" - and mold her into the perfect companion.

If only it wasn't for this ONE little thing.

Yeah, well, this is RARELY the case.

You're ignoring that it's not CIRCUMSTANCE that's keeping you apart. It's her deliberate ACTION to avoid getting into a relationship. It's not an accident that she's not following through. It's INTENT.

Don't get caught up trying to date "fixer-uppers." Fixer-uppers are people that need work to make them acceptable for a relationship.

Only form a relationship with a person who is meeting your list of requirements or "must haves." Otherwise you put yourself in a situation of being in constant tension with them not meeting your basic needs.

The reality is that since this situation of "can I get her/will I get her" has now drawn out over a couple years, you've been training your brain to cope with your drug addiction.

Note that I did not say "drug" addiction.

No quotes are necessary. You're actually on DRUGS, my friend.

You are addicted to brain chemicals that are released as a result of facing a challenge that you focus and dwell on regularly. And you even go through the whole addict withdrawal response, where you jones for her, and each time you get a little of her, you get that RUSH back.

My advice: Throw this needle in the garbage and move on.

The BOTTOM LINE is what result you are getting.

And what result is that?

NOT what you want. She's avoiding something starting, and she only calls you from her own drunken episodes.

If she wants to have a relationship with you, she must voluntarily and WILLINGLY take those steps to ACQUIRE you. You hearing me, dog?
You can't get into her brain and figure out what piece is missing. She either has it or she doesn't.

I sense that this girl is also addicted to drama, and is not a consistent and steady/reliable candidate to bet a relationship on. She's also got intimacy issues if she consistently bails.

She's telling you with her actions what she is incapable of understanding or telling with words:

She's not going to be your girlfriend.

And even if she was, would you really want her?

REALLY?

Think about it...

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