|
This letter came to me and I just had to answer
it. Mostly because it covers three problems a guy can run into - and all
at the same time!
Every guy out there has had the opportunity to
get a little something going with somebody from work. But what if that
somebody is beautiful and just getting divorced?
And what if you've already made a bad step in
the past by being too much of the "Nice Guy"?
Can you still get the girl?
Let's find out...
QUESTION ABOUT DATING A DIVORCING WOMAN:
Carlos,
I have a situation that I want to run by you. I have just started your CD's
on Secrets of the Alpha Man. First of all these have been very helpful and
have opened up a lot of different avenues to me. Thank you!
Ok here is the situation I work with a very beautiful women who has just
broken up with her husband. I have to admit that I was using the Beta Male
method of trying to be funny and trying to prove my worth to her you know
the whole infatuation crap. She only told me and her best friend that they
were separating.
My question is this - Since she has just started the divorce process, what
possibility do I have of winning her over? How do I over come what I have
done as a beta in the past. How do I prove that I am an ALPHA MALE NOW!
- Chad H.
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
Okay, I'm going to give you some reality pointers here that are going to
be much more helpful than just helping you get what you want.
I'm going to help you with what you NEED.
First of all, any woman fresh out of a divorce is in a whirlwind spiral of
confusion and dis-illusion.
Meaning that when a woman gets out of a relationship in which she felt like
she wasn't getting what she wanted, she's not going to be in a rush to lock
herself into another losing investment. And right now, ALL
relationships probably
look that way for her.
So unless she got out of this marriage to be with the
guy she was cheating on (and I'll bet you she did or does have a "guy on
the side") you better watch your own back.
This woman cannot be anything for you but a fling. A little fun.
Which means you win her over by NOT trying
to win her over. She doesn't want another guy to burden her down. I'll
bet dollars that she's trying to escape a husband that's become a weepy
little mess on the carpet.
Second of all, I'm going to give you the traditional warning about dipping
your pen in the company ink. If you're going after a woman at work, always
make sure that:
A) You don't work for her in any way...
B) She doesn't work for you in any way...
C) Your corporate culture doesn't condemn this activity...
D) You would still enjoy your job if this woman were to break it off with
you and things went really bad.
Because I'll tell you right here and now, no matter
what you think at this point, you have NO WAY of knowing how she will
behave if your fling doesn't work out. If men could detect the "psycho" or "stalker" thing
up front, we'd have written books about it. Instead, we get chopped up
in movies.
Oh, and also remember that NOTHING should interfere with your enjoyment of
your career and its potential to provide you with your needed income. ANYTHING that threatens that is to be scrutinized and observed with skepticism.
Ever seen a movie about a crazy relationship gone
bad, like "Fatal Attraction" or "Basic
Instinct," and you tell yourself, "Man! I'll never do that!"
Oh, you betcha you have.
Look, I've said this before, and I'll say it again until the end of time
- There are a million gajillion women out there. So why do we get fixated
on the ones we work with and have the most potential to wreck our lives?
For the same simple reason that Jodie Foster figured
out in "Silence
of the Lambs:" We covet that which we see every day.
The allure of a beautiful woman can be thought of as a small infection in
your mind. It's up to you to put up the resistance of your mental immune system
to keep yourself from wigging out over her.
Always remember: She's JUST a woman!
We men put far too much value on beauty. And we overestimate
beauty to mean that the woman inside must be just as valuable, which is
a costly and fatal error.
Remember this, too, because it's something I've learned over YEARS of experience
with this kind of woman: There is no such thing as a no-fault divorce.
In other words, BOTH people have made
some serious errors along the way to get to this point. It's never just "his
fault" or just "her fault."
Phew!
Okay, now that I've got THAT out of the way, I'll give you the benefit of
the doubt and assume that you are smart enough to avoid this situation with
this woman and you're still going to try.
(Or you're just a fool and your
little head is thinking for your big head. Either way...)
The reality is that this woman will be in a highly
vulnerable state after
her marriage is ending, so you must tread carefully. She's also likely to
fall into a rebound relationship. I've had more than my fair share of those,
so I'll tell you right now they suck.
You see, since she's just getting out of a relationship, her behavior will
be very unpredictable as she starts to deal with her inner game issues. She'll
be flaky, aloof, sometimes clingy, sometimes cold and distant.
She's got a lot of crap to sort out, whether she realizes it or not.
Don't let her head games play with you!
Simply offer her the opportunity to meet you for
drinks or something fun and active. You can tell her:
"You
know, I realize you're probably going through a difficult time, and you
probably need to get out and just have some fun... right?"
Don't offer to be her ear to vent into, or her shoulder to cry on.
In other words, don't be her emotional
tampon. She may not intentionally
use you this way, but some guys just let themselves be a throwaway.
To be the Alpha Man, you just need to be very consistent with your attention
and interest, but don't try to be Mr. Instant Boyfriend.
Get her out and having FUN. That's 90% of her emotional release at this point.
Think: FUN - FUN - FUN!
Get her to go out to new and interesting places that she
probably wasn't doing when she was married. Simply taking her to an art
gallery and getting her to open up her perspective is enough. Fun is an
attitude and frame of mind.
Sure you can even take her to an amusement park,
but whatever you do - take the lead.
The next step is to drop any pretense and don't make her
feel like she's your exclusive interest. You're just a good-time guy that
she can cut loose with. Not the guy who is going to call her every day
and be the annoying weasel of her life.
You need to protect yourself by seeing
as many other women as possible, too.
And preferably not ones you work with, either.
You need your own emotional buffer against her uncertain tides of emotions
and conflict.
This is probably the most important step of all. Without
a big dose of healthy self-interest and protection, you're too likely to
get tossed out to sea, my friend.
The only way we keep our batteries charged
so that we can help other people the most is by making sure we take of
ourselves as our #1 Priority. It's not evil and selfish - it's better for
the WORLD.
Remember also that people work on what I call "evidence
theory." We
form an opinion and perception of a person based on tiny clues they give
us from their behavior. We don't care what people say, and we ignore words.
We only care about what we see them DO.
If you've been a beta before, you better man-up and get your game face on,
friend. Your job is not to be an Alpha Man to get a woman.
You work at being an Alpha Man because it's the only acceptable path for
any man to pursue for HIMSELF.
Women come second in your life, if that. Your own drives and purpose override
all sexual conquests, because that is the stuff that will ultimately attract
and keep a woman in the long run.
I've seen too many guys go down the foolish path of getting their game on
to get a woman, and then they abandon all their masculinity when they get
into a relationship so they can relax and coast for the rest of their lives.
These guys end up being the kind of husband that your woman is divorcing.
Now, I want to invite you to come and learn some of the totally
illogical, yet INCREDIBLY
EFFECTIVE and powerful techniques and strategies that I've learned,
developed, refined over the last 10 years.
Remember that illogical is the game you must play to win
the woman you want.
Have you ever won a woman with pure logic and rational thinking?
I bet you haven't, and it's led you to some very lonely nights.
The concepts that I've just discussed are part of what I
consider to be a big part of the "Inner Game" of dating success.
This is something I've been teaching to guys now for over 7 years.
Most guys spend almost NO time working on
their Inner
Game and confidence ... instead, they spend time learning "pick
up lines" and other
USELESS fluff. As guys, we tend to want the cool technical
solution rather than just do what works. Even if it's easier.
If you don't have your "Inner Game" together, none of the "techniques
and tricks" will work for you. Women can see right through them.
Once you get the right mind-set, the world suddenly seems like a different
place to you.
In my Secrets of
the Alpha Man program, I spend several hours teaching
you Inner Game and Outer Game techniques for driving up attraction with
women to a level that no woman will ignore.
And you can even try it out for 30 days for FREE.
I'll show you how to overcome your self-limiting beliefs, improve your self-confidence
and self-esteem... and get past the fears that are holding you back from
even TRYING to go out and meet women.
If you're like me, and you've had a lot of negative programming about women,
masculinity, and how to really create massive attraction with a woman,
then you MUST get this stuff taken care of.
It's not going to fix itself... you have to do it.
And my program will show you EXACTLY how.
Oh... and it will also teach you tons of
great "field" methods
for approaching women, talking to women - keeping
the conversation going - getting dates, meeting women online, and taking things as far as you
want to go - smoothly and easily... without rejection.
The Alpha Man knows that self-development is the path to a better life. It
all starts with getting EDUCATED.
Education leads to understanding. Understanding leads to better choices.
Better choices lead to better results.
And results are ALL that matters when it comes to the game of women.
It's all in my Secrets of the Alpha
Man program.
Take your first small step toward becoming the man you want
to be... CLICK HERE
I'll talk to you again soon,
Your Friend,
P. S.: Don't forget
to take a look at this page when you get a chance. I don't like to brag,
but these guys all had something to say, and I wanted to make sure you
got to see what they had to write on my "graffiti wall..."
If you're wondering how other guys have used my advice to
improve their lives,
Click and go look for yourself at what they have to say right
now...
If you just try what I have
to teach you, you'll see that it will work for you, and you
can get the success you want with women. Every guy that I've
taught that follows my strategies and techniques gets better with women.
Guaranteed.
The next move is up to you...
|
