Carlos Xuma and the TRUTH About Dating and Attraction...
Because every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.

Friday, 2:20 PM: Carlos Xuma's Desk

Well, I just got word that I beat out George Clooney and Brad Pitt for the primo suite at the Palms in Las Vegas when I go there to do my seminar on June 8th.

SWEEEET...

Apparently they know who the REAL Alpha is. That's right. Uh-huh.

If I get any pictures with George and Brad, I'll try to make sure they are in the picture and not cut off. I know how those photographers can lose focus. (Pun intended...)

Enough about me, let's talk to Daniel about how to fix your approach as well as closing the deal...

QUESTION: Old Dogs, Bad Habits ...

Hi Carlos, Love your stuff.

For an older dog like me, with more years behind me (36) of clueless bad habits than probably a lot of your clients, it's been a longer trek to get onto the right road, yet things are happening now. However, a couple of things. First, I don't really seem to be satisfied.

Once you get past the "must have a woman" attitude, and take on board what you spell out, you realise there are so many women out there you shouldn't want to know. And as you pointed out in one of your recent e-mailers, one night stands aren't really that satisfying...

I got off the tube at Bond Street, one of London's most expensive shopping streets, and this lovely girl with quite stunning hair just happens to walk before me, out of the station. Being on a downer recently, and simply needing the sport, I watched her enter a department store and decided to follow and watch her. She went to all the make-up booths, and while asking about cosmetics it was obvious she was just cheekily trying on all her favourite make-up, getting ready for a Friday evening on the tiles.

A-ha, I thought, there's my cue-in. She then goes to check out some clothes. I approach. And very coolly simply say, "Hello, you caught my eye back at the tube station and I couldn't resist following you in here." I gestured that I wasn't a weirdo, which she got - then I went for it. "Can I ask a question: Is it normal for girls to enter department stores and try on the make-up?"

She cracked up laughing. I then asked if I could take her for a drink? She showed me a hand with no ring (I only really thought about it afterwards), and said she had a boyfriend. "What a shame." I hung around for a few moments more, and with a big amile walked away.She sincerely wished me a good weekend.

Now, I know where I went right. Just doing it, and being cool as a cucumber. And I know where I went wrong: i) not teasing her a little longer before asking her out; ii) not calling her on the nothing being on her finger; and iii) not giving her my number.

On the last point, my thinking is, for another day, because it may be too much for a girl to be put in the situation I put this one in (even though deep-down she has to be impressed), I should give her my number, pre-empting her with these words: "Now, as I know girls never call boys, I'm perfectly happy giving you my number. Let's see."

Overall, the problem isn't the lack of balls - when you see a girl who fires you up, you just have to go for it! It's the lack of tools (not nervousness, just wherewithal) to open up the space in time and play for a little longer before going for what you want - her number. How can you teach your mind to find new resources when you're in this kind of situation, or just chatting with girls generally. Your thoughts are welcome.

Again, you're a top man. You've made a difference out there.

All the best, Daniel...

CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:

Great breakdown, Daniel. You bring out a very important point... it's the fact that instead of being excited at the opportunity to walk up and let this sexually exciting woman meet you, most guys are secretly dreading this. Mostly because they just don't have an understanding of why that situation is so terrifying for them.

(And it's not what you're thinking!)

The next time a woman tells you she has a boyfriend, you keep right on going with what you're doing. She's just making sure you know her situation before you lead her down the path she's willing to follow. And sometimes she throws that out there to keep you at a certain distance - so you won't run her over with Rico Suave pickup games on her and make a fool out of both of you.

It's her way of saying, Whoah, there! Take it slow, cowboy...

She just wants to control the start of the interaction and feel SAFE in it.

CONTINUED...

®

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After all, why would a woman show you a hand with no ring on it, and THEN tell you this story?

Because she wants to stay in control of the situation. The fact is that women try to put signals out to guys, but in the end they are reduced to being chosen first, and then screening them later.

As for giving her your number, you only do that when she's so into you that you have to push her off you because her drool is staining the plush velvet of your new suit. A woman has to be WAY into you to call you, so don't even bother if there's a question about 1) the amount of attraction you've built, or 2) the amount of rapport and trust you've got.

You're just mentally masturbating by handing her your number and hoping she will call. Not to mention, you're setting yourself up for major disappointment. I don't care what the other "gurus" say, there's no technique to make women call you beyond establishing incredible attraction and rapport. That's what YOU bring to the table, chum.

You're right that it all boils down to the guys who WILL versus WON'T approach her. Action will win the day.

Most guys won't approach a woman, and therefore they just get the runts of the litter. The guys who pursue and actively engage their targets GET THE HIGH QUALITY WOMEN.

Survival of the fittest, my brothers.

It isn't hard to learn how to get over your fear of meeting new people. Your approach anxiety is simply a mental conditioning that you need to break.

Now if you want to learn how to approach women anytime, anywhere, you need to take a look at THIS...

QUESTION: Animal Flirting ...

Often I see in movies or on tv shows, men and women will flirt with each other by making an animal noise, like maybe when they are passing one another in an office or something.

The guy will make a "Grrrrrr" type noise as a way of flirting with the woman. It is quite common to see this in pop culture.

Know what I'm talking about? Is this a good way to flirt with women in the real world?

CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:

Cute concept. Yes, you can take many of these pop culture references and do something more with them to give your game a little 'juice.'

There's a cute little ad that "Axe" uses (the men's shower products) that uses the reference to 1970's porn with the whole "Bow-chicka-bow-bow..."

I used that routine once or twice last week, but not to open a conversation. It was merely used as a tool to joke and have a little fun with as we talked. It demonstrated social awareness and a keen insight, and it came out as "hip" in the context of the conversation. Every few sentences I'd look at this gal and go, "Bow-chicka-bow-bow!" It became our cute in-joke.

The problem here is that if you don't do it congruently and with a little implied "wink" to the source of the reference, the person you're doing it to can think you're a bit strange. Let's face it - this is the REAL world, right? What works in a commercial won't work in the same way, no matter how clever it looks on the screen.

CONTINUED...

______________________

So the answer is a qualified "Yes."

IF you can pull off the playfulness. This is something that you have to be very confident and congruent with or it won't work. And for the best chance at working this, you should have spoken with this girl at least once before as well.

I'm thinking of the scene in Spider-man 3 where Tobey Maguire is plugged into his "venom" persona, and he's walking down the streets of New York, pointing finger-guns at women and being all goofy. He doesn't get a lot of positive reaction on this, even in the movie, and that's pretty true to life.

You can't possibly be taking yourself seriously while doing this, and that's the attitude to use.

This all comes from a strong core of Inner Game. What is Inner Game?

It's your confidence. It's your attitude. You know when a person has this it oozes from them and gives them a comfortable vibe.

The reality is that True success with women requires a firm sense of direction in life, and self-confidence.

But you hear that all the time, don't you?

"Just be confident."

You'll hear that nugget of advice from a lot of guys out there, but the difference is that they'll say "be confident," and not give you ONE single method of actually improving your confidence.

That's where I will help you.

I spent years trying out various self-help programs, studying my own inner psychology (and inner wuss, too.) I figured out which things make a difference and ...

... I have a plan to help you improve your inner AND outer game with women.

When a woman senses that you've got passions and direction in your life - even if that passion is to improve to be more attractive to women - then they'll want to come along for the ride.

I saw it over and over again as I went down this road.

Now, I also mapped this development, and I want you to benefit from my experience. There's no reason you should have to take as long as I did to make these changes to your own life.

A Woman isn't looking for a MAN - She's looking for a "Situation..."

For those of you out there reading this right now that aren't sure how to calibrate to the "Alpha Man" ideal, I have something for you that you will find LIFE-CHANGING.

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A lot of the situations guys write in about are a bit unclear because many guys delude themselves as to their real level of success with women. The reality is that most guys DO NOT get what they want from their interactions and relationships with women.

Crappy as that is, there is a cure for the common Lonely Single Guy.

It's called EDUCATION.

It's the only way to stop being a whipped, scared, beta guy and get your love life under your control again.

If you could learn secrets to attract women, would you?

Can you see past your ego defense mechanisms and embrace the power of the Alpha Man?

When you have enough women and action in your life, you won't feel like you need to analyze or chase every chick that comes into your sphere of influence. And that's a good thing. You'll act on it because you've got a sense of abundance in your life.

If you'd like to create your plan for making your life what you want, develop confidence, attract women, accumulate wealth, find happiness...

I know there are some guys who won't understand how these concepts go together, but all success in life is linked together by some common principles.

If you're not getting what you want from life, you need to make some changes.

Stop putting your destiny off until some other 'convenient' time...

Discover your inner Alpha Man NOW

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Remember what Carlos says:

"NO WOMAN has the self-control to STOP pursuing that which she TRULY desires..."

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