Where are all the women?

Hey Carlos it's Nick. I should've ask you this question earlier this summer, but here it is:

What should I do to meet more girls? I know that you said in your book to get 5 numbers a day from women but I'm lucky if I meet one woman all day, not including women from work or friends.

I work around 35 hours a week and when I have time to go out I like to go to the park, to the club with my buddies every saturday night, coffe shop, walk in my neghborhood every day... but: in the park all I see is old people, bikers and fishermen; I can't meet with my friends very often to have a coffie because of different schedules; my neghborhood is always empty like most american neighborhoods...

I wish I could go to bars every day but all of my friends are under 21 (get new friends :)) It looks like my best place to meet girls is the club , but that's only once a week of 1.5 hours clubbing (I work till midnight). When I go to college it seems like there shouldn't be any problems for meeting women because they are everywhere.

I live in detroit metro area and I wish I lived in some nice urban are like back home in Macedonia where in radius of 2 miles you have everything you'll ever need in life: bars, restaurants, clubs, schools, beach, lake, cafes, stores, and people every way you turn.

I have one more question: Is it OK to "chase" girls alone in places like downtown? Or they are going to think that I'm a freak because I walk alone. My friends think I'm a freak when I tell them "I was chilling in the park". They all think that it's not OK to walk alone.
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CARLOS XUMA'S (HARSH) DATING ADVICE:

Time for a little dose of reality here...

You're telling me that you live in Detroit - Rock City - and you can't find any women anywhere to meet?

I have to tell you my friend that this is complete and utter B.S.

B.S. stands for bullshit.

Sorry, I'm not here to pat you on the head and make you feel better, because this is stinkin' thinkin'. And I know that, deep inside, you know this to be true.

I just want to help you become aware of what is really going on.

Here's what's actually happening: You've been immersed in a scarcity mindset for so long that you are now constantly looking for reasons to EXCLUDE women from your life.

I can't meet them here because ...

I can't find them there because ...

I'm not willing to go looking because ...


Let's look at the numbers for a second. Please pardon me, I got Google happy this morning.

FACT: Detroit Population: 951,270

FACT: In the Detroit area, here's the population breakdown:

Male 448319 47.13%

Female 502951 52.87%

FACT: Here's the age breakdown:

20 to 24 years 65654 6.9%
25 to 34 years 144323 15.17%
35 to 44 years 136695 14.37%

So doing a little math:
52% of 346,018 people is 179,929 women in the 20-44 bracket.

If half of them are married, that leaves: 89,964.*

(*Don't worry, the half that are married will be divorced in a few years, so you'll get another 44,982 back in the pool.)

I got this off the Detroit 2000 census. I'm sure it also doesn't even begin to take into account the suburbs. These numbers would probably only be the city proper. Sure, you might not be willing to date beyond 30 years old, but don't discount the absolute scorching time you could have with a cougar... :)

The fact is that we could play with the numbers all day long, and it doesn't really matter what city we're talking about. It's all a game of perception.

FACT: It's easier to believe that you've got some limitation that's holding you back than just FINDING A WAY AROUND THAT LIMITATION.

What you're doing is looking for reasons to say "I can't find any women."

I'm sorry, but I cannot believe that there are no women around you that you can approach. Even if you work until midnight.

Here are a couple ideas you can use if you need places to meet women:

- Church singles events (you don't have to attend that church to go, usually)
- Online (do I really need to explain this one?)
- Speed dating (lotsa fun, easy to find...)
- Singles events
- Personals
- Work
- Bars
- Stores
- Parties
- Malls
- Uh, hello... College! Talk about the highest population of ready-to-get-jiggy-with-it gals.

The key to your mental state, however, is given when you asked if you would be thought of as a "freak" for being out alone.

Answer: Only if you think you're a freak for being out on your own.

You see, the game of validating your identity from the outside in (as if what other people think about you really matters) is a DANGEROUS one. You'll never win.

NEVER WIN.

Go ahead and keep wishing for things to be like they were back home. It won't do you a bit of good.

There's an old story about two shoe salesmen who go to a remote country to sell their shoes.

After a month, they email the main office and report on their progress.
The one doing the least selling of them reports: "Market here sucks! No one wears shoes!"
The one doing the most business reports: "Market here is fantastic! No one wears shoes!"

Meeting women never comes down to your current mental image of your limitations. It always comes down to what you're willing to do to overcome them.

Here's where to get that winning attitude of a confident alpha male...

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