SEDUCTION - DATING ADVICE QUESTION:

Hi Carlos,

I live in Rome, Italy. What happens here is that girlsare really difficult as a result of the fact that all guy are really aggressive, they literally don't let them breath. Once a guy knows a girl here he literally jumps over her - tries to kiss her aggressively right away, hugs her etc. As a result girls are really distrustful and as soon as you try to tell a girl anything she runs away, expecting that the next thing you will do is "grab" her and not let her breath.

I'm a foreigner here so I'm not like this. How can I approach in such an "anomalous" situation, how can I communicate to a girl that I just wanna know her, that I will not jump over her like everybody else does?

I'll appreciate any advice

S.G., Rome
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CARLOS:
Great question.

Usually this isn't as much of an issue overseas because the women are women, the men are men, and everyone is comfortable in their roles.

Here in the US, we've got all that baggage.

Women trying to be men. (The "have it all" syndrome, where they end up with nothing they want.)

Men trying to be women. (The "listen to women and believe they really want us to be sensitive" syndrome.)

Women are always open to men who can learn how to communicate with them the way they respond to.

Now you've got a couple alternatives.

You can try to overcome their thick hides. (Not recommended, way too much effort.)

Or you can slip in under their radar.

Here's what I'd do:

Get a bunch of cards made up with a single Italian phrase on it. "Voiglo conoscere te meglio..." My Italian is a little rusty, but I was trying to say: "I want to know you better..."

Then say, "Scusi, chiamo e?"

Or, "What's your name?"

Dont' do it with a slick Mediterranean attitude. Just look confident but reserved.

Tell her you didn't want to interrupt her day, but you suspected that you might be able to help her find some good conversation.

You'll have to find a demeanor that's less intrusive but still holds an air of confidence.

You might even find a way of asking a fairly non-intrusive question, like what the time is or where a good gelatoria is. From there just keep talking. Once you assume the right balance of interest and controlled distance, you'll do fine.

Don't tell me that ALL the women act this way, either. You just have to slip into another mode. They will pick up on your energy and read it, so you just have to find a more laid-back approach.

I've been in Roma, and the women aren't THAT scared... :)

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