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QUESTION ABOUT TELLING A WOMAN YOUR FEELINGS:
Carlos,
I have been using the techniques from both your "Secrets
of the Alpha Man" and "Approach
Women Now" products. In my opinion
both of these products are priceless because of the success I have been
having in my life.
The success I am now getting is not only with the ladies but also in every
other facet of my life, and I can not thank you enough for all that you've
done to help me. They have helped me meet and attract many great women
over the past year...
...Now I have been seeing a girl for the past two months and things are getting
pretty serious. It did not start out being that way because I was seeing
a couple other women (thanks to your products). But now our relationship
has progressed over time and we are only seeing each other. And this is
why I have a question.
This girl is extremely attracted to me just as I am to her, and things are
going great between us. But my question comes from the fact that she keeps
asking me how I feel about her and what I want to become of our relationship.
I have done a good job of not telling her anything too early because I do
understand that it could kill all attraction. Instead I have just tried
to show her through my actions and flirting but for some reason she wants
a verbal answer, and of course I am worried about what would happen if
I told her.
But now that things have been going on for a while and we are both feeling
the same way towards each other is it safe to reveal a little bit of how
I feel about her or tell her that I would like to see her exclusively?
I sincerely appreciate all that you've done and I am looking forward to your
reply. Keep up the great work and helping MEN everywhere.
- Taulby in VA
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
Ah, if there's one thing you've learned well it's how to avoid the "sensitive,
nice-guy" trap that lurks out there for most men.
It's that insane urge to tell a woman how you feel.
Look, I've fallen into this one so many times before, it's not funny. You
meet a girl that's really attractive and really cool, and you feel that
strange tingly sensation in your spine every time she's around. If you're
in a room and you hear her voice, you hone in on her like a bloodhound.
It's out of control.
You have these INTENSE feelings for her, and you just know that if you could
make her understand how you feel, she'd be so impressed and awed. When
she knows the power of your feelings, she'd have to be just a little interested,
right?
Unfortunately, WRONG.
It's like a big be-otch slap when you tell her how you feel, and find out
that she's flattered. She might even give you that "awwww, I'm holding
a cute puppy dog" look ... but she's not ATTRACTED to you.
Why does this happen?
 And why do guys fall into this trap?
Well, it comes from a syndrome I call the "Forced perspective."
This is when a guy can't seem to let go of his own point of view long enough
to see the possible repercussions of his actions. He simply can't see THROUGH
ANOTHER PERSON'S EYES.
Guys feel like this intense level of feelings is something we can transfer
or give to someone else, but in reality we can't MAKE anyone feel anything.
Remember the saying: "Attraction
is not a choice."
So the key here is to remember that the other person does not feel your emotions
yet.
In fact, their feelings for you are (probably) at the same level of interest
as you have for many of the women you work with. Or the cashier at the
grocery store that you thought was just "okay."
What is needed here is a distinct spark to ignite the flames
of attraction.
That same chick in the grocery store could be a complete
babe if you saw
her at a party throwing off a little feminine vibe, but you're seeing her
at her most boring...
Well, the same thing is true of you.
If you are doing what I used to do, it was something like this:
You see a woman you're attracted to, and you start to talk
with her, but your energy is telling her two stories at the same time:
Story 1: I'm attracted to you. You're interesting to me, and I find you desirable.
Story 2: I don't want to mess this up. I'm not going to go too far with
anything I say or do for fear of scaring you off.
Remember, these two stories are being told with your energy
at the same time.
So it's confusing to her on a very subconscious level.
How does a woman figure out the TRUE message?
She assumes you're like most other guys - you like her as a woman and you
worship her from afar, but you haven't got the stones to ACT on it.
Now the reality here is that she doesn't want to hear about
it. She doesn't want long poems - or emails - that profess your undying
love.
She wants to see ACTION.
Action is something she can trust in because actions DO NOT LIE!
A woman's entire psychology is setup
to interpret situations and decide what
is real and what is just smoke and mirrors. She had to be able to do this
in the "old days" when choosing a good mate would mean either LIFE
or DEATH for her and her children.
Choosing a guy with no Alpha Man strength would be a BAD move for her.
Well, sad to say that we're still only a few hundred years from the time
when this was the way of the world, and our primitive lizard brains just
haven't caught up.
That is actually GOOD NEWS to you, my friend.
Because the same triggers that make her attracted to
you are also programmed into that psychology.
Which means when you can demonstrate the Alpha parts of your authentic personality,
you will have created a massive call to action for her.
This is something that triggers interest from her on a primitive level.
Again, attraction is something we don't control. We merely OBEY it when we
feel it.
The same sense of urgency you have in telling a woman how you feel to get
her interested in you is what SHE will feel when she realizes that you're
showing her the kind of man she wants.
What kinds of qualities is a woman looking for?
Well, if you remember the list of traits I've talked about in previous newsletters,
they are all the "triggers" that indicate
a confident man.
One of the most important is "self-control."
Later on, when you've become a more established "couple" and you
have been together on a few dates, you can start to reveal your feelings,
but not just dumping them on her. You have to demonstrate CONTROL.
In other words, you decide when you will tell her how you feel, not just
reacting to her when she asks you. If you're only telling her you think
she's a sweet girl in response to her occasional moments of low self-esteem,
you're sending a bad message.
Instead, YOU choose the moments to tell her a little about how you feel.
But remember, even later on in a relationship, too much comfort will kill
the chemistry between you and a woman. And the reality is that too much
comfort is really BORING.
Nothing makes us more comfortable and BORED than thinking
we have someone completely locked up and "in the bag."
It's doubt that
stimulates our desire.
AND it's the excitement of a vibrant
relationship that really
turns us on to life - and to another person.
I'm not saying that you should hold back on your feelings
as a manipulative tool.
I am saying that you should hold back on your
need to express them as a way to appease HER expectations.
If you find yourself feeling pressured to disclose how you feel because SHE
seems eager to hear them, you may be reacting from that place that is still
afraid of making her mad or losing her approval.
If - on the other hand - you feel like telling her because
it's what you WANT to say - do so. But thoughtfully. With restraint befitting
a man with self-control.
You want to know the best solution?
Don't TELL her how you feel.
SHOW her.
That is a much more effective and believable way of demonstrating your feelings
for a woman over the long-term. It's the language of authentic caring and
feeling, and it's the only one a woman's emotions will really believe.
After all, you can say anything you like.
But what someone does is REAL.
If you keep things FUN and EXCITING enough for a woman, she won't have the
time to be bored and wonder about your feelings for her.
She will KNOW - on a primitive and POWERFUL level.
Now, I want to invite you to come and learn some of the illogical, yet INCREDIBLY
EFFECTIVE and powerful techniques and strategies that I've learned, developed,
refined over the last 5 years.
The concepts that I've just discussed are part of what I consider to be a
big part of the "Inner Game" of dating success.
Most guys spend almost NO time working on their Inner Game and confidence
... instead, they spend time learning "pick up lines" and other
USELESS fluff.
If you don't have your "Inner Game" together, none of the "techniques
and tricks" will work for you. Women can see right through them.
Once you get the right mind-set, the world suddenly seems like a different
place to you.
In my Secrets of
the Alpha Man program, I spend several hours teaching
you Inner Game and Outer Game techniques for driving up attraction with
women to a level that no woman will ignore.
I'll show you how to overcome your self-limiting beliefs, improve your self-confidence
and self-esteem... and get past the fears that are holding you back from
even TRYING to go out and meet women.
If you're like me, and you've had a lot of negative programming about women,
masculinity, and how to really create massive attraction with a woman,
then you MUST get this stuff taken care of.
It's not going to fix itself... you have to do it.
And my program will show you EXACTLY how.
Oh... and it will also teach you tons of
great "field" methods
for approaching women, talking to women - keeping
the conversation going - getting dates, meeting women online, and taking things as far as you
want to go - smoothly and easily... without rejection.
The Alpha Man knows that self-development is the path to a better life. It
all starts with getting EDUCATED.
Education leads to understanding. Understanding leads to better choices.
Better choices lead to better results.
And results are ALL that matters when it comes to the game of women.
It's all in my Secrets of the Alpha
Man program.
Take your first small step toward becoming the man you want
to be... CLICK HERE
I'll talk to you again soon,
Your Friend,
P. S.: Don't forget
to take a look at this page when you get a chance. I don't like to brag,
but these guys all had something to say, and I wanted to make sure you
got to see what they had to write on my "graffiti wall..."
If you're wondering how other guys have used my advice to
improve their lives,
Click and go look for yourself at what they have to say right
now...
If you just try what I have
to teach you, you'll see that it will work for you, and you
can get the success you want with women. Every guy that I've
taught that follows my strategies and techniques gets better with women.
Guaranteed.
The next move is up to you...
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