The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...

Thursday, 3:45 PM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...

I was in the laundromat this morning, taking care of the weekly business, and thinking about writing this newsletter on how to get a girlfriend.

And I couldn't help but overhear a conversation between two gentlemen discussing business, jobs, and money. (The only thing they missed in this particular conversation was sports and women.)

These guys were talking about opportunities in their field - computer animation. One was discussing Pixar (which is about 3 miles from my house.) He was talking about wanting a job there, but everything he was saying after that was really about how it probably will never happen for him.

And, amazingly, none of the reasons he came up with were his fault. It was the rest of the world's fault that he won't get a position with them.

First there's the requirements for certification in the software that they used. He didn't have that, but if he wanted it, it would cost $70,000 to get.

The funny thing these guys don't realize is that there ARE people holding the jobs at Pixar that he desires. The only difference is not talent, or the money to get the certification, but the willingness to overcome their own distaste for putting in the necessary EFFORT to get it.

The people that are where you want to be are merely willing to do what you are not willing to do.

The same thing applies for you learning how to get a girlfriend. It's about what' you're willing to DO.

These other successful people are no better than you.

They're not smarter than you.

They're just more willing to do what they must to get what they want.

Take that concept for a test drive.

And anytime you find yourself giving in to the urge to be a victim, or feel sorry for your condition, just remember that your problems are NEVER unique.

Someone somewhere has gone through your problems and already overcome them.

And many more people with the same problems have just quit before they tried.

Which one will you be?

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DATING ADVICE FOR MEN QUESTION:

There is this girl who is two years younger then me and is a blonde bombshell. For two weeks she was feeling the vibes I was giving off we were really flirty and everything seemed fun. I started sorting out my priorties and started to think that this girl could be a worthy girl of dating.

See my situation is I am getting alot of attention from girls. My sex life is great and I can't complain. But I am sick of random hook ups I am ready to get a girlfriend. I have had many girls I just have never really had a real girlfriend for more then 5 weeks. It just never seems to work out.

Anyways this girl was definitely into me and I knew that she was a hard to get gal so I played it cool. well this last weekend her and I hooked up (no sex just a little foreplay) it was a little unclassy the way things worked out but it was still fun.

Now this week she is telling her friends that she doesn't know about the whole thing and about me. Now I want to continue hooking up with her because she is cool and all, but these games are annoying. My plan was to tell her that she can play games with the other guys that obsses over her but I am not one of those guys and you can't do that to me.

I am going to say that if knew all of this was going to happen that I wouldn't have hooked up with her in the first place. I really don't know if those are some of the right things to say. My plan is to come off angry, but not too angry - to show her that I am better then that, and then make her feel guilty or make her realize what she could have but might be out of her reach.

What do you suggest?

-I

CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:

Look, what you're really saying is that the women you've been meeting aren't what you are looking for to make a long term relationship. If you want to know how to get a girlfriend, you need to consider that you are going to have to lose the ones you DON'T want.

Consider this: You're thinking that in order to get a girlfriend that will stick with you for the long term, you need to do something very different than what you're already doing. That's wrong - and that's a BIG mistake in thinking that a lot of guys make.

You are already doing what you need to so that you can "reel in" a girl for dating. Only now, you may have to be a little more choosier.

You're screening to get a girlfriend that will make you happy. You're being selective.

That's very important.

Now, of course this girl of yours is telling her friends that she doesn't know about you the "whole thing." She's immature and scared that you'll be talking about her and telling everyone she's a - shhhhh - slut. It's not just a "game;" it's a survival mechanism.

PLUS - by telling her friends that she's not all that sure about you, she's probably aware that it will get back around to you. From your reaction - whether you start to get more clingy and "into her," or more aloof - she'll know right where you stand.

Clever, huh?

But let me tell you one thing: Instead of TELLING her something with words, you should be telling her with your actions. You say that if you'd known this or that, you would have just walked. But that's not really true, is it? If you really felt this way, why wouldn't you just walk right NOW?

There's a saying: "What you are speaks so loudly I can't hear you."

When dealing with another human being, you can always trust one thing:

If you watch their ACTIONS, you'll see the truth.
Words come later.

Now, I'm going to warn you of another danger I see in what you're telling me. You're planning out this elaborate scenario of how to make her feel a certain way.

Remember that your need to manipulate another person into doing what you want is called "controlling" behavior, and it indicates an insecure personality.

I say this not to offend, but to wake you up to the fact that the healthy Alpha Man doesn't spend his time architecting clever social situations.

What he does is he acts in accordance with his principles and values, demonstrates his Alpha Confidence, and then the other people do their part to help improve his world. (And, incidentally, this is how to get a girlfriend that is worth keeping.)

That's the way it works. If you're trying to "get" someone to do something, you're playing puppet master, and that's unhealthy and distorted thinking.

You said that "if you knew all this, you'd never have gotten involved with her." And yet, now that you DO know, you're still going forward. Interesting, huh?

CONTINUED...

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She's obviously NOT what you want, yet you're convincing yourself that if you keep pursuing her (because she's gotten difficult and knows how to play you) you'll get some kind of satisfaction out of the situation.

The reality is that you need to walk away. Drop her faster than first-period French, my man.

Go pursue a woman who you WANT to be with so you can actually get a girlfriend and the long-term relationship you say you want.

You see, the guy with the most CHOICES is the one that inevitably comes out ahead. You have the choices when you keep moving FORWARD, not backwards.

If you have this great love life you were telling me about, then dump this chick and get going on some new prospects. You'll never hook the "big catch" if you're wasting your time indulging her "hard to get" mechanism like this.

I GUARANTEE you success if you do that, and follow the simple strategies I teach.

Ultimately, you're just going to have to learn enough about what's going on in her head to get that upper hand.

I'm in this for the understanding and real-world skills I can give you, the dating education to do better in their lives in the one thing that has eluded us for thousands of years - SUCCESS WITH WOMEN.

The REAL methods for how to get a girlfriend.

Is there ANYTHING more important?

Time is running short for all of us, no matter how young or old you are. Don't waste precious years of your life learning by trial and error ... and more error. (And perhaps not learning at all).

I have a saying: Life is too short, and death is too long.

Get the information on how to improve your dating life TODAY. Make the changes you need to make to get the love, sex, and relationships that you want and DESERVE to have.

CONTINUED...

______________________

I explain the inner game mindset of the man who is confident and has women in his life all the time.

You know this guy.

Chances are, you wish you WERE this guy.

Being the kind of man that attracts women and keeps them isn't hard at all. It just involves learning a few new skills.

I want to give you that deep understanding and ability with women that you've always wanted. I have a full set of tools and techniques that will improve your game with women MASSIVELY.

And I want to share them with you. This is stuff you can't get anywhere else.

How do I know that?

Because when I was learning how to do this I went through all the books and tapes and videos. Some of it was okay, but most of it was weak. There were a few nuggets of gold in there, and those are the ones I kept. I can save you years of pain and put you way up on the learning curve by just giving you the nuggets of gold.

There are really only two ways to learn something: Trial & error, and finding a teacher.

Trial and error takes years and years, and usually the results take even longer to get - if you ever do.

Finding a teacher is the fast-track, the easiest method, because you'll get the exact information you need to win this game the FIRST time.

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Think about it this way, I spent THOUSANDS of dollars HUNDREDS of hours learning this stuff, and you can jump straight to the results. (I wish there had been someone to do this for me.)

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You can download it and be reading it in just a few minutes. Just go here:

Dating Advice for Men: The Dating Black Book

Talk to you soon,

Your friend,

Carlos Xuma

PS: Take a few seconds and go look at all the programs I have to offer you. You can see all the self-study programs I've created to teach you how to approach women, talk to women and attract women. You can see them all and get all the details here in my complete Catalog of Dating Programs for Men

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How to Get a Girlfriend

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If you want to email Carlos a question, send it only with THIS EMAIL FORM.