CARLOS XUMA -
"How To Talk To Women - Even If You're Not Good Looking..."

The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...

Wednesday, 11:02 PM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...

Do you ever feel like looks make a difference, even if you're not that good with women?

Look, the reality here, and I've even had a roomful of women applaud me when I said this:

"Looks are nice, and women might be more open initially, but it's HOW YOU TALK TO WOMEN that determines if it's going ANYWHERE."

You see, most guys are just in a hurry to give themselves any reasonable excuse to count themselves out of the game, and the easiest one is to claim that they aren't "good looking" enough.

This is a load of crap.

It's about how to talk to women, not how you look.

Read on and find out why...

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QUESTION: How can I use my handsomeness to my advantage?

My rating on hotornot.com is 9.4/10, I'm in very good shape and muscular because I work out a lot and take very good care of myself. Chicks dig me, and I definitely turn a lot of heads around.

At school I often don't have to do anything for girls to just come and talk to me and be very friendly.

My question is: How can I use my handsomeness to my advantage? Don't I need to somewhat alter the strategies you teach to get a woman into bed with me?

I'll be honest with you, since girls check me out so intensely I tend to freak out and get sort of paralyzed because I know they like me a lot. That sort of scares me so I don't take action.

Should I still ask for phone numbers and use the normal method or because of my looks should I behave in a specific and different way?

CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:

I'm thinking we should chip in for this poor guy so he can get some plastic surgery and look like the rest of us.

First of all, as you can see, just being good looking does NOT assure you of success with women. Having good looks is like having a slight head start on the racetrack of attraction. It's a bonus, but it does not mean an easy win.

As I always say, beware easy success. You never learn from it the same way you do through the difficult successes (or the failures.) You're never forced to analyze and understand what's really going on. And as a result, your bad habits stick with you a lot longer.

So the question is, do good looks help or hinder you?

And should you change your behavior?

Well, being good looking is a double-edged sword. You see, initially, it helps you because you have an immediate "chemistry" with more women. They have a higher interest and attraction level in you right off the bat. You don't have to worry as much about how or what to talk to women about.

Whoah there! Before you start crying out: "I knew it! I'll never get a hot girlfriend! I'm not good looking enough!"

Hold on there, studpuppet.

On the other hand, your looks work against you when women wonder, "Is he just a player? Does he really want ME or a notch in his belt?" Now you have to think about how to talk to a woman so she doesn't dismiss you right away.

As I'm sure you've noticed, just because you've got the looks doesn't mean they're lining up to jump in bed with you based on your appearance. You still have to do the right things in the right amount, as I teach here and in my programs.

I suspect that your reluctance is working to your benefit (when you "freak out," as you say) and women sense that you're not trying to jump down their pants immediately.

You've got a little humility. And this translates as an endearing form of "hard-to-get." (Which is good!)

That's what you need to keep doing.

The second you start to get too cocky and arrogant about your looks, the women will sense this and put up a few "trust hurdles" right away. Women immediately distrust a man that gives off an ultra-smooth presentation. You need to be smooth without looking like you're smooth.

Get it?

If you need a technique to learn how to tlak to women, you can still use my tease-to-please technique and bust her chops (in fact, that's mandatory), but you shouldn't joke as much about your "devastating good looks" or how she should just be "dying to spend time with you" - not even sarcastically. This kind of cocky & funny will blow you out.

Turn down the cockiness a notch. Actually, several notches. That kind of behavior will likely backfire coming from a good-looking guy.

Instead, turn up the humor and make yourself very down-to-earth. These will work wonders for you, by challenging the women and at the same time showing them that you're not a "player."

THAT is how to talk to women effectively.

The key points here are:

1) Keep doing the things you normally would to hook up with women. Get phone numbers and dates.

2) Back off on the things that might make them think you're too full of yourself. Beware too much cockiness and arrogance.

3) Challenge women a little more. Divert their attention from your looks to their inner feelings of desire. Your looks will only get you so far before they will need to feel a compelling reason to sleep with you.

4) Play up your value by playing hard-to-get - but be attainable. Joking with her about how you're "not easy" will only improve your perceived value in her eyes, especially when you start to seem like someone she could actually attract, pursue, and conquer.

Remember, skills in seducing women aren't programmed into your DNA. Just because you're a guy - or a good looking guy - doesn't mean you know this stuff. So keep doing the right things in the right order.

And don't forget how to talk to women: With confidence and self-respect - and a healthy dose of humility and humor.

QUESTION: How to Talk to Women and Project My Voice...?

I have a very important question to ask you, and it relates to voice tone. I know that the correct tone of voice to display is one that indicates that you're confident.

Now, when being cocky & funny, teasing a women, etc., should you maintain the same voice tone throughout the conversation, regardless of what you are saying?

When you communicate with a woman, should you change your voice tone at certain times when you say different things?

How do you talk to women, and what is the correct voice tone to project?

Is voice tone really that important? I mean I am not the type of guy that speaks with a weak voice tone whatsoever. When I talk to women I speak with a normal voice tone that I think sounds pretty confident. The reason I say this is because I cant find much information on this topic.

What do you think?

Please help me solve this mystery, Carlos.

- Jim in San Diego, CA.

CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:

Tone of voice is VERY important. It's something that a lot of guys overlook. And, unfortunately, it's one thing that women can use to read you in a heartbeat. You see, each guy I meet out there tells more about what he's made of by HOW he says something more than WHAT he says.

Again, the thing I have to say is that it's HOW you talk to women. Don't be as concerned about what.

As Sigmund Freud once said, A man leaks the truth from every pore.

To answer your question - YES, you must definitely vary your tone of voice as much as possible.

One of the worst things guys do with their voice is ....

Nothing.

They simply don't vary their voice beyond a monotone, and as a result they sound ... BORING.

A woman is interpretive, not literal. She knows that people seldom mean what they SAY.

She's learned this from growing up in social interactions instead of football huddles. So almost every woman you are going to meet has about a 20 year head start on most guys in terms of how to talk to women and men. She's an expert at reading between the lines and figuring out the real social dynamics of a situation.

Women grew up having to be indirect with their requests and interactions with other girls (being too direct was frowned upon), so they learned very early how to understand when another girl wasn't saying what she really thinking.

And that means women have it all over guys in terms of her ability to read vocal tone and hear what a guy is saying UNDERNEATH his words. But you can figure her meaning out and develop this unused ability.

Let's use an example where, say, you asked a woman to go out on Thursday.

She says: "I'm busy that night."

Now, if she emphasizes the word "busy," she's probably blowing you off and doesn't want to get together. If she emphasizes the word "that," she's telling you that particular night is not available, but you might need to suggest another night. You have to listen for these small subtleties and adjust your strategy accordingly.

The good news is that guys can develop their ability in projecting a positive, confident tone.

Remember that when a woman first meets you, she doesn't know what is joking and what isn't. Only people who have known you for a while can understand when you're being serious and when you're being sarcastic ... or attempting to be funny.

(This is especially true in emails, so be careful!)

For you, there's one very simple rule to follow with your voice when you talk to women - or anyone:

Vary your tone enough to sound INTERESTING.

The best exercise for this is to try your voice out on your pet. I'm not kidding here. If you've got a cat or a dog, try telling them a story in a way that will hold their attention, and by also using hand gestures.

If you can keep your pet from walking off in mid-sentence, you're probably using good variation in your tone of voice - and good body language.

Also, practice humming and singing from deep in your chest. I find that most guys that lack a confident tone are simply talking through their nose or high in their chest, so they sound very nasal and pinched when they talk to women. Let your voice out - and breathe deeply with your words so that you get maximum resonance.

You really need to HEAR confident examples to understand it, which is why I cover proper voice tone in my advanced programs. Let's face it, there's no way I can adequately demonstrate tone of voice in this column, but you can HEAR how to speak more powerfully by listening to good examples, like old Cary Grant and James Bond movies. Listen for how they talk to women and use their tone to be funny - and even seductive at the same time.

Take the time to cultivate an interesting voice and women won't be able to resist your charisma.

The secrets of compelling communication & persuasion are easy to learn.

Most guys don't approach women or know how to talk to women because they haven't got the SKILLS. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.

Doesn't it just drive you crazy to know that there are other guys out there meeting the women that you should be?

When you're in a bar, isn't it frustrating as hell to watch another guy walk up to and start talking to a woman you were interested in? If only YOU had approached her instead of him...

Have you ever seen a guy in a bar, surrounded by good looking women, laughing it up and having a great time, and all you could think about was how fantastic it would feel to BE him with all those women begging for his attention?

If you invested your money the way a lot of men invest their time in women, you (and just about everyone else) would be flat broke.

Fact of life.

And I'm not exaggerating one bit.

We get pissed at ourselves when we gamble with our peace of mind, and then go on to make the same mistakes over and over with our feelings. If we had to put $1000 down on every woman we pursued, you bet your ass we'd scrutinize them a lot more and make sure they were qualified. We'd learn all the skills necessary for how to talk to women before we'd bet our hard-earned self-esteem on this game.

It's time to BE that guy at the bar with the women on his arm, or that guy who has no fear of walking up and starting a conversation with anyone.

Isn't it?

I've got something you should know about...

Have you ever wondered what the most common problem I encounter is when I coach guys 'in the field' and hold my workshops on meeting women and attracting women?

I think you'll be surprised to find out that it might even be the same sticking point you have in your own dating life.

One more question. Have you ever run into this situation:

You're talking to Mary, a cute woman you started a conversation with at the bar. You exchange a few bits of small talk, and then you're ready to ramp it up a bit...

... But you don't know what to say. In fact, you feel that familiar dread creeping into the conversation, the uncomfortable silence, and you know you should say something, but what?

Sure you have.

We all have.

I've had more than my fair share of conversations that ran out of juice just when I wanted to take it to the next level, or just ask a woman out.

The most common problem guys have is how to talk to women with confidence.

And nothing sucked worse than not knowing how to talk to a woman that they were interested in.

Guess what?

You don't have to feel that way anymore.

I've basically done a brain-dump of all my BEST information on conversation and communication - all about how to talk to women. Everything from ...

• Reading anyone's eyes to telling if they're lying
  
  
• How to handle guys that try to blow you out when you're in social situations
  
  
• How to talk about anything all night long
  
  
• How to cold read someone in just a few minutes

You'll even get to hear a LIVE conversation where I demonstrate the strategies to keeping the energy up and the conversation exciting.

(It's very cool. You can hear her reactions and interest pick up as the call progresses. And you can get this result for yourself after you learn the material in the program...)

I'm not going to overload you with a bunch of hype here or waste your time. Just go take a look at the program. I promise you it's something that you've always wanted.

Isn't it time you learned how to communicate effectively and persuasively? Not just how talk to women, but how to talk to EVERYONE.

Discover MASSIVE Success Approaching Women
NOW

CLICK HERE to Discover
How To Talk To Women With Power...

If you want to email Carlos a question, send it only with THIS EMAIL FORM.