Got Married, and now things are looking ... er, down.

I got married just over a year ago, and the only way I could have done that was with your help.

Now I need your help again. This time it's with our sex life. Recently I've been having a hard time getting and keeping an erection. I don't think it's anything physically wrong with me because I'm only 31, and have no problem when I take care of myself (Which these days is about once- twice/week).

Also when I do get it up long enough to have sex, I seem to run out of steam before I get off. I must tell you this has really affected my confidence in this area, which only makes matters worse. To the point where I don't even want to try because I'm afraid of failure.

I don't know if I'm just freaked out that this is it for me, if it's the lack of variety, if it's that there is no more challenge, or if it's just plain boredom. It could actually be the combination of it all.

She is afraid that I'm not attracted to her any more. Don't get me wrong because she is attractive, but that could be the case as well (since the newness of it has worn off). I don't know what to do. I'm afraid for our marriage if we can't fix this.

Can you please share your thoughts on this issue?

______________________
CARLOS ANSWERS:

As with any situation of this nature, I always encourage guys to visit a doctor or health professional to discuss the situation. They will be your best resource.

Off the top of my head, this doesn't sound like a biological problem of any kind. In fact, it sounds just like most of the relationships that guys get into where familiarity short-circuits desire.

The good news?

This is actually very simple to fix. (Note that I didn't say it was "easy.")

You just have to start working on the psychological reasons for your own hesitation. You're obviously putting a lot of mental pressure on yourself. Fear of non-performance ranks right up there in terms of pressure.

You need to create a bedroom environment where it's okay to not "rise to the occasion." This would be a place in your world (and your relationship) where you don't have to fear that situation. Because the nasty situation is that the more you don't want it to happen, the more likely it is to happen.

You also need to establish a very clear and open communication channel with your woman that gets rid of the pretentious B.S. that I see a lot of married couples working under.

I see this pattern happen quite a bit.

Remember the saying: The secret to happiness is not finding a new place or a new woman. It's learning how to look at the familiar with new eyes.

Novelty always wears off. The deepest skill you can attain is learning how to enjoy something familiar for longer by discovering new things about it.

You see, it's easy to get rid of one thing and get a new one.

Bored of your car? Go buy a new one.

Don't like your TV? There's a newer one with a bigger screen right around the corner at Best Buy.

Tired of your clothes? Go out and buy more.

Our culture encourages this instant gratification mindset. Ultimately, though, it's not the way to peace and happiness. And it's also not the way to the Alpha Lifestyle.

I don't buy into the concept of "not attracted to her anymore."

The reason we lose attraction for someone is because of the way we THINK about them. Nothing has physically changed, right? So the entire situation about the attraction to her is encased in that melon on top of your neck.

It's a choice you have to make for yourself, and it was one that I've had to make in relationships over and over in the past.

You can do one of these two things:

A) Go find something shiny and new that you find attractive right now.
(And later it, too, will eventually fade and lose its appeal.)

B) Learn how to re-discover your attraction for your wife so that you can build a lifelong skill of perseverance and self-discipline?

Guess which one of those choices is a spiral of never-ending disappointment? (Answer: A)

Guess which one of them requires effort, which is why so few ever choose it? (Answer: B)

Oh, the side effect of Answer B is that you'll also become a better Alpha Man with more inner knowledge and emotional intelligence. In fact, there is no downside to B other than the fact that you don't get to get a new set of boobs and butt next to you in bed every night.

I'm not coming down on anyone that wants to date around or get laid a lot. Go for it! I have.

But when you decide to make a commitment and go for broke with a relationship, don't make the mistake of thinking that you've "fallen out of love" or "lost your attraction." You've only lost the ability to find deeper satisfaction with what you have.

There's another saying that I have always found helpful:

The secret to happiness is to learn how to want what you already have.

This is the stuff that pickup artists don't teach you.

Learn how to live a powerful Alpha Lifestyle...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men