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CARLOS XUMA -
DATING ADVICE FOR MEN
The Porn Addiction Monkey: How to Get Rid of Your
Porn Addiction |
The
TRUTH About Dating and Attraction - and the Porn Addiction Problem...
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QUESTION ABOUT PORN ADDICTION:
I loved your book the Secrets of
the Alpha Man. It has helped me stop being
a nice guy and get in the motion of getting laid.
I enjoy your material I just need help with my problem...
Masturbation and Porn Addiction. There I said it.
I wanna stop but it seems I can't. Have any good advice?
I wanna be fully Alpha, 'cause when you are an Alpha you
get respect.
Thank you
P. M.
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS ABOUT PORN ADDICTION:
Well, I've heard this question before in many different forms. It usually
boils down to understanding what's going on in your head when you indulge
in this kind of self-satisfaction.
Before I start, I want you to know that I'm not some
kind of anti-porn nut. I see a use for porn, but unfortunately most guys
don't see just how damaging it is until it's too late. Porn Addiction
is a problem for guys.
Remember, I'm here to warn you and keep you on the path to REAL
Alpha Manhood, not to let you slip into the behaviors that stop you from attracting
the woman you want into your life.
You see, porn addiction offers a bunch of PERCEIVED benefits.
(I say 'perceived' because they are an illusion. The benefits are really
a detriment, as we will see.)
Let's go through them:
1) Porn is a substitute girlfriend.
It's true. You get to live a fantasy experience with
the hot, busty, lusty woman of your dreams. You even positively reward
this porn addiction with a nice little orgasm, thus reinforcing the habit.
It becomes easy to relate the thought of porn to the quick and easy gratification.
2) Porn is much easier than getting a real girlfriend.
Just pop in your credit card number and you're ready to go. Besides,
wouldn't you have just spent about the same amount of money for a date
with a girl?
You get to choose tonight's girlfriend, with guaranteed payoff. How
cool is that?
Plus you don't have any of that bothersome conversation or having to
approach women.
And no possibility of rejection either.
3) Porn gives you the illusion of adequacy and power.
All these porn star women behave in ways that present
the illusion that they're your little supplicating love-toy. She'll say
all the things you want to hear, including how BIG you
are, and how HOT you
are.
She fulfills all your imaginary desires.
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Ultimately, though, you will create a porn
addiction for
yourself that leaves you feeling more and more hollow
and alone.
Nothing in the world can substitute for the depth and emotional needs of
a real relationship with a flesh and blood person.
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CONTINUED...
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Here's where porn falls short and kills your sex life in the long run:
1) Porn addiction is living a fantasy. It is not real.
And underneath that fantasy is a very
hollow feeling of discontent - that
you're settling for an illusion. But we stay in denial to get our short-term
needs met.
Porn addiction is a form of the Matrix, where you're plugged
into a fantasy, and you're given the ILLUSION of control.
2) Porn addiction distracts you from the very real
need for interaction with REAL women in REAL social environments.
In fact, that you'll probably cripple yourself socially
after just a few years of porn addiction. You won't know what to say
to a woman beyond, "Yeah,
baby, THAT'S the way you want it..."
Have you ever found yourself talking to a woman and trying to imagine her
in those doggy-style positions?
It feels weird, doesn't it? Because part of you knows that the sexual fantasy
is fine, and you can create a comfortable sexual relationship with a woman,
but this image sometimes feels dirty and shameful up front.
3) Porn addiction drains your willpower and energy
by giving you quick rewards to your nervous system.
Remember that sexual energy is the life force of an Alpha
Man. This is the
power you channel into your creative exploits, your career, your exercise,
and every area of your life.
By short-circuiting that drive, you kill the most powerful energy in the
universe.
4) You learn no sexual expertise beyond pleasuring yourself.
The next time you're in bed with a woman, you'll be unable to form an authentic
connection with her.
And even worse, you'll probably feel less
competent because you've been in
that fantasy world where you don't see yourself being as good-looking, well-hung,
or as skilled with your hands as those guys are.
In fact, a porn addiction tends to reduce men's stamina
in bed when they come in contact with a real woman. They teach themselves
how to ejaculate quickly because they're only in it for their
own satisfaction.
5) Nothing feels as good as sex with a real flesh and blood woman.
No two ways about it, my friend. We pursue relationships in life because
they allow us to magnify our emotional experience through the other person's
participation with us.
Solo adventures will never feel as satisfying as the interaction you have
with a person that stimulates your mind and engages
you on all cylinders.
6) Porn addiction will warp and distort your understanding
and beliefs about women.
You'll start to believe that women only exist for sexual
satiation and feeding
your ego.
Eventually it numbs you to the point where sex seems mechanical and meaningless
because there is no emotional connection or bond.
You even start to believe that you can only feel turned on for a woman with
a set of 38 DDs, a bellybutton ring, and a Brazillian wax.
The reality is that real women are
more fulfilling to be with than any bottle
of lotion and fantasy movie from the sites you find online or the DVDs
you can get from the adult store.
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Look, let me be very honest with you: I used to watch
porn quite a bit. I had a roommate that had taped over
1000 hours of this
stuff off satellite television. I once spent an entire
weekend watching
porn movies and ... well, you know. Draining my life force.
By Sunday night, I looked at the time and realized that I'd wasted all
that time living someone else's fantasy. I was really just avoiding my
own reality, and pissing away my life in the process.
In fact, this was the realization that turned into the pain I needed to
stop this habit:
If I keep doing this, I'll end up a loser who can't do anything but shuck
his own corn.
AND I'll probably wind up like a relative of mine that turned into a weird
freak with retarded social skills.
Keeping that image in the front of my thoughts did
wonders for my motivation. No more pulling out the VHS spank-fantasies.
I just had to see that creepy guy who never quite developed his social
and attraction skills and I
got my determination back in an instant.
So the reality is that no one can MAKE you
stop watching porn. In fact, it's this kind of magical wishful thinking
that will just leave you stranded in your fantasy land.
You have to CREATE a very painful experience for yourself to counter all
the self-delusion that you use to keep using it.
Masturbation is fine.
Porn is fine.
OCCASIONALLY!
Anything taken to extremes can be unhealthy.
The way I use porn is as a creative "addition" to
an already active sexual life. Porn should never be a substitute for
it.
Here are a few steps to get rid of this nasty
little porn addiction monkey...
1) If you're subscribed to any sites online, get rid of all but one of
them. (Eventually, get rid of them all.)
2) If you've got a few movies, fine. If you've got a collection of skin
flicks that rivals the video rental place, it's time to put them up on
e-bay, studpuppet.
3) Sit down with your Alpha Journal and tally up how much time you spend
masturbating. Take a good look at that time and decide if that's an investment
you want to make. If you could spend at least the same amount of time going
out and improving your REAL skills with women, would that be a better time
investment?
4) If you have any other porn-addicted buddies, take a cold analytical
look at their social skills, and their abilities with women. Is this someone
you want to end up like? Is that weird glazed look in their eyes something
you want to have?
A porn addiction is no different really than an addiction to watching
TV. You're living someone else's life, and cheating yourself out of living
your own. You're wasting time and energy on something that doesn't improve
you.
If you really want to cut down or cut out the fantasy
sex life of porn,
then you have to create two things:
1) The ability to visualize a very painful consequence to continuing the
behavior, and
2) A worthwhile reward for the new lifestyle of real world interaction
you want to obtain.
When you have both of those forces at work, you'll find it easier to motivate
your change.
Every Alpha Man has to realize that a man's sex drive is something that
must be channeled and diverted into other areas so that he actually ACCOMPLISHES something with his time on this planet.
You're here for a purpose, and when you dissipate
all that precious sexual drive you have, you actually sabotage
your own future.
It's easy to look at the other guys out there who can just walk up and
talk to women with no problem as somehow "gifted." They seem almost granted
a mystical
power that the ordinary guy can't relate to.
So how do they DO
it?
It's not magic, or a special power. In fact, once you
understand the workings of women enough, it's really pretty simple. You'll
wonder why in the world you were so intimidated at all.
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If you've already read my ebook The
Dating Black Book, then you should
get your hands on a copy of my latest program. In it, I cover the most
asked about topic of all time: Communication and
Persuasion.
If you want to overcome your shyness, or just learn
the invaluable skills of effective communication so that you can go out and talk to anyone, anytime,
and in any location, this is the program for you.
Inside this program, I teach you the
most essential elements of conversation - with ANYONE. After all, if you're going to learn the skills to attract
women, you also might as well learn the secret rules of how to communicate
with everyone in your world.
Women.
Men.
Family.
Your Boss.
Your Friends...
The principle of attraction works in every area of your life, and you'll
be able to persuade anyone and everyone you talk
to. You'll be able to
influence them to help you accomplish your goals...
Get the raise you want...
Get dates with the women you want...
It all starts with POWERFUL communication
strategies that I can show you.
You can get the details here:
ALPHA CONVERSATION & PERSUASION
I also recommend my Alpha Immersion
DVD program. This program will teach
you all about winning the INNER GAME of confidence, and showing you the
COMPLETE strategy to approaching women and driving up their powerful
feelings of attraction - and then directing it towards YOU.
I can't say enough good things about this program and what it can teach
you about winning the game of attraction with women.
You can also see a full 12 minute
video sample of the program here:
ATTRACT WOMEN PROGRAM - The Secrets of the Alpha Man
Immersion
Talk to you again soon,
Your friend,
Carlos
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The secrets of compelling communication and persuasion are easy to learn.
Most guys don't approach women because they haven't got the SKILLS to APPROACH WOMEN. Once you have them, you'll feel less anxious and you'll actually DO IT.
It's time to learn the TRUTH about women ... and attraction.
It's all about your Inner Game...
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Discover your inner Alpha Man - NOW
Click HERE to learn more...
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Listen to what the other gurus are saying about Carlos' work...
"I've read every book and studied every system on dating. The problem with most 'gurus' in this field is that they're not teaching men how to build a solid foundation. Until you change your internal belief system and adopt an Alpha mindset, all the
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He brings words like 'discipline' and 'integrity' to the forefront, and waddya know, those are exactly the qualities women truly crave in a man."
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"Hey Carlos, I write about the biology of men and women's behavior. You seem to know the biology of behavior without knowing it. How do you do that? You have a deep intuition of dynamics - it took me 7 years of academic research to discover. And you find sharp ways to apply it practically... Keep up the good work, brother."
- Joe Quirk, Author of "Sperm are from Men, Eggs are from Women"
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