DATING ADVICE FOR MEN - MEET GIRLS QUESTION:

Recently, I got a job at a clothing store where many hot girls work. In the department where I work, there is this one girl that I find cute but have been playing it cool. I have shown uninterest and when she says hi to me in the morning I respond "Oh, hey" with a carefree "I don't care" tone of voice. Also, I try to disacknowledge her at times.

Now, when I first tried to tease this girl I was nervous and I kind of screwed up, and she had that unknowing look like she knew something wasn't right (that was the first day I worked with her). The second day I worked with her I continued to tease her and had the frame of mind of "I don't give a F*&* anymore what happens". I teased her pretty good and left some mystery in there when she asked me what I was doing after work by telling her that "she would have to find out on her own". I asked her for her age in a suspicious type of tone and she told me she was 17, and when she asked me what was mine I told her "I'm 50", she said "Yeah right", then I responded with "Fine, I'm 55".

She wanted my real age but I didn't give it to her to add some more mystery. So I was doing good and then one of her friends (who also works there) comes up to me when she is away and asks me what do I think of her. I kind of turned red like a f*&*ing wussy and didn't respond.

I acted a little weird (nervous) after that around her and her friend and I knew I needed to relax. I cooled down and continued the teasing which worked well in my relaxed frame of mind.

Now, towards the end of the night I had a little embarrassing moment where I couldn't open the door to get out and it was clearly obvious how to do it and I felt like an idiot. After I left work I replayed the whole embarrassing moment thing in my head and felt like a dick about it thinking that she thought I was an idiot for that.

Carlos, what do you think is the problem here because I really try to put on an attitude of "I don't give a f*&*" but its really hard for me to do. I just feel sometimes that I cant help it and fall into the deadly trap of caring what she thinks sometimes. Help me Carlos, I would appreciate it man.

-R
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CARLOS:

I know I preach that you need to work towards an attitude of not caring what a woman thinks of you, but it seems to be hardwired in some guys heads. I blame single-parent families where mom was the only one around, so we had to please the woman in our life.

Honestly, everybody will care to SOME degree how they're thought of. Mostly because we have a social conscience at work. It's the part of us that understands that we do need to act somewhat in accordance with society, or we'll get thrown out and have to live in Mexico or something.

But let's separate the issues here.

The real issue is HOW MUCH you care what this chick thinks of you. Caring too much is always a downfall. Not enough and you won't be motivated to go after her.

So let's be a little clearer on the goal:

You can care what she thinks, but you can't ACT like you care what she thinks.

Now the dilemma here is that your thoughts always give you away.

You found that out when you made those blunders.

You see, somewhere in your head you were trying to IMPRESS this girl, and that's why you were boffing it up.

But you know what? If you have a calm sense of confidence inside, even those screw-ups don't bother you.

Seriously, have you ever been walking down the street and stumble on a bit of pavement that was uneven? You scramble to recapture your balance, and after the fear of falling on your face passes, you feel that instant blast of embarrassment.

Ah yes. Embarrassment. Between the fear of embarrassment and guilt, it's a miracle that anybody does anything in life.

But where was I...?

Oh, yeah. The tripping thing. I have finally gotten to the point where it doesn't bother me one bit if I stumble. I don't feel embarrassed at all anymore. I merely remembered each time it happened that EVERYONE does it.

Most people actually aren't thinking you're an idiot - they're just glad it didn't happen to them. Funny, huh?

Oh, your ally in this battle is going to be your sense of inner CALM that you can carry. For the most part, if you can relax and be COOL, you can glide through unharmed.

Right now you're probably thinking that she thinks you're a buffoon, but it's actually more like she's curious about you. She's probably flattered that you were so nervous.

But let's not repeat that again, shall we?

Work on pulling your focus back inside your own head and staying attentive to your own tasks at-hand. That should stop the clumsiness and keep you a tad more graceful.

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