 |
|
 |
How to Talk to
Women - Carlos Xuma's Dating Advice for Men: |
The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...
|
Thursday, 7:25 PM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...
A lot of guys have been sending in questions about communication, how
to talk to women, and how they can attract
women with
the power of language.
Well, I'm going to talk a little about this today. You may have heard
the advice that "it's not what you say, but HOW you say it..."
This is very true...
BUT it is also important to choose the
right words for the right situation
carefully, because we all have different meanings in our heads for things,
and if you choose the wrong emotional word in the situation, it can botch
up everything.
Especially when you learn about how to talk
to women.
Did you know that women don't care about what is "effective"? Guys care
about this, but women do not. They are not results-oriented in that way.
They think in terms of experience and feelings.
For example, when you ask a woman for her phone number,
you have to make it part of the natural flow of conversation - NOT a decision
that she has to make about contacting you again. If you just "put it out
there," don't be surprised if she doesn't do anything with it.
A lot of guys will ask a woman for her number like
this: "Can I get your number?"
And what does she say back?
"Uh... why?"
And then you feel that knot clenching in your stomach.
Just say: "Give me your number. You seem like you're
pretty cool. We should talk again."
And then wait. The first person to speak, loses.
Think about that, and then read on...
|
QUESTION ON HOW TO TALK TO WOMEN:
I have a really good question
that I am curious about ... What if
a woman complains 'you don't say you love me' ?
While this is a simple question, there are several potentially different
case scenarios here:
1) She confessed her love to you once or twice, then
she pops the question above.
2) She has confessed her love multiple times
(and you are interested in her), and somehow begins to feel insecure
about your own feelings.
I realize you could brush it off with humor but
if things begin to get serious for her due to her uncertainty, she
may just shrug and say "No, really,
I never know how YOU feel about this." How
do you talk to women in these situations?
I want to emphasize that the whole idea here is to keep things under
control WITHOUT upsetting her.
What do you do to keep the attraction WITHOUT hurting her feelings
(especially in light of the fact that the longer you brush off answering
this, the more serious it is going to get for her in terms of her uncertainty
about your feelings.)
E.
|
|
CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:
My big concern here is why you feel you need to keep things "under control," ...
And also, why you think you need to avoid upsetting
her?
Both are big mistakes.
First off, my initial question is how much of what you're asking actually
happened. (?)
Guys (but even more so, women) are notorious
for thinking up scenarios in their heads and that are totally imagined.
We try to predict things in advance so that we're
all ready to go when it actually happens.
We're trying to avoid risking. This is another way of
trying to play it safe.
Talking to women is an organic process. You can
NEVER predict with any certain accuracy what a woman will really do when
you talk to her, so you must develop these skills in REAL LIVE SITUATIONS
WITH WOMEN.
You'd think that was obvious by now, but so many people are in the "protect myself" mode of thinking that they fail to see that this actually protects them from experiencing
real interaction with other people.
As I said, one big mistake is trying to NOT upset her.
That's a total wussy response, if you want the cold hard truth. (And I
know you do, or you wouldn't be writing me...)
If you walk around on egg shells all the time when you talk to women, you'll
only wind up with her thinking you're a supplicating wimp. She can tell when
you're more concerned with making her like you than you are with presenting
your personality with power and confidence.
Don't get started on this path. A woman is not going to dump you for
saying TOO LITTLE, but you can damn well be sure she WILL dump
you for saying TOO MUCH. Like you need her
to feel a certain way back.
Guys make this mistake all the time, thinking
that if they don't tell her everything, she'll get frustrated and leave.
She's only asking you so that she can get some reassurance from you about
your feelings. She's feeling insecure and wants your feedback to feel safe
about staying with the relationship. So don't hold back out of some artificial
need to control her.
You'll never be able to, anyway.
The problem is not that she's asking you why you say more. The problem
is in your need to seek a response which maintains some
kind of illusion of control or power over her.
A real Alpha Man acts from his own desires (not
his insecurities or neediness)
and do the best he could to answer her question truthfully.
If it was too early to talk about this stuff, I'd tell her that it was
too early, no matter how much I was pressured to answer.
If it was the right time, I'd tell her what I felt for her at that
time. I know that my telling my feelings is not out of a need to
GET her to do anything, or manipulate her in some way.
And neither is my NOT telling her.
Think about that ...
CONTINUED...
|
CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE...
|
|
HYPER-AWARE: How to talk to women to
ATTRACT...
Carlos,
I have read your material and have had a lot of success. However, tonight I think I regressed from cocky to wussy and I am trying to assess the damages and manifest a new plan.
To make this as short as possible I have been dating a girl for a month. I saw her Saturday night and things went very well. Today, I wanted to break our communication pattern and do something different.
Normally, I would spend the weekend with her and call on the Wednesday or
Thursday after that to arrange the next meeting. The plan was to drive to her
town call her up and invite her for a spontaneous trip for ice cream and I also
wanted to return a book that she had been reading that she had left in my car
and also give her a book which I purchased a couple of weeks ago as a gift.
I called when I was in town but she was just going to work at her night time job. I played cocky and funny on the phone and created a reason for being in town and then I mentioned that if I had the chance I would bring her books by work. An hour later I walked in handed her the books said "Don't work to hard - have a good night" and left.
That simple. I was there 4 seconds but I am daunted about this having that wuss, needy stink. Yuck.
Just for a little more insight she often talks about a future with me and had mentioned before that it would be okay if I stopped by her workplace sometime so I felt somewhat comfortable taking this action.
I thought she might write an email later saying thanks but I haven't heard from her. So, Carlos - are you cringing?
My question for you is this. Is there ever a time when something like this is acceptable or is it always in the wuss category? and any advice on how I can turn this back around.
- J
|
|
CARLOS XUMA TELLS YOU HOW TO TALK TO WOMEN:
By and large, you did most of the right things. When you talk to women, it's
far better to have a light, detached air about you that doesn't communicate
neediness.
The only mistakes I can see here are that you're over-thinking the situation.
Your actions would work fine if they were coming from the right belief system.
Right now you're making the mistake of being a try-hard. This is the guy
that's doing things to GET a certain result. That's too outcome-dependent.
You're needing a certain result and worried constantly about the appropriateness of everything you're doing.
When you do something to GET a response, you are putting yourself
out of your natural ALPHA MAN behavior. When you do something
because you want to do it, and you simply don't care what response
she gives you - if any, you are acting from your Alpha desires.
The big thing that will get you here is taking every action too seriously, as if everything you do has to be some pre-planned strategy to get things to "work right."
Ironically, even though the strategies and tactics I teach work like a charm, you can be guilty of being TOO self-aware. Meaning that you can be way too focused on "not doing the right things" instead of just doing as much of the right things as you can.
When you realize that there are so many things going on, you become hyper-attentive to details, and those details don't really make or break your game.
It's your confidence going in.
Here's a few bits of advice:
1) Drop your emotional attachment to a particular result.
The best thing you can do is to be as detached as you can. Imagine yourself
as an observer from across the room, coldly analyzing your performance.
2) You always do the best that you can do. Even if you think you could
have done better or different. You must learn to let go of
your retro-analysis. That's just focusing you on failure.
3) Set your goals on moving FORWARD to what you want.
If you don't get it, learn from what you did, and then apply the learning
and experience to the NEXT woman. Don't get caught up in the process
of trying to fix every mess-up. That's scarcity thinking.
4) Work keenly on improving your self-confidence, self-esteem,
and self-image. These three elements will take care of 1000
other small things you may think you're doing incorrectly. Small behaviors
are taken care of by getting the BIG attitude.
|
|
|
How often have you found yourself in a similar situation?
Wondering about how to talk to women is
one of the questions I get all the time. Guys everywhere understand on
some level that they must talk to women differently to get the results
they want, but they don't know how.
Well, they didn't know until NOW.
If you've already read my ebook The
Dating Black Book, then you should get
your hands on a copy of my latest program. In it, I cover the most asked about
topic of all time: Communication and Persuasion.
Inside this program, I teach you the most essential
elements of conversation - with ANYONE. After all, if you're going to learn the
skills to attract women, you also might as well learn the secret rules
of how to talk with everyone in your world.
How to talk to women...
Men...
Family...
Your Boss...
Your Friends...
The principle of attraction works in
every area of your life, and you'll be able to persuade anyone and
everyone you talk to. You'll be able to influence
them to help you accomplish your goals.
Get the raise you want...
Talk to women you want...
Get the dates with the women you
choose...
It all starts with POWERFUL communication
strategies that I can show you.
The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are
easy to learn.
Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got
the SKILLS to talk to women. Once you have
them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually find that it's
not HOW to talk to women, but which women to focus on.
It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.
It's all about your Inner Game...
I also recommend my Alpha Immersion
DVD program. This program will teach
you all about winning the INNER GAME of confidence, and showing you the COMPLETE
strategy to approaching women and driving up their powerful feelings of
attraction - and then directing it towards YOU.
I can't say enough good things about this program and what it can teach you
about winning the game of attraction with women.
You can also see a full 12 minute video clip of the program here:
Alpha
Immersion - Learn the Inner Game of the Alpha Man
Talk to you again soon,
Your friend,
Carlos
P.S. Make sure you take a few minutes and look at all
of the programs I've created to help you learn to meet
women. You can see
them here:
CARLOS XUMA'S CATALOG OF DATING ADVICE FOR MEN
|
|
Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW
Click HERE to learn more...
|
| |
Listen to what the other gurus are saying about Carlos' work...
"I've read every book and studied every system on dating. The problem with most 'gurus' in this field is that they're not teaching men how to build a solid foundation. Until you change your internal belief system and adopt an Alpha mindset, all the
tactics and techniques in the world aren't going to do you any good. (Actually, it's like learning just enough karate to get your ass kicked!) Carlos Xuma is the best there is at teaching men how to develop their 'inner game.' From
there, he'll give you the complete set of tools for approaching women, and life, with absolute confidence and skill. If you're in this game to win it, these are the rules you need to learn."
- "Supreme", M.A.C.K. Tactics co-creator
"Carlos Xuma is a man who has a clear passion for imparting the success with women he has experienced to other guys worldwide. He approaches his craft with immense integrity and a distinct style!"
- Scot McKay, X & Y Communications, DeserveWhatYouWant.com
"Carlos Xuma is the REAL DEAL! If you are serious about creating an extraordinary relationship. You will learn more about the needs and desires of women than they do themselves! I highly recommend
Carlos to any man who is ready to get the woman of his dreams. I love his game, its 100% real."
- The Dean, Dating4Men.com
"Carlos Xuma is one of those rare guys in the field who actually GETS what interacting with women is all about. His advice goes beyond the pick-up lines and approach techniques that so many guys use and fail with. Rather, Carlos gives guys everywhere practical,
valuable advice that will make men attractive not just for one night, but for many, many years. He lays down the foundation for becoming a NATURALLY attractive man, full of confidence and the ability to fully ENJOY being around hot babes.
Unlike other pickup artists, Carlos shares information that helps you not only in one area of life, but in many: in social relationships, at work, sports, with personal goals. He'll help make you a well-rounded, self-believing alpha MAN who's capable of just
about anything. And seducing gorgeous, high-quality women, is just the beginning."
- James Brito, How to Be Irresistible to Women
"Carlos Xuma is one of the few men in the 'seduction' or 'attraction' community who digs beneath the surface of passing attraction, and Explores what it is to be a man who attracts women by virtue of his character and, consequently, the natural outward expression of high character.
He brings words like 'discipline' and 'integrity' to the forefront, and waddya know, those are exactly the qualities women truly crave in a man."
- Grant Adams, CEO - net2bed.com
"Hey Carlos, I write about the biology of men and women's behavior. You seem to know the biology of behavior without knowing it. How do you do that? You have a deep intuition of dynamics - it took me 7 years of academic research to discover. And you find sharp ways to apply it practically... Keep up the good work, brother."
- Joe Quirk, Author of "Sperm are from Men, Eggs are from Women"
|
If you want to email Carlos a question, send it only with THIS EMAIL FORM.
IMPORTANT: The information contained in or made available through this
Product cannot and is not intended to replace or substitute for the services
of trained professionals in any field, including, but not limited to, psychological,
financial, medical, or legal matters. In particular, you should regularly
consult a doctor in all matters relating to physical or mental health,
particularly concerning any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical
attention.
DD Publications/Morpheus Productions, LLC, and our licensors or suppliers
make no representations or warranties concerning any treatment, action,
or application of medication or preparation by any person following the
information offered or provided herein. Neither Carlos Xuma nor our associates,
or any of their affiliates, will be liable for any direct, indirect, consequential,
special, exemplary or other damages that may result, including but not
limited to economic loss, injury, illness or death.
These materials are provided for entertainment purposes only. |
|  |
